A
female
age
41-50,
*azzie1
writes:So, My bf of 7yrs has giving me an ultimatum that if I don't give him a kid he is going to leave me..Mind you he has a daughter who is being raised by her mother and he feels since he has no say he is giving up and wants to have one with me cuz he's been with me for so long. I have 2 boys 17 and 10 and I really feel that having another child with my boyfriend will hold me back alot..Especially cuz he can be over controlling at times..and other stuff he has done in the past like "Cheating" all of a sudden he wants to have a family of his own! I asked him why does he feel like we don't have one now and he told me cuz my kids are not his..Unbelievable what ever happened to LOVE..and his response was that I am being selfish cuz he does everythign for us and he gets nothing in return..I really believe that he wants me to have a kid to make him feel like I will always have to need him because I am so independent and he hates that..should I just let him go even though it will be hard but maybe it will be better for me and my kids! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (18 February 2012):
 'I really believe that he wants me to have a kid to make him feel like I will always have to need...' PRECISELY.
He wants you vulnerable and dependent. That is the only way he will feel secure. Then he can behave as he pleases, cheat with whomever he wants and you'll always be there to provide a comfy home for him.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2012): Tell him his ultimatum is stupid so by definition he has to pack his bags and leave now. Then wave goodbye as he leaves, and go find yourself a real man for the first time in 7 years.
seriously what a whiner he is - he needs to impregnate a woman and show "ownership" of the offspring in order to validate himself as a man. how pathetic is that. women and children are just objects to be claimed territorially by him. tell him to go buy himself a potted plant instead and show it off if he needs to plant his flag of ownership on something.
he's a complete loser, you can do so much better than this, being single and on your own will be so much better than being with this jerk.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (18 February 2012):
 That is a serious NO-NO ultimatum in my book, specially considering his attitude and general behavior.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 February 2012):
 If we read your questions over the years, it is clear that this is not a healthy relationship, and he is an abusive cheater. Really, it would be best for you and your family to get him to leave. Then you can look into why you stuck with him for so long. It's not a healthy way to live.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/do-you-think-its-worth-even-giving-him.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-just-kicked-my-boyfriend-out-of-the.html (In this one, he tried to choke you with your children in the house, so your children are most definitely aware of the abuse.)
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-do-i-feel-sad-instead-of-moving.html (Here you say you need to seek help to help you realize you deserve better.)
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-is-it-so-difficult-to-move-on.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/cheating-lying-boyfriendhow-to-handle-this-planned-trip.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-bf-wants-a-child-with-me-and.html
He hasn't changed over the years. Your boys have witnessed your sorrow and anguish and you haven't made any process toward helping yourself away from this man. I'm so sorry you feel so trapped. I have a website for you, please visit it and get some local, practical help, okay?
http://www.thehotline.org/
You don't deserve to put yourself or your children through another 7 years with the same man, who has proven time and again that he is not worth your trust, faith and time.
Best wishes to you as I hope you follow the path to a healthier and happier life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2012): Do ignore a femal reader perhaps not, that is a very harsh comment and not at all helpful at a time of a very big decision for you. (People often need more time and more information before making a huge decision that will affect the rest of their lives).
It does sound like you do not want another child, do think about that, it is seldom good to bring a child in to the world when it is not the time or space. Have you asked yourself under what circumstances you would consider having a child? Can you make a mental list of what the circumstances are.
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A
female
reader, natasia  +, writes (17 February 2012):
 I'm sorry, but couldn't it just be that he would like to have a child of his own, who lives with him and you? Think about it. You have that. You have both your children with you. He has effectively lost his only child. And maybe, yes, he didn't think he would mind ... but now time is moving on, you ideally if you are in your late thirties would have a child now rather than much later, and he just feels he wants that joy in his life. I'm afraid I have a lot of sympathy for him, in the sense that I think you should understand what he is talking about, even if you don't want another child. And expecting him to love your children as much as he would his own is, to be honest, a bit unrealistic. Yes, some people do manage to do that, or to give a good impression of doing so, but an awful lot of people would have to admit they love their own children in a different way to their step children.
Ask yourself this: do you love his daughter as much as you love your own sons? And don't say no because she doesn't live with you ... just try to imagine you all in the same house, and be totally honest. Your sons would always be your children. She would always, however hard you tried, be someone else's child.
Now, that aside: if you don't want another child, then that's of course your choice. Some people would love their partner in such a way that if he really wanted a child, they would have a child to make him happy, to give him what he wants. They would want the child as well, because of the joy it would bring to the man they love. But others would say they don't want a child, so nobody can force them.
If you really don't want a child more than you love or need your partner, then this is the end of the road. Absolutely. Set him free to find someone who would like to build a family with him. End of story. Simple.
It would be selfish to keep him and deny him fatherhood.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2012): Its obvious this relationship has come to the end, your both wanting different things and you have no inclination to have another child.
It doesn't matter why he wants one, the thing is you don't.In fact you don't even sound like your in love with him
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (17 February 2012):
 You have written here before and you have received our advise. Maybe you should read it over again.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-bf-wants-a-child-with-me-and.html
You will not find anyone with half a brain that will support your boyfriend of your relationship. You need to move on girl.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 February 2012):
 wave bye-bye....
seriously what in the world do you even have to think about... he wants a child you do not... it's a NO BRAINER...
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