A
female
age
51-59,
*NS
writes:My husband and I got married one year ago. We have been together for 4 years now. Since getting married, he ogles women. He is not in the chase anymore and is comfortable. He does this in front of me. We just went on our honeymoon (kids were with at the wedding) and it happened on our honeymoon. He completely denies doing it. I know what I see however. We have a great relationship except for this. It is heartwrenching to watch. He swears he's not doing it. It is very rude and is really bothering me. I take very good care of myself so that is not an issue. He just can't control this. What do I do? He gets very angry when I tell him to stop. Once I did it back to him (me looking at another man). He got so upset he left the establishment. I said "how does it taste" to him.
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female
reader, waterfalz +, writes (17 April 2012):
i have been married 14 years and my husband has ogled women in my face and denied it hundreds of times. this is a severe problem because it started with leering women and young girls and now he has inappropriate behavior with those he may ogle and god forbid if it is someone close to me like friend or relative. Im at wits end for all the lies and misbehaving. if u love someone u will not hurt them on purpose unless u cant control urself and that is my husbands case. He is wonderful in every other way except this and I dont trust what will happen if someone he ogles looks back and gives the attention back to him which has happened several times. bottom line is u r dealing with a passive agressive sociopath. read the signs. im getting out now, it will never change....................he will start to have affairs with those he ogles and deny it.
A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (24 February 2012):
 Looking is natural. Staring like a dumb oaf all the time however is not acceptable. You can have a rational, calm discussion about this. If he doesn't stop, at least spoil his fun. Call him out on it and start starring at other men more often. If you're not happy about it and you can't get through him, I don't see why he should enjoy his fun time while you're miserable. Maybe when he is on the receiving end, it will start to sink in.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2012): Thank you for the responses! I really am taking them in. I still think it's highly disrespectful for him to do this-especially in my presence. I am a attractive woman. This happens to me all the time. My husband tell me. I always always always discipline myself and show that I am with my husband-every way. I don't look back. I look once on occasion and then I am done. I have self-discipline. It is creepy when men do this to me. It makes their wives look like a fool as well. This has been happening often though and is unacceptable behavior. We are almost 50. Grow up or lost your great catch! I will find a man who will treat me well no problem. He really needs to stop this immediately. His denial is what perplexes me. I am not stupid and don't insult my intelligence by telling me what I keep seeing is not happenening. This is immature behavior on his part. He is on a short string and next time I will get up and leave. I will perhaps leave for good. I will not be treated like this. When someone glances 30 or more times it is animal behavior. It is a deep psychological thing that I cannot fix. If he chooses to keep on doing this, he will lose the best thing that has ever happened to him. His family has told me I am the only decent woman he has ever dated. They all cheated on him. I'm too old to play any games. He insists on living in pain.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (24 February 2012):
 Physical attraction is natural. Its how we filter it when we r with someone. Do we initiate? Do we approach? Really its hard not to look. Its hard. I see ur point of view. However engaging in the same behavior could further provoke him. Control that emotion and ask him to show u not tell but show u that hes sexually attracted to u so u r reassured.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (24 February 2012):
 I think your husband is acting like a hypocritical brat. Whenever he does it, point it out to him. His claim that he "can't help it" is bs. Everyone is responsible for their own actions, he is not exempt from self-control simply because he is a man. And seriously, storming out of the building because you looked at another man? Your husband, sorry to say, sounds like a controlling hypocritical jerk.
I really don't know what to tell you to do. Have you sat him down after you ogle other men and he gets upset to talk about it? I mean after the heat of the moment, have you tried sitting him down to talk about it? Past that all I can really recommend is a couples counselor to try to talk it out in a place where you won't yell and/or storm off.
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A
female
reader, 1sunshine +, writes (24 February 2012):
 Yes, men do look, as we do also. ;) I think us(as women) can be a lot more low key about it.) If he respects you, he needs to stop making it so obvious. I think it is rude and obnoxious as well. My boyfriend wouldn't dare do that to me as he is sensitive to my feelings & doesn't ever want me to feel insecure. Make it clear to him that he needs to stop this behavior now!! He ** CAN ** control this. He is just making excuses...
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (24 February 2012):
 Maybe it's just a habit that he's developed and he can't help himself. Men do look...it's what they do, maybe he did it before but you just didn't notice. Now you are married, you probably notice it more and I am sure it is upsetting for you.
The thing is that you have to accept that he would most likely never take anything further and is it worth making a bit hoo har over and creating bad feelings between you.
Also what differentiates an 'oogle' from a look? Is he salivating and uncommunicative whist hes doing it? Whatever he is doing, it doesn't seem to mean anything to him. If he won't stop, there isn't really anything you can do other than blinfold him when you go out or leave him if his behaviour doesn't suit you.
Hope you sort it out soon.
AE xx
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