Why do I still care for someone that never cared about me?
Q. I broke up with my ex because he wouldn't make a commitment. He wanted to keep his options open. even though he wasn't dating anyone, he wanted the option of being able to. I thought that wasn't fair to me, I wasn't asking him to marry me, but just ...
A. 3 February 2013: Feelings are not objective, they simply exist. You have feelings towards this man and they exist for whatever personal reasons you may have. The key is to not let your emotions and feelings make decisions for you. You made an objective decision to ... (read in full...)
I've been married 18 years and have attracted a new butterfly. What do I do about my wife and son?
Q. hi,i'm 48 yr old man, been married 18 yrs, one child, 3 months ago i meant a woman, 45 yrs old, it started out with a casual flirt which later ended up with lunch dates everyday for a month, during our lunch encounters we learned we basically are ...
A. 29 January 2013: Divorce. It's really basic. You're no longer in love and you don't want to work on your marriage either. You've thrown in the towel and with this new relationship blossoming and all your energy going into it rather than your marriage and kids, you ... (read in full...)
This ex is stuck in my head and I'm afraid it's going to ruin my new relationship!
Q. I am in such a mess. I was with a guy for a year and we had a great relationship then things came to an abrupt end, he was moving away with work and we mutually agreed it wouldn't work because of the distance. We agreed to remain friends but he said ...
A. 29 January 2013: Maybe you can't get over the ex because you're with a man you're not really into. Maybe you still need time to heal from your previous relationship, or maybe the current boyfriend is simply not doing it for you. I mean, it's not objective to say ... (read in full...)
Is it ever good to meet up and talk with a guy who you were dating but it ended abruptly with?
Q. do you think it's ever good to meet up and talk with a guy who you were dating but it ended abruptly with? I was dating this guy for half a year just over and all of a sudden his ended things without a word, I know a lot of guys who do this because ...
A. 27 January 2013: Just curious, what makes you think that he will tell you the truth or that he will tell you anything at all? If he hasn't done it all this time, what makes you think he will do so now?
Just because you saw him at a party and spoke to him brie... (read in full...)
He's looking for a girlfriend but he won't ask me out?????
Q. Hello, I am in quite a situation that's driving me nuts! I am a freshman in college and I've liked this guy since August when I started. He is a senior and we work together at the college as well. I found out today that he is looking for a ...
A. 27 January 2013: If you don't want to embarrass yourself, then don't push it.
Here are things to consider objectively and realistically. I don't want you to over-think this, just look at it for what it is.
1. We see each other frequently at work but he is never ... (read in full...)
Should I risk losing my family and friends for a guy?
Q. I'm in love with my boyfiend, but my family doesn't like him, but they haven't really gotten to know him.. they just know of his family, which i admit have some bad people in it, They think i can do better, they like my ex so much better, and don'...
A. 5 January 2013: "I don't know why they don't approve of him." Are you sure about that? I have yet to meet disapproving mothers, fathers, siblings, cousins, or friends that just don't like your partner for no good reason. The first reason is that they don't like ... (read in full...)
I'm marrying my best friend's father and I don't know how or what to tell her
Q. i have been friends with this girl since i was 14 years old and i have been with her through everything and she has been with me through everything but so has her dad and i know i shouldn't be hurting her like this and neither should he and i know ...
A. 2 December 2012: You had 2 years to tell her, your family or anyone for that matter. The fact that you two have kept your relationship and engagement a secret should clue you in on something - there is something not right about your relationship. There is nothing ... (read in full...)
I have to choose between 2 very different jobs and soon! What would you do?
Q. I have a very difficult decision to make and I need help. It's a choice between 2 very different jobs. I am currently working in sales, I don't like sales much at all, it's a retail job with part time hours. I applied for a new job in the police ...
A. 2 December 2012: 1. You don't like your current job 2. New job pays more So what is the worst thing that can happen? You hate this new job, yet still get paid more money. Would you rather hate option A with less money, or option B with more money? Seems simple... (read in full...)
My long distance girlfriend (another country) won't move to be with me for two and a half years. I don't think I can wait that long.
Q. im in a ldr with an awesome girl, we both love each other very much, im in america in she is in europe. we have been together for 6 months only but i miss her so much that is painful. she has just told me she wants to finish school in her country ...
A. 2 December 2012: If you think you can't wait, then move on. If you can't wait, you simply don't love her as much as you think you do. And frankly, 6 months is nothing in the grand scheme of things. You'll move on and so will she. Moving to the US without finishing ... (read in full...)
What do you do when everyone around you is happy and you arent?
Q. Why is it that everyone around me either getting engaged getting married having a baby or their pregnant, although I am happy for them it's really hard to be happy when I'm 29 years old and I'm not married or engaged or anything, I'm a single ...
A. 14 November 2012: I'm sorry, but maybe your break up has distorted your vision of the reality around you. If you honestly think that everyone around you is "happy", you need to get a reality check asap. Just because you're miserable at the time, doesn't mean ... (read in full...)
Drunken one nite stand is threatening to tell my girlfriend what happened!
Q. I've been seeing my girlfriend for just over a year, I love her to bits. About 4-months ago I had a one night stand, not full blown sex but heavy fondling. I'd drunk wayyy too much. Halfway through I came to my senses stopped and went home. The ...
A. 14 November 2012: "He doesn't know where my girlfriend lives but his girlfriend does. I'm now terrified that they will go round there and cause trouble at her door."
Fist off, how does your one night stand know where your gf lives? Do you know this girl? Does she... (read in full...)
My girlfriend and I are having intimacy problems.
Q. I have been with my beautiful girlfriend for a year. I have never been happier with a partner. There is one thing that is bothering both of us and that is with intimacy. Now without going into too much detail, at the end of the day if I didnt i...
A. 7 November 2012: "We did go further after about 3 months and I guess I hoped that after a year it would happen more frequently." What exactly were you hoping for? 7/7? 5 times daily? Are you used to more sex from your previous relationships or from the time you were... (read in full...)
Boyfriend won't do the things I need to make me climax. What should I do?
Q. The only way I can cum is with penetration and breast stimulation at the same time. Time and time I've asked him to touch me and to suck on me, but my boyfriend of 9 years won't do it for more than ten seconds. He gets to cum, but I never can be...
A. 31 October 2012: If he won't and hasn't done what you wanted in 9 years, what makes you think he will now? There are no solutions, surely you can see that. You made your requests and they're ignored. He still gets what he wants and you get 0-10 seconds of something ... (read in full...)
What happened to the concept that guys like a natural look? I'm invisible to guys when I go out with her!
Q. Can someone explain what is so amazing about my friend that everyone likes her and all the guys i meet first meet first, set her and then want her!! On nights out she gets so much male attention you would think she was megan fox. She's mixed rac...
A. 28 October 2012: Men don't care about "natural" looks. Most men don't even know that women who they think is "natural" is in fact wearing foundation, contour/blush, natural eyeshadow and eyeliner with mascara. In other word: she has her full face on. But just bec... (read in full...)
Confusing Co-worker
Q. I need some advice. I have have this coworker that has been flirting for some time with me. He always winks and sometimes make sexual comments - not too strong. He had a girlfriend and he made it aware to me that they were broken up, stating ...
A. 26 October 2012: I want you to focus on the big picture, not the small details of flirting. Just take a look at the big picture. 1. "I have given him my number but he hasnt used it." Since he is not a shy person and flirts with you, why do you think he has not ... (read in full...)
My partner is in contact with his ex but lies about it. Am I right to be concerned or am I making it more than it is?
Q. Hi, Bit of back ground. Me and my bf started a long distance relationship we met through a long time mutual friend. I was happy being single and he was in limbo with his fiancée. However he was just waiting for the appropriate time to end it. D...
A. 19 October 2012: "....is this emotional affair or just a silly man?" This is definitely not silly. Silly is something that is harmless and innocent. What you're looking at is an emotional affair. Here are some signs of emotional affairs: * When most meetings... (read in full...)
How can I get my family and friends to accept my 25 year old pregnant Gf / future wife and all understand all that she means to me?
Q. my family and friends will not accept that my 25 year old girlfriend soon to be wife is in love with me and wants to be with me. they call her horrible insulting names. yea i cheated on my wife of many many years, and left her for this girl. i...
A. 18 October 2012: Asking your family's acceptance of your new partner and your new life is like your family asking you to ditch your new pregnant woman- it's simply not going to happen. Maybe in time they will get over it, but chances are it will never be exactly the ... (read in full...)
Is he worth it? Part of me wonders if I should just give him a chance!
Q. I met this guy over the summer and we got on pretty well, but as far as I was concerned we were just friends. However, he started sending me really dirty text messages and basically wanted to hook up with me. I am a virgin and have never had anyone ...
A. 22 September 2012: You liked the flattery and feeling desired. You don't want to keep him as a friend. Let's get real here, you just like the attention and how it makes you feel. Friends don't send sexual text messages, dirty pictures, nor do they tell you they want... (read in full...)
Why is it so difficult for me to get a girlfriend? Why am I always the guy who girls don't look at in a romantic way?
Q. I give up. What does it take to be dateable? I just don’t get it. I’m told that I have a great, easygoing personality. I’m pretty average I’d say. 5’9, 150 pounds, thin to medium build. I’ve even been told by both my male and female friends ...
A. 22 September 2012: Your friends are letting you down gently. They know why they won't date you or why they would never consider dating you, but they won't tell you because it will hurt your feelings. Most people function this way. The key to getting a girlfriend is ... (read in full...)
I've been caught stealing and my employers know about it, they have given me 2 options, so what do I do now?
Q. I have been working for my company as a new business rep for 4 and a half years and always been good. I normally get my lunch from a supermarket down the road from my office but about a month ago, i had some fraud done on my bank and while it got...
A. 22 September 2012: If you stole from the grocery store several times and they have footage of it, why haven't they called the police? A store doesn't "ban" someone who stole from them. If anything, since they have evidence of you stealing, it makes more sense that... (read in full...)
Am I over reacting to the constant texts and calls
Q. Boyfriend constantly texting and calling another woman.... Please help, i have been with my partner for 4years and to be honest it hasnt been easy, after the 1st year he dumped me as he had feelings for a female friend. we got back together a...
A. 20 September 2012: To be frank, it looks like you're simply a filler until he finds someone else. He already broke up with you to be with this woman. Do you know why the two of them didn't work out? Did he break it off with her once he realized the grass wasn't ... (read in full...)
Don't trust him, I'm ready to GO!
Q. I have been with my bf for five years now, and like most couples we have had to deal with various issues, in our case it is the issue of infidelity and trust, me being the one who doesn't trust him. He has stepped out on me several times, and each ...
A. 9 September 2012: "How can I tell him FIRMLY that I am not wanting this anymore, without having to just cut all communication off with him? " You simply can't. What you're suggesting is only possible in the realm of La La Land. You either leave this relationshi... (read in full...)
My ex has a new girlfriend barely a month after we broke up, and he's going all out to profess his love for her!
Q. My ex broke up with me like 4 weeks ago. It was such a hurtful break up that I kept questioning myself what went wrong in our 5 year relationship. The love, the mental, physical, and emotional aspects were there too but maybe they were to me and not ...
A. 9 September 2012: He has dumped you, so it was his decision to end the relationship, not yours. It's always different when you're on the receiving end, then the one dishing it.
The fact that he is in a relationship with someone after a month, professing his love... (read in full...)
We have been dating for 3 years but he still won't commit!
Q. Okay I've been seeing this guy for 3 years. We both told eachother we love one another. We don't have a "title". He told me he sees himself being with me, sometimes I feel like he doesn't want to commit and I've told him how i felt.. He says I'm ...
A. 3 September 2012: Leave while you can. I have seen this happen many times before and it never ends well. It's better to break off a 3 year relationship, than a 5, 8, or 11 year one. Be young, date others and don't waste your youth on someone who will dump you the ... (read in full...)
I'm supposed to visit my German girlfriend in 12 days but I am unsure about this relationship
Q. [Moderator note: To give the aunts and uncles some background, here is a link to a question the OP submitted a few days ago http://www.dearcupid.org/question/does-my-long-distance-lover-really-love-me.html] I have ldr for a few months now, she ...
A. 31 August 2012: "i have constant toughts on breaking up with her just over stupid things or with no reason at all." What are the "stupid things"? There is no such thing as getting annoyed, or holding anger for someone for no reason. You have reasons. They ma... (read in full...)
Ladies why date a man first if he asks you to marry him right away?
Q. This question is especially for young single women. If a young single man who has everything going for him financially and career wise decides to settle down and approaches you but doesn't want to date you but asks you to marry him. Would you ...
A. 13 August 2012: Clearly your very stubborn mind is already made up. You're not really hear to listen; you're just here to argue your unrealistic, juvenile point of view. Since you're obviously in the right here, why don't you go right ahead with your plan. Why ask ... (read in full...)
He still hasn't stopped communicating with her
Q. I have been going out with my boyfriend for five years, about 10 months ago he became friends with a girl. I was immediately uneasy about this friendship as he was very secretive and kept everything under the table so to speak. I only ever saw her ...
A. 29 July 2012: If you need to ask for opinions on this matter, I am afraid that you will keep on taking whatever pile of s^^t they lay out for you. Come on girl, snap out of it and look at this objectively. * You only saw this "friend" once and very briefly * ... (read in full...)
What's he on about? Wedding called off, he's moving out, but doesn't want to split !?
Q. Okay...so I'm feeling heartbroken and I don't know where to go from here? My fiance and I have been together for 4 years and we were supposed to be getting married this September. We've lived together for the last 3 years and we bought a new hom...
A. 29 July 2012: "He wants us to continue to grow in our relationship...only how do I go backwards?" I'm glad you acknowledge the absurdity of his "growing in our relationship" statement. You have been together for 4 years. You were dating, you moved in, you we... (read in full...)
I adore everything about him but his height turns me off!!
Q. After a break up, I met this guy that ive been friends with for about 9 months now. During the first 4 months we got a little physical but we did not have sex. I adore everything about him but his height turns me off so much. He's as tall as me and ...
A. 25 July 2012: You're not attracted to his height and his small hands. It is what it is. There are plenty of men that would not date a woman if she were, say 6'2 with man hands. Hell, there are many men that would never date an average height female with man ... (read in full...)
Why is this man asking me to marry him when he already has a wife and kids?
Q. I met a man online a couple of years ao and I soon found out that he has a family( is married but has not slept with his wife in a loooooomg time because she has gained weight and they also bicker way too much)) so I told him I just wanted to be ...
A. 25 July 2012: "Why is this man asking me to marry him when he already has a wife and kids? "
If by some miracle you two actually were to get married, it would not be recognized legally. He is already married, hence his marriage to you would fall under biga... (read in full...)
My girlfriend of 5 years ended things and kicked me out. Now I think she's playing games with me.
Q. So my girlfriend of 5 years ended things over something that most of our friends claim was not a big deal because they understood it as a joke. She however is not the joking type sometimes and over-reacted. I understand why she was upset at some ...
A. 25 July 2012: Well, your story is missing a big piece and that piece is: WHY did she kick you out?... (read in full...)
He has a girlfriend, but I get the feeling he's into me.
Q. I met up with an old friend, who has a new house and a new girlfriend, yet he invites me over every week in the evening when his gf is not there. Is he into me? Okay, the above was basically the cliff notes version. Here's a more elaborate descri...
A. 25 July 2012: "I met up with an old friend, who has a new house and a new girlfriend, yet he invites me over every week in the evening when his gf is not there."
The thing you should take from this is that he invites you over when his girlfriend is NOT there. I... (read in full...)
I accused my wife of lying about being on a porn site and now she is filing divorce papers
Q. Someone please give me advice! I have recently got back with my wife after a seperation. we live seperate and have for the past two years. We decided not to sign divorce papers because we both agreed we still loved each other and our reasons for ...
A. 18 July 2012: I'm not quite following this statement here: "we both agreed we still loved each other and our reasons for seperation were petty." I have yet to meet a couple that separates over petty issues, especially for two years. If your problems were indeed ... (read in full...)
What's up with this guy's behaviour? Why does he never mention his girlfriend?
Q. Hi everyone. I have a simple question: Why would a guy go out of his way to tell me he spent the night alone on a Friday night. He fell asleep on the couch. Is it possible he has a reason for telling me this? Because he volunteered it to me...
A. 16 July 2012: This is pretty easy. He wants to bag you and in order for that to happen he has to pretend like he is interested in your life. The better question is why are you entertaining his attention and going along with it? Don't be that fool that gets played ... (read in full...)
My wife has a crush on a man she met online. She denies it, I know its true
Q. wife has a crush? My wife of 2 years has recently been speaking to a guy daily since they met online about a week ago. They meet online every night speaking by mic, he compliments her very often and flirts as does she, they spend hours talking ...
A. 16 July 2012: You have a very valid concern. I'm sorry, but no married person, or someone in a relationship, decides to go online and strikes up conversation with the opposite gender. You'd have to ask yourself: why did she decide to go online and why is she ... (read in full...)
He wont cuddle because we are not married!
Q. Hi, The other day whilst watching a film with my boyfriend the characters mentioned snuggle time when I asked him if we could have snuggle time he said no because were not married!! Later that evening we had a arguement I told him I loved him...
A. 9 July 2012: You should tell him then that you two can't have sex because that's what married people do. Make sure you add more things to the list like: never making him anything to eat, not ever cleaning up after him, never taking care of him when he is not ... (read in full...)
He has one set of money rules for me and a different set for him!
Q. My fiancé and I been arguing a lot about money lately. He don't want me to help my family in any way, just want me to save for our wedding. What pisses me's dat he bought himself a car 3 months back and cannot save for a wedding as he's paying ...
A. 9 July 2012: "Does his behavior determines his future behavior? Does this mean we'l hav same problems even when we'r married?"
You are what you are. People may change, but they don't change their core characteristics. This is who he is. And why would he chang... (read in full...)
He says he loves me so why keep pictures of the woman he cheated with?
Q. My bf is 23 and I'.m 22. We've been together 2+ years.Las Saturday I foun out through a friend he hd an affair for 4 months(feb 2012-may 2012) but it was over. I was upset. I also found out he had a one night stand the day before,Friday. I called ...
A. 9 July 2012: He cheated on you and then he DUMPED you. Those are facts. So what if he says he loves your or cares about you? What's so special or so significant about those words? Wouldn't you rather have a man that didn't whore around and a man that wouldn't ... (read in full...)
How do I keep my boyfriend interested when I'm gone on holiday without him?
Q. I'm going on holiday in a couple of weeks. My relatively new boyfriend isn't going with me. It's for two weeks and I'm a little worried that he'll lose interest when I'm not around. We haven't actually been too sexual with one another yet and I'm ...
A. 9 July 2012: If you're in a relatively new relationship, there is no need to go out of your way to keep his interest. If he needs to be manipulated and if he needs extra work in the beginning, can you imagine what you will need to do when you're 5, 10, 0r 25 ... (read in full...)
I don't want to date a man with kids. Am I expecting too much?
Q. So I have a son who is 16 months old. And for some reason I don't think dating a man with a kid is an option. I find that men with kids tend to have a lot of baggage; child support, baby mom drama, and no money.. I simply don't want a guy who is ...
A. 2 July 2012: If you are in fact 22-25, I don't think it's that difficult to find men that don't have children. It's not like they're in their 30s, or 40s. Most 22-25 year olds don't have children. And most 22-25 year olds aren't exactly established in their ca... (read in full...)
My guy says he will be dating another girl ...
Q. One day my guy told me he doesn't want to hide anything from me so i should ask me anything. i then asked him what he has been hidding from me and he said a girl asked him to date her so now he's dating her even though he doesn't love her. He said ...
A. 1 July 2012: "Should i believe him?"
Should you believe what exactly? That your boyfriend is dating other women, that he is having sex with other girls beside you? Yes, you better believe it! He even told you he is dating someone else already. Why wouldn't... (read in full...)
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