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*alvern

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My aunt embarrassed me in front of everyone at the wedding & I dread facing everyone now!!

Q.   Basically what happened we all attended a family members wedding last week. After the wedding breakfast and before the evening doo my aunt decided she wanted to go back to my house to freshen up - she left a change of clothes at my house as I...

A.   24 April 2024: Your aunt is a bit of a bitch! She has shown you her true colours so at least you now know what kind of a person she really is. The way she behaved says more about her than it does about you and I am sure all your friends were horrified and ... (read in full...)

Torn between wife and lover

Q.   Please don’t shoot me down for asking this question as I know I’ve done wrong and am struggling enough as it is. I’m a 52 year old male, married for 30 years. I’ve not been happy for probably 10 years. As the children grew up we both realised we...

A.   24 April 2024: I would say move on with your life. You have been unhappy for years. I think your wife is clinging onto financial security and safety since you say you have no life together. Unfortunately you are going to have to sacrifice your current financial ... (read in full...)

How do I know when to assist my blind girlfriend

Q.   This girl I started dating is blind (she is low vision blind, not total blind). Like, if I am standing in front of her, with the lights on, she can see that I am there but if I am standing on the other side of a room, she will not be able to see ...

A.   11 December 2023: I knew a girl who was blind. We let her do her own thing and only helped her when we could see she was having sort some of difficulty, or heading towards a hazard like 'just becareful, there's a step in front of you". Blind people have heightened ... (read in full...)

I seem to keep falling for men who are unavailable

Q.   Hey guys.. so I stumbled upon this site a while ago.. I have a question for all the agony aunts and uncles here .. I don't know if something's genuinely wrong with me.. But whenever I am attracted to a guy , to his looks, his body language...

A.   11 December 2023: I know only too well that it's a minefield out there! I think the best thing to do is take up some kind of interest where you can meet men who become your friends first, and possibly lead to romance later. The best thing I ever did in my life was to ... (read in full...)

One of my husband's work contacts causes problems

Q.   I would like advice, please on a 'friend' who I know through my partner. She was never really a close friend of his, more like a work contact, but the field we work in has a huge overlap in social and work life, so they have many mutual contacts. I ...

A.   11 December 2023:  i have read your question carefully a couple of times and i have to say that this woman seems like a totally controlling old bitch. Does she really come from an upper middle class background? I would very much doubt it. She strikes me as the kind ... (read in full...)

Awkward! Friend assumed I’d pay for her daughter’s art supplies but I never offered

Q.   My friend lives in a village around a 40 minute drive from me. Last week she got in touch asking if I was free for a catch up as her daughter (who is 15) needed to come in to the town where I live to buy some art supplies. We arranged to meet up. ...

A.   11 June 2023: It looks like you may have lost that money for good. Whether you tell your friend or not depends on whether you want to risk losing her friendship or not. It has either been a misunderstanding on her part, or she sees you as an easy touch. At least ... (read in full...)

Am I making too much out of nothing?

Q.   I’m having a conflict with my partner. I need some advice about whether or not I’m making too big a deal out of nothing. We are both 30, and living together. I’ll try to paint the scene: We were getting ready to carry some stuff to the car, a...

A.   11 June 2023: I have to amit that I sometimes act the same way with my husband as your girlfriend acts with you. She’s just getting irritated by you. She’s not truly happy so she’s nit picking at you. I suppose it all comes about with familiararity. Don’t make ... (read in full...)

Boyfriend is regressing back to a teenager

Q.   I’m a 28-year-old woman and I’ve been with my boyfriend for 10 years after meeting during our first year at university. We had a daughter four years ago, which wasn’t planned, but we both adore her. My problem is, while I’ve matured and take...

A.   3 April 2022: I think his mates have a lot to do with thia. They are probrably encouraging him to go out and 'be one of the lads' with them. He doesn't want to seem weak so he goes along with it all. Very similar situation to what I had in my first marriage. ... (read in full...)

I lost my job and wife isnt happy refuses to cut back

Q.   I’m a man in my mid-50s and I was made redundant a few months ago as a knock-on effect of the pandemic. I’ve always had pretty good jobs and I’ve saved money over the years and I got a payout when I left work, so we’re not on the streets. We live...

A.   3 April 2022: Your wife is being totally unreasonable and selfish and I think your suspicions about her using you as a meal ticket are true. So, what is she doing about it all ? Has she got a job? Is she contributing to the household? You sound like a really ... (read in full...)

Is my husband having a mid life crisis?

Q.   I’m think my husband could be having some sort of midlife crisis. He’s 45 and during our state's lockdown had become obsessed by fitness, and lifts weights and runs every day. At first, I thought it was a good thing, but now he’s become critical ...

A.   3 April 2022: He sounds just like my ex husband at the the same sort of age. My second husband is a little bit the same as well ! I think it's a 'man thing'. It's the 'Look at me, I'm super fit and healthy, aren't I wonderful?' attitude. Very annoying to us ... (read in full...)

Move from the big city to smaller town isnt working

Q.   I moved with my husband from a big city in the Midwest to this smaller town in a Southern state for his new job about 3 years ago, pre-Covid. Things were good at first, but now I'm hating it and questioning things. I tried to make friends w...

A.   3 April 2022: These moms in the area seem to have a very strange snobbish attitude towards life. Surely they can't all be like that? I appreciate how hard it is to make new friends as I am in a similar situation but I am a lot older than you. Are there any clubs ... (read in full...)

I cant deal with the behaviors of my son and husband

Q.   I've become very concerned about my husband and son's behavior recently. My son is 14 and learning from my husband it's OK to imitate Kanye West's behavior, the two of them have suddenly become very misogynistic and make crude jokes, and spamm...

A.   3 April 2022: I am not sure whether this would be termed as domestic violence or not, but I think you need to speak to some sort of expert regarding your husbands behaviour. If this was happening to me personally I know I would be thinking about divorce and ... (read in full...)

My boss is making my work place miserable

Q.   Hello all, I have a situation where I don’t know what to do. My boss hates me why I don’t know. My boss has favorites I work for an apartment complex and there are several properties that this company owns. I am the manager and I have a leas...

A.   26 January 2022: It's a tricky and unpleasant situation for you. Your boss is making life awkward for you on purpose and is possibly telling her own boss that you are not meeting deadlines etc. but failing to mention it is a result of she herself not signing papers ... (read in full...)

Has anyone struggled with life for so long and actually managed to turn your life around for the better?

Q.   Has anyone been able to gain there confidence at such a later part in your life and been truly happy? I have been in a rut and stuck in life for years now. I didn't realise how much hope and spark I'd lost in life.. I go to work come back waste ...

A.   3 September 2021: For most of my twenties my life was very lonely, boring and uneventful, never meeting the right partner was a major issue for me. Then out of the blue I met my future husband. We married and had children and I was so happy, life completely changed ... (read in full...)

Has anyone struggled with life for so long and actually managed to turn your life around for the better?

Q.   Has anyone been able to gain there confidence at such a later part in your life and been truly happy? I have been in a rut and stuck in life for years now. I didn't realise how much hope and spark I'd lost in life.. I go to work come back waste ...

A.   3 September 2021: For most of my twenties my life was very lonely, boring and uneventful, never meeting the right partner was a major issue for me. Then out of the blue I met my future husband. We married and had children and I was so happy, life completely changed ... (read in full...)

Is a 17 year age gap to much?

Q.   Is a 17 year age gap too big? I’ve being dating a man who’s 17 year older than me. He’s got three kids to two different women. He’s never been married and I don’t know what went wrong with the two ex’s. It’s early days so I don’t want to ask too ...

A.   16 August 2021: You are young and a have life ahead of you. He has made a mess of his life, he is not suitable and has too many commitments. Get out of this relationship while you can and have a happy life with your own age group and don’t waste time on this man ... (read in full...)

Relationships and incontinence

Q.   Im doubley incontinence and have to wear nappies-diapers and plastic pants and have done so for a very long time. As i result ive had no relationship of any kind and get deeply depressed. Just wondering if anyone else went through the same problems...

A.   16 August 2021: I would have thought that nowadays there must be some sort of surgical procedures you can have to alleviate the problem especially as you are not old. There are doctors who specialise in the bowel area of the body and I think they can assist with ... (read in full...)

I think this girl likes my boyfriend

Q.   Hi everybody. Some advice please. There's this girl that I just noticed. I've been observing her behaviour. I noticed her looking at my boyfriend. At first, I thought it was nothing because maybe she looks at him out of curiosity or something els...

A.   14 August 2021: This happened to me when I was your age. I foolishly pointed out to my boyfriend that this girl fancied him. A couple of weeks later he was seeing her behind my back ! So…be careful what you tell him because men are easily flattered by a girl who ... (read in full...)

He will be nice for awhile then ask for money, when I say no it's like a different person

Q.   Hi, and thanks! So my boyfriend and I have been together about 3 years. When it's good it's great, when it's bad, its horrible! He has mood swings. Mostly money related. He will be okay when he has money, but if hes broke he acts like a chil...

A.   14 August 2021: Get out of this relationship and find somebody who is more worthy of you because you don’t have to put up with it as you’re not legally bound to him. ... (read in full...)

Dilemma to tell friend I like her

Q.   Hi Everyone! So basically i have feelings for a girl, but she is my good friend. We've known each other for more than a year, have a lot in common, get along very well etc. we did not meet through a dating app and bonded initially through a shared...

A.   14 August 2021: I think she regards you in a brotherly sort of way. She’s fond of you, enjoys your company but doesn’t fancy you. The moment you let her know that you want something more than that is risking losing her. I think you can only carry on as you are ... (read in full...)

I just found out someone I briefly dated was dating his now wife

Q.   Hello Not sure how to process this. I just found out someone I briefly dated was dating his now wife. I feel angry and used. I would never ever date someone taken. The fact that I was an unknowing participant hurts me. Actually the last time I s...

A.   14 August 2021: Unfortunately it happened and it’s now in the past. You were not to blame and you can only regard yourself as being lucky. The poor girl he married is not so lucky as you and only time will tell if their marriage lasts. You can only feel sorry for ... (read in full...)

The pandemic has made me question my marriage and ponder divorce

Q.   Since March of last year I have been full-time telecommuting. My spouse is unemployed and has been for a few years now although she always worked before. She quit her job because it was stressful to her and I make so much more money than she does...

A.   19 June 2021: You need to sit down and have a really good talk to her. She's actually behaving like a retired woman much older than herself. Assuming she is a similar age to yourself she ought to be 'up and out and about' and doing things. You need to point out ... (read in full...)

Is his behaviour is acceptable or controlling in anyway?

Q.   Me and my boyfriend have been together for a few months and it has been good for the most part however we fight whenever I wear a shirt that is low cut, something that shows my bra (even the smallest amount) or a skirt, which I wear shorts under. I ...

A.   12 December 2020: There are warning signs here that your boyfriend is controlling, if he's like this now then what will he be like in the future as you become more familiar with each other? You should move on and find somebody else who accepts you as you are and ... (read in full...)

I thought my LDR girlfriend was a virgin. She's not and I can't get over it

Q.   It's been four months of my long distance relationship with my girlfriend. couple of weeks ago, she told me she is not a virgin and she had sex with her ex once.This came up as a sunrise and this surprise hurts me. I'm in love with this girl and I'm ...

A.   4 November 2020: I think you are making too much of an issue over all this. The other man is her ex so everything happened before she ever knew you. She did not have a crystal ball that told her she was going to meet you and that she must preserve herself for you. ... (read in full...)

Is a year too long to make my LDR boyfriend wait?

Q.   Hello I'm a single woman of many years I'm just finally starting to get back in the romantic spot light .So I met this guy on the Internet very respectful all I ever dreamed of he sends me money we talk for hours on the phone.He even told his ...

A.   23 June 2020: You will never really know exactly how you feel until you actually meet him. You should arrange to meet in person for a few hours at a public place like a restaurant that is half way between your two homes. What is the point of waiting 6 months or ... (read in full...)

How do you make new friends in a city where you know only one person and your co-workers?

Q.   Hi, I'm 22 yo, just moved in february to another city where i know nobody. I am a very social person by nature, i like to talk to people, but I couldnt make any new friends. I only met this one neighbor with whom i spend some of my free time.. M...

A.   23 June 2020: Join a dancing school. Have a look on the internet and see what dance schools and lessons are available. There are so many different types of dancing from Jive, Swing, Modern Jive all of which you do not need a steady partner, to ballroom, ballet ... (read in full...)

What can I do about my life and wife?

Q.   Over 43 yrs of faithful marriage she requires separate bedrooms handles all financial transactions accumulate over 100,000 dollars in credit card debts that I know of and no sex for 3 years now .... what to do No names please ...

A.   31 May 2020: We have a friend who is in the same situation as you. He is nearly 70 and has to keep working just to support his wife who spends all his money and lives a separate life to him but under the same roof. It’s killing him. We keep telling him to seek ... (read in full...)

Why do men string me along?

Q.   Hello. I am a 43 year old woman who asked for advice with her I’ll health and dead end personal life last hear and I got good advice. This year, I worked in a better job and started dating people in may. I do meet men but they are usually youn...

A.   15 December 2018: It's a minefield out there and you've got to keep going if you want to meet somebody special. I was single for nearly 20 years and recently re-married. Much like you I've been strung along and met all types but there are good men out there too. Be ... (read in full...)

Parents moving- what should I do with my pet?

Q.   Need some help please on a family related issue please.. My parents have been alcoholics since I was little and I had a hard upbringing. The only thing that really helped me growing up at home was having my pet dog alongside me (he's mine since...

A.   3 December 2018: Aaaahh you've got to keep him with you, he's yours and you are his. Maybe by now you have found a solution but if not then all I can think of that you employ the services of a dog walker who will come in your house at pre arranged times, and, if ... (read in full...)

I think my crush found out I like him and now he's avoiding me

Q.   I have a crush on this guy ( let’s call him K ) We used to study in the same class. I went to another class now so we don’t see each other often. Back when we were in the same class, he used to talk to me and tease me a lot. I think he liked me, but ...

A.   3 December 2018: He was just being friendly with you, and possibly flirty, but to him it was nothing more than that because he obviously doesn't want a relationship. Don't be knocked back by this, it happens to us all at some time or another. Not everybody we ... (read in full...)

Should I ask her out or wait until the divorce is final?

Q.   I am very interested in asking out a woman with whom I have developed a nice freindship, including some flirting. The difficulty is that she recently filed for divorce. Some people say I should wait until it is final...others say go for it. I would ...

A.   3 December 2018: Keep well away, you don't want to end up being involved in somebody elses divorce or you could really land yourself in a mess.... (read in full...)

I feel like I need her permission to leave the relationship. Is she crazy?

Q.   Hi everyone, I need advice about a girl who I think is totally crazy. I am 26 and she is 33. Bit of an age gap but she seemed very nice so i thought i'd give her a chance. I decided now I don't want to be with her but I want to know if I did an...

A.   3 December 2018: With this sort of behaviour on her part you can legally do something about this. You can bring a case of harassment against her. Most solicitors in the UK give a free half hour of advice and I think it would be best to ring one of them up and give ... (read in full...)

Is it possible we "love" each other?

Q.   Hi. I've been married since 1995,and we get along fine, but I met this lady "B" at work in 2004. Without meaning to, we became very close even though she was engaged to someone I knew. Nothing actually happened because she was my boss, but everyone ...

A.   3 December 2018: This situation sounds very much like my situation that I had a long time ago with my now ex husband. He was going to work every day, he got on well with a woman in the office, they confided in each other, nothing physical went on (to my knowledge) ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend of 3 years doesn't want to have children. I dream of having them

Q.   Hey everyone. So ive been with my boyfriend a year now and we started talking about kids i commented how good he is with his nephews and how hed make a great dad one day to which he said he doesnt want any children. This crushed me as he knew from ...

A.   3 December 2018: Your boyfriend is very selfish and perhaps you should have moved on as soon as you knew he never wanted children. The problem is that IF you had a child by him then the consequences could be bad because he may leave you with total responsibility ... (read in full...)

I want to approach her but don't know how to talk to her

Q.   Hello , I am in my 20's male, I recently got admitted to a new college, And I met a girl who I really fell in love with, But Im scared to talk to her because I am an introvert from childhood, and I get nervous when I talk to people, and screw up my ...

A.   1 December 2018: This is what you do - you smile at her. Just a small fleeting smile as you perhaps pass in a corridor. Smile at her every time you see her, and walk on. If she's interested she will smile back. Eventually you will sort of get to know each other ... (read in full...)

I want first date to turn into relationship

Q.   I have been doing online dating for the past 4-5 years. I have made a couple of friends from it which was a bonus. I have been chatting to a guy for a few week now and are meeting this weekend. He had had really bad health over the last 3 month and ...

A.   1 December 2018: Its very hard to judge a person from online chat. I've been through all this, they seem nice online but they're not what you expected when you get to meet them. Reserve any judgments until you meet, treat it as an evening out, don't expect too ... (read in full...)

What's the optimum compromising point in a relationship? How do I balance boundaries and insecurities?

Q.   I'm doing a lot of soul searching, so I'll probably be on here a lot asking questions that to every one else sound like common sense. Please bare with me, I'm a lost person. How to i know the difference between being irrational or having m...

A.   29 November 2018: It would seem to me that you just haven't met the right person for you. If they were right then you wouldn't have all these problems. For instance, the guy who was ringing his ex is a definite no no for you, he clearly wasn't committed to you at ... (read in full...)

I tried to make new friends but apparently it isn't working. Where did I go wrong?

Q.   Im at an age where I've lost a lot of friends for various reasons over the years and trying to make more interesting new friends so I msged an aquantance with a common interest and all seemed well and positive. She said she would talk to her ...

A.   29 November 2018: If they can't be bothered to reply then just forget them and move on. If people were really interested they'd get back to you. Unfortunately not everybody is polite as you. Find other people to do things with... (read in full...)

I'm lonely and need friends but I am worried that at my age the only friends I may make now will be "messed up" people.

Q.   I am nearly 50 and I am often lonely. I'm a 'high achiever' I suppose. Very highly educated, employed, fairly healthy but very low energy and a history of depression (which I've never told anyone about, but tended to hide, fearing rejection). I ha...

A.   29 November 2018: I think you are thinking too much into this friendship thing. In my experience friendships form very slowly and usually over some common bond. You are probably best joining a group of some sort. Walking is a good way of getting to know people, ... (read in full...)

Are LDR's real relationships, even if you haven't met them yet?

Q.   Hello, I am currently in a long distance relationship with a man. He is from the US, and is 21 years old, and I am from the UK, and am 18 years old. We met online, and have been together for a couple of months now. We are still going strong...

A.   12 November 2018: This is not a real relationship. You need to meet because that is the only way you will really be able to tell how you both feel.... (read in full...)

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