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I have trouble expressing my emotions and I don't know what to do about it

Tagged as: Breaking up, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (19 April 2017) 5 Answers - (Newest, 21 April 2017)
A female United Kingdom age 13-15, anonymous writes:

So I just broke up with my ex. He's really popular and all I've had for ages is people coming up to me and making me feel bad. After the breakup, I went to one of my best friends and started laughing even though I was upset. Looking back, that was probably a bad move but I'm not a bad person. I do it because I'm always in the mindset that any other emotions apart from happiness are weaknesses. So, to everyone else, I only have one emotion, which is happiness. I find it really hard to express my emotions, so I usually don't. I sit next to one of his best friends in science and one in English, so they both keep asking me stuff like "are you upset" and "do you really care". Yes to both of them, I just don't show it. I'm just wondering if anyone else has/had a similar mindset and if it ever gets better? thank you

View related questions: best friend, broke up, my ex

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A male reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (21 April 2017):

olderthandirt agony auntIn my 'perfect world" it would be better for everyone if we all kept our emotions to ourselves. Sadness is contagious we don't need sadness and that's what I think you want to express. I could be wrong. Hope you find a release soon.

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A male reader, Fatherly Advice United States + , writes (20 April 2017):

Fatherly Advice agony auntThat is an interesting story. Mostly from a guys point of view. for example my Son went through high school being grumpy and moody. Worked pretty well for him. There was always some girl trying to cheer him up. I never worried about weakness in emotion showing. I had my weaknesses challenged in a more physical manner. and As I got older and more skilled it became a dangerous thing. I had to learn how to put others in their place with out physically putting them on the floor.

Emotions in general are not good or bad, they exist and you own them. How you deal with them is where the good and bad comes in. For example If I expressed my anger or frustration by putting a bully on the floor, I would get in trouble. I wasn't in trouble for feeling angry, but for the way I expressed it.

In your case, laughing off your pain and sorrow is your way of handling that emotion. That method hurts no one and can help you get over it. Moping around like my son did can leave you hurt and hurting others. In the end he did lose a very good friend by overdoing it. She just couldn't take him any more.

This is an advice page so I want to give you some advice about handling loss. At your age you may not have studied grief yet. It is something you can understand. There is a lot of information about the stages of grief online. I would advise you to look it up, read about it and monitor yourself as to how you are progressing. There is no time table. Some people go through the stages in a very short time. Some losses take years. Just see where you are, what you can expect next and why how you are feeling is helping you. It will also give you some words to express your emotions in.

One little question for you if you want to answer, Do you have any difficulty in seeing what other people are feeling?

FA

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (20 April 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntHi Sweetie,

You are still young and you are still growing up and learning how to deal with your emotions. There really is no harm showing them but a lot of people at your age simply don't. I know when I was your age I used to laugh things off then cry in to my pillow at night. It is especially hard at the moment because you are a teenager and hormones will be raging at the moment. Don't put to much pressure on yourself to show emotions, and in time you will learn that it is not a sign off weakness. As I said I was the same but now I will openly cry in front of my partner and tell them how I feel. It takes time and you are still learning how to deal with new emotions like heartache.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2017):

Its not important how you act post breakup.

Your friends are looking for drama and gossip but you are under no obligation to provide it!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2017):

You sound like you have a great mind ... Boys will come and go and you can still laugh while being sad inside I am sure the lads not sat crying 24/7 so hang out with mates laugh lots be happy .. Dont listen to your school 'mates' , your great as you are ....

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