A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am 35yrs old I am fairly secure with myself I am confident of my self worth, my life, friends, personality etc but since spliting with my LT boyfriend 6yrs ago I have had only one boyfriend which lasted 6 months last year (2007) and around 10 flings.So if I am this great person, who looks great, has so much going for her, is strong but gentle, kind, generous, has own life - how come I cannot get a boyfriend.Now please do not say, you should enjoy life and men are not the be all and end all......I KNOW THAT, I truly do know it and live it. I have a wonderful social life, great friends and family, I really like my life but I still yearn for company of a man, for skin on skin for cuddles and for sex basically an intimate relationship with someone special. I would like someone to enhance the great life I already have.So what gives? Why me? Why do I sit wondering not after going on a date with man 1 or man 2 or man 3 but after around 30 first dates which probably half went well and had a good evening, am I still single and sitting here questioning what am I doing wrong?Is it just me that goes on so many dates, and for them all to go nowhere?I can talk, I have an interesting personality, I have charisma, I listen intently to what my date has too say and ask questions, the conversation flows nicely, the body language is good.....yet nothing, not one has moved onto date two.How can a 35yr old secure women be reduced to having bouts of self doubt? like I said it's not after just a date that has not progressed I know that not all dates are going to work out and not everyone is compatable but after 30 dates with different men, different types of men, different ages, different lifestyles and backgrounds.......I can only summerise that its me. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Limits  +, writes (9 August 2008):
I agree with both ladies here: don't ever give up, your "one" might be just round the corner and yes why not give him a call a few days after your first date if you're interested? Some girls simply exclude the possibility of asking a man out themselves...
I'll tell you a story: about 10 years ago I worked in the entertainment industry and a colleague of mine (for 5 years) was always chatting to beautiful girls and joking and I always said to myself "I can't imagine how many girls he had when he was a teenager". Then it happened one day that I was talking to him about a problem I had with girls myself and during the discussion he told me precisely these words: "you know how confident I look talking to other women and how cool I look? you know what, I did not have the courage to ask my present wife out, she asked me out and if she hadn't, most probably I wouldn't have!!! Good luck!
A
female
reader, mcbirdie +, writes (9 August 2008):
 You haven't given much information about how you conduct yourself towards the end of the date, how you're communicating, and what you do to indicate your interest in the guy. Those are the real areas that determine if you get a second date, I think.
It's important that you show that you are interested in seeing someone again (assuming that you are) and that there is room in your life for someone new. We can sometimes make so sure that we are showcasing our independent lifestyle and exciting hobbies that we forget how impenetrable that can appear to outsiders wondering if there is somewhere that they can fit in.
As I don't know where you might be going wrong in that area, though, let me give the most simplistic, likely to work advice: Ask the man for the second date yourself.
Give him a call in a day or two, tell him you had a lovely time and want him to join you on some outing you were going to go on anyway. Keep it casual and warm and see where it goes from there.
Best of luck.
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A
female
reader, BendychickP  +, writes (9 August 2008):
 Well, kaybe you just haven't met the right guy yet. I know it's frustrating, sometimes it sucks to be single, but it will get better. You have to keep at it, keep going out, having fun. On dates, just be yourself. I don't think it would matter if someone has to go through one hundred guys to find the perfect one. These things can take time. Right now, focus on having fun with your friends and going out and meeting new people. Expand your horizons a little. Best of luck.
Bendy xx
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