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My deceased ex-bf's son wants to date me--and he looks just like his dad!

Tagged as: Age differences, Big Questions, Dating, Forbidden love<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (19 February 2012) 12 Answers - (Newest, 23 February 2012)
A female United States age 41-50, *lmira writes:

My exboyfriend died in 1993, when he died he had a little son by someone else. Now the son is 23 years old and wants to date me. I like him to but I don't know if this is right, the thing that is nagging at me is he looks just like his dad.What should I do?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2012):

Thanks everyone for your answers, I am not messed up in the head or anything of the sort. I just needed to make sure I was in my right mind when I told him this would not work. Thanks again!!

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (20 February 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntya know that's a good point...if you are 35 now... 19 years ago when your EX boyfriend died you would have been 16 at the oldest... so was his dad a much older man taking advantage of a young girl or was his dad a younger man say about 19 with a four year old then???

So were you at 16 living with your ex and being a parent to this then 4 year old boy?

and after all this time how did he find you?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2012):

Your age and the time factor seem odd here. If your x died in '93 and his son is 23, that would mean you were 14, assuming you're 35, when you were with your x . Is that correct? Otherwise you would have to be 10 or so and that is too young.

This all sounds creepy to me. so I would walk away from this.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (20 February 2012):

Honeypie agony auntI agree with Mystiquek - not a thing I would do. He is not his father, he is not your ex, to me it seems a little weird to try and relive the past, so to speak.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (20 February 2012):

Honeypie agony auntI agree with Mystiquek - not a thing I would do. He is not his father, he is not your ex, to me it seems a little weird to try and relive the past, so to speak.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2012):

I say leave that little boy alone and have some respect for yourself and for your deceased ex, if your ex was alive would he approve of this? I don't think so. It is not the right thing to do, that's is like your stepson and I wouldn't be flirting with that 23year old young man, I would not disrespect his family or disrespect your ex family.

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A female reader, mystiquek United States + , writes (20 February 2012):

mystiquek agony auntThere are some situations that you just need to walk away from. This is one of them.

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A female reader, PerhapsNot United States +, writes (20 February 2012):

PerhapsNot agony auntPersonally and socially, this is a NO-NO. How would you feel if you had a daughter with another man and one of your exes started a relationship with her because she looks like you? Wouldn't you be disturbed this? You may miss him, but dating his son is not the way to relive some memories and hold onto the past. It's actually quite sick.

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A female reader, Elmira United States +, writes (19 February 2012):

Elmira is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks for your reply.I know I should leave it alone, but every time I try to tell myself it is not him it is his son he calls and we end up talking about being together all over again. Then when we hang up I start thinking about his father and how would he feel.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2012):

I'm thinking Son likes you because you are the last link to his Dead Father and not because he is in love with you.

Just as you like him because he reminds you of his Father.

Its a highly funked up mindset you both have and based on a lie.

So excercise some wisdom and self restraint and leave it alone.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2012):

There are millions of men on this planet to date who are age appropriate and not your dead ex's son. What would a woman your age possibly have in common with a 23 year old? I think you are just attracted to the drama this situation would bring to your life.

Sounds like you are lonely and bored so it's probably time to set up an online profile and date men who can really offer you a relationship and a future.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2012):

You sound so concerned with the fact that he looks just like your ex. Why is that such a big factor to you? Are you concerned with what friends and family will think or is that you believe that your only attraction for him is based upon the fact that he looks like your ex?

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