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I don't want to be tied down, but I feel an urge to have a baby!

Tagged as: Pregnancy, Sex, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 June 2007) 9 Answers - (Newest, 16 August 2007)
A female United Kingdom, *at14 writes:

This is really weird. I'm nearly 16 and I've had sex twice with my boy-friend.

My cousin is 18 and has a daughter and has just moved in with her boyfriend. My mum is a child minder so I see a few babies around the house sometimes.

Recently I really want a baby; I dont know why, I know I'm too young and I want a good job and everything...I don't want to be tied down. But I have this real urge to have a baby...it's kind of worrying me now that I might do something silly in the heat of the moment like not use protection. Any ideas why I'm feeling like this and any advice?

View related questions: cousin, moved in, want a baby

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A female reader, Lovebunny Canada +, writes (16 August 2007):

Lovebunny agony auntI agree with every one here.also when i was 14 i wanted a baby but the guy i was dating at the time convensed me it was a bad ideal. U should just have fun and forget about having babies right now cause ur too young and if u have a baby now ,u will be happy at first and think he or she is so cute then when friday nights oh no i can't go out with my friends cause i have to stay home and take care of my baby.Is this what i want of course not but when ur older and in a good long term relationsip then it will come together. In the mean time just get a baby seting job ,so u will get some experince with it ,just incase u accidentally gets pregnet pluse it might help with thew ay ur feeling and it might make u change ur mind.

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A female reader, DIE-romantic. United Kingdom +, writes (3 July 2007):

DIE-romantic. agony auntCarry on with the plans you have for future before you do get tied down with a child, get some money to support you first, then you can stand on your own two feet and feel secure to raise a baby, at least you'll have a roof over your heads and money behind you. Many women go through it. Its normal. :) xxxx

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A female reader, TELLULAH United Kingdom +, writes (27 June 2007):

TELLULAH agony auntHi,

It could be that you feel somthing is missing in your life, and that a baby to love and need you would fill this gap.

Its a funny age between 15-18, your not young anymore, but your not an adult and thinking rationally. It dosnt seem as daunting as it really should.

I had my first when I was 20 years old, and I can tell you it was so hard. While all my mates were going out, I was stuck in with my Baby. But you know what? I dont regret having her for one moment. She is now 26, and still my baby.

What I would say, is take the others advice and do some work with children, for a while. And if you still feel the same in 5 years, think about it again.

Its the toughest job in the world, but when you are old enough to handle the responsability, its the best.

If you want your child to grow up, and look up to you. Get a great job and a great man, and all the rest will be plain sailing. (well almost).

XXX

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A female reader, stina United States +, writes (27 June 2007):

stina agony auntHello there Kat,

Perhaps you can get a job working as a nanny or something along those lines? This way, you can take care of babies and children to experience everything. Then you can feel what it would be like to have children and feel the need to be needed, etc that you seem to want. But the good thing is you can leave at the end of the day. ^_^

If I were you, I would advertise in local papers, apply at different child care centers and listen out for neighbors that may need to hire a babysitter/nanny.

It's not the same as having your own children, I know, but maybe it will fill some kind of void, you know? And it will also be a good learning experience for when you actually do have your own children. It seems like a win-win situation to me. Hopefully you feel the same way and could try it out.

Hope I've helped. Take care.

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A female reader, mcbirdie United Kingdom +, writes (27 June 2007):

mcbirdie agony auntEveryone has said that it is normal and that every woman goes through it, so I wouldn't repeat that again, but a word of advice about the heat of the moment--you are absolutely right to recognize that sometimes, you'll get caught up and maybe be less safe than you need to be.

I would plan ahead, since you know that that might be a problem. Get a second form of birth control that you don't have to think about (you can be just as inclined to stop taking the Pill, but it might be enough)--something like an IUD/IUS, Norplant or the shot.

That way you don't have to worry about your urges, you'll remain protected until you go into the doctor to stop that form of birth control.

Best of luck.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2007):

Hi love,

every woman at some point in her life feels this urge, being broody like a little mother hen....:) You are right when you say your to young babys are hard work, then they turn into toddlers and you need 10 pairs of eyes and just as things seem to be getting a little easier they hit puberty!!!!!! Its no easy ride even though you love em more than you could imagine...

So just wait awhile sweety get your education and a good job and have yourself abit of fun ( Im sounding like my mum!!! oh dear!!!) have some cuddles from your friends baby that way you can give the little bunndle of joy back, trust me ok! YOU TAKE CARE HUN LOTS OF LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

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A female reader, flower girl United Kingdom +, writes (27 June 2007):

flower girl agony auntI'm 29 and it's hard enough at this age to have children and thats with money and support from a partner, so cherish your youth as it does not last long and unfortunately you do not realise that until you get older.

It's perfectly natural to get broody as i still do now when i see my friends babies, just don't give into it as it will pass for a while.

Take care.xx.

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A female reader, cd206 United Kingdom +, writes (27 June 2007):

cd206 agony auntYes... when humans were created/evolved (depending on your own interpretation) we were only supposed to live for forty years max. Therefore, we had to have our children young and sixteen was a good age to have them. Now that we live for many more years its become socially less acceptable to have babies aged under 18 but as soon as we start having sex the body starts releasing hormones telling us we want to reproduce, as is our genetic destiny. It's just the science behind being broody as your other poster said.

I think it would be a mistake to have a baby right now because you admit you don't want to be tied down and really, your view of babies right now is as temporary things. Your mum looks after babies but gets to give them back. Your cousin visits with her baby and then takes it home. A 24/7 baby can be harder to deal with. Naturally it's your decision whether or not to have a baby but why not talk to your cousin or someone you know with a baby first so you can find out what it's really like?

CD

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A female reader, YummyMummy United Kingdom +, writes (27 June 2007):

YummyMummy agony auntIts called being broody and is perfectly normal. I wouldn't give in to the broodiness just yet and live your life a little first. I was very broody after my mum had my little sister when I was 16. I looked after her a lot and did things with her as I knew I was too young for my own.

Ok I am pregnant now which wasn't planned. You havemany years ahead of you to have kids :) Live for you a bit first.

xxxxxx

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