Late life dilemma.
Q. I have a dilemma I hope somebody can help me with. My partner and are both 61. We've been together 4yrs and are now engaged. The problem is that we live 35 miles apart and I am the one who does all the travelling. This is due to the fact that my ...
A. 11 April 2014: Honestly, I don't think that you moving would bode too well on your relationship as you will be the one giving up everything and if you are having ANY doubts about that now then it won't get any better when you move.
I moved to a differen... (read in full...)
I feel like my marriage was a mistake
Q. I've only been married 5 months, but I feel like I made a mistake. There are a lot of "factors" to this story that I feel are important to really give you a perspective, so it might be a long, convoluted post, but I'll do my best to get the point ...
A. 11 April 2014: Sometimes we don't really realize what we have until it is all gone and I wonder if you realized that you really do feel something for your husband after telling him you felt for another guy - maybe if you weren't safe and secure with your husband ... (read in full...)
Dream wedding and budget woes, am I asking for too much?
Q. My fiance and I will be together for four years the end of June. We got engaged the end of this January and I wanted to figure things out with my education before we got into the thick of wedding planning. I'll graduate with my Bachelor's in English ...
A. 11 April 2014: You know what, I think that $3,000 is quite a LARGE budget and I wouldn't spend even that much if you don't have to - and you don't.
You can think out of the box and buy a dress at a second hand store and alter it to suit you, you can also get... (read in full...)
Facebook friend question
Q. Just a quick question. I want to know would you think it was strange/weird if someone sends you a Facebook request when although you've chatted briefly you haven't exchanged names. Would you think it was odd how they managed to find out your na...
A. 11 April 2014: It isn't too strange but it would be a little uncouth not to simply as the person for their name if you've chatted a few times already. ... (read in full...)
I'm at a crossroads, do I work things out with my ex or stay with my new boyfriend?
Q. Hello! I am taking the time in advance for taking the time to read my agony and for any help you may provide. I also apologize for the lenghty paragraph. I am at a crossroads. I have an ex husband who I was with for 6 years and we have a...
A. 11 April 2014: You know, I don't think that there has to be an ex or current boyfriend choice to make here but I DO think you might need to take some time out for yourself, on your own, instead.
It is very easy to get caught up in the feelings for a past lov... (read in full...)
How can I get my ex to actually talk to me about the way he feels about me?
Q. How do can I get my ex to actually talk to me about the way he feels towards me? I recently broke up with my boyfriend and not on good terms I basically wrote to him on Facebook messages that I was cheating on him and it's best if we called it ...
A. 11 April 2014: I don't mean to sound mean but I think you are going to have to live with this as one that got away, or one that you pushed away and consider it a lesson learned in hindsight.
The way that you went about breaking up with him was very cruel an... (read in full...)
After no training, and lack of support I feel I have been unfairly dismissed. I am left with absolutely nothing including no income, what can I do?
Q. Hi guys, I posted last weekend about beng made to feel like I'm thick since starting my new job, heres the link - http://www.dearcupid.org/question/since-starting-my-new-job-i-feel-like.html. Well I appreicate that everyone I spoke to in pers...
A. 30 March 2014: First of all, I am really sorry that you are stuck in this hole right now but I don't want you to feel like this was all your fault. Sometimes people make judgement calls that they feel are in their best interest and perhaps that is what your ... (read in full...)
Do men find it difficult to cope with a very independent woman? And how can an independent woman prevent a partner from being needy?
Q. Hi aunts and uncles. I wonder if someone can help? I have a mixture of two problems in one. Firstly, do men find it difficult to cope with a very independent woman? Secondly, how can an independent woman prevent a partner from being, for want ...
A. 28 February 2014: You have been in a relationship with this man for almost 2 years and if you are not willing to make a little room on your end for him then I think that it might be time to call it a day.
I can understand that you are independent but being in... (read in full...)
Is it silly to date an ex? Has he really grown up and sorted himself out?
Q. My ex has changed so much in the past few months, it's like he is a different person. I can't stop thinking about him and now he wants to get back together but I'm still hurting from the way he acted when we were together. So, we were together fo...
A. 28 February 2014: If he wants to try and work something out and you want to try, too, then why not! Life is too short! If it doesn't work out then so be it, but you'll never have the doubt of not having tried.
Some people get back together and it works out grea... (read in full...)
What is your opinion on this? Should I give it a try with this guy or not?
Q. Heya :) Okay, so I'm a socially awkward person, but I'm gradually dealing with it better thanks to this new group of friends I've started hanging around with. I think this could also be the reason I've not had a proper relationship before. The prob...
A. 28 February 2014: You should perhaps see how the friendship goes and if there is anything romantic in it then let it come naturally. You have plenty of time and if nothing comes of it, you'll still have a friend and that is perfectly ok, too! :) ... (read in full...)
My marriage was a huge mistake but I'm too scared to get out of it
Q. I'm too scared of what will happen after I leave my husband that I can't bring myself to do it. I got married at 21, and he was almost 24. We had been together for two years when we got married and had lived together for a year and a half. I thought ...
A. 28 February 2014: Have you tried to talk to him about how you feel? The first step to getting the relationship back on track is to have a good heart to heart and put it all out there - without placing blame, and trying to work on it because he might not realize how ... (read in full...)
I recently read my old diary and now the urge to contact my first crush is driving me nuts!
Q. I discovered a diary recently from my high school days . Reading through it I became overcome with nostalgia. I had described my first crush in detail as teenagers do, and of course, with social media these days I looked him up online. I found that ...
A. 28 February 2014: These days it is easy to get in contact with people on facebook - you can find him, send a message saying hey and what not and you'll see what he's like now and if anything it will get the need out of your system.
He is probably a wildly differen... (read in full...)
I want my ex back but he's not interested. What can I do?
Q. I still like my ex but he does not want to get back with me. We are both in our thirties, and our relationship was very complicated. He had kids, I have a child, ex-partners etc etc ......it was very difficult at times for us to be happy. We live in ...
A. 28 February 2014: Life is too short to wait around for a man who has told you he isn't interested in reconnecting.
If things were going to work out, you would have held on and stayed together and made it through but here you are and you are both in a place no... (read in full...)
Could he have been right? Am I too close to my mum?
Q. Am i too close to my mum? My ex boyfriend who i was with for 4 years and lived with recently dumped me becuase he said i'm too close to my mum. He's made me question myself, tourture myself, caused a gap between me and my mum and has made me hate...
A. 28 February 2014: You know, I don't think that you are, or were, too close to your mother, at all.
We get one shot at getting along with our parents and the closeness you have with her is fabulous - I know many people who are not at all close with their mothers ... (read in full...)
Lying LDR boyfriend is having dreams of me cheating?
Q. I recently found out that my LDR boyfriend have been pretending to be single. The girl he was talking to (I don't know her) messaged me out of the blue and sent me screenshots of texts where my boyfriend is claiming to be single and asking her out. ...
A. 28 February 2014: Long distance relationships are hard, I was in one for 3 years but we had trust and there was never any question.
I don't think that this woman would have bothered to contact you if she wasn't interested in your guy, but I don't think she's ly... (read in full...)
My fab new BF ticks all my boxes but won't give oral
Q. Dear all Please advise. I ve been dating this fabulous guy for around a monthnow. He is kind, intelligent, reliable, handsome and has loads of otger great qualities. We get on very well and I could not ask for more except he doesn' t do oral whi...
A. 28 February 2014: First of all, don't deny him oral if he doesn't want to perform oral on you - this is quite childish behaviour and leads to all sorts of problems later on! I'm not saying you should do it, but you shouldn't threaten to not do it just cause he won't ... (read in full...)
Will he be better to her than he was to me?
Q. Will he be different with her? My husband and I divorced mainly because he was very emotionally/verbally abusive and he walked out. We have a child together-so I try to maintain a civil relationship with him because of that. He has a girlfr...
A. 27 February 2014: Some people just are not right for one another and there is always a chance that the new woman will be a better match for him that you were BUT there is also a chance that the problem with any relationship he might have is his own attitude and not ... (read in full...)
He wants me to move away with him but I can't stand the thought of leaving my friends and family behind
Q. A year ago, I met the man of my dreams. I am 21, and he is 27. He is originally from Australia, and had spent the last three years living in the uk. He moved over here to live with his father who is a British citizen. We met through mutual friends,...
A. 26 February 2014: If this guy had a falling out with his father he is probably no thinking clearly about what he should do next and is trying to retreat. He needs to stay put (in the country), retreat a bit (emotionally) and clear his head way before worrying about ... (read in full...)
We've been talking on the phone for 6 months, dating for 5 weeks, we are a perfect match and he has asked me to move in with him!
Q. I was speaking to a guy on the phone for about 6 months, he always asked me out on a date but going from his picture he wasn't my type. Then my car blew up and he said he knew someone who had a golf so 1 afternoon my mum and 1 went up to see it and ...
A. 26 February 2014: It is clear that you must know quite a bit of one another seeing as you have been talking for 6 months but you have only really been dating for 5 weeks - this might be too soon to move in, jumping the gun a bit, but ultimately it is up to you - I ... (read in full...)
His ex limits my access to their daughter, but she's about to get a sibling
Q. I'm hoping someone can give me some advice about the situation that I have found myself in. My boyfriend and I are expecting a baby in the summer, and my boyfriend's daughter from a previous relationship is really excited about having a baby bro...
A. 26 February 2014: Unfortunately you have no say in the matter, legally or not. Even if you were married to the guy, it would be between him and his ex and if they have an agreeable method of visitation right now then there might not be a risk worth taking to upset ... (read in full...)
His ex limits my access to their daughter, but she's about to get a sibling
Q. I'm hoping someone can give me some advice about the situation that I have found myself in. My boyfriend and I are expecting a baby in the summer, and my boyfriend's daughter from a previous relationship is really excited about having a baby bro...
A. 26 February 2014: Unfortunately you have no say in the matter, legally or not. Even if you were married to the guy, it would be between him and his ex and if they have an agreeable method of visitation right now then there might not be a risk worth taking to upset ... (read in full...)
Why do women lose interest in sex after being in a relationship for a while?
Q. Why do women lose interest in sex after being in a relationship for a while? Maybe this Isn't the case with all women, but it seems to be like a continuously notorious pattern in my relationships. Women lose interest in sex but I still want it....
A. 26 February 2014: Honestly, maybe you are just overthinking it - perhaps you are worried so much about the sex being an issue that it has become an issue - sex should be sponteneous, loving, playful and fun and if it isn't any of those for one of the partners then ... (read in full...)
She's confusing me... where do I stand?
Q. I am really feeling confused with this girl. I sometimes have the impression she likes me, but I also have the impression my mind is playing tricks on me. I will begin with a small summary about me: I am a 29 yo guy who has little experience in lo...
A. 22 February 2014: I think she likes you but I think you should be cautious. She is STILL with someone and it dosn't seem right than they will break up when he moves - either they are together now or not. She might like you for the game so wait until you see a ... (read in full...)
He doesn't contribute anything but criticism
Q. ok here is the story Aunts. I have been with my partner for 4 years. we Live Together and until towards the end of last year everything seemed fine with us. recently though everything he does/or doesnt do rather irritates the life out of me. he n...
A. 8 February 2014: Honestly, this situation is not going to get any better if you do not talk to him about it and lay it on the line with how you feel.
Of course, talking it out is not always going to be easy but it is a big step to moving in the right directio... (read in full...)
He doesn't contribute anything but criticism
Q. ok here is the story Aunts. I have been with my partner for 4 years. we Live Together and until towards the end of last year everything seemed fine with us. recently though everything he does/or doesnt do rather irritates the life out of me. he n...
A. 8 February 2014: Honestly, this situation is not going to get any better if you do not talk to him about it and lay it on the line with how you feel.
Of course, talking it out is not always going to be easy but it is a big step to moving in the right directio... (read in full...)
I want to take some of my family to Disney World, but would rather not invite everyone
Q. I'm in the process of planning a trip to Disney World for myself, my husband, and five of my cousin's children. I've budgeted it all out for the 7 of us. The reason I wanted to take this trip is because their father, my cousin, died recently. T...
A. 31 January 2014: The children just lost a parent and this is a wonderful thing you are doing for them. I think that the other cousins parents will understand. Perhaps you could invite them along if they wanted to come, too, at their own cost and as a family of their ... (read in full...)
Should I apologise to the ex for my wrongdoing?
Q. I broke up with my ex 7 months ago because we fought too often. We had a brief period of no contact, but eventually he started talking to me again about once a week. We decided to give things another go about 2 weeks ago, but I bought up old issues ...
A. 31 January 2014: I dont think that it would hurt to give him a call. It would show him that you realize that you are as much to blame here as anything - it isn't unheard of that revisited relationships can work but for them to do so you really do both have to let go ... (read in full...)
He is badmouthing me to mutual friends. Should I confront him?
Q. I had a falling out with a guy friend some months back. I discovered he had feelings for me (I had feelings for him too), things became complicated and our friendship ended on a very sour note. He ended up blocking me on all social networks. I ...
A. 31 January 2014: you definitely can't control how others think or feel about you and I wouldn't waste any time thinking/dwelling on it.
never mind how things ended, you went looking for it and found something you didn't want to see and that is unfortun... (read in full...)
I gave my ex another chance, reunited and I am pregnant - now I find out he cheated and lied. What should I do?
Q. Hi To cut a long story short. I've been with my partner for nearly two years. A little less than a year into the relationship my partner treated me real bad. I don't want to go into too much detail but it left me devastated. We was on and off from...
A. 31 January 2014: I think you both need some kind of intervention and coucelling befor you can proceed and honesty needs to be put out there now before you go forward. There is nothing wrong with raising a baby on your own so don't stay if you don't feel you should, ... (read in full...)
How young is too young when it comes to settling down and having children?
Q. Hello helpers! This is a relatively quick question, but one that i'd love some input for! I'm 18 years old, turning 19 this year. I'd say I was pretty mature for my age (alot of this coming from bad experiences in childhood). I'm currently dating...
A. 30 January 2014: I had a child at 16 and I survived. I am happy and life is good now at 34. it hasn't been easy but it is definitely not terrible, either. Don't listen to everyone else, choose your own path, your own life. You will be fine. ... (read in full...)
Toxic coworker: do I stay or go?
Q. Not sure if this is the type of question to post on here but I am at a bit of a loss as to what to do. I am approaching 30 and am working in Finance. I have a very cushy job and not much is ever asked of me. In saying that I have always been driv...
A. 24 October 2013: 30 isn't too old to get a fresh start and you have to weigh up all the pros and cons! Don't worry about this coworker that you're having a fued with, they should be the least of your reasons to go or stay!
Look at your overall happiness - are yo... (read in full...)
How do I deal with the silent treatment?
Q. How should I deal with a known narcissists "silent treatment"? He is my boyfriend. This is the second time he has done this in a six month period. He cursed at me about two weeks ago and I couldn't take the abuse anymore and let him know how I ...
A. 24 October 2013: Honestly, I would think about breaking it off all together! someone who is childish enough to play the silent treatment card is not mature enough to be in any sort of committed relationship! ... (read in full...)
How do I explain my time off?
Q. So I decided to take this year off due to complete exhaustion and stress. I've been in school for several years now, and I needed a break. I haven't told any of my friends yet, because in my past experience they have asked nosy questions. I di...
A. 24 October 2013: I don't think it is anyone else's business but yours and you don't have to explain anything, at all. If you do want to say anything then stick to the truth - they'll understand!... (read in full...)
I don't want to ruin our friendship over sex. Should I just come out and say it!
Q. There is a woman I used to work with that became a good friend, though we rarely see each other. We're both in our early 50's. I did some repair work on her home a few times. I am separated from my cheating liar wife, she is married. About a year ...
A. 24 October 2013: I would think that the hints are there and I think you are wise to have avoided them and changed the subject but there is only so long you can do that for before it all blows out in the open if she doesn't take your hint and leave it be.
Are y... (read in full...)
How do I keep my old friends as I evolve?
Q. Just to clarify first of all, I don't think there's a problem with being geeky at all. When I started college, I was the sort of girl who played video games regularly, read loads of fantasy and sci-fi novels, listened to alternative rock and whatnot ...
A. 13 May 2013: Unfortunately we do tend to outgrow certain people as we get older and find our feet and personality but it doesn't have to be a bad thing.
I know it might seem hard to put these friends behind but why should you have to be the one doing all the ... (read in full...)
Do you stay out of the financial decisions your fiance makes with his children from another marriage?
Q. We live together. My fiance has two adult children from his first marriage. His son has a nice job and a new girlfriend. His son moved out of his apartment with his last girlfriend...he broke it off with her. His son is now moving into an ...
A. 13 May 2013: I am married with children and a one is a step son. If that son came and asked my husband for anything then it would have to be a joint decision as to whether we could afford it or not as a family - his money and my money is joint money and we make ... (read in full...)
Due to get married in May but how can I trust my fiancé?
Q. Im going crazy. I dont know what to do anymore. I have been with my fiance for seven mostly great years. But the past few months, I have found out a few things. He was texting some girl he met at a job he was doing and called her beautiful. An...
A. 12 March 2013: He might be having last minute doubts or flirtations before the commitment of marriage is final, but this is no excuse! I would talk to him about how you feel and why and see if there is any way he might be able to go to some therapy as a couple in ... (read in full...)
Would you date someone with scars from self-injury?
Q. Would you date someone with scars from self-injury? I recently went through a pretty rough period while I was far away from home at college, and I became so mentally worn that I resorted to cutting as a coping method. I know it's bad, and I kn...
A. 12 March 2013: If someone loves you they will love you scars and all. I have dated someone who self harmed and the scars were a sign of something they went though and came out of the other end for. It never made me love them any less. ... (read in full...)
My own GF won't give me a blowjob and I feel she's not really in to me.
Q. Hi, I know this is a touchy subject when it comes to women. I've read previous questions about this issue and I've witnessed how the female answerers pounce on the male poster as if he was asking something so vile and disgusting. Let me start b...
A. 12 March 2013: Unfortunately different people like different things and sometimes we can be extremely compatible in life but not at all compatible in bed and this can be a problem in the relationship if you're not satisfied with it.
Many women love giving a... (read in full...)
Husband paid for entire bill on a big night out. How to ask the others to pay their share?
Q. I have A little awkward situation and need your advice on it. We went out with with 2 couples and a single friend out to a club on Friday nite for women's day. We live in US but everyone came originally from Eastern Europe so we still celebrat...
A. 12 March 2013: The bottom line here is that you all went out and you all agreed to pay and as it was your husband who paid, it is up to you and he to go ask for your money. There is no right or wrong way to do it, they owe you, they need to pay!
Etiqu... (read in full...)
I may have been too honest with her about my feelings, but I never thought I would find another woman who I could be with, and I don't know how to handle things.
Q. Right, after the awful life I've had and been put thru by my ex gf and struggling to do anything for last 2n half years, somehow I've managed to find another lady out of the blue, because she knows of my past and my dislike for women and seeing them ...
A. 7 December 2012: I don't agree with the view about being controlling. I think you mean that you just don't want to negatively affect the children if it went wrong and that is a safe, sensible way to go.
I would suggest taking it slow, see where it goes. You've t... (read in full...)
I may have been too honest with her about my feelings, but I never thought I would find another woman who I could be with, and I don't know how to handle things.
Q. Right, after the awful life I've had and been put thru by my ex gf and struggling to do anything for last 2n half years, somehow I've managed to find another lady out of the blue, because she knows of my past and my dislike for women and seeing them ...
A. 7 December 2012: I don't agree with the view about being controlling. I think you mean that you just don't want to negatively affect the children if it went wrong and that is a safe, sensible way to go.
I would suggest taking it slow, see where it goes. You've t... (read in full...)
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