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*erhapsNot

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We've gone from an open and trusting relationship to one where he is secretive and ends up screaming at me if I try to address it!

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years. I am not the type to write something here, but I do not know where else to turn. To start, I never thought I would need to come here, i always thought we would be perfect. everyone around u...

A.   13 December 2011: How many times are you going to try talking to someone, who is not interested in making it work? ... (read in full...)

Someone sent my girlfriend flowers at her office on her birthday.

Q.   So my girlfriends bday was this pat friday and someone had delivered her over to her job a basket of Yellow roses with red tip, purple roses, yellow daisys and other flowers and a plush version of her favorite character. She initially thought that I ...

A.   13 December 2011: Women will sometimes get unwarranted gifts from secret admirers at work. It could be a co-worker, someone in the office building, an ex, or some creepo from her past that no one would even suspect. Your girlfriend cannot be held responsible because ... (read in full...)

My fiance's ex makes me uncomfortable... should I invite her to the wedding anyway?

Q.   So I can't decide whether I want one of my fiance's best friends to come to our wedding. We are having a very small wedding - basically just family and very few friends due to cost and the fact that it is going to be a very informal wedding...

A.   13 December 2011: I don't see why you wold invite her if she hasn't been respectful or kind to you. I certainly wouldn't invite anyone that left a bad taste in my mouth, especially to such a big event. If she doesn't live close by and he doesn't care if she is ... (read in full...)

Discovered his secret phone and dating site registrations...but he has managed to turn it around on me for violating his privacy!

Q.   I discovered that my boyfriend of 4 years has been registered on several dating sites and texting off a secret cell phone. I asked him what he thought he was doing and he went very serious and asked me why I have violated his privacy. He has offered ...

A.   12 December 2011: He turned it on you because you're letting him steer the wheel. So what if you invaded his privacy? How you found the information doesn't change the fact that he is registered on dating sites and has been texting strange numbers. What do you think ... (read in full...)

I don't know if he's a complete liar or not.

Q.   i have been having an affair at work with this man. I am extremely attracted to him and can't get him put of my head. Everybody found out about us at work. His girlfriend also works in the same place she is the only one that does not know. i had ...

A.   12 December 2011: Let's clear up the confusion. What is the end result of your affair with this man? He married the woman he was cheating on with you and he is no longer sleeping with you, correct? He may have said that you're the one for him, that he doesn't want ... (read in full...)

We've gone from an open and trusting relationship to one where he is secretive and ends up screaming at me if I try to address it!

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years. I am not the type to write something here, but I do not know where else to turn. To start, I never thought I would need to come here, i always thought we would be perfect. everyone around u...

A.   12 December 2011: First off, no one thinks that your relationship is perfect. There are good relationships, even great ones, but no perfect. Anyone that says their relationship is perfect is either delusional or likes to bullshit. Trust me, everyone that has moved ... (read in full...)

I'm concerned that my b/f is in denial about being gay

Q.   My boyfriend and I are finally dating after knowing each other for 8 years. We had a bit of a blurred relationship in the past where we were having sex but not officially together. We were both to blame. He says it was due to his social anxiety ...

A.   9 December 2011: He could be gay. This is what I suggest: if your gaydar isn't that great, I suggest asking a gay acquaintance or friend to give you the scoop. Let them hang out with you guys for a bit, you know, get to know him and they will be able to help you ... (read in full...)

What do you do when drugs come into play within your marriage?

Q.   Dear cupid what do you do when drugs come into play with your marriage ? i have recently found out that my husband has been getting high while away at work with his crew mates they all seem to be doing it and act like its no big deal . But when you...

A.   8 December 2011: If he doesn't go into a recovery center, I unfortunately do not see how your family could ever have a stable, happy home. If he has a history of doing drugs, he most definitely needs to seek help. Maybe you too need to seek counseling of some sort ... (read in full...)

He says he loves me but he hasn't let go of his wife!

Q.   I have been with a man over a year now..he hasnt stopped with communicating with his ex wife..he hasnt stopped hacking into her email He has told me several times that he wishes she would move on but when she has a caller he turns into this ...

A.   8 December 2011: Maybe you need another year or two of being introduced as the "friend" in order for things to sink in. Judging by your defensive responses and the excuses, I don't think you're prepared to face the truth. Instead of asking unbiased internet ... (read in full...)

Ladies: If your husband doesn't fulfill you sexually will you get tired of it?

Q.   I wanted to ask this question mostly to married women and particularly to the ones that may relate to what I'm saying. I'm dating this girl for 3 years and I got the feeling she was ready to settle down. So, a couple of weeks ago I got the courage ...

A.   8 December 2011: "The truth is there very little foreplay because I get very worked up and I can't hold back at all. Given the circumstances though I could try to prolong this part knowing in advance that I'm not going to last during intercourse. Would women prefer ... (read in full...)

When dating, does age really matter??

Q.   Hello everyone, I am a 26 yr old female who is considering dating a very nice mature 37 yr old male. He is divorced with two older children and I am a mature 26 yr old looking to settle down with a mature man. I have never dated anyone more than 2 ...

A.   8 December 2011: A lot of women, who date or want to date older men, express that they are mature. From what I have observed, they rarely are as mature as they think. I think the better question is: are you ready to settle down with a man, who has two children that ... (read in full...)

She has my number, promised to contact me but hasn't. Should I give it to her again?

Q.   hi just a quick one i asked the girl i like out at the local shop she said yes gave her my number on friday so she felt more cofertable as i dont know her, was very nervous lol saw her in the shop again on sunday she said she definatly wants ...

A.   8 December 2011: Don't contact her. Women and men do this all the time; they agree to go on a date, so they don't appear rude. She didn't want to reject you, since it is really awkward and uncomfortable. She probably thought " eh some random stranger asked me out, ... (read in full...)

He called it "SPAM" I think he is cheating. Should I leave him?

Q.   I need some help big time with my relationship! My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years!! Recently I have suspected him of cheating on me and its driving me insane! A few months ago I noticed that he wouldn't let his phone out of his s...

A.   6 December 2011: Yes, he wants you to get over it, after all you've been forgiving him for years. He has no respect for you because you forgive and "get over it". Look at your history with him and make a list of how many things you needed "to get over". As you say, ... (read in full...)

After 5 Years Why Hasn't He Proposed

Q.   This is real simple. I've been with my boyfriend for over 5 years. I moved out of state to be with him and its been me and him since 2006. I have never given him a reason to not trust me. I've never lied to him. I've never cheated on him. I go to ...

A.   6 December 2011: Listen, if he lies to you and doesn't even bother acknowledging your birthday, what makes you think he will want to marry you? If he can't even buy you a measly birthday card, he sure as hell isn't going to pool the money for a ring. The better ... (read in full...)

I don't have much experience but I think I get more turned on by affection and romance. Should I tell my Bf how I feel?

Q.   I'm with my first boyfriend and not very experienced. To me his penis looks really small when he is lying down and not erect, but his erection is a good size. He thinks me looking at him naked (without erection) should turn me on but I just find ...

A.   6 December 2011: Your boyfriend sounds inexperienced if he thinks women get turned on by looking at their junk. Maybe girls in the past have lied to him like you have done and now he is under the impression that women get turned on. You're normal, but you need to ... (read in full...)

He's a great guy and he's dating trash

Q.   Okay so there's this guy. I've had a crush on him for a while but then it turned into more of a brother/sister relationship. We still flirt and all but this isn't what this question is about. He just got into a relationship with absolute TRASH. She ...

A.   6 December 2011: I wasn't aware that a woman is considered "trash" if she wears dark eye makeup, stuffs her bra and doesn't take a shower every day. Your reasons for not liking the girl are superficial, petty and immature. If she was a lair, a cheater, really ... (read in full...)

It's a good marriage, but part of me feels she'd have preferred to spend her life with someone else.

Q.   I dated my wife when young and she dumped me. Then she went right to another guy that she married. They were together for about 5 years. Then they divorced with no kids. He wanted the divorce not her. She said a long time ago she didn't want a ...

A.   6 December 2011: Honestly, these types of situations are not uncommon. I know most people refuse to acknowledge these things, as it doesn't bode well for people's egos, self-esteem and their sense of security. We all want to be loved, but above all, we want to be ... (read in full...)

Ladies: If your husband doesn't fulfill you sexually will you get tired of it?

Q.   I wanted to ask this question mostly to married women and particularly to the ones that may relate to what I'm saying. I'm dating this girl for 3 years and I got the feeling she was ready to settle down. So, a couple of weeks ago I got the courage ...

A.   6 December 2011: 1/10 is pretty bad if you ask me. With those type of results, why would she initiate sex or even enjoy it? Also if she is in the mood 1/10 times and 8/10 she is only doing it to please you - well, I have to ask, why are you pushing for sex? Don't ... (read in full...)

Why am I making all the efforts when he should be begging for my forgiveness?

Q.   Hi guys, straight to the point. I've been with my bf for nearly three years now. The relationship in whole has been a pretty good one, no real complaints. Then about 2 months ago a new girl started with him in work, he said he didnt really speak to ...

A.   5 December 2011: He's not begging for forgiveness because he doesn't care. HE is the one who dumped you to be with the new girl. He didn't even want to get back in a relationship with you. You were the one, who was begging him to come back, saying that you'd forg... (read in full...)

I am interested in a 17 year old girl and her mother is encouraging us to have sex! Why??

Q.   I am interested in a 17 year old girl who seems to like me but is a little reserved.She is an only child. Her mother is encouraging the relationship actively. She even told me that sex was okay if I loved her. What is mother up to? I find it a ...

A.   30 November 2011: The only logical explanation to this situation is that she is putting on a facade. She wants to test if you're only after her daughter for sexual reasons. Another more cynical interpretation would be that she is trying to see if you're having sex in ... (read in full...)

Much older ex says we can't be together but wants to be friends

Q.   I'm confused about the guy I've been seeing for the past 5 months. I am twenty, and the guy I have been seeing is 43. I honestly fell in love with him. I can’t stand how much my family is against it, him and I have a lot of things in common. (I kn...

A.   29 November 2011: You have been together for 5 months and he has broken up with you 2 times. He has depression, he is not over his ex, he doesn't do anything nice for you and he doesn't want you to meet his friends or family. All are major red flags, including the ... (read in full...)

I don't believe there is a switch that just turned off his feelings. I want him back

Q.   My boyfriend broke up with me eleven days before our 3 year anniversary. He is currently in Korea, teaching English to Elementary school children, while I am still in America. He said he couldn't be with me because he "could not reciprocate his ...

A.   27 November 2011: He said he couldn't be with me because he "could not reciprocate his feelings for me." Sometimes you need to learn to accept the answers you are given. He spelled out his feelings for you very plainly. Just because you don't like it and cannot b... (read in full...)

I'm feeling torn between two guys...not officially with either, but why do I feel so guilty?

Q.   I feel so torn at the moment. Basically i have been seeing this guy unofficially for the last 10 months. He has trust issues due to his last two ex gf's cheating on him. I really have fallen for him, but he is keeping distant from me and not letting ...

A.   27 November 2011: You definitely need to ditch the man that you're in love with. There are A LOT of people with terrible pasts, who still dive into relationships when in love. Sorry, the whole trust issue is just some fancy, "deep" BS. If you're in love, you're in ... (read in full...)

Do you believe in the saying "when one door closes, another one opens"?

Q.   Do you believe in the saying "when one door closes, another one opens"? Has something ever happened to you that would substantiate your belief in this saying? I missed out on a job opportunity (my dream job) because I am not part of the "clique"...

A.   24 November 2011: Your situation is hardly a novelty. It has happened and is currently happening to millions of people. There are always opportunities in life, but whether or not you will be on the receiving end is an entirely different matter. Success is a mixture ... (read in full...)

Involved with a married man and need unbiased thoughts, please help!

Q.   Hello all, Please take the time to read: I met my boyfriend of almost two years (in December) online by chance. I actually caught his attention and made the first move, but we took a lot of time to get to know each other as friends first be...

A.   24 November 2011: Your story and your way of thinking and making excuses for this man - well, it's nothing new. Just read any story of the "other woman" and you should be seeing parallels between your life and theirs. Here are the facts: 1. You've known him ... (read in full...)

Unexpected feelings have hit me hard!

Q.   Ok, my neighbor girl basically pursued me, I felt no attraction of any sort for her in the beginning(except for she was hot), but her persistence, and her cute way, eventually started getting to me without me even knowing, she is 20, im 34, she is ...

A.   24 November 2011: After reading the additional information, I once again think that you really don't miss her as a person. You may miss HOW she loves you; you miss the aggression and passion that she brought into your life, but those were all actions that made you ... (read in full...)

Unexpected feelings have hit me hard!

Q.   Ok, my neighbor girl basically pursued me, I felt no attraction of any sort for her in the beginning(except for she was hot), but her persistence, and her cute way, eventually started getting to me without me even knowing, she is 20, im 34, she is ...

A.   24 November 2011: It sounds more like you miss the ego stroking than you miss her. I think you were flattered that some hot, little thing was all over you. The fact that she is now hoovering around another guy....Well, we all want to be the center of adoration, ... (read in full...)

If he can't do this much, what does it say about how he really feels about me?

Q.   My boyfriend is on probation. He doesn't know I have a deadline in mind for him to really show me that he loves me. We HAVE talked, numerous times and I am always in control of myself and rational and non-accusing. He has had a "meh" attitude in ...

A.   24 November 2011: You're with someone who is set in his way of life AND selfish. To top it off, you're doing too much work in the relationship and presumably never demanded a certain type of treatment. Honestly, you should just leave. People don't become caring and ... (read in full...)

My friend created a fake profile to trap my long distance B/f, when she realized he too had a dating profile. I'm upset at both of them. What do I do?

Q.   I need some advice on a situation with my friend and my Long Distance boyfriend. My friend created an account on a site to meet friends that she found my long distance boyfriend had an account on. She didn't tell me or ask me before doing this, so I ...

A.   24 November 2011: I think it's interesting that you have chosen to no longer be friends with your girlfriend AND have somehow managed to blame the whole thing on her. Here are some facts: 1. Your long distance boyfriend has a dating profile account even thou... (read in full...)

Has my friend lost it?

Q.   My guy friend has been dating this girl ten years younger who's really immature. I think he's all caught up in his ego being that she's so much younger. I think he should be with someone grounded and more mature especially since he's got a kid. He's ...

A.   23 November 2011: She just graduated from college while he is at a completely different stage in life and with a child. Sure, it's possible that this will somehow work out, but it is highly unlikely. If you two are really good friends, I don't see why you shouldn't ... (read in full...)

He pursued his ex but won't pursue me. Should I leave?

Q.   My boyfriend and I had known each other for 4 months now. Before we were in a relationship, I was the one who texted him everyday and he will Text back. We also went out because I was giving him hints that i'll be in town on my days off( I used to ...

A.   23 November 2011: Yes, he was more into his ex - whether it was a greater sexual attraction, or he vibed with her personality more - than he was into you. I know a lot of women like to make excuses to make themselves feel better, or like to say " she is an ex for a ... (read in full...)

My fiance is turning into groomzilla! How do I handle this?

Q.   Hi there! I have an interesting case of gender role reversal for you all! I'm getting married for the first time next July. I was over the moon when my boyfriend asked me: I am really committed to him and I want to spend the rest of my lif...

A.   22 November 2011: You envisioned a private, romantic elopement, but somehow he has taken the reigns and turned it into a lavish ceremony. Are you unhappy with the entire wedding ceremony ordeal, or are you upset that he has simply gone over-the-top in the process? If ... (read in full...)

He doesn't want me! How can I get him to change his mind?

Q.   i want to be his girlfriend but he's not ready for a new relationship right now. i don't want no one else i want only him what can i do to make him change his mind and say yes i want you to be my girl before this year end ...

A.   22 November 2011: Imagine one of your guy friends, who you have absolutely no interest in, asking you to be his girlfriend. He is going out of his way to convince you that he is the man of your dreams. How would you feel? You know that nothing he says or does will ... (read in full...)

Help! Does he love me or is he just using me for sex?

Q.   hey everyone I have been friends with a guy for three years and we finally got together seven months ago (life was good) ...we started have a sexual relationship about three months ago, i am just abit worried that he doesnt love me anymore and just...

A.   22 November 2011: Yes, it will work. Don't have sex with him and observe his reactions. Don't have sex for 2 or 3 months and see where it goes. If he shows less interest, speaks to you less, or is pushing for sex, you'll have your answer. The fact that you feel used ... (read in full...)

I "insulted" my husband about his performance in bed and I think I deeply wounded his ego. How do I fix it?

Q.   I "insulted" my husband and I think I deeply wounded his ego. He cant please me in bed and he has stopped trying to quite a while back. I told him that what he is doing isn't working. He told me he never had problems pleasing women in the past. I ...

A.   22 November 2011: If he is going to crawl under a rock to nurse his little male ego over something so silly, I say let him. Why feel bad? You told him the truth and it's not your problem that he is handling it like an immature child. If he cannot comprehend that ... (read in full...)

Is it normal for our ex's to have a power over us? Is that a sign we should be together?

Q.   How much power do our ex's have over us? Is it normal for your ex to hold power over you still, and what would you constitute as positive power or negative power? (if there is such a thing). For example, would you take it as a good sign if the thou...

A.   17 November 2011: It's a sign that you are not over your ex - nothing else. The idea of " he has power over me, therefore we should be together" is logically flawed. That's like saying " this man has the physical strength to punch me in the face and knock me out, so ... (read in full...)

How do you know if you have outgrown a friend?

Q.   Hi everyone, I was wondering if you knew when it was time to slowly let a friendship go? How do you know that you have outgrown a friendship? Recently I found myself having negative thoughts about a friend, and it bothered me. She has been a c...

A.   16 November 2011: I don't think "outgrown" is the right term in your situation. You simply have lowered your tolerance level when it comes to her faults and short-comings. Judging from your story, she wasn't a good friend to begin with. Maybe you made excuses, or ... (read in full...)

Do I have enough evidence to confront my boyfriend with my suspicions?

Q.   I have a problem. I have been suspicious of my boyfriend for a while, and recently decided to do some digging. Before you say it, save it. I know it's wrong to invade his privacy, but I won't sit here wondering forever. Anyways... I logged into ...

A.   15 November 2011: If you want more evidence, don't tell him that you snooped and continue driving yourself crazy by checking his phone. I'm sure one day you will find the concrete proof that you need.... if you're willing to waste more time living in a sate of ... (read in full...)

Do I have enough evidence to confront my boyfriend with my suspicions?

Q.   I have a problem. I have been suspicious of my boyfriend for a while, and recently decided to do some digging. Before you say it, save it. I know it's wrong to invade his privacy, but I won't sit here wondering forever. Anyways... I logged into ...

A.   15 November 2011: What concrete evidence are looking for? A picture of him having sex, or catching him with someone? He's sending pictures of his junk to a "female friend" who he flirts with. I am not sure how much more obvious it needs to get.... (read in full...)

I want to have sex every night, he doesn't. How can I lower my sex drive?

Q.   I need some serious help, I have a very high sex drive, I want to have sex with my husband every night before bed, but he isn't the same way. Is there anyway I can lower my sex drive? I don't know what else to do, I've tried getting my husband more ...

A.   15 November 2011: Sex every day is pretty unusual, even for a man. If your sex drive is that great and you want sex every day, why don't you use sex toys? Give your husband a break and don't badger him for sex. Desperation isn't an attractive look, especially for a ... (read in full...)

Ideas for a first date? Would it be too forward to invite her to my apartment to watch a hockey game?

Q.   alright so there is this girl in one of my classes at university and i really want to ask her out. We have gotten to know each other a bit in the 2 1/2 months that we have been in class together, we usually end up sitting next to each other and get ...

A.   12 November 2011: I have to disagree with Chalice. I have yet to hear a woman say:" Gee, I think this date was too romantic. I wish he didn't put such pressure on himself to come up with this great date." It's usually the other way around, where women WISH the man ... (read in full...)

Ideas for a first date? Would it be too forward to invite her to my apartment to watch a hockey game?

Q.   alright so there is this girl in one of my classes at university and i really want to ask her out. We have gotten to know each other a bit in the 2 1/2 months that we have been in class together, we usually end up sitting next to each other and get ...

A.   11 November 2011: Inviting a girl to your apartment this early in the game is a bad idea. It will always have a sexual connotation no matter what you plan. You'll be sabotaging yourself if you chose this route. Secondly, watching a hockey game is so far from rom... (read in full...)

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