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How much do I need to earn to be an acceptable bride?

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Question - (17 May 2017) 6 Answers - (Newest, 25 May 2017)
A female United States age 36-40, *ishi 1 writes:

Hi ,

Thanks for reading my post. I am very confuse with my current situation. I am 38-year-old female. I am in US. I work as nanny.

I done my becholer from Middle East. But, I was not able to focus to my career in US. My father was sick I was taking care of him. My mom (was) diagnosed with cancer after my father passed away. I started to taking care of her. Now, she is better. Since, I went through a lot I can't go to school and get my Masters. I am just working as nanny and taking care my elderly mom. She is not healthy like before after cancer treatment. I want to get marry but I am not comfortable with my situation.

I tried online but most of guys wants to find someone who make at least 75000. My question is can a guy accept me with my less income. I meant with $35000. How much income is important in relationship?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2017):

I'm an American male and I can tell you: I would accept a woman with any income if I loved them. I get that's cheesy but it's the truth. Don't worry about making enough money to make a man happy. Do it for you. If someone won't accept you because of your income, they're not worth it anyway. It shouldn't be in consideration. Good luck.

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A male reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (18 May 2017):

olderthandirt agony auntAs an American male - I am very confused. All a woman needs to DO in my opinion is love her husband period

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2017):

I am also from the middle east,like you I was also uprooted from my country because of the upheavals there and forced to settle in a country (not my choice)that does not speak neither arabic or english. Like you I am also unable to work in the field that I was qualified because of the language barrier so I know how you feel and you have my sympathy. But having said that, I think your income is not low even by US standards. I think especially with your background in accountancy you should be able to plan your finances so that you can save a little every month and invest that saving wisely so that you can bolster and build your savings gradually. You don't need to accredit your degree to do that. As regard of finding a marriage partner surely where you live in the US there is a little community of your people and surely there are men in that community who would give anything to marry one of there own atleast so that they can enjoy having their own traditional dishes once in a while. I think you should be more optimistic and positive in your thinking and don't put imaginary barriers to your successes. Good luck.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (17 May 2017):

Oh, I'm very sorry about your mother's health and the loss of your father. I guess what you earn is more important to a guy looking for someone to take care of him; than a guy looking for a lovely woman to date or settle-down with.

Online, people nowadays set outrageous standards which is basically the reason they're still single. They want everything mapped-out and set-up beforehand; but my dear, life just isn't that cut and dry. So lonely-fools search for business-mergers; while others are looking for a good match.

You don't really have to worry about a marriage-dowry; unless your plan is to marry into a very old traditional family, who insists on abiding strictly by out-dated customs. You won't really find too much of that anymore.

Consider night school or online studies. You may even be able to transfer some of your college credits, depending on your course of study and the school. Be very sure the university is accredited. Do your research before applying.

Avoid men who question your income. It's none of their business what you earn. If that is a prerequisite just to get a date; consider that a red-flag. There's something wrong with any man who asks how much you earn before he'll date you. You're not applying for a bank loan!

It may be a good practice to confirm that any potential date is gainfully-employed; it's impolite to ask how much someone earns. I know some cultures consider that necessary; but unless you ask for a pay-stub, people might lie.

Unless your mother is bed-ridden, has limited-mobility, or seriously incapacitated; you shouldn't have to give-up having a life of your own. Some people become martyrs like they are serving a life-sentence. That's rarely necessary.

Your devotion and loyalty shouldn't make her your burden. You mention no siblings, who could share with her care. If she has a good healthcare plan; check to see if the plan includes coverage for home-health services. They may be able to provide home-care nurses to help you. Some medicare and medicaid plans do.

Carefully review online profiles before you follow-up and respond to them. Skip those that look like they're interviewing a candidate for employment, or give a long list of criteria. They are usually nutcases and will always be alone, or consistently get dumped. Deservedly so!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2017):

If you start out a marriage where the power comes from the amount of money you make you are doomed from the start. It's a partnership. Through out your lives both of your incomes will fluctuate and both need to be ready for the other one to lean on. This is how couples get from having a child and create deal breakers by counting who changes the most diapers.

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A male reader, Denizen United Kingdom + , writes (17 May 2017):

Denizen agony auntSorry to hear of your family troubles. Your question is a little out of time. It harks back to the time when a woman had to bring a dowry to a marriage. Generally speaking that is no longer true, although in some areas of society, like royalty, certain matches are considered more acceptable than others.

However the guiding principle among most people in the west is that love should be the main consideration when two people marry. So, to answer your question, money shouldn't really enter into the equation if you are thinking of marriage.

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