I burst into tears when I saw how my boyfriend lives in squalor, what now?
Q. My 38 year old boyfriend of one year knew I was on my way round. What I saw horrified me. He is living in complete squalor. Dirty filthy conditions I would not put a dog in. He smoothed over it all saying he's busy with work and replacing a chimney ...
A. 31 March 2015: Well, there are two things you can do here. One is that you help him, the other is that you leave him. You need to find out why he is like this. A lot of men (and women) are not particularly house proud or domesticated. Very often they can be ... (read in full...)
Why does my long term Gf still keep registering on dating sites? It's affecting our relationship
Q. I've caught my long term girlfriend many times registered and active on different dating sites. I am not able to get to the root of it, because I always end up defending myself over extremely minor mistakes I made years ago (like being 10 minu...
A. 31 March 2015: I have just read your reply - there are loud alarm bells ringing here! You cannot go forward and marry this girl while the situation is like this. I would take a break from each other and see how you both feel in a couple of months time. Your ... (read in full...)
Is 47 too old to start a family?
Q. Im 47 yo male. Just wondering what opinions are on starting a family when you are older? Id like a male and female opinion. Cheers....
A. 30 March 2015: My partners third son was born when he was 50. His wife then died when the child was 5yrs old. The boy is now 12 and my partner and I are in our early 60's. It's hard work. You don't have the same energy, You're not the same age as their friends ... (read in full...)
My ex wants to take our baby away for his visits and I'm not comfortable with this. Do I have a say in the matter?
Q. Hi, My ex and I split up while I was pregnant and now he sees our son (9 weeks old) for about 2 hours a week at my house. He has never done a night feed alone and has never looked after him without supervision. He is saying he wants to take me...
A. 30 March 2015: My grandson is only 8 weeks old and I cannot imagine for one minute how horrendous it would be for him to be parted from his mummy, or she parted from him, for any great length of time. It's too young an age for all that. They need each other. I ... (read in full...)
My Ex cheated and then he left me. Why can't I move on from this set-back?
Q. Why can't I move on? I am in college two months ago my ex cheated and left. Now I am so alone in college and it's like I enjoy being sad because today I found myself crying and it seems he's fine. I cry the most when I think about how he so ...
A. 30 March 2015: Time is the greatest healer. You may be upset now but gradually you will find yourself thinking about him less and less. Make friends with other girls and go out and have a good time together. Go and enjoy yourself and forget about boys for a ... (read in full...)
How can I get through this mountain of pressure? A new baby, difficult birth, my mother died unexpectedly and my husbane and my sister have betrayed me
Q. Please help! Hubby and I have been having marriage problems since the birth of my 2nd child and a difficult pregnancy and long recovery time (8 weeks) from an planned c section which ended up being an emergency as the surgeon made a medical error ...
A. 30 March 2015: I think that it sounds as though your husband coped quite well after the birth of your second baby. However, men never seem to be able to cope with, should we say 'domestic situations' quite as well as we women. I'm sure he was doing his best but ... (read in full...)
Why does my long term Gf still keep registering on dating sites? It's affecting our relationship
Q. I've caught my long term girlfriend many times registered and active on different dating sites. I am not able to get to the root of it, because I always end up defending myself over extremely minor mistakes I made years ago (like being 10 minu...
A. 30 March 2015: I somehow think you seem to be in a bit of a dead relationship here. Why on earth does she need to keep going on dating websites? She can't be very happy and I get the feeling that if 'the right man' came along she'd be off like a shot. I think ... (read in full...)
Do you think I've made the right decision to not attend this wedding, where my Bf will be the Best man?
Q. this may seem like a minor situation but it's stressing me out and im a grad student so extra stress is bad. A few months ago I had a falling out with my ex flatmates who are a couple. My boyfriend took their side which upset me. I posted on herea...
A. 30 March 2015: I think you have made the right decision. If you're going to get upset then it's not worth going. When I was your age I avoided my exboyfriend like the plague because I got upset every time I saw him. I know how you feel. Okay so you miss out on ... (read in full...)
I really want to get to know her, but need some effective strategies!
Q. I'm a 20-year-old university student studying Psychology in London. Recently I have been able to get back into lectures after being off for nearly a month with a chest inefection and intermittent bouts of depression. Prior to that, I have always ...
A. 19 February 2015: One way of making somebody notice that you are interested in them is to keep catching their eye. Look at her directly and hold the eye contact for a second longer than normal. Look at her while she is looking away. She will probably sense that ... (read in full...)
Friend and I were going to date but then he pushed me aside for another woman and I feel like a failture!
Q. I feel an idiot , my friend and I had feeling for each other and was going to make a go of it , then he said he was confused and didn't know what he wanted. We made plans to see each other but panicked and cancelled. He now told me he went on a date ...
A. 19 February 2015: This man is a complete waste of time, you must not wait for him. You can do a lot better than him as there are plenty of men around who would never do something like this to you. As suggested in another answer, join a dating website. Don't 'chat' ... (read in full...)
Should I send him the present?
Q. Hi there, I've been seeing this guy on and off for a just over a year. I let myself fall for him, knowing he was self medicating, and things are just getting worse for him. I'm just so annoyed with myself at the moment, as recently again, we got t...
A. 13 January 2015: He sounds like a very mixed up man and quite immature. I don't think he knows what he wants out of life. I wouldn't give him the present. Save it for his birthday if you are still friends by then. Quite frankly I think you would be better moving ... (read in full...)
Should I be paying towards his mortgage or not?
Q. Hey all So ive been with my boyfriend over 3 years and weve finally agreed its time to move in together. We have our wedding planned for 2016 and it just feels like now is the right time. He owns his own house and i rent a flat so it makes sense f...
A. 13 January 2015: Don't pay towards the mortgage It's not your house so why should you. Just pay towards your keep and only pay towards a mortgage when you have a house that you both own together.... (read in full...)
When I asked him if he loved me, he replied with "I'd rather not comment." Does he love me or not? How do I know?
Q. So there is this guy who I love deeply (or maybe its infatuation for a whole year). I think he has feelings for me although sometimes am not so sure. Last night while we were chatting, I told him that I loved him and he said "That ain't no secret" ...
A. 9 January 2015: If he really loved you he would tell you or most certainly show it. When you say he can't keep his hands off you that doesn't necessarily mean love, it is more likely to mean lust I'm sorry to say. Don't cling to him so much, try to distance ... (read in full...)
I confessed my feelings to my friend, which were not mutual and now I don't know what to do
Q. I have this male best friend. We've known each other for close to 3 years now. At the time, i felt this connection with him like i had never felt with any other guy before, and surprise surprise, found myself slowly falling for him and thinking he ...
A. 3 January 2015: Unfortunately none of us can make somebody want us in the way we would like them too. This can happen to any us at any age and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it. This has happened to me and I know how heart breaking it is but you have ... (read in full...)
Would it be okay for me to ask my boyfriend which of his female friends he has slept with?
Q. My boyfriend still has a lot of female friends from high school. He is now 33. Some of them are ex gfs and others are girls he just hooked up with once or twice. They are all friends on FB and continue to see each others in groups or separately as ...
A. 3 January 2015: Some things are better left unsaid. If you knew everything about your boyfriends past you will find yourself dwelling on things he said, then getting upset and eventually becoming very unsettled. As previously suggested, politely decline meeting his ... (read in full...)
Should I tell her I've had a crush on her for the past three years?
Q. so to begin with I have had a crush on this girl in my class for three years and now I am 15. she was our school topper and she is beautiful. I think she is single and doesn't talk much with boys. we occasionally had conversations like about on...
A. 17 June 2014: I agree with the previous answer from Ciar. Just continue to be friendly with this girl and you should be able to eventually judge whether she's interested in you or not. If she appears interested then you can take things from there.... (read in full...)
I need advice on how to break out of my comfort zone!
Q. Hi people well recently i have been applying for live-in hospitality jobs. I enjoy this type of work and im good at many different things. However the past 6yrs of my life have been robbed from me ss i was in a violent relationship and pretty messe...
A. 17 June 2014: When you say you are terrified, what are you exactly terrified of? You seem to have gone through a very bad time and now those bad times are behind you. The way forward can only be an improvement. You say you get on well with your mother and I am ... (read in full...)
Sick and tired of the dating game
Q. I have had another disappointment in my "dating life" today and this was the last drop... I met this girl 10 days ago and we seemed to hit it off quite well. I asked for her number and 3 days later we met for lunch. There again, we had a good ti...
A. 17 June 2014: This dating game is all about 'meeting the right one'. You're fine as you are, don't try to change yourself. There will be somebody out there who will love and appreciate you for the person that you are. It's most likely that the moment you stop ... (read in full...)
What do I do? All they do is complain about his ex-wife
Q. My fiancé's mother and father are hard edged and bitter towards their last daughter in law. My fiancé is divorced. They were only allowed to see the grandchildren on a limited basis. He has two grown children. The connection is broken with the ...
A. 9 June 2014: You are doing the right thing by keeping completely out of it. It's very hard to follow in the footsteps of another woman and I think your fiancé and his family are being very insensitive towards you. It's actually quite insulting to you that they ... (read in full...)
I'm tired of the double standards! Whats up with her?
Q. I have been dating for about 9 months now and it is not a casual thing and does look like things will progress more eventually. After saying this, I am at a loss over a certain trait. She can be rather jealous and unduly curious about what I do, an...
A. 9 June 2014: Why the hell are you even bothering with this woman, she sounds like an absolute nightmare! She doesn't deserve to have a lovely man like you. I'd get out quick and find yourself somebody more worthy of your affection. There are hundreds of women ... (read in full...)
I'm feeling lonely and unfulfilled right now!
Q. Hello everyone. I'm graduating from college soon and going through job interviews. It's a normal part of life but I can't help but feel lonely these days. I have been busy studying and working throughout college. I've always been a private person ...
A. 9 June 2014: The best way to find friends is to join some sort of club, organisation etc. where people share the same interest as you do. This may be a sport club, dancing club, drama group, craft group etc. By doing this it means you will be spending a ... (read in full...)
I'm an ex but he doesn't remember!
Q. i went on a date with an ex he didn't know it was me its been 14 years since we last saw each other and ive put on 3 stone and now he wants to see me again do I tell him the truth who I am or shall I just keep quiet ?...
A. 9 June 2014: Go out on a second date and tell him. Fourteen years is a long time and I'm sure both of you have changed quite a bit since then. A very similar thing happened to me actually. I'd been dancing with a man a few times (ballroom dancing) when I ... (read in full...)
He looks his ex up less and less, will the hurt fade from him eventually?
Q. I know that my boyfriend loves me and wants to be with only me, however he was very hurt when him and his ex girlfriend broke up nearly four years ago. We have been together a year and a half and live together with plans to marry next year. He ...
A. 4 June 2014: You are beating yourself up unnecessarily here. Your very last sentence says it all, 'By the way, he treats me very well and is affectionate and loving and supportive and sweet and we get along very well. I don't feel that I'm second best in the ... (read in full...)
I want to do what is correct, should our adult children meet before we marry?
Q. I'm planning to get married in a month or so there is one adult child on my side and 3 on my Fiancée side, would it be inapporiate to marry before the children all meet? ...
A. 4 June 2014: I really think they should all meet. Although they are all adults they are all still your children and a part of your lives. It may cause a lot of ill feeling and awkwardness for them all knowing that their respective parents are getting married ... (read in full...)
No money for child care -- how do I go out and meet people?
Q. I feel so lonely , im going to b 30 next yr and well ive only got my little girl shes the best thing I have, and even her dad left ume before she was even born. I met someone else but he has since last yr been working away and I think hes with som...
A. 7 May 2014: Before I read the other answers to your question I thought to myself 'this young lady needs to join some sort of toddler or childrens group'. Then I read the other answers and they say just the same.
You need to meet other females with children... (read in full...)
I can't turn my back so what do I do?
Q. One of my closest friends had cancer, recovered well, got the all clear 2 years ago. We all supported her through it. She also has an obsession with pain in her mouth and has been seeing specialists for almost 3 yrs and they can't find a reason. S...
A. 7 May 2014: It's very difficult and frustrating to help a person who won't help themselves. My sister and I have this with our elderly father so I can understand what it must be like for her family, and for you.
There isn't a great deal you can do under th... (read in full...)
How can I keep this relationship going?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year and we live together at the beginning of our relationship it was the best kind of relationship we always did things together we went every where together there was never a boring moment. ...
A. 7 May 2014: Most relationships are wonderful at first no matter how old or how young you are. It's very exciting getting to know somebody but sadly we can soon begin to realise that life isn't so wonderful once the excitement has died down. That's when we ... (read in full...)
I'm shy, would working with children be alright for a job?
Q. I am a shy person. Would working with children be right for me ?. I am on Jobseeker's Allowance. My advisor at the Jobcentre has said that I need to do some voluntary work. She has put me forward for a voluntary job at a Youth Club where children ...
A. 2 May 2014: Being a shy person myself I can completely understand how you feel. I would advise you to definitely go for this job because it will do you the world of good and probably 'bring you out of yourself'. When you have children around you making ... (read in full...)
Does this man's mother feel I am competition?
Q. I am with a man 16 yrs my senior. His mother is in her 80s and is so jealous of our relationship. She gets mad at how much time we spend together. She tells him alot of negative things about me and says he ignores her. I have never heard of this ...
A. 30 October 2013: It sounds like this lady has had her son at her 'beck and call' for a long time. Now he has met you and obviously she feels threatened. How you progress with this depends partly on your partner and partly on yourself. Your partner needs to divide ... (read in full...)
Jealous of my Boyfriend's Past Relationships
Q. Hello I am in a fairly new relationship, about 1 month old. My new boyfriend currently has much more long term relationship baggage than I do. He has dated multiple girls and he was with his ex for two years. I on the other hand barely dated before ...
A. 25 October 2013: Your boyfriend is with you. He's with you because he likes your company and he likes you for the person you are. Yes he's had previous relationships but he didn't know you in those days so it's a bit negative of you to be jealous of things that ... (read in full...)
Want to become friends, but I don't want to come across as creepy
Q. There's this girl who I graduated from hs last year who I'm following on twitter. We barely talked in hs but she seems really cool and nice and I would like to be friends. I've been feeling really lonely since I started college and haven't really ...
A. 25 October 2013: Just smile at her and be pleasant. Very often the best way to get to know people is to have a common bond ie: both play the same sport, enjoy the same hobby etc. because it gives you something to talk about. You can't really force a friendship, ... (read in full...)
Drunken horseplay, and nine years later she's openly rude.
Q. Hello Aunts and Uncles. Thanks for considering my question. Nine years ago, I was the Best Man at a dear friend's wedding. It was a wonderful, joyous and fairly raucous affair. High energy, lots of joking and horsing around, and lots of laughs. ...
A. 25 October 2013: Definitely ignore her. If she wants to be 'funny' with you then that's her problem. I wouldn't even broach the subject of the past with her. Rise above it, be polite, be courteous and leave it at that, it's not worth worrying about it. I think ... (read in full...)
I can't seem to get close to my inlaws or make new friends in this new county!
Q. I recently moved countries and the way people behave socially are slightly different from my home country. For example 3 months ago in this new country it was my birthday. I invited my in laws, as last year we had a good time. This year was d...
A. 11 October 2013: As long as you have a good relationship with your partner then that's the most important thing right now. If your inlaws upset you then it is best not to bother with them. Don't invite them to your next birthday party again unless things have ... (read in full...)
Am I naive for dating someone who is far away for work, what can I do to make long distance relationships work, and when is it the right time to have sex?
Q. So I have been best friends with this guy for over two years. We've had a very strong friendship and have a blast together. Throughout our time as friends I was in a two year relationship with this other guy and we have now recently broke up. So my ...
A. 11 October 2013: He may be lovely, he may be what you want BUT he's not there for you. He's away on a ship most of the time, is that what you really want? You are too young to sit at home and waste your life away waiting for a man who cannot be with you. You ... (read in full...)
He's too busy! Should I be patient or let him go?
Q. I feel stuck. I've been dating a man for the past 5 months. He's divorced and has four kids that hes a primary caregiver for. He also has a demanding job. My issue is because he is so busy I barely hear from him much less see him. We have texted a ...
A. 11 October 2013: If you can't cope with it you must let him go. He's going to be busy for a very long time I'm afraid. You don't mention the childrens ages but if the youngest is 8 then you've got at least another 10 years of him being tied up. Caring for your ... (read in full...)
What does the married man I work with want from me?
Q. Hello! To make it short..for couple of months this married man is getting more and more close to me.He is older than me, I am 28 he is 50..we met at work. He said things like he cannot live without me as a joke, he makes time to see me everyday ...
A. 11 October 2013: He fancies you and he's flirting with you. The reason he doesn't say what he wants and how he feels is because he knows the whole thing is impossible because he's married. He's probably got a lovely wife and family at home but seeing you everyday is ... (read in full...)
How do I come to terms with celibacy and life as a single person?
Q. How do I come to terms with celibacy and life as a single person, continuous search just makes me unhappy, and distracts me from leading a fuller life in other ways. I've spent the past twenty years bringing up two girls on my own, they've rec...
A. 8 October 2013: You need to get out there and join a few things. If you like walking then you could join one of the hundreds of walking groups around the country. Join a theatre group or some kind of hobby group where you will get to meet other people. In other ... (read in full...)
Met online. Should I be feeling uncertain because he doesn't necessarily show that he's interested?
Q. This may be a little long, so please stick with me. I recently joined a dating site. I've never done online dating, but I'm really shy with guys in person, so my sister suggested I try it. Among all the creeps, I actually met a semi dece...
A. 8 October 2013: Give this guy a bit more time. You hardly know him. Some people are a bit slow to warm up. I always think that the best way to get to know somebody is to visit their home, it can tell you a thousand things about their personality. See if you can ... (read in full...)
Did I blow it by playing it cool?
Q. I finally met this guy my friends had been suggesting I meet, they mentioned he would be coming with us on a camping trip. He arrives late as he was working that day, just in time for dinner and drinks. I didn't really have a proper chance/the guts ...
A. 8 October 2013: I think you need to 'bump into' him again and give it another go. At least that way you'll know for definite if he's interested or not. I often think men need a bit of a nudge at times. Try to be somewhere where you know he will be. If he shows ... (read in full...)
I snooped on my partner. Is this woman my rival or am I paranoid?
Q. First off, I did something really stupid, I decided to snoop on my partner of 8 years when he accidentally left his iphone @ home. I had a premonition and i just did it. I found some suspicious looking replies to CL ads and then I started reading ...
A. 8 October 2013: IF there was nothing in this 'relationship' of his then the woman would have either, texted you back and put you at ease, OR she would have had a word with your husband without being derogatory about you. Why did she have to be nasty? The chances ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to want to be someone's friend in the hopes it will lead to something more?
Q. I met someone really cool on Saturday. I belong to a sci fi enthusiasts group on a activities website. We went to see Gravity on Saturday. It was only my second meetup with them and I had noticed one of the women there. We ended up sitting next to ...
A. 8 October 2013: Yes,loan her some books and send her a quick email, there's nothing wrong in that and I'm sure she'll be thrilled to bits. Just continue your friendship with her and be observant. During the course of time you should be able to judge whether her ... (read in full...)
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