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... Send *cbirdie a private message | | | *cbirdie's profile:I am American, living in Newcastle (I've just moved up from London and I'm still trying to adjust to the slower pace and friendlier people), and I am training as a clinical psychologist. I have a small dog, who wears a little yellow raincoat when we go to Wales.
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| Latest articles: Getting into my pants is easy-peasy
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
15 May 2007: I was talking in email with a friend about what age I lost my virginity and that moved on to a discussion about what age most women do and why and how they feel about it. I'm not looking for stories here, by the way, I do have a point I'm getting ...
Love by any other name, would be as sweet
No replies yet... 15 May 2007: Coming off of Valentine's Day and after a random thought provoked by an email, I'm pondering zoophilia and agalmatophilia. Yeah, I do mean the love of animals and inanimate objects. Wait, wait! Don't go leaving that dirty joke on my comments just...
Abide with me, fast falls the eventide
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
15 May 2007: I was in London the past two days, attending a training session in Dementia in Research. We went through the usual background--what types of dementia are out there, what the various brain scans look like, even did the usual 'funny' anecdotes about ...
Maximum Appeal
No replies yet... 15 May 2007: There is a list out there in journal-world that I read on a young woman's journal that she had apparently gotten from somewhere else; I don't know where, she doesn't indicate that. But, really as I have no intention of linking the whole journal ...
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Can he use a condom when having sex in the bath?
Q. Hi there. My boyfriend and i have been going out for 6 and a half months now and we're really close. Our relationship is always full of passion and he and i love each other very much. We're both 16 and he often starts conversations with me about ma...
A. 21 June 2007: This is one that is answered best as "kinda-sorta".
You've got two problems with using condoms in the bath: first, condoms aren't water-tight at the base. So, potentially, as you are moving in and out, it will be possible to have water moving a... (read in full...)
Sex issues... is this natural?
Q. Earlier this evening my boyfriend and I had sex he stopped and asked me what that was and i looked down and there was white clumpy cum like leaking out of me... now he didn't orgasm and i think i did,is this normal or is something wrong with me?...
A. 21 June 2007: Had you had any unusual discharges before the sex? It is also important to note if the discharge had any smell to it--sour or fishy usually indicates a problem.
It is possible to have a whiteish discharge normally without any problems... (read in full...)
Texted my (ex) fiancee pretending to be a friend... and can't come clean now
Q. I split with my fiancee, for no reason at all, he just woke up one day and decided he didnt want to be with me for some random reason. I was sooo angry, I thought I hated him so i wanted to make him pay. So i text him off an old phone pretending ...
A. 7 June 2007: Oh, I do wish you the best of luck. It will be hard to think it now, but try to remember that if you two can't get through this, then you maybe aren't such a good match. Marriage is hard--you want to attach yourself to someone who will make it ... (read in full...)
Texted my (ex) fiancee pretending to be a friend... and can't come clean now
Q. I split with my fiancee, for no reason at all, he just woke up one day and decided he didnt want to be with me for some random reason. I was sooo angry, I thought I hated him so i wanted to make him pay. So i text him off an old phone pretending ...
A. 7 June 2007: My advice--and what I do in my own life--is to always aim for honesty between two people in a relationship. I don't think it matters much (in a general sense only, of course) why he is making up these calls. It doesn't matter much that he broke ... (read in full...)
Texted my (ex) fiancee pretending to be a friend... and can't come clean now
Q. I split with my fiancee, for no reason at all, he just woke up one day and decided he didnt want to be with me for some random reason. I was sooo angry, I thought I hated him so i wanted to make him pay. So i text him off an old phone pretending ...
A. 7 June 2007: My advice--and what I do in my own life--is to always aim for honesty between two people in a relationship. I don't think it matters much (in a general sense only, of course) why he is making up these calls. It doesn't matter much that he broke ... (read in full...)
Penis problems due to masturbation?! Help!
Q. I'm a male and i masturbated since i was 18. All of my friends use to masturbate with me. Now the problem is that their penis foreskin use to be erect and it is moving very much back when they use to masturbate but my penis foreskin is so much tight ...
A. 6 June 2007: All penises and foreskins are a little bit different. Some move more than others and at different rates. However, it may be worth it for you to visit a doctor. Your foreskin should pull back easily as you become aroused. If you are finding that ... (read in full...)
Worried About My Height
Q. Hi, I've recently been feeling very concious about my height. I've always been one of the tallest, but now I'm worried, I'm going to be small. My immediate family are all average height(father 5'8'' and mother 5'6''), but my grandfather, both...
A. 6 June 2007: You may grow a bit more, depending on your genetics--ask your family members when they stopped growing to get an idea.
But really...being worried about it doesn't help. We all end up how we were intended. I'm not a lick over 5'0 and my life ... (read in full...)
Dating him 6 weeks, only. Is it possible that he really loves me like he says he does or..is he just in love with the whole idea of being in love?
Q. Hi, I am a high school senior that will be graduating at the top of my class in about year if all goes well. I have been dating a college student that is about 3 years older that I met by his brother that is my best friend. We have similar ...
A. 6 June 2007: Well, first, I'm not sure if I would use "willing to die for" as a benchmark for being in love. That is more a movie's idea of love than real love. And yes, how you see love and understand it do change as you get older and get more experience with ... (read in full...)
Texted my (ex) fiancee pretending to be a friend... and can't come clean now
Q. I split with my fiancee, for no reason at all, he just woke up one day and decided he didnt want to be with me for some random reason. I was sooo angry, I thought I hated him so i wanted to make him pay. So i text him off an old phone pretending ...
A. 6 June 2007: You can and should come clean. It will be embarrassing, it will be painful, and it might be hard for you to fix, but you have to. You cannot rebuild a relationship on a foundation of this lie.
It sounds to me like he knows that it was you and ... (read in full...)
Can I tell from her poonani if she's sleeping with other men??
Q. I am 25 years ols and very healthy.I am dating a female who is 35 years old and mother of two.I have sex with her twice a month.She is seperated fom her husband.Our sexual relationship is going fine.I am planning to settle with her.I sometimes feel ...
A. 6 June 2007: No. There is no way to tell from a woman's vagina if she is having sex with other men, or even if she is having sex at all, unless you see her immediately after when she still has the smell and wetness associated with sex on her.
You may not want... (read in full...)
Husband looks at porn and we've not had sex for 8 months... how can I even contemplate a physical relationship with someone i consider to be a pervert?
Q. I haven't had sex with my husband for nearly 8 months. I went off sex quite a few years ago mainly because i had no confidence and felt that my husband was always criticising me. I lost confidence in everything, comfort eating and making every ...
A. 6 June 2007: Oh, goodness. This is quite a tangled mess you're in now. Unfortunately, I don't think that this is something that you're going to be able to sort out on your own--I think you are very due for some time in with a couple's counsellor, and perhaps a ... (read in full...)
I'm 18 and a little confused about sex!!
Q. hiya, im 18 nearly 19 and im feelin a bit lost lol! ive never had a serious realtionship, a proper snog, done stuf with a guy or had sex! im seeing sum1 at the moment and so i kno tht stuf is on its way if u get me and im fed up of 'pleasing myse...
A. 6 June 2007: Things DO happen naturally, so while you are understandably nervous, try to relax as best you can. Even those with a great deal of experience will tell you...sex is, by its very nature, fraught with mistakes, slip-ups, and foolishness. The more ... (read in full...)
I like him a lot but not sure if "I love him'! What do I say to him when he tells me he loves me?
Q. I think my boyfriend is going to say "I love you" really soon but I am not really ready for something like this. I don't know if I am going to be able to say it back because these things are really hard for me to do. I like him alot but I am not to ...
A. 6 June 2007: I always err on the side of caution when it comes to declarations of love. When you say "I love you" in a relationship, it means more than just the feelings...people read into as well "I'm thinking longer term with you", "I don't want to date ... (read in full...)
It's perfect... except he doesn't like to go out, talk on the phone, or hang out and do fun adventurous things!
Q. my boyfriend and i have a perfect relationship except he doesn't like to go out, talk on the phone, or hang out and do fun adventurous things..we are both seniors in high school at different schools, so there's a bind, but we only live 17 miles ...
A. 6 June 2007: Considering how many things your boyfriend doesn't want to do with you, I'm not sure why you are calling it a "perfect" relationship.
Relationships require work and compromise, it's true, but they should also be enjoyable and a connecti... (read in full...)
He tells his best friend (female) that 'he loves her'. What should I make of all this?
Q. I have a new boyfriend its only been a month, he introduced me to his whole family already, which is great but i dont know why he would im confused weather he likes me alot or not, and the reason why is because his best friend is a girl she lives in ...
A. 6 June 2007: People have friends. Of both genders. And all levels of attractiveness. If your boyfriend is trustworthy, then it doesn't matter who his friends are; if he isn't...it still doesn't.
Men don't cheat because of proximity to other women. Men who ... (read in full...)
How do I stop my fiancees accusations, that I do things intentionally to annoy him?
Q. my fiancee thinks that im always up to something or doing something intentional agst him. But that is not true at all. For example, he cannot find the digital camera which I have put somewhere and I dont know where it is myself and am honest with ...
A. 24 May 2007: Is this a recurring pattern or just an occasional thing? If he is often accusing you of doing things just to upset him, I would wonder whether something else is going on that he is angry with you about (something you may not have discussed yet) or ... (read in full...)
He's progressed to seeing me at best once a week, never at his suggestion! Am I being taken for granted?
Q. I was happy single having fun, and strong in myself. I was hoping for the next year in uni when a guy I liked would be back off placement and maybe things would come together. Then he started seeing someone, and I don't know, what with Christmas ...
A. 24 May 2007: In answer to the question before your last...no, it isn't worth it. Staying with someone who isn't treating you well so that you can travel, or get gifts, or go out on Friday nights, or whatever, is never a good idea.
In answer to your final qu... (read in full...)
His gf dumped him and now--he rarely talks to me! What's going on here?
Q. Im going crazy!! Plz any advice is soo welcome here...brutial honesty sure beats tellin me what i want to hear!! Ok...me and my ex started chattin few weeks ago and he said all the right stuff (i luv u n miss u..never luv another more then i luv u) ...
A. 24 May 2007: I think it sounds a bit like your boyfriend (? ex?) is finding that things that are romantic and sexy when they are just fantasies ("I love you so much, if only I wasn't with this woman, things would be grand") are not so wonderful when ... (read in full...)
Where can I get smaller condoms?
Q. Does any body have the same problem I do? I have a penis size of 5 inches, but condoms i buy seem to be far too big for me, so when i have sex they seem to slip alot. Does anybody know where i can get smaller ones from? ...
A. 24 May 2007: It is most likely not a problem with length, so much as girth--and you may find that that changes for you in the next years, judging from your age.
What you want is to find a condom that sells narrower sized condoms--look for ones called "Trim" o... (read in full...)
Will I ever get over my crush??
Q. 8 months later and I am still not over her! Fell into a deep infatuation with this girl 8 months ago and I am STILL not over her. She's straight, in a long-term relationship and nothing can ever happen. I even told her I fancied her thinking that ...
A. 24 May 2007: You will get over it, as hard as it is to believe, and what you're going through is just as normal as falling in love.
The difficulty with getting over a crush--in some ways, more so even than getting over an actual relationship--is that so much ... (read in full...)
I find that this "kind" of sex really hurts... any tips?
Q. boyfriend really wants anal sex but weve tried before, i can have a finger in my ass and i enjoy it its just that having him in there really hurts and is uncomfortable i dont know how to fully relax and let him in,it is wat he really wants any tips ...
A. 24 May 2007: Enjoyable anal sex comes down to three things: lubrication, relaxation, and patience. And you cannot have too much of any of those three.
First, make sure you're using a good lube--preferably one meant for anal sex as those tend to be heavier ... (read in full...)
Do I hurt my friend by telling her or just let fate take it's course
Q. hi in two days i am going to alton towers and my friend likes this boy and she is going to tell him how she feels when we are there but i am afraid that he will just laugh in her face because i see him flirt alot somtimes with me ! but i push him ...
A. 24 May 2007: I'm going to disagree with the previous advice. I wouldn't tell her. Quite simply, you don't know what this boy feels for your friend or what her motivations are for wanting to tell him.
It is possible that he likes you, but it is also possible... (read in full...)
My partner has anger issue and a cannabis addiction! He won't listen to me when I tell him I've had enough. How can I make him accept that I don't love him and it's over?
Q. i have been in a relationship for 3years and have a child with my partner, but i have completely fallen out of love with him. he has a bad temper and a bad cannabis addiction, and i'm not prepared to live with it anymore. he makes my blood boil with ...
A. 20 May 2007: I am very glad you feel better. The first step is always the hardest, but I'm sure that once you have that first conversation, you'll feel loads better and see that you have more options that you thought before.
Best of luck you.... (read in full...)
I want the relationship to progress... She wants to keep it low key!
Q. Im extremely conflicted. I have recently met the girl of my dreams, she is kind, funny, smart, and i find myself more relaxed around her than most other people in my life. We share, interests, and i feel a GENUINE connection between us. She origi...
A. 20 May 2007: If she would see you retracting a bit as a "way out" then you need to let her take that out. You have no options that allow for forcibly "turning this relationship around". You can only respect her wishes, be as appealing a friend as possible, and ... (read in full...)
My mom is trying to break me and my boyfriend up! He's a great guy, in the military, the first relationship I've ever been able to truly commit to. She was all supportive, until she found out how much I care for him.
Q. My mom is trying to break me and my boyfriend up! He's a great guy, in the military, the first relationship I've ever been able to truly commit to. She was all supportive, until she found out how much I care for him. He screwed up once (drank too ...
A. 20 May 2007: Wonderful! Congratulations on having a reasoned conversation with her and for understanding her motivations.
You may not agree with her (and I see no reason why you should), but it is always more helpful in a long-standing battle to communic... (read in full...)
My partner has anger issue and a cannabis addiction! He won't listen to me when I tell him I've had enough. How can I make him accept that I don't love him and it's over?
Q. i have been in a relationship for 3years and have a child with my partner, but i have completely fallen out of love with him. he has a bad temper and a bad cannabis addiction, and i'm not prepared to live with it anymore. he makes my blood boil with ...
A. 20 May 2007: Waiting is an option, but there are always other options as well. If he is on bail, then there is someone in the court system that you can talk to about not having him check in to your house every night--it will make his life more difficult, yes, ... (read in full...)
I was with his freind before I dated him and now--he's dumping me and choosing his friendship over me! Any advice?
Q. so i am in love with a guy and want to be with him and only him hes the first guy that ive had a relationship with ever since i got seperated and divorced the problem is iwas being honest with him and told him i made a mistake and was with one of ...
A. 20 May 2007: Unfortunately, it isn't really 'stupid' to him or his friend. People are different in how they see exes and their friends dating people they have been with.
Depending on how long they have been friends and how close they are, it is quite likely t... (read in full...)
I want to find a partner who is a virgin like me! This is important to me...any advice?
Q. I am a 22 year old single, virgin guy. I have been in fairly long term relationships which have broken down largely because I have not been able to handle the fact that the girl I was with in each case was not a virgin. I am not religious, and appr...
A. 20 May 2007: People want what they want. If virginity is important to you, and you're not concerned with why, then it is nothing to work on changing. However, virginity is no longer the norm, so you have to work a little harder to find it.
My advice would be... (read in full...)
Why does this happen... when i masturbate?
Q. why do i have this when i masturbate? i'm a female and whenever i masturbate i always feel my clit getting bigger and harder. as i gradually rub and rub i get fluids comming out. why?...
A. 20 May 2007: The clit is like a tiny penis. When aroused, blood floods into it--which makes it larger, harder, and more sensitive to touch. That makes it easier to orgasm. It's a good thing.
Women are naturally lubricating creatures--as we become aroused,... (read in full...)
Does 'stimulating sex' and 'masturbation' mean the same thing?
Q. what does stimulating sex mean? what does masturbate mean? do they mean the same thing??...
A. 20 May 2007: I think you mean "simulating sex", if you are talking about in context of movies and such. In that case, simulating sex means making it look like the actors are having sex when they're not.
If you DO mean "stimulating sex" that doesn't mean any... (read in full...)
Should I pursue him again even though we don't talk that often anymore?
Q. i like this guy and we were sort of seeing each other and we really liked each other, but we're not seeing each other now. when we split, we didn't talk for a while and we've just started talking again and I really want him back, but we don't text ...
A. 20 May 2007: I would take it slow. Why rush? It takes time to get your feet back after a period of not talking at all...things can be awkward and you both need time to think about what you want.
Don't push or over-think it too much. Text him occasion... (read in full...)
I'm not really into seeing him or having sex anymore - is it time to break up?
Q. Hi, I think my relationship might be coming to an end. Ive been seeing my boyfriend for 10 months now and the last month or so I have been feeling unhappy and we have been talking and trying to fix things, but i still feel unhappy. I dont know ...
A. 20 May 2007: Unfortunately, no one can tell you if you are ideally matched except you. I think it is promising that you are both working to improve things--communicating about problems is a very good sign of a potentially healthy relationship.
Howev... (read in full...)
I 'll do anything so others will hold me in high regard! I fear failure- any views on this?
Q. I unconsciously try to anything that i can feel is providing me a sense of being highly regarded by others in society. May is be a job, a good education degree or even a girl. Basically i want to feel bigger and better than others and developing a ...
A. 20 May 2007: While you may have good insight into your own issue--and it seems likely that you do--I think your perception of others is skewed. Why do you assume that other people are exerting pressure on you?
I find it a bit worrying that you ascribe ... (read in full...)
I really like this guy so how do I get his attention?
Q. how do i get my crushes attention? he already knos i like him and i catch him starring at me and smiling but what am i supposed to do am i supposed to just play it cool or talk to him and if i am supposed to talk to him what should i say i mean i've ...
A. 20 May 2007: I think I may be missing something here...how does he know you like him if you've never met? And more importantly, how do you know you like him?
Regardless, my advice would be the same. Start talking to him. Bring up something casual that you... (read in full...)
My mom is trying to break me and my boyfriend up! He's a great guy, in the military, the first relationship I've ever been able to truly commit to. She was all supportive, until she found out how much I care for him.
Q. My mom is trying to break me and my boyfriend up! He's a great guy, in the military, the first relationship I've ever been able to truly commit to. She was all supportive, until she found out how much I care for him. He screwed up once (drank too ...
A. 20 May 2007: I wouldn't do anything. Unless you are trying not to see ugly facts about your boyfriend that your mother and friend are pointing out, then their opinions shouldn't have too much effect on your relationship.
I know that it can be hard to deal wit... (read in full...)
Can you still get pregnant while having sex during your period?
Q. here is a bit of an odd question. if u have sex whilst being on your period is there still a chsnce that you could end up pregnant? it was the first day of my period and we didnt use a condom. any help would be great....
A. 20 May 2007: Yes, it is possible to get pregnant while on your period, though it is less likely.
The short explanation is that women's cycles vary quite a bit...so even though your period has started, you might be at different points of egg-dropping and egg-... (read in full...)
One day he acts like he likes me, the next he doesn't. Is he playing a game with me?
Q. hmm there's a new guy at my work. we hit it off from the start. and started dating for about two months... he asked me out. and added me on msn and everything... im very shy so while we were going out i wouldnt even kiss him... yet we were stil...
A. 20 May 2007: Why would you stay with this guy? Seriously?
Basically, he calls all the shots and has you waiting around to be grateful for his every crumb of affection. He isn't willing to be with you properly, but doesn't want you to be with other guys. W... (read in full...)
I really like this guy, who I turned down for a date, 4 years ago. What should I do?
Q. this boy asked me out four years ago when i was 11 and i said no cause i was stupid, young and scared but soon after i started to really fancy him. now i'm 15 and i still haven't got over him properly- that's my problem. i care about him so much and ...
A. 20 May 2007: Ask him out. Go on a date and let him burst the bubble of your fantasy, because after four years of imagining him to be someone you care about so much, that is just about the only thing that will work.
Please understand that I complete... (read in full...)
I feel bad he has a gf, but if he was happy with her...would he be with me?
Q. Hi I recently started a new job and i met this chef, he is amazing and after i was there about a week we kissed and it was great, the next day i found out he ad a girlfriend. so the next day i met him to confront him but i ended up kissing him agai...
A. 20 May 2007: First and foremost, there is no such thing as "we can't not be together". No. There isn't. You may be attracted to each other, very much so, but you always have a choice. You can always weigh up what you want versus the costs of getting it and ... (read in full...)
We both want different things for our future. Any advice?
Q. i love my boyfriend and have been dating for 5 yr, we both know we want different things in future. im ready to start thinking of future while he wants to continue as we are. wot do i do?...
A. 20 May 2007: You don't give much to go on here. It depends on what your differences are and how stuck you both are on those.
Is it marriage you're after? Have you spoken to him about it? If he is just not wanting to move the relationship forward because ... (read in full...)
How do I get the guts to talk to this guy I like at work?
Q. i really like this lad who works in the same place as me the problem is i have never even had a conversation with him and i feel like a tit even if he just looks in my direction and i havent got the gurts to start to talking to him 1st any advice on ...
A. 20 May 2007: The best way to get over fear of rejection, I have found, is to sit down by yourself and imagine the worst possible situation. I mean the absolute ludicrously, never-gonna-happen, WORST. Imagine him not just not responded positively to your attempt ... (read in full...)
My partner has anger issue and a cannabis addiction! He won't listen to me when I tell him I've had enough. How can I make him accept that I don't love him and it's over?
Q. i have been in a relationship for 3years and have a child with my partner, but i have completely fallen out of love with him. he has a bad temper and a bad cannabis addiction, and i'm not prepared to live with it anymore. he makes my blood boil with ...
A. 19 May 2007: There...really isn't any issue about him accepting it or not accepting it. If the relationship is really over for you, then the relationship is over. Leave, if you're living together, stop taking his calls/visits if you're not.
I think sometime... (read in full...)
I want the relationship to progress... She wants to keep it low key!
Q. Im extremely conflicted. I have recently met the girl of my dreams, she is kind, funny, smart, and i find myself more relaxed around her than most other people in my life. We share, interests, and i feel a GENUINE connection between us. She origi...
A. 18 May 2007: What you do is take a deep breath and take about two steps back. This is very much one of those situations where the harder you grab on, the more slippery she is going to become. No woman who is as intelligent as you know this woman to be woul... (read in full...)
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