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*erhapsNot

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Ideas for a first date? Would it be too forward to invite her to my apartment to watch a hockey game?

Q.   alright so there is this girl in one of my classes at university and i really want to ask her out. We have gotten to know each other a bit in the 2 1/2 months that we have been in class together, we usually end up sitting next to each other and get ...

A.   12 November 2011: I have to disagree with Chalice. I have yet to hear a woman say:" Gee, I think this date was too romantic. I wish he didn't put such pressure on himself to come up with this great date." It's usually the other way around, where women WISH the man ... (read in full...)

Ideas for a first date? Would it be too forward to invite her to my apartment to watch a hockey game?

Q.   alright so there is this girl in one of my classes at university and i really want to ask her out. We have gotten to know each other a bit in the 2 1/2 months that we have been in class together, we usually end up sitting next to each other and get ...

A.   11 November 2011: Inviting a girl to your apartment this early in the game is a bad idea. It will always have a sexual connotation no matter what you plan. You'll be sabotaging yourself if you chose this route. Secondly, watching a hockey game is so far from rom... (read in full...)

After all these hints he didnt propose! I'm getting depressed about this, what should I do?

Q.   I thought he was going to propose last night. We've been together for three years, and the hints he kept dropping were leading me to believe that. But he didn't. Instead, to celebrate our anniversary he gave me some chocolates and flowers. I told ...

A.   10 November 2011: Sorry, buying property together is not the "normal" way to test your comparability. Yes, a lot of people move in together, but how many people BUY property before living together or being engaged or married? A small minority and probably one-sided ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is setting up secret online relationships. HELP!

Q.   My boyfriend was on the Internet last night and I found out he was index websites and he had set up a profile saying he wanted to meet girls for 1 on 1 sex or secret relationship he says he was only messing but not sure I'd should believe him please ...

A.   10 November 2011: Ask yourself: is it logical for people to set up accounts for SECRET relationships and sex just for kicks and giggles? No, there is nothing fun or funny about it, especially if he had accounts from the beginning. You know you're not stupid enough to ... (read in full...)

How can I be more romantic when we live so far apart?

Q.   I am currently in a long distance relationship with a woman right now and she is becoming dissatisfied with the distance. Neither one of us can afford an airline ticket right now and she is not sure we can maintain this for long if we don't meet ...

A.   10 November 2011: First matter of business will be to write LETTERS! I know this is a lost art, and who really sends and receives letters these days, but let me tell you, letters are awesome! Write her some meaningful letters, send her some presents or meaningful ... (read in full...)

Unofficial with one girl who wont have sex yet, and an offer on the table for sex with an old friend....should I go through with it?

Q.   We've gone on a few dates and everything is sailing smoothly except one thing: She is just NOT ready to have sex. To me, it feels like she is chopping off my balls and making me her eunuch. I want to love her and show her a great passionate pleas...

A.   4 November 2011: " The sex aside, it feels like something is missing. I mean, it totally could be because of the lack of sex and full embrace of each other. " You should reflect on that. I think it's pretty easy to figure out if you're missing sex, or if her pers... (read in full...)

We were "together," while he had a gf, then he split, what was the story?

Q.   It had taken me a long time to get over a guy that I fell hard for. We had great chemistry but never wanted to make me his girlfriend. He's 34 and has joint custody of his son with an ex. I am just thirty, independent, hard working carreer woman. I ...

A.   4 November 2011: Did you post this message as well? http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-do-i-know-if-hes-truly-serious.html He doesn't want to commit to you because he doesn't love you. It's that simple. You may have had great chemistry, but that doesn't mean... (read in full...)

Do guys eventually give up if the girl wont have sex with them?

Q.   do players get turned off by girls who don't want to have sex with them straightaway? surely at some point they lose interest and give up on a girl who won't give them what they want?...

A.   4 November 2011: My fiance has waited 4 years, so yes, if a man loves you he will wait. If they can't wait at least 6 months, they're not worth your time.... (read in full...)

Unofficial with one girl who wont have sex yet, and an offer on the table for sex with an old friend....should I go through with it?

Q.   We've gone on a few dates and everything is sailing smoothly except one thing: She is just NOT ready to have sex. To me, it feels like she is chopping off my balls and making me her eunuch. I want to love her and show her a great passionate pleas...

A.   4 November 2011: A few dates does not get you sex. I don't know why this concept is so hard for you to understand or accept. It really is that simple, but I am sure the penis has a hard time understanding anything. :) ... (read in full...)

We've gone ring shopping -- but he still hasn't proposed! How long is too long to wait?

Q.   My boyfriend and I will have been together three years as of this coming February. We have talked about getting married and have even gone to look at rings on multiple occasions. To my knowledge, he has not gone back by himself to look again or make ...

A.   3 November 2011: You mention that he is employed, but what does that really mean since he is in grad school? Is it a crappy part-time or full-time job, or does he actually earn a good income? The reason I am asking falls down to this: can he actually afford to buy ... (read in full...)

Do I get a boob job and give up sensitivity?

Q.   I can't decide whether or not to have a boob job! I have really small boobs and so does everyone else in my family and there's no hope of them growing anymore (I'm a 32A/AA). For ages now I've been thinking about getting a boob job but I still don't ...

A.   2 November 2011: Girl, if I could have orgasms from some boob action, I wouldn't even think about getting them done! :) As someone who has small breasts, I can tell you that contrary to popular belief, there are plenty of men out there that like smaller breasts. You ... (read in full...)

Unofficial with one girl who wont have sex yet, and an offer on the table for sex with an old friend....should I go through with it?

Q.   We've gone on a few dates and everything is sailing smoothly except one thing: She is just NOT ready to have sex. To me, it feels like she is chopping off my balls and making me her eunuch. I want to love her and show her a great passionate pleas...

A.   1 November 2011: Let's look at your list of excuses, shall we? 1. To me, I don't feel like I am cheating on this new girl because I have not slept with her yet and we are unofficial, still JUST DATING. You've been on a couple of dates. What does that mean exact... (read in full...)

I'm feeling badly because husband missed his "Friday Night Special"

Q.   Hello, I am a 31 year old married woman. I have gotten great advice from this board in the past. With three kids by birth and an adoption of a 4th in process, my husband and I have to take advanages of opportunities for sex. My hubby is something ...

A.   1 November 2011: You cannot be serious, right?! It's one missed day of sex lady, not the end of the world! It's mind boggling that you feel like a "bad wife" over this. Would you rather he barged in, woke you up and demanded sex? Would that make you feel more ... (read in full...)

I'm bored and frustrated with my relationship! Help!

Q.   I've just divorced my husband of 20 years then met this man 16 years older than me. Im attracted to him because he's more caring and understanding than my ex-husband. He has no kids and has his own home and car and still working with a good ...

A.   31 October 2011: You're mismatched. It is extremely difficult (even impossible) for a person, who is not cheap, to be happy in a relationship with someone who is. I only know of one happy, cheap couple. And the only reason they're content is rooted in the fact that ... (read in full...)

Is it right for my husband to leave me despite having a high risk pregnancy to go on holiday?

Q.   i have been married for a few months. i am 34 weeks pregnant, with a history of heart disease, and classified high risk pregancy. my husband lobied for a paid for 2 months vacation out of the country with his employers and really excited about it. i ...

A.   28 October 2011: I just read your updated and I hope counseling helps you. Just prepare yourself mentally that he may never change, or want to change. After reading the additional information, he sounds like a selfish person, who never showed you much support or ... (read in full...)

Is it right for my husband to leave me despite having a high risk pregnancy to go on holiday?

Q.   i have been married for a few months. i am 34 weeks pregnant, with a history of heart disease, and classified high risk pregancy. my husband lobied for a paid for 2 months vacation out of the country with his employers and really excited about it. i ...

A.   27 October 2011: These type of situations create resentments in people's marriages. If he is more concerned about his fun than you, you have a big problem. If you don't put your foot down on this, he will always chase his own selfish needs. No more soft protests ... (read in full...)

I cannot live with the thoughts of his immoral illegal past dating a 14 year old when he was 23!

Q.   Hi I have been with my boyfriend for 7 months now. We have spent almost every night together for the past 4 months and he more or less lives at my house with myself and my child. He sends me love notes and love bears and tells me almost every ...

A.   27 October 2011: A 23 year old should not be dating or having a sexual relationship with a 14 year old, whether they are a man or a woman. If your close friends think he is a pedophile, you should consider they opinion. Unlike you, I don't think it's a harsh label - ... (read in full...)

How can I make my wife accept financial help?

Q.   I am 33 right now and my girlfriend is 23. 8 years back, when she was 15 , I fell in love with her and within 2 weeks she accepted my proposal of being her Boyfriend but I acted more like a friend than boyfriend since she was too young th...

A.   26 October 2011: You're living your own dreams through her. You are the one that wanted to go into the film industry, but your dreams were derailed by your father. You choose to listen to your father and get your MBA instead of doing what you really wanted to ... (read in full...)

Should I tell people I'm a virgin when I meet them?

Q.   I'm 26 and still a virgin. I've not had many boyfriends, i'm quite shy and don't go out much - prefer saving money for holidays and concerts. Whenever i meet someone should I tell them i'm a virgin or not? Thanks...

A.   26 October 2011: No, you should not bring up the fact that you're a virgin. Why would you volunteer such private information to complete strangers? Your sexual history or lack thereof shouldn't be the focus when meeting new people. It's a private thing that people ... (read in full...)

Is it because I dont' give into their needs and stay strong or am I a pushover?

Q.   I have been dating a guy for 3 years. When we met he was going through a divorce. It was hard and his family never accepted me - there was also much baggage with the Ex. They did, and still do invite his ex to things and not me and it's always ...

A.   26 October 2011: I'd say you were a pushover in the beginning. You accepted a lot of his post-divorce baggage, his disinterested family and his financial situation. You even let him stay in your new place, where he was sucking your wallet drive once again. Once you ... (read in full...)

I cannot stop obsessing about my boyfriend's height! Please help.

Q.   Dear Cupid. Please help. I am driving myself crazy. I have been with my boyfriend for over 4 years and I love him so so so much, but I am absolutely obsessed with his height. I am 5ft 9.5", and he is about 1-1.5" taller. Yet whenever we a...

A.   26 October 2011: I can certainly understand the need to feel smaller and more feminine than your partner. I think it's perfectly normal for women to feel and think this way, especially since you're a tall lady. But reading your post makes me think you're feeling ... (read in full...)

I want to take my new girlfriend to the strip club and watch her touching other girls

Q.   I want to take my new girlfriend to a strip club, but am not sure what her reaction will be. For you girls, if you have been dating a guy for a month or so and he askes you if you want to accompany him to a strip club, what would be your re...

A.   26 October 2011: I can tell you right now, touching female strippers is not a fantasy for the majority of the female population. It may be your personal turn-on, but it's almost a guarantee that she won't get her panties in a bunch over that. If a guy I dated asked ... (read in full...)

We've gone ring shopping -- but he still hasn't proposed! How long is too long to wait?

Q.   My boyfriend and I will have been together three years as of this coming February. We have talked about getting married and have even gone to look at rings on multiple occasions. To my knowledge, he has not gone back by himself to look again or make ...

A.   26 October 2011: You should be having this discussion with your boyfriend. Have you ever asked him why he gets uncomfortable when you bring up marriage? There is no point in speculating when you can simply ask him directly. If you want to know how long you shou... (read in full...)

I need tips on gaining weight!

Q.   please help me... i am a 19 year old female who is five feet tall and weighs 100 lbs, i recently had a son and i thought i would have gotten fatter but i didn't. people often times say that i look like around 15-16 and it makes me sad as i went thr...

A.   25 October 2011: You have a complex. You're only 5 ft tall, so the fact that you're 100 pounds does not make you skinny. You're at a normal and healthy range. Just because YOU think you're skinny doesn't make it so. You cannot compare yourself to your mother as y... (read in full...)

What do I say in an anniversary card when husband doesn't love me anymore?

Q.   It will in two days be my 10'th anniversary but me and my husband have been seperated we still in contact I want us to work on our relationship and send him an anniversay card what, do I say in the card? He told me that he does not love me anymore ...

A.   25 October 2011: Don't send him anything. He has gone separate ways and doesn't love you anymore. Why would you lower yourself and proclaim your love and hope for a future with him when he doesn't feel the same? You can't change his feelings for you - he either ... (read in full...)

Boyfriends holiday visit without me, but the ex girlfriend will be around!

Q.   Dear Cupid, My BF of almost a year is going home for the holidays without me (due to my work schedule).  His ex is still hot for him and before me while they were broken up (3 years) they would hook up occasionally usually at the holidays.   Sinc...

A.   25 October 2011: I'm sorry, but your boyfriend is not as innocent or naive as you'd like to think or pretend. "He thinks she just wants to be friends". Yeah, right! Both of them would occasionally hook up during the holidays. Do you honestly think a man - who ... (read in full...)

He's cheated and given me an STD! How do I confront him?

Q.   Hi everyone I have just found out my boyfriend of a year has been cheating on me and now I have a std I really loved him but now he has been cheating on me I know I have to break up with him how do I bring this up to him I know he has been cheating ...

A.   25 October 2011: Oh honey, you're too sweet. The bastard just gave you an STD and you want to know the right way to approach him?!!! He doesn't deserve a civil or rational confrontation. If I were in your position, I'd tear him apart! Go up to him and tell him your ... (read in full...)

Why would my girlfriend say that her ex was "just too huge"?

Q.   I've been going out with my GF for about a year, and we're discussing marriage. I've done quite well in my career, and some of the things my GF has said have given me the definite impression that this is quite important to her in a potential husb...

A.   24 October 2011: Oh men and their penis envy. :) Yes, her initial statement is incoherent and the others contradict, but in the end, it doesn't matter if she liked or dislike his titanic penis. You're giving her former boyfriend's junk way too much time. He had a th... (read in full...)

I fear I only love my wife as a friend, and to make things worse I have cheated on her with my ex....who do I really want?

Q.   I am in my mid 30's. I have been married for 18 months to a woman I have been with for several years. Our relationship is fine but I fear I only love her as a friend. We have no kids. We rarely have sex and when we do it feels very unatural. I ...

A.   24 October 2011: What do you mean "What do I want?" You just said you love your wife as a friend. Don't you think it's safe to say that you don't want her as your life partner? If you're only with her because she is your security blanket and makes you feel ... (read in full...)

I love him but hate his friends! What should I do?

Q.   I love my boyfriend and I know he is the one for me but I don't like his group of friends and it could potentially ruin us if I don't know how to communicate my feelings with him. I am in a blossoming loving LDR with a man I love and met through ...

A.   24 October 2011: Honestly, you sound like someone who takes her social standing way too seriously. What is it exactly that you do for a living that has you so embarrassed/paranoid? Do you honestly think that people are monitoring and scoffing at your boyfriend's ... (read in full...)

Is she serious, or just pulling my leg?

Q.   my fiance will often screw with people simply because she finds it funny.. it started out fairly simple like telling me the wrong weather forecast so i would wear summer clothes on a cold day. she does this with everyone however she often will joke ...

A.   23 October 2011: I think you need to lighten up! It sounds like your fiance is a little prankster and just having fun saying whatever comes to her mind. Is she just a blunt person with no filter attached? Are you more serious and socially sensitive than her? This i... (read in full...)

Are details necessary? Or is it better to never know?

Q.   Hi aunts and uncles. I have a question which I am hoping I will get a few answers to. I wanted to see what everyone's general opinion was on knowing their partners sexual past, and the extent of that knowledge. In a relationship, do you feel the ...

A.   23 October 2011: I know all the details of my partner's sexual history and I am perfectly fine with the knowledge. I don't feel any insecurities, nor do I have any hangups and obsess over his past. It all depends on the person and how secure and sensitive they are. ... (read in full...)

He broke up with me saying he didn't love me...now he says he misses me and wants to be friends

Q.   I broke up with my ex at the beginning of the year after I had suspected that he and one of my close friends were having a thing behind my back. He never admitted to it but he also never denied it. He told me he just doesn't love me and that was the ...

A.   23 October 2011: I don't think you can build a friendship with someone who has screwed you over. Believe me, I have tried this route myself and I can tell you it has failed each time. Resentments and unresolved question will always surface your mind. If you're over ... (read in full...)

Do white lies in a relationship matter?

Q.   Hey, I'd love your opinions on whether white lies in a relationship matter? I've been with my bf for a year, and he's already mentioning that he can see us having a future together, and has asked me to move in with him. I'm happy about that, but ...

A.   23 October 2011: I think you're trying to lessen the severity of his lies, by calling them "white lies". What you describing are LIES, not white lies. White lies are telling someone their new haircut looks great, or telling your friends that the outfits they ... (read in full...)

Ex in town...should I call?

Q.   Hey, just a quick question.. My ex is in town for the next week, and I was wondering if it is ok for me to call him. He knows I am here obviously, and hasn't contacted or done anything.. I leave on tuesday to visit my boyfriend who lives in another...

A.   23 October 2011: He hasn't contacted you - I think that speaks volumes. Do you want to be the one, who puts themselves in a position to be rejected and humiliated over a meeting with an ex of all things? Keep your dignity and forget this man. If he wanted to see ... (read in full...)

Ladies: describe your PERFECT date!

Q.   This one is for the ladies - Just wondering, how would you describe your perfect date? Be as original or cliche as you want i'd just love to get some real life ideas! :) Thanks...

A.   20 October 2011: Dinner dates are boring and a bit awkward because it's essentially putting two strangers in a romantic setting. I'd much rather be surprised with an unusual activity like paragliding, scuba diving, sailing or something exciting and new. If I had to ... (read in full...)

Is this a fair arrangement?

Q.   Hi, I am a single mom, with one pre-school child. I live with my boyfriend. My question is about expenses. We split the rent 50/50, I buy all the groceries, and he pays all the car expenses(it is his car). He will not share any expenses regardin...

A.   19 October 2011: Call me old fashioned, but I do believe that the man should contribute financially more to the family than the woman, especially if he makes more money. I'm not promoting the notion that women shouldn't pay for anything. In fact, they should be ... (read in full...)

B/f wants to move in together but I don't like the closeness he has with his female friend and I can't commit like this

Q.   I have written here before and I have recieved great answers, now I have a new question. My boyfriend of two years and I have had a few problems when in our relationship. In the beginning of our realtionship I found out that my mother had cancer a...

A.   16 October 2011: Several red flags jumped at me while reading your post. The fact that he HAD to check her texts after having sex with you is just shocking. Why would he be so concerned about accommodating her needs to stay in touch, even after sharing an intimate... (read in full...)

This guy is using me, isn't he?

Q.   Please give me honest advice....There's an old friend of mine from high school who got back in touch with me a few months ago. We're both at different colleges now. He confessed how much he liked me since 10th grade and I had like him too but we ...

A.   16 October 2011: When a man is interested and really likes a woman, they will pursue them and keep in touch. This is particularly true in the beginning of a relationship. Yours is a typical situation: he was in touch with you, feeding you all types of BS to make... (read in full...)

He says he loves me, does not want to break up, but has no feelings for me, what do I do?/

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together for just about eight years now, and until recently have been very happy. After a few months of feeling like he didnt want me around him, I asked if he was mad and had i done anything to upset him. He told me ...

A.   16 October 2011: After 8 years he told you he feels nothing towards you. Translation: he is no longer in love with you. With that in mind, his sexual desire towards you dwindles also (especially if he has been with you for 8 years). Of course he loves you in some ... (read in full...)

I have this nasty habit of making fun of girlfriend's class. People, please help me get rid of this nasty habit?

Q.   I am deeply in love with this gorgeous girl and we have been in a relationship for ten years. I was born in a rich family and hardly made myself sweat for anything I wanted my life whereas she’s middle class but with decent education background ...

A.   9 October 2011: Keep in mind that you were born into a rich family. It was not your work, your determination and ambition that placed you in your social status. If you ever need to humble yourself (which you do), always remember that your socio-economic standing is ... (read in full...)

Love my job, but! Married Boss is badgering me to have an affair. What's the best realistic thing to do in this situation?

Q.   I have been at my job for about a 18 months. about 6 months ago, my married boss started badgering me for sex. I emphatically told him I wasnt interested because he had a wife. plus he is not my type-- although i couldnt say that to his face beca...

A.   8 October 2011: As some of the others have mentioned, document everything and save all texts, e-mails. Be specific in your communication; list what he is doing, how it bothers you and what you'd like him to change. How high-ranking is your boss? If he is CEO o... (read in full...)

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