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I'm ok with my sexless relationship but my friends think it's weird

Tagged as: Dating, Friends, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 March 2017) 11 Answers - (Newest, 29 July 2017)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hi there , I have been with my partner a year and a half yet in all that time we have only had sex 10 times we cuddle kiss hold hands but nothing more he was honest from the start and said he wasn't very sexual, this is ok with me however my friends seem to think its weird I know 100% he's not getting it else where but my friends comments are getting to me am I normal to be ok with a sexless relationship we have a fab relationship but its just sexless ,Any thoughts

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A male reader, Riot2017 Mexico +, writes (29 July 2017):

If you are happy with the way things are, and your partner is fine with that, then there is no problem to be solved at all.

I've been with my GF for 10 years, and we started both very horny all the time, then some dry patches like the one you were on, and lately, we are back to the horny years.

We both have many problems in our personal lives. My GF gets sick frequently, so sex is not always on the table. On the other hand, I'm generally overworked, tired, o stressed as hell, that the last thing I can do is want to have sex.

I'm a very low stamina guy.

However, lately I've been working out, lifting weights, swimming, and my libido has been soaring to the sky on ways I can't describe. And I also reached a realization, that I should not ASK to have sex, I just need to GET IT.

My point is, whatever works for both of you at the moment it's good, and that doesn't means it will always be the same way. If you really want to have more sex, take the initiative and use him as your toy :)

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (6 April 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntDon't let your friends judge you. I wouldn't share my sex life with my friends if they are going to think it is weird, they should not be judging you in the first place. As long as you are both happy that is all that matters.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2017):

I would not reveal such intimate information to friends or anyone.

People will always judge you according to "their" own standards or the standards accepted by society in general. And not all of us is the same or has the same needs, desires, expectations, interests.... etc.

I could not go without sex. I am in a very sexual relationship where I have sex and need sex often. There is nothing wrong with me either. And on the other side of the coin, some people think you are sex crazed or a sex maniac etc. Not the case. Wanting a lot of sex and not a lot of sex are both perfectly acceptable depending on the people involved. There is no right or wrong answer.

So, do what makes YOU happy. You do not need the approval of anyone. And in future, keep your private life private.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (1 April 2017):

CindyCares agony aunt 10 times in 18 months is not sexless. It means having sex approx. once every 50 days. Not a lot, but not even total disinterest - just , a rhytm compatible with a low sex drive, of which he warned you anyway from the start.

Maybe you have a low sex drive yourself, so your needs are met. Or, you have a slightly higher sex drive, but you feel that it's fine to sacrifice a little in exchange for a brilliant relationship under any other aspect.

In both cases, you are fine, you don't have a problem. Your problem is just that you debate about your sex life with your friends ! ( which , really, is totally superfluous, and a bit in bad taste too once you are an adult woman in her 30s: ) Stop sharing such intimate stuff - problem solved.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway + , writes (31 March 2017):

chigirl agony auntIf you are fine and happy then screw what your friends say. Stop telling them these things if they are so negative. You clearly are not a very sexual person either, when you are satisfied with this level of intimacy. So it sounds like you are a perfect match!

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (31 March 2017):

N91 agony auntIt's nothing to do with your friends. If you and your BF are happy then go with it.

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A male reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (31 March 2017):

olderthandirt agony auntYep, totally "normal". I've been married 51 years and it's not a problem. Your "friends" are the ones that need the reality check.

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A male reader, kenny United Kingdom +, writes (31 March 2017):

kenny agony auntI agree with the other posts. If you are both happy then that's all that matters. It is quite a delicate subject that should be only between a couple. I feel things like this should not be discussed with friends.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (31 March 2017):

Honeypie agony auntIf you and YOUR partner are good with a relationship without sex then you are GOOD with that. Your friends might NOT be GOOD with it but THEY are not you and NOT dating this guy.

I do agree with Youcannotbeserious - why discuss it if you are happy with it?

Are you sure you aren't telling yourself it's OK because everything else in the relationship is great? And you RATHER have a sexless relationship that is otherwise great - than a crappy one with sex?

If not... enjoy the relationship as it is.

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A male reader, Phil052 United Kingdom +, writes (31 March 2017):

Phil052 agony auntThis is fine, if you are both happy! Sexual compatibility in terms of sex drives is often a problem, so as long as you are both happy I don't see anything to worry about!

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (31 March 2017):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntIf you and your partner are happy, then it is nobody else's business but yours. Your relationship is obviously based on much more than sex and you appear to show affection by other forms of physical contact.

However, I would question why you are discussing your sex life with your friends if you are as happy about it as you say. Surely it should be between you and your partner?

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