A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I am very confused and bother now.Advice would be appreciated.Me and my boyfriend had been together for almost two years. His cheapness has recently gone to a degree I can't stand it. When we go to CVS he bought three dollars of candy and I bought 2 dollar tampon he would freak out in the car and tell me to pay for the 2 dollars.When we go to the supermarket he splits the bills too. He makes three time I do.But I know he spends a lot for himself, recently he bought the Kinnect and also he is changing the TV to 37 inches. Last year when the HP touch pad was on sale he planed to buy two and I thought he changed but he said I need to pay him back 20 dollars for five months.I want to use the wireless and he want to charge me for 15 dollars.But his philosophy is his money is his money my money is mine. Why would he need to pay for a person who has hands and legs to earn her own living.Please don't laugh at me and say I am stupid.He was the first guy I have ever been with,so it was hard for me to leave him. But I feel broke inside my heart and felt uncherished, I see people say couples can be united in one and it always makes me sad.
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female
reader, eternallyinfinite  +, writes (20 February 2012):
I live with my boyfriend, and we've alternated (at the start) to him having at least 10x more money than me to me (now) making more than him. We've always split shared expenses 50/50. For example, rent, food, utilities are all shared 50/50. Our finances are also 100% separated and will be for as long as we stay together, even if we get married. So, I do agree with your boyfriend in the sense that my money is my money, and my boyfriend's money is his money. However, in our relationship, the person with more money also pays for extras more often (like eating out, going on vacations). That's just how we worked it out. From your boyfriend's perspective, maybe he paranoid that you're using him (I'm not saying you are) for his cash? I think it's reasonable for him to split the supermarket bill 50/50. HOWEVER: your boyfriend is taking it to the extreme: like asking you to pay $2 for a tampon is just crazy. And charging you $20 for using the touch pad?? I think you should talk to him about how you two should split expenses and what each of you should pay for (it's a bit different between different couples). If he still sticks with being so cheap, I think it's better if you leave him, because like the others said, think about how it'll be like if you got married or had children!!
A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (20 February 2012):
 This is who he is and it's not going to change. Can you imagine what kind of a father he will make if he freaks at the thought of paying two additional dollars for your tampons? If you tell him the kid needs X,Y,Z, do you think he will tell you to pay it out of your pocket because you're the one who mentioned it? How will you go grocery shopping when you live together? Will you have to pay for the things on the list that he doesn't eat or use? How about furniture, appliances, ect? Will it always be a tis for tat? Can you imagine him even buying an engagement ring?
Cheap men like your partner are as bad as cheaters. It's pure selfishness and no consideration. Run and run fast. Cheap men like this are not worth it.
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A
male
reader, honestman  +, writes (19 February 2012):
Quick advice: dump this jerk. I have been in a relationship for 5 years, and I've mainly paid ALL of her bills. Is not that I'm rich, it's just that my girlfriend haves no job, and she finds very hard to find one. I spend 50% of my salary on her, and I don't really care if it was 90%. I love her, and I want her to be ok.If you marry him, you'll have to BEG for anything you need. Imagine if you get PREGNANT. Will he give you money for the hospital? Or will he have you working your ass the same day you are going to give birth? What if you have an accident and you can't work for a couple of months, will he let you die in the hospital than paying for your operation?He earns 3 times as much as you! Come on, is not like a $2 tampon is going to make him poorer.Please, take my advise seriously. DUMP HIM. He won't change, and once you are married, things will get worse.Please read THIS LINK:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_personality_disorderYour boyfriend seems like he is narcissistic. But perhaps I'm wrong. I'm gonna be honest with you. I PINCH EVERY PENNY. I save every cent I have, and use clothes until they tear apart. Yes , I'm a cheapskate, but I'm not stupid. I save because I have a more important goal: I save for a trip to see my girlfriend. She lives three hours away from me. When I finally see her, I DON'T SAVE ON ANYTHING. I spend on whatever needs to be spent in other to please her. I enjoy her company, and would spend even more if necessary.I think your boyfriend thinks money is more important than you. I think you have a very MATERIALISTIC boyfriend, who prefers a new $150 Kinect than a $2 tampon for his girlfriend.HE DOES NOT CARE FOR YOU as much as his stuff. Please dump this jerk, and find a kind, non-materialistic guy who loves you more than his money.YOU SHOULD TELL HIM TO MARRY HIS MONEY.I'm not saying that guys SHOULD spend on whatever a woman wants, but they SHOULD spend on the important stuff, like a $2 tampon , medicines, and AT LEAST let you use his internet for free."I want to use the wireless and he want to charge me for 15 dollars." -- THIS GUY MAKES ME SICK. This guy is could be ILL. Please leave him. You are likely to suffer with him.Those are really , really big RED FLAGS on this guy. It is ok that a guy likes to save, but is not ok for a guy to charge you $15 dollars for you to use the internet. RUN TO THE HILLS!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2012): Your boyfriend is absolutely correct! His money is his money and your money is your money, it is up to him to decide if he wants to spend money on you but shouldn't be forced into doing so if he doesn't want to, just like you shouldn't.My girlfriend pays for her own things and we go halves on dates or I pay for us one time and she pays for us another time etcTry focus on securing a better job or go back to college to study more and pursue a career and meet him on his level.Wish you the best of luck ;-)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2012): You are dating a selfish, self motivated, Narcissitic man. He will not change. He is abusive to you and demeans you because when you point out something reasonable, he explodes because he can NEVER Be wrong because he's perfect. Narcissism is a disorder that cannot be treated.
He will never change.
You decide if you can live with such a sorry, lying, insecure, destructive, toxic man that will always yell at you, put you down, belittle you, and make you feel worthless so he feels better.
If you think that is loving and a realtionship based on friendship and will help you to be happy - then stay.
If you are wise and believe you deserve the best, you will leave him and never look back.
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