A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I would appreciate your views on my dilemma. I recently proposed to my boyfriend with a poem I had written myself. We have been together for 18months although do not live together at the moment. We have discussed living together but it's difficult as we live 30minutes by car apart. I want to move to be with him but my son docent want to move with me. He would come to live with me but I feel I live in a dead end town and have always wanted to leave. My son is 16. The trouble is the answer he gave, 'you never know when dreams come true' and the other was 'I see this happening in the future'. I know he was hurt badly by his ex wife, but I am nothing like her, I have also been married twice before so I know exactly how the hurt feels. Please help, I don't want to be too pushy.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (27 February 2012):
 Congrats!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2012): Hi, I am the original person who posted this. He proposed to me yesterday. He is old fashioned and had already decided to propose and ordered the ring. He wanted to say yes but wanted him to be the one proposing. So the answer ,in the future' is what he meant!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2012): I would not be in a hurry to marry a man who could not give me a yes/no reply. its called communicating and being open and honest.
i would never place pressure on someone to marry me..if you have to put pressure something is wrong with you.
he does not love you enough to marry you. ..give yourself..time and if marriage is important to you. there are many men who want to marry and are able to say yes..without you having working out some kind of jigsaw puzzle answer...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2012): Anything other than accepting he doesn't want to get married and leaving that as the end of the discussion, IS going to be pushy of you. I guess your question is, how to be pushy to try to get what you want, but not TOO pushy? well that's entirely up to him - every person has their own personal threshold for how much pushiness they can tolerate.
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (24 February 2012):
 'you never know when dreams come true'
What the hell does that even mean? Have you asked him? That is the most vague, non-direct or illogical way to respond to such an important question.
'I see this happening in the future'
Again, get a specific year out of him. Does that mean one year, 3, 10 years from now? Ask him and get more clear answers, as CLEAR, concise answers will make it significantly easier for you to decide whether or not you want to wait on him.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 February 2012):
YOu asked. (good for you btw) he said no.
I think the suggestion to wait till your son is out of school is a good one since you don't want to stay in your town and he should not have to switch schools at this point. that's tough on a kid.
I am proposing to my boyfriend on Wednesday which is the traditional day for women to propose (February 29th)
to the male anon poster you should know that NOT every man feels emasculated by a strong woman and my bf has requested (no DEMANDED) that I make the proposal to him and that HE take my last name. I say this so that the OP does not think that the issue is her being strong and knowing what she wants.
30 mintues apart is not a huge issue... I drive that more some days to work... we were 2 hours apart for the first year we were together... and he moved to me so I get this.
OP what is it about being married that is so important to you? Is it the living together that you want but won't do without that piece of paper??? Is it the security thinking he won't leave as easily???
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2012): If he was ready to marry you, he would have said yes. Further hints, maneuverings, and attempts to change his answer *would* come across as pushy on your part. He has given his answer, and it was a vague one. Either you accept that he is not ready and stay with him to wait and see what happens, or you decide that his goals in the relationship don't match yours and find someone who does, like you, want to give marriage another shot, but twisting this guy's arm is not the answer. Trust me, in the long run you do not want to be married to someone who does not want to be married to you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2012): OP, it could be something as simple as he wants to be the one to propose. I'm old fashioned myself, and to be honest I would not be OK with my girlfriend proposing to me. If she did do that to me, I'd probably handle it like your boyfriend did. He didn't say no, he more or less dodged the question and kicked it down the road a bit. I feel it's emasculating when a woman proposes to a man.
If he's ready for that kind of commitment, let him do the asking. He knows how you feel, obviously, but he just isn't there yet.
I also agree with the advice given about moving in first. It seems there's a bit of a barrier for the two of you to live together. Until that's resolved, why is being engaged or a marriage that important? It seems to be the smaller of the two issues, to me at least.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (24 February 2012):
 What is the hurry to get married? It's not like you can't live together without that ring & vows.
I would seriously find a way for you two to actually live together for a while before bringing it up again.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (24 February 2012):
 I think you need to consider your son first. I'd wait until he has flown the nest before I'd make the move. And maybe the boyfriend will be ready to start your future together at that time.
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