A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating this guy for about a year. We have been very happy together, rarely argue, and always have a great time in one another's company. We're both in college, and go to different colleges. We miss each other during the week, but set aside weekend time to spend together. This has worked for us quite well.Recently, he was offered an internship for 4 months in a different state. He would be completely gone for that amount of time, and I wouldn't be able to visit. I told him to take the opportunity, as I do not want to hold him back from his career. He deserves the job. I don't know if I can do a long distance relationship for 4 months. I don't enjoy and feel awkward using Skype, talking on the phone, texting, etc. I'm more of an in-person type of person, and he doesn't have much attention span for electronic communication. Should I tell him we should put our relationship on hold until he comes back? Should we end it altogether and resume it if we still feel the same once he returns? Should I let him emotionally as well as physically go?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 September 2012):
 Much ado about nothing.
FOUR MONTHS is nothing....
we rarely skyped... we emailed a lot
we talked on the phone
it's 16 weeks.. it's nothing...
my friends who are getting married next weekend... do not live in the same state... and will not for three more years...
if they were told they had to be apart for 16 weeks and not see each other but could be together after that... they'd JUMP at the chance... as it is they see each other 3 out of 4 weekends.. that's it.
my fiance hates email... he did it ... and to this day although we live in the same house now, we still use a lot of email for communication requiring a record (dates of appointments and such)
how far apart will you be?
we survived PA-MD for a year... our friends will be 5 years when he retires and moves down here to MD with her.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 September 2012):
 Oh please. Much ado for nothing, if you ask me. I mean, we are talking about FOUR months ! Ok the short attention span and everything, but it is still next to nothing. If you cannnot wait for each other four months, .. then basically you are not that mutually interested to begin with, and as of now you are basically killing time.
Mind you, I am not one to encourage LDRs, I think that mostly they are a big source of frustrations and misunderstandings , and a big waste of time. If they start as LDRs - like when people from different countries meet over the Net - they are mostly fantasies, not real relationships. And if they become LDRs after having been IRL relationships... it takes a patience, persistence, committment , flexibility, determination etc. that few people find in themselves. But... 4 months ? If you both have a life outside the relationship- and I bet you do- they should pass really fast. I appreciate that you are an in person type of communicator, and that he is not very cybernetic- electronic, and I don't blame you, in fact I feel the same. But it is always about quality, not quantity. It is not mandatory ,though,skyping or calling or texting all day or every day. One can have ,say, weekly phone appointments that can be more meaningful and heartfelt than a constant flow of menial chitchat over the most mundane events. Just to be able to tell onself, hey i am talking to my bf all the time, so if I am talked to and if I am talked to then iam thought of and until I am tought of I EXIST.
All the above if you both are really into each other and do care about each other- in this case , there is no need to put anything on hold, your mutual feelings will help you roll with the punches, instinctively.
If the feelings are not that solid and this is a transitional love by nature and definition ( nothing wrong with that ! ), then yes, do not waste time and effort, set each other free now.
But I am sure that you will be able to understand the difference and assess where do you stand.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (7 September 2012):
 I would assume that after one year of dating, you would have talked about future plans. If you do see him as long term material then 4 months is nothing. If he also sees you as wife material I feel that he should anxiously await any kind of contact with you, whatever form it is. Is it possible that both of you had been suppressing your desires for each other, shielding yourselves from hurt should one of you lose interest in the relationship? If you can be vulnerable enough to tell him you will miss him and hopes to keep in contact you might risk pressuring him, but what you gain is his respect for you for being open with your feelings. If he feels the same for you then he belongs to you. If he doesn't he's not yours anyway and you know, instead of waiting and hoping what ifs.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (7 September 2012):
I'm sorry but if your relationship can't survive a small 4 month internship (most internships take 6 months, if not more) then what is it worth anyway? 4 months, to me, is nothing. Take the past summer for example. I've been looking forward to that for ages and -zap- it's over! Time passes so fast and even though it passes quicker when you're having fun, it'll pass quickly even when you're not.
Also, why can't you visit? He's going to have days off at this internship, why wouldn't it be possible for you to visit him once a month? Or just once in the entire 4 month period?
In short, if you want it to work you'll make it work. No-one is asking you to become a skype addict or a phone abuser. Contact him in any way possible. Send nice pictures of you, send him sweet stuff like his favorite candy. If you don't like talking on the phone, write e-mails or letters. Be creative, the both of you. You don't have to be in constant contact either. This could actually benefit your relationship and make it stronger.
Also, if you break up for a short while, the temptation to 'cheat' becomes much bigger. This could lead to problems when you guys want to get back together again.
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