A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I recently moved countries and the way people behave socially are slightly different from my home country.For example 3 months ago in this new country it was my birthday. I invited my in laws, as last year we had a good time.This year was different my brother in laws new girlfriend was there (and she is a bit odd) also my father in law, BOTH made me cry on my birthday because they showed little interest and sometimes asked me awkward questions (as if to make me feel bad and put me down,) in my life, and on my birthday! I cried alot on my birthday (is that silly?) and then i messaged them telling them they were bad people for ruining it!I realise perhaps they may be the one's who have low self esteem? I think They felt bad because since then they have been more respecting. However they never visit my home at all.Should i invite them to any future birthdays of mine? FORGIVE AND FORGET? as they are my inlaws ?or should I just let these people be and do my own thing here? *I admit i am happier doing the last way*however it would be nice if i liked these people and to be honest i dont. Also month ago I sent a message to my another of my brother in laws (as I got a new number) and told him to let my sister in law know so she could message me.He said he would,and 1 month later I didnt hear from her.So I messaged him asking "where is she hiding?" he replied with a smiley face she was with him and sent me her number via text.My questions are:1) Should I message the sister in law? does it appear desperate? if she really wanted to message me she could have? but then again she does have a busier life so maybe she forgot? btw english is not her first language so maybe she feels odd messaging me in a language not to her native.2) I also met another girl around here recently , and she's a busy business owner. I asked her if she'd like to hang out and that person showed interest to go out with me, said they would love too! and thanks for asking.... but she said it would be in october as she have some business.I said ok. since 1 month (its october now) she has sent no more messages as chaseup (or polite conversation with me). could it be she can be so busy in her business? and forgot?I messaged this person 6 hours ago and still not heard back... what should I do from now?In my home country people tend to be a little more "polite" in responding, or responding on time.I am not used to the behaviors of this new country. I love it here but its challenging to make "friends" , since english is also not their first language.I have a good relationship with my partner and he's a good guy. I dont want to let other stupid people get in the way.However i would like to make 1 friend. Proving hard!! Or prehaps these people just dont like me? or feel intimidated? i dont know? should i bother with these folks? opinions please!
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self esteem, sister in law, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, malvern  + ♥, writes (11 October 2013):
 As long as you have a good relationship with your partner then that's the most important thing right now. If your inlaws upset you then it is best not to bother with them. Don't invite them to your next birthday party again unless things have improved with them during the course of a year. You are new to this country and people are strange. A lot of people don't accept newcomers very easily. This is something that happens in many areas of life, for example, in a new job, new member of a club etc.etc. so don't take things personally. Just continue to be yourself and gradually all these people will get to know you much better. You can't really rush into making friendships. They've all been there a long time and have established their lives. You will have to infiltrate slowly into their community.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2013): I probably don't know much but i kinda feel the same way, i recently moved from Ireland to New Zealand (looooooong flight) and it feels like my life is falling apart, all my friends and family seem worse than in Ireland and i have exactly one person on my street that has ever been on our property (if you don't count the jerk who taged the fence we made two weeks earlier :( ) and we don't even know that guy's name (?)
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