A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:my name is mathapelo and im inlove with a married man and now he wants take me as a second wife and he has proofed himself to me he cant live without me in his lfe but my mom doesnt approves what do i do because i we really love each other pls help
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (10 April 2017):
 Do you feel you could handle being his second wife? Have you spoke to his first wife and asked her how she feels, have you got to know her and are you happy sharing him with her?
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (9 April 2017):
 In our culture (American) Not many folks could handle being the second wife much less an American man wanting two wives at the same time. Too much trouble.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (8 April 2017):
 I agree with Cindy.
It is HARD to give you useful advice on this as the cultural barrier is BIG on this subject.
I do have SOME thoughts on your question:
1. IF you really think being wife #2 is something you want to do, have you then met wife #1?
2. Does wife #1 even know?
3. What about him or the poly marriage is your mom against - does her arguments make sense?
4. Can he support TWO families?
5. Besides the whole WE LUVVVVV each other, do you two share things in common, have you known each other long?
I have more questions than actual advice.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (8 April 2017):
 Whilst I'm not polyamourous, I'm all for people doing what they want.However, in most poly relationships (more than two people), there has to be an order of who is most important. For example, his "primary" (most important wife) would hopefully be her because she was first. You would have to come second, whether his time gets split fairly or not.Not only that, but polygamy is something everyone has to be happy with. Is he happy with you having another man? Is his wife happy for him to marry you too?If you don't get on with his wife or his wife doesn't want him to marry another woman, then it's a bad situation to join.Does his wife even know you or know he's been seeing you?You need to tell him you'll think about it, then talk to his wife without him present, but in a safe place. Get to know her. Ask her if she is happy for him to marry another woman too.If she doesn't know, you'll be stuck somewhere, hidden, married to a man who is just using you to cheat on his wife.If his wife wants him to marry another woman, then go for it, if you want to. However, he *can* live without you and you shouldn't take his first wife's place as most important wife, so you may be stuck in a very lonely marriage.Do you want to share your husband? Do you want a man who sleeps with another woman? Do you want to be your husband's second priority, instead of first?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 April 2017):
 I am afraid that this forum is not the most equipped to give you un unbiased answer.
A huge majority of Aunts and Uncles is either Eurpean or Northern American, and in our cultures a polygamous marriage is an absurdity ( in fact, it's something you can go to jail for ). We have this very deep rooted idea that a marriage is between just two people, no more.
I know that in your country polygamous marriages are accepted, and regulated by special laws since 1998, so you would not be doing anything against your laws or your culture or your values.
Yet- even applying all the cultural relativism that's possible- STILL the only answer that sounds right to me is : no don't do it ! But not because your mother does not want. Your mother should have very little influence in the matter of your marruage ; you are an adult woman living your life ( not your mother's ) and building your own future ( not hers ).
I just think it is a bad idea, regardless of what your mother might say. In your country polygamous marriage is just ONE minoritary form of marriage. There are plenty of people there who get married the " regular " , one-on-one way. Don't you want, and deserve !, someone who will love you enough to want you as his one and only partner ?
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