| A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I hate porn. Or the entire sex industry really. And I'm not gonna lie and be all "it's degrading to women". No, I hate it because the women are so perfect. They all have big tits and tiny waists, with a round butt. They have gorgeous faces (ok, some of them are really ugly, but they still have the body). I know men watch it and don't feel the same about the actor's penises or muscles, but I'm not a guy, I'm a woman, it's almost natural for me to compete regarding looks. And porn makes me feel ugly, so, I hate it. Don't bash me for it, I know it's silly and wrong to feel like this! But for God's sake people, I don't want an endless debate about whether porn is good or bad, or normal, or disgusting, or whatever. PLEASE... no debate, please. No pointless arguing, try to stick to solutions, please.I'm a very pragmatic person, so I'd like to know if there are any practical solutions to stop feeling this way. I don't want to feel ugly everytime I run into porn, which, you know, nowadays is even in the newspaper. So, please, help me.
View related questions:
muscle, porn Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2008): Hi Babes,
I've just seen your updated response. Sorry for the delay in answering. But I've just had an idea... We need you to get confidence in your body, your beauty and your own sex appeal and then you won't feel so threatened by the ladies in the sex industry.
My friend, who is far from beautiful, has ton's of men running after her and wanting to date her. She told me her secret. Every day she practise in the mirror, telling herself how wonderful she looks, and how great she it. This gives her the confidence to feel beautiful in any situation. I tried it myself, and yes, you may feel stupid talking to yourself, but it really dose work. You must tell the mirror every day "hey girl, you look fine, wow your are a hot sexy thing". Eventually you will feel more stronger and powerful and more secure with your own sex appeal. The boxer Muhammad Ali did the same thing, he was famous and well known not only for his boxing, but for his confidence about how wonderful he was. He is still remembered as the pretty boy of boxing.
You can also try pole dancing classes or burlesque (stripping) classes. Very challenging activities, made for women to feel beautiful. Try it at home, on your own. Put on some sexy music, some sexy clothes, and do a strip routine all on your own in front of the mirror. Don't feel stupid, try and be as sexy, as flirtatious and provocative as you can. Again, these exercises are meant to show you, that there is nothing these Sex Professionals have that we don't have as "normal" women. We too can be sexy and confident. We can also act like "sluts" and turn people on. They practise like this, because it's their job, they have too.. Take a leaf out of their book, and try at home some techniques to build your confidence and your sex appeal. You too can be a sex goddess, it's not about the looks, it's about the confidence and you can use their moves to look as good as they do. Try it, I dare you... At least it will make you laugh....
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2008): ok im a normal mid 20's guy.. i have no problem getting laid and enjoy a healthy sex life.i olso look at porn..like 99.9% of my peers.ill tell you what the differance is...porn stars jobs are to look good on camera...not to stack shelves or to sell real estate...24/7 365 days a year all they have to do is keep in shape...look at hollywood..see a resembalence?if all you had to do to make money was to make yourself look as attractive as possible then youd probably be as "hot"as you want to be.but this is the real world and the real world has a funny way of bringing things 360 degrees.so when you find that person that you really love for genuine reasons and not for superficial "pornstar"wannabes then all those insecurities that you thought mattered so much and had such a major impact in your life that you felt the need to contact complete strangers for re-assurance for will dissapear,as will the so called beauty of all these souless pornstars who only did it for money and you know now regret it in later life and now feel empty and have let a little bit of themselvs go for the persuit of money.dont get me wrong i watch porn so im a hypocrytical riteous twat.but one word from a male to a female..your ten times better.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2008): porn is porn. porn is porn. porn is porn.it has been around ever since man-kind began to think and realize things in general - so there is nothing and I mean nothing that is ever going to stop it.just accept that you do not like it, and don't worry about it.guys like it cause guys like to masturbate - allot.I can't speak for women...
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2008): Hey there,
I'm the girl who asked this. Thanks to everyone for the replies. I know that pornstars are very unhealthy, and that they probably have the kind of personal problems we all have. Just as you said, all of this is irrational.
I know I'm comparing to professionals, and that it's fantasy. And yes, I don't think I'm gonna stop running because I haven't won a Gold medal at the Olympics, or that I'll feel bad because I can't fly like Superman. But sex is such a great thing, sex is natural to all of us. No human flies... but we all can have sex. Not everyone can be or is interested in being an Olympic athlete. But we can all have sex.
But I do think you make some good points, and I thank you for that. I'll try to think less of this. It's not my boyfriend that's the problem, I mean, sure he looks and is very respectful in not leaving it everywhere. Also he says he likes amateur better, and has even asked for pictures of me. But this is not about him, really... he could never watch porn and I'd still feel bad because even when he's not around and I check out the newspaper, there are the gigantic breasts, full color... What I'm trying to say, this is not a problem in the relationship with my partner, this is a problem in the relationship with myself. I could be single and this would still bother me.
But thanks to everyone, you're great people and I aspire to be like you! Thank you, you're better role models than any porn star.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2008): Hi babes,
I know many women feel like you and I congratulate you for your wish to find a pragmatic solution to your problems..
A pratical solution and compromise if you can bear it, is to allow your guy to look at porn, but ask him to keep it very private, and not allow you to find out. You can ask him to hide his porn stuff and only use it when you are not arround. This way, it's a case of what you don't know won't hurt you, and it won't be in your face and you won't know...
Other than that, please exam all the articles on pornogrphy on this board. You may find a solution from reading these to help you out. The aunts and uncles have given you some very good advice, and you would be wise to take their words to heart.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2008): It might help to realize that you're comparing yourself to PROFESSIONALS.
You're looking at an NBA game, seeing how good they are, and saying: "Now I don't want to shoot hoops in the backyard anymore. I just suck too badly."
You're looking at a Wall Street shark, and saying "I can't feel good about earning my own way in the world because I know there are billionaires out there."
You're looking at a career stay-at-home mom who is married to a wealthy husband paying all the bills, and saying: "I can't feel good about my parenting & housekeeping skills because I can't do all that after I work 30 hours a week."
Porno girls are just like anyone else in the media industries. They're employed to look good on camera (not even in real life, just on camera) at all costs. At the expense of their long-term health, their reputation, their romantic relationships, and anything else that stands in their way.
Do you ever notice how many stars have addictions to particular drugs that tend to make the user lose weight? That's no accident. And these are usually pretty health-wrecking and expensive drugs they're on too. You could almost call their coke & speed & heroin addictions "work-related expenses" for those industries.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2008): ...no need to be jealous of women who would do anything on camera with complete strangers just for a little bit of extra pocket money. They are probably jealous of you - you have your morals and decency intact! Take a chill pill. Most men will watch porn for 5 minutes, crack one off and then spend the rest of their waking hours wondering whether that woman from accounts at work fancies them because they made eye contact for fractionally longer than is the social norm of acceptability. No need to be jealous - just make the best of what you have to offer and you will acquire your 'equivalent' male!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2008): If you look at the typical porn out there, the women and men are far from perfect. There are tons of women with small breasts, under average looks, a little tubby and other things that make them like the average woman or below the average woman. A lot of the men are overweight, have less than average penises and are not very good looking.
I would bet that less than 10% of the porn has the super bodied female porn stars in it. Most of the porn has amateur women or not well known porn stars in it. They are more like the average woman. Most of the women in porn look much the same as my wife did when she was younger or like my past girlfriends. A lot don't look as good either.
The main reason that men like porn is because it shows something that they don't have with their girlfriend or wife. They like to fantasize. A lot of women do also. The actors use very uncomfortable positions or do things that are uncomfortable or hurt. Things that most couples would only ever try once, if at all. My wife used to fantasize about being with 2 men at one time, but would never want to try it. A past girlfriend told me that she did the same. A lot of women fantasize about having sex with one of those guys with a 10 inch penis, even though they know it would hurt if they got pounded like that with something that big. Do most guys feel inadaquate because their partner likes to fantasize about it. Probably some, but not most in my mind. Hell, I'm a lot smaller than those guys and I still hurt my wife in some positions if I'm not careful. I also had to be a little careful with a couple of other past girlfriends. Why would I worry about my wife actually wanting to be with a guy who is much bigger?
A lot of guys like to look at women with big breasts, but actually like making love with a woman with smaller breasts. I am one of them. I had a 1 night stand with a woman who was huge in the breast area. I greatly prefer a woman who is smaller. Other men are the opposite. Does my wife feel inadaquate because I once had sex with a woman who had boobs more than twice as big as hers are? NO! Does she feel inadaquate because I still like to look at big boobs? NO! Do I feel inadaquate because she had a past boyfriend who was much bigger than me? NO! Hey, he never got in the whole way. Perhaps other women would have loved his tool and laughed at me.
There are not any easy solutions to changing the way that you think. The solution is difficult. It is to work on your insecurities so that these types of things do not bother you. It is for you to feel perfectly fine about yourself - your looks, your body, your personality, your confidence. We all have insecurities at some time or another. Most of us always have a little bit of some insecurity. The people who can accept these things always work on their insecurities when they pop up. That is the only way to feel fine about porn or anything else that bothers you. If you are intimidated by women with a better body, then porn is not the problem. I don't care who you are, there is someone else out there who has better boobs, a better butt, a prettier face. You have to get used to that. It is a rare woman or man who does not see someone who is better looking or who has a better build every time they go out shopping. So what. Does seeing that woman in the store also bother you? If so, then porn is not the problem.
...............................
A
male
reader, ChiRaven  +, writes (6 September 2008):
 They have big tits and tiny waists and air brushes and good camera angles and multiple takes and all the other tricks of the trade that make everything look just perfect. Dear lady, porn is FANTASY! It has nothing to do with reality.
Any relatively competent artist could take a couple of decent photos of YOU right now, run them through Photoshop, and have YOU looking just like a porn star by tomorrow. IT'S ALL ILLUSION!
Get that through your head. It's kind of like cotton candy at a fair. It looks nice, but when you check it out there's no substance to it. It's all fluff. They start with a very little bit some something and turn it into something that looks totally different and has a totally different appeal.
I'm not arguing about whether it's good or bad. I just want you to look at the facts. What you see is NOT REAL. It never WAS real. You don't go to a Superman movie and come out feeling bad because you can't fly. Porn is almost as much fantasy as that.
...............................
A
female
reader, PsyCookie +, writes (6 September 2008):
 Well, I sometimes feel this way, but when I do I don't blame it on porn, you should blame yourself.
Porn doesn't exist to put you down. The girls are not there to make you feel insecure. You are insecure because you allow it to be.
I believe it was Eleanor Roosevel (correct me if I'm wrong) who said "Nobody can put you down without your conscent". That's exactly what you're doing. You're allowing yourslf to be put down by such silly things.
Also, you have to realize that nobody is perfect. When a girl like this may have a generous size of boobs, she may have back problems. Where a girl has a big ass, she may be worried about getting big thighs. Also, you have to realize that these women in porn may not see themselves as "perfect". They will see a tiny flaw in themselves and possible drag themselves down like you're doing here. And remember that a lot of these girls are in the entertainment industry and a lot of their bodies are very altered.
And please, have you forgotten about the so tired saying "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder"? While some people might see the magazine beauty as "perfect" a lot others will want a natural girl in their arms. And remember that want counts is personaity! Looks fade away but a great personality lasts a lifetime.
There are a lot of attractive girls in porn because that's what the industry dictates it so. But don't come here blaming it on your insecurity. It's your own fault for being like this and nobody forced it in you, only yourself.
But I understand you, a lot of women do. I also put myself down, many times, because I think I'm "not enough" but I have learned that my boyfriend love me because the way I am and that's stronger than my insecurities. I buried them and neve looked back.
Now I'm happy.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2008): I can only speak personally so don't take this as representative of the male way of thinking: Yea, I watch/ read a bit of porn occasionally and the reason I get off on it is cos the girls are so slutty/ ugly/ do anythingforya types. Now in reality, this is precisely the girl I would NOT wish to meet or have anything to do with! They are a fantasy, temporarily fulfilling (in a shallow way) a need. Gimme a normal girl anyday! Doesn't matter if the tits droop a bit, if they're small-breasted, not-so-good-looking, too fat, too thin, too dark, too white. The REALITY girl is far more of a turn on than the porno fantasy - really!!!
Don't feel bad about yourself baby - the guy who would negatively compare you to a porn queen is sadly lacking in real, hands-on experience!
Take care baby.
...............................
A
female
reader, mcbirdie  +, writes (6 September 2008):
 Start surrounding yourself with amateur porn. For every time you see porn mags or similar sitting around, take a few minutes on xtube.com and take a gander at normal people having sex.
Seeing flawed folks enjoying themselves is usually a big help in feeling better about your own flaws.
...............................
|
