A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Withholding sex?I have been seeing a guy I met for the past 4-5 months. The first few months were quite casual and we'd only see each other maybe once a week. The last couple we've been doing more together, going on trips out of town etc. At the beginning motivation to see each other seemed to be only about sex and neither of us seemed to want to open up or take it further. Now we've started hanging out talking more etc. However, there have been 2-3 occasions in the last 10 days or so where I tried to initiate sex and he said no stating he was too tired. Maybe that's true. I just find it weird that while he seems tired (he falls right to sleep soon as we get in bed) he doesn't want to do anything. Yet, this last week he has been inviting me over to his place to stay the nite more than ever. He cuddles with me in bed all night but the couple times I tried to start stuff I was turned down. He messaged seemingly jokingly the other day a few hours after I left his place, "how is your sex free day?" . Maybe I'm over reacting, but I don't understand what's going on here. I def plan to ask him what's up/if things are ok when I see him next, but trying to figure out if he's tired, there's someone else, or if this is some kind of control/dominance thing for him. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 March 2017):
 Their could be a million reasons for this, did things improve since you posted this?
A
female
reader, Campari Milano  +, writes (6 March 2017):
GAY!!!!!!
Or maybe he is just using you as a comforter?
If he is inviting you to stay at his place, and he's not having sex with you, he isn't that interested. We would all love to believe that 'maybe he just really wants to get to know you first?'
BULLS**T!!!!!!
IF he wanted you, he'd be all over you!
Move on. This is a waste of your time, mark my words.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (4 March 2017):
 Sometimes (not many)much like women, guys just don't feel like it. Let it go, when the testosterone levels peak again he'll be allover you.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (4 March 2017):
 Lots of possibilities spring to mind.
He could genuinely be tired, especially if he is dropping off to sleep straight away.
Maybe he just doesn't have a very high sex drive and now that your relationship is settling a little from the initial excited bonking, his sex drive is reverting back to normal.
Perhaps he was brought up to see sex as wrong in some way so is only interested if it is new and with someone who he isn't in a proper relationship with.
The fact that he shows affection in other ways is good. Do YOU need sex to feel loved? This is a mainly male need, whereas women tend to need to feel loved before they want sex.
If this bothers you, then you are right that you need to sit down and discuss this. I hope he can reassure you that all is well.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (4 March 2017):
 It could be a red flag, but it couldn't just be he doesn't want sex yet. You're still new to each other and not every single guy will want sex so soon - most will, but not all.
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