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... Send *cbirdie a private message | | | *cbirdie's profile:I am American, living in Newcastle (I've just moved up from London and I'm still trying to adjust to the slower pace and friendlier people), and I am training as a clinical psychologist. I have a small dog, who wears a little yellow raincoat when we go to Wales.
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| Latest articles: Getting into my pants is easy-peasy
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
15 May 2007: I was talking in email with a friend about what age I lost my virginity and that moved on to a discussion about what age most women do and why and how they feel about it. I'm not looking for stories here, by the way, I do have a point I'm getting ...
Love by any other name, would be as sweet
No replies yet... 15 May 2007: Coming off of Valentine's Day and after a random thought provoked by an email, I'm pondering zoophilia and agalmatophilia. Yeah, I do mean the love of animals and inanimate objects. Wait, wait! Don't go leaving that dirty joke on my comments just...
Abide with me, fast falls the eventide
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
15 May 2007: I was in London the past two days, attending a training session in Dementia in Research. We went through the usual background--what types of dementia are out there, what the various brain scans look like, even did the usual 'funny' anecdotes about ...
Maximum Appeal
No replies yet... 15 May 2007: There is a list out there in journal-world that I read on a young woman's journal that she had apparently gotten from somewhere else; I don't know where, she doesn't indicate that. But, really as I have no intention of linking the whole journal ...
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My partner has anger issue and a cannabis addiction! He won't listen to me when I tell him I've had enough. How can I make him accept that I don't love him and it's over?
Q. i have been in a relationship for 3years and have a child with my partner, but i have completely fallen out of love with him. he has a bad temper and a bad cannabis addiction, and i'm not prepared to live with it anymore. he makes my blood boil with ...
A. 20 May 2007: I am very glad you feel better. The first step is always the hardest, but I'm sure that once you have that first conversation, you'll feel loads better and see that you have more options that you thought before.
Best of luck you.... (read in full...)
I want the relationship to progress... She wants to keep it low key!
Q. Im extremely conflicted. I have recently met the girl of my dreams, she is kind, funny, smart, and i find myself more relaxed around her than most other people in my life. We share, interests, and i feel a GENUINE connection between us. She origi...
A. 20 May 2007: If she would see you retracting a bit as a "way out" then you need to let her take that out. You have no options that allow for forcibly "turning this relationship around". You can only respect her wishes, be as appealing a friend as possible, and ... (read in full...)
My partner has anger issue and a cannabis addiction! He won't listen to me when I tell him I've had enough. How can I make him accept that I don't love him and it's over?
Q. i have been in a relationship for 3years and have a child with my partner, but i have completely fallen out of love with him. he has a bad temper and a bad cannabis addiction, and i'm not prepared to live with it anymore. he makes my blood boil with ...
A. 20 May 2007: Waiting is an option, but there are always other options as well. If he is on bail, then there is someone in the court system that you can talk to about not having him check in to your house every night--it will make his life more difficult, yes, ... (read in full...)
How do I get the guts to talk to this guy I like at work?
Q. i really like this lad who works in the same place as me the problem is i have never even had a conversation with him and i feel like a tit even if he just looks in my direction and i havent got the gurts to start to talking to him 1st any advice on ...
A. 20 May 2007: The best way to get over fear of rejection, I have found, is to sit down by yourself and imagine the worst possible situation. I mean the absolute ludicrously, never-gonna-happen, WORST. Imagine him not just not responded positively to your attempt ... (read in full...)
I'm straight, however I am attracted to my friend (non-sexually) Is this normal?
Q. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/was-he-attracted-to-me-or-what-is.html (The whole story) One night, I was drinking with a good friend I have known for 3 years. He is 15, and I am 18. We got rather drunk, and he ended up getting close to ...
A. 20 May 2007: There isn't too much out there in the world of attraction that is wrong. It doesn't matter why you are attracted to someone, whether for emotional comfort or for sexual, if you both enjoy the closeness, then it is good.
It is unfortunate that you... (read in full...)
I'm wondering if I should go to the prom with my ex bf..should or shouldn't I?
Q. hey, im 17 and my exboyfriend asked me how you tell someone you no longer want to go to prom with them. he then told me he wanted to ask me instead. we broke up several months ago. im not sure if hes asking me as his last resort but he is very ...
A. 20 May 2007: If you have so little good to say about him, I'm not sure why you would consider going at all. If you are attracted to him and want to go, then go for it. But you are not required to go just because he asked and really...if he was not very nice to ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my married friend, that I love him?
Q. i like my bestfriend Kyle but he's married and i keep getting broken hearted. and i love him to pieces how do i tell him i love him for all the right reasons. lauren...
A. 20 May 2007: You don't.
I could say more, but that is pretty much the crux of it. You do not show someone that you care for him by disrespecting his marriage and putting this burden on him when he hasn't given you any indication that he wants it.
We can'... (read in full...)
I feel like he puts his ex and his girls, before me! Is it wrong to feel this way?
Q. My Husband has been feeling really guilty about things and its driving me crazy. I am 27 and have a 3m son and 2 stepgrls 10 and 13. We got married 1yr 1/2ago and didn't get a chance to be newlyweds i became stepmom. He gets the grls every 2 wks. ...
A. 19 May 2007: It is certainly possible that you are rightfully emotional after the birth of your child. It is also very possible that you and your husband have a problem that you need to sort out. It is normal that he feel guilty about the differences between ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to go back to a loving relationship after having casual sex for awhile?
Q. if a guy starts sleeping around after a serious relationship ends in order to deal with the pain, is there a way for them to become a gentleman again in time and love another?...
A. 19 May 2007: You always have freedom to decide how you handle yourself in relationships and in love. You have the choice to have sex casually, seriously, or anything in between. Those choices are always fluid...there is no such thing as getting stuck on one ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to make a break from someone, after 23 years of knowing each other? Any views?
Q. Is it possible to cut someone out of your life after 23 years of knowing each other? My delima is not so simple, known my husband all my life,met him at age 16 married at 18. Two grown boys both gone,alot of ups and downs over this time.Age dif...
A. 19 May 2007: If you are asking if you can end your marriage, then the answer is of course, yes. I am not quite sure, though, why you are asking about cutting someone out of your life. You do not need to lose someone from your life completely, to change the ... (read in full...)
He's a great guy who has a flaw--he never shows up for many of our dates! Dump him or not?
Q. I need some advice!, I finally found a guy who I really like he's nice, funny, romantic, well u get me, the whole package! He calls me every single night but... he has a flaw! we always make plans and he never shows this has hapened multiple times ...
A. 19 May 2007: There isn't any right or wrong when it comes to forgiving a behaviour and accepting it. There is only what suits you best and is fair to the other person.
That said, however, you should realize that if you do stay with him, you ARE acceptin... (read in full...)
I feel aroused when I am emotionally close to both men as well as women! Does this make me bi-sexual?
Q. I feel aroused when i am emotionally close to both men as well as women. However, with men i am more comfortable compared to women, whom i hate, not all but a few whom i find to be unclean, for my own childhood experiences. Does it make me ...
A. 19 May 2007: It might. Does it matter how you label yourself? Some people say that you aren't truly bisexual or gay until you have a relationship or sex with someone of the opposite sex. I say that that is malarky, since people presume heterosexuality well ... (read in full...)
My partner has anger issue and a cannabis addiction! He won't listen to me when I tell him I've had enough. How can I make him accept that I don't love him and it's over?
Q. i have been in a relationship for 3years and have a child with my partner, but i have completely fallen out of love with him. he has a bad temper and a bad cannabis addiction, and i'm not prepared to live with it anymore. he makes my blood boil with ...
A. 19 May 2007: There...really isn't any issue about him accepting it or not accepting it. If the relationship is really over for you, then the relationship is over. Leave, if you're living together, stop taking his calls/visits if you're not.
I think sometime... (read in full...)
My partner of 6 years had a fling in november, and after 5 weeks of me not knowing if he was staying or going, decided that he would make a go of it and would help alleviate my insecure feelings.
Q. I am writing again as helps to read others thoughts - so i hope you don't mind. My partner of 6 years had a fling in november, and after 5 weeks of me not knowing if he was staying or going, decided that he would make a go of it and would help a...
A. 19 May 2007: I am so sorry that you're going through this. It can be incredibly difficult to remain in the same house with an ex-partner after the relationship ends.
What struck me with your situation, though, was how much power you have given over to him. ... (read in full...)
We were dating and he took his ex gf to the prom and I heard rumors he cheated. When I questioned him on this, he broke up with me! What should I do?
Q. Hiya i really do need help with this my bf of 4/5 months has just broke up wiv me becoz of a lil mistake he went to the prom with his ex and i didn't mind until he started to be funny with me, People then came to me and said do you think somit ...
A. 18 May 2007: I am very sorry that you're going through this. However, I think it is important that you remember that simply repeating constantly that you trust him, doesn't really make it true. You heard rumors about what happened when he was with his ... (read in full...)
A question about a possible pregnancy...
Q. Hi thanks for for reading. i have a quick question about pregnancy. a friend of mine (18 yrs) had unprotected sex only a week and a half ago and she is experiencing nausea and lack of appetite. She said she hasnt eaten anything in 3 days. She says ...
A. 18 May 2007: Simply stated...no. You would not experience symptoms that early. I expect that it is nerves and the not eating that is doing it. Yes, you can be pregnant at this point, which can be discovered in a doctor's office, but an at-home test wil... (read in full...)
I've had 2 abusive relationships in the past and now I like a guy but I'm scared of the cycle repeating itself once again!
Q. Hi I'm a 26 year old woman who starting at 18 to 21 was in two seperate relationships, both partners were physically, emotionally and mentally abusive to me. I've really liked this guy for the past 8 years, and we've become good friends and noth...
A. 18 May 2007: There are few things as difficult in life as recognizing our destructive patterns and then breaking them. Sincerest congratualations to you for doing the first hard part. Now, changing your behaviour is the trickier part, because how you go about... (read in full...)
I want the relationship to progress... She wants to keep it low key!
Q. Im extremely conflicted. I have recently met the girl of my dreams, she is kind, funny, smart, and i find myself more relaxed around her than most other people in my life. We share, interests, and i feel a GENUINE connection between us. She origi...
A. 18 May 2007: What you do is take a deep breath and take about two steps back. This is very much one of those situations where the harder you grab on, the more slippery she is going to become. No woman who is as intelligent as you know this woman to be woul... (read in full...)
Why would he lose inerest, post-sex?
Q. Why would a guy loose interest in the girl once he had sex with her? ...
A. 18 May 2007: It depends on the guy, and on the relationship. Some guys are highly motivated by the chase--more so even than the girl they are chasing. They get so caught up on "can I get this girl?" that they forget to pay attention to "should I get th... (read in full...)
Been in a one and a half year exclusive relationship... but never met
Q. what should i make of this?I am in an understanding with this guy i have met online one and half years ago and tho we have not met in person yet,cos i live in asia and he in the US,(we have plans to meet this year)we had an understanding to be ...
A. 18 May 2007: Oh, sweetie. I am so very sorry that you are in this situation. I have actually had the long-distance, online only relationship so I know how very intense the feelings can be and how very badly things can go when one person starts to pull away. ... (read in full...)
Was I rejected because of their insecurities or mine?
Q. If someone rejects you for the reason that they find you quite gentle or soft, is there something to do with their own insecurities or that of mine? ...
A. 15 May 2007: That is very nearly an impossible question to answer with anything other than "it depends".
It is possible that they feel an insecurity that leaves them wanting someone who is more clearly in control. Or it is possible that you really do come acr... (read in full...)
I want to ask for his phone no. but I'm afraid of getting turned down. Any advice?
Q. hi. i am 14 and i work down at a riding school on sundays. There is a really nice boy down there who i fancy. He is a year younger than me. I want to ask for his mobile number, but I'm scared that he is going to say no because i have had that done ...
A. 15 May 2007: Definitely ask him.
The best way to get over fear of rejection, I have found, is to sit down by yourself and imagine the worst possible situation. I mean the absolute ludicrously, never-gonna-happen, WORST. Imagine him not just saying 'no' to ... (read in full...)
Why doesn't he spend the night with me?
Q. My boyfriend of two and a half years never spends the night. Literally - in the last three months, he's spent the night maybe 4 or 5 times (not including two short overnight trips we took). This bothers me. Why doesn't he want to go to sleep n...
A. 15 May 2007: First and foremost, anything that bothers you enough to need to write in for advice is NOT a "silly thing to end a relationship over". There is no list of Appropriate Issues To Be Upset Over. That your boyfriend doesn't seem to want to do ... (read in full...)
We're due to marry in july, but he has doubts about our relationship
Q. My fiance and I were due to marry in July. The last 6months have been really stressful for us due to wedding stress, buying a house etc. My fiance keeps his feelings bottled up. a couple of months back we had a misunderstanding after we had both ...
A. 15 May 2007: I am so sorry to hear about your situation. The run up to a wedding can be an incredibly stressful time for any couple--the finances, the impending lifelong committment...all of it is a lot to deal with at one time. Arguments are common, as are ... (read in full...)
How do I explain to my boyfriend that if I keep the baby he will need to help out as well?
Q. Im 17 years old and have just recently found out i was pregnant, my boyfriend knows of this but he keeps asking what i m going to do, but i dont want to do this alone, he says he'll stick by me whatever i do, but i need his help, how can i make him ...
A. 15 May 2007: If your boyfriend has already said that he would be there for you with whatever you do, he has already expressed his willingness to help out--it may just be that he is unsure of what you want and need from him.
Sit down and have a frank discussi... (read in full...)
Does he really worry about me getting hurt or is it just an excuse?
Q. i met this great guy we've been talking for a few weeks and we really have many things in comman. I really like him and see him as more than a friend but he says that he can't having anything to do with me because he is afraid i'll get hurt he says ...
A. 15 May 2007: I have found that the reasons behind why a guy tells you that he doesn't want a relationship with you because he's afraid that you'll get hurt don't really matter. Just believe him. Because you will.
If someone starts out with the idea that bei... (read in full...)
Are people constantly judging me?
Q. I feel being constantly looked at by other people or being judged by them for any imperfections in my physical appearance or behavior, based on which they try to judge my morality or dignity as a human being. Are these things really related? ...
A. 15 May 2007: Everyone tends to judge themselves much harsher than others do, and therefore, tend to think that others are judging them just as harshly. Consider this--how often do you look at other people and assume things about their morality or dignity based ... (read in full...)
Should I be worried about my girl's two kids and how they may affect our relationship?
Q. I am becoming very serious with my gf who has two young children. Their father is completely out of the picture. I have never had any children. They are very sweet; they love me and I love them. We've talked about having more together. I'm ...
A. 26 April 2007: You aren't just getting serious with a woman, you are getting serious with an entire family. Of course you should be concerned about how you would be a part of that. Couples fight all the time over how to raise their children, and you will be ... (read in full...)
My bf says his ex is the sexiest girl alive and talks about her w/ his friends! Is he trustworthy?
Q. Hi, I recently discovered that my boyfriend chats with his friends about his ex girlfriend. He told me once that I turn him off in bed. And that his ex girlfriend was the prettiest and sexiest girl that he has ever met. He swears that he is not i...
A. 26 April 2007: Do what penta suggests, but run a little faster.
Never let a man make you feel this way--it is completely unreasonable for him to expect you to put up with being compared unfavourably with his ex. Let him be frustrated when he is alone.... (read in full...)
Having an online relationship with her, but she flirts with other guys and doesn't seem to care about me! What should I do?
Q. She says she's confused, now I'm confused and paranoid. Hello, Currently I'm having an online relationship with someone that I met almost around two years ago. At first I was the type of guy who thought when I was a kid that I would never mar...
A. 26 April 2007: Oh, dear. I am very sorry that you are struggling with this situation and that my advice isn't going to be any happier for you.
Long distance relationships are very hard. Relationships that are handled primarily online are very hard. Relation... (read in full...)
I'm having backaches, dizzy spells and pain, now. Could I be pregnant?
Q. okay, well first off i am only 14 years old, my ex thinks that i am 15... we had sex a week ago like April 14th and we did not use a condom. i have birth control but i had forgotten to take it the friday before we had sex and i didnt take it until ...
A. 26 April 2007: First, it makes sense to go see a doctor. It is unlikely that you are pregnant--it is harder to get pregnant from semen on your outer genital area (though, still possible, so you should be on regular birth control if you practice this form of ... (read in full...)
I'm jealous and stressed that she's talking to guys online! What should I do?
Q. My girlfriend and i have been together for over and things have been mostly great. We have had our share of ups and downs but always manage to work them out. the thing is..lately shes been going online a lot and chatting with other guys. Maybe i'm ...
A. 26 April 2007: I think you should talk to her, but also, I think you should stop expecting that just because she is dating you that she doesn't need other friends--including male friends.
If my boyfriend got outrageously jealous without cause with me, it would... (read in full...)
We are dating but he still 'logs on' to his sites! Does that mean he's not really interested in me?
Q. heya, i recently met a guy from an internet site (dont worry i did it safely) and he seems very intrested when im with him and mostly when i speak to him. however i know its wrong but i feel i was right to check his last log on and even after w...
A. 26 April 2007: The simplest advice is the truest: ask him. There is no magical way to tell why someone is doing something other than to talk about it. He may be logging on because he isn't sure yet if you two ARE getting serious and he isn't ready to stop ... (read in full...)
I've ended it with a guy who goes away during the summer for his wake boarding. Have I done the right thing by ending it?
Q. Recently I have been seeing a guy I have known for a while, although he is 6 years older than me we get on like a house on fire and we always have such good fun together. The thing is, he is a pro wake boarder and in the summer we both have to go ...
A. 26 April 2007: Your mind can be your own worst enemy when it comes to getting over a relationship. Instead of focusing on reality, you tend to fantasize about all the good things about him--including the things that maybe weren't really there. In your mind, he ... (read in full...)
I have never ever had an orgasim even though I have been with a number or partners and tried everything you can imagine including doing it alone with no luck.
Q. Can I get some advice? I have never ever had an orgasim even though I have been with a number or partners and tried everything you can imagine including doing it alone with no luck. PLease help if you can guve me any tips on how this can be ...
A. 26 April 2007: The most important thing it to relax about it, as much as you can. Orgasms are great, I won't tell you otherwise, but they are also not the most important thing about sex, nor the most enjoyable. So long as you and your parter are having fun during ... (read in full...)
Long distance relationship seems to not be working out.
Q. Is this a slow, odd LDR beginning, or am I being blown off? I know LDR, and relationships in general, often take time to start, and they can be awkward, confusing, exciting times, etc. Here is my situation: I met this man last fall while in ...
A. 25 April 2007: It is a harsh truth, but a truth nonetheless, that if a man wants to be with you--he will be with you. He will find the time to call, he will find a way to visit, he will certainly find a way to communicate his interest in you.
I know very wel... (read in full...)
Im worried that she's blowing all her money on crap that she doesn't even wear! How can I educate her to save for our future?
Q. My girlfriend earns a good wage considering shes 16 and works 12 hours per week and each month she blows the whole lot on clothes! As she works in a clothes shop in a shopping centre she has easy access to any shop up to four times per week, and ...
A. 25 April 2007: I don't normally submit advice on questions that have been answered so many times, but I'm just thrown by the advice that has been given.
Learning how to save your money to get things you want is a lesson that you SHOULD start learning by 16. It ... (read in full...)
I can't ejactulate when having penetrative sex, but I can get off easily masturbating.
Q. My problem is that I can’t ejaculate while having penis/virginal sex with women. I am healthy and can ejaculate very fast when masturbating, within a minute if I want to. When I have penis/virginal sex with women I can keep an erection for a long ...
A. 25 April 2007: I would suggest changing how you masturbate. If what you do when you are alone is very different from the sensations you get from intercourse (if, for example, you tend to pull very hard on yourself)), it can be hard for your body to recognize that ... (read in full...)
Due to a divorce and other problems, my mom feels like giving up and cries a lot. How can I help her cope?
Q. hey im writing for me mum she is 50 somethink she has been married for 35yrs but is going threw a divorce its a really bad one because no one knows where my dad is and no one can get hold of him not even the solicitors and she has also found out ...
A. 25 April 2007: This problem is too big for you to deal with on your own. I know that you want to support your mother because you love her, but the best thing to do is to talk to another relative or family friend and tell them how much your mother is struggling.
... (read in full...)
Will these stretch marks go away?
Q. I had a baby 11 days ago. I got bad stretch marks and my stomach sags now. Will these stretch marks go away? Does the loose skin ever go back to normal? If you're going to tell me to work out...suggest ways in which I should work out. Thanks....
A. 25 April 2007: The loose skin will go back to normal if you just do light tonal exercises as you feel comfortable (follow your doctor's recommendations, because I am sure you need to avoid exercise for a bit longer yet). It is very important that you not overdo ... (read in full...)
Is my online love just needing space, or is this goodbye!?
Q. I have been separated for 9 months following a 14 yr marriage which ended due to my ex wifes gambling. I met a lovely woman through the internet and we go on so well chatting on the phone every night for hours. i met her 4 times and we were due to ...
A. 25 April 2007: I am so sorry you're going through this. Relationships aren't easy in general, and they can seem doubly difficult when you add in exes and children. I think that your partner may be struggling with the complexity of the situation--it can be very ... (read in full...)
Is this normal that my Penis doesnt stand right up to attention when lying down!?
Q. I am 16 and have had 2 sexual partners. My first, was very kind and considerate about everything but one thing she did just slightly mention once was that i have a "soft-cock". at first i didnt register what she meant (and she definitely did not ...
A. 25 April 2007: It's not unusual at all. I had a partner who had a very large, strong erection, yet still didn't stand upright while lying down.
It is possible to gain some control over your penis's movements by doing Kegel exercises, which strengthen the pelv... (read in full...)
Why do I have these spots on my penis?
Q. Short and to the point really. I've had this large number of spots on my penis for a long time, even before I lost my virginity I think (at least 3 years ago). The sight of them is getting really depressing. Although single at the moment I want to ...
A. 25 April 2007: Best place for you to try is a birth control clinic. Same place you go to get your free condoms will be able to get you in to see a nurse in a short time and see what is going on.
I find that these clinics are a lot less nerve-wracking for thes... (read in full...)
'm in a serious relationship..so how can I get myself to stop liking this guy?
Q. I like this guy a lot. I used to not think much of him the first few months I knew him, but then the more I saw of him (which is often cuz I work with him), the more I liked him. And now I don't even need to see him to think about him. He's not just ...
A. 25 April 2007: My advice is to stop trying to stop liking this guy. Ever get the giggles in church? You know how the harder you try to fight them, the worse they are? Same thing with crushes. And that is all this is...just a crush. They are intense and they ... (read in full...)
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