A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:First off, I did something really stupid, I decided to snoop on my partner of 8 years when he accidentally left his iphone @ home. I had a premonition and i just did it. I found some suspicious looking replies to CL ads and then I started reading his text messages, specifically the ones that he writes with a female friend of his (she lives across the country). Well, come to find out they've been writing letters and calling each other constantly while he's been away @ work. He opened up more emotionally in his texts to her than he does to me and there was just this subtext... She kept asking when he was going to call her to finish their discussion about their "feelings", when can she come visit and meet his kids, why didn't he call her on her birthday, did he like her picture, etc. I didn't find any of this on the phone and we don't have a PC or internet @ home. Anyway, I texted her (dumb me!). I didn't say anything crazy, cause I've been the innocent female friend before. She immediately sent him a text about how I was a nut job, then emailed him, then called him @ 9pm our time (after he got his phone back). He got really mad at me and said I'd ruined his friendship with her. Oh, and I have one guy friend (who's like a brother) myself but I don't share my entire emotional life with him over my husband. Opinions? And yes, I know I never should have snooped. :(
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female
reader, KC12 +, writes (8 October 2013):
 A very wise person who I truly respect once told me that you shouldn't have close personal friends of the opposite sex when you're in a marriage/committed relationship. It sounds like this "friendship" of his has crossed the line and I have been there as my ex had a lot of "friendships" with other girls that led to more...Calling you a "nutjob" is out of line, on her part too. I'm sure if her husband had been receiving texts or calls from some woman talking about "feeligngs" she'd have done the same thing. I hate to say this, but it sounds like at the very least he was having an emotional affair with this woman. If you DID ruin his "friendship" with this person than it's a good thing, and your husband needs to re-evaluate things. But, I hate to say this...If you didn't ruin their "friendship" then you may need to tell him he'll need to chose between his "friend" and you.
A
female
reader, malvern  + ♥, writes (8 October 2013):
 IF there was nothing in this 'relationship' of his then the woman would have either, texted you back and put you at ease, OR she would have had a word with your husband without being derogatory about you. Why did she have to be nasty? The chances are that he's being saying bad things about you I'm afraid. She's being the 'confidante' in the hopes that she's in with a chance for his affections. You need to have this out with him. I'm afraid women are very devious and she definitely wants more out of all this than texts. Whether that's what your husband wants remains to be seen. How do I know all this? A similar thing happened with my now ex-husband many years ago.
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (8 October 2013):
 I think your husbands behavior with this woman is suspicious because he's confiding in her alot when he's at work when he should be spending time or confiding in you. Also she wants to come over to meet the kids and not you. That all sounds suspicious to me too.
Calling you a nutjob is unfair too. You have a right to know whats going on you are his wife! I think you do the right thing because you followed on your hunch.
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A
female
reader, desiree075  +, writes (8 October 2013):
I agree with Honeypie, and I want to add that It is disrespectful of her to call you a nut job, and also of him to not stand up for you. Sure, I can vent to my girlfriends about my boyfriend, but I am the only one allowed to criticize him. I mean, they can too but not in my presence. So instead of getting mad at you, he should apologize to you. She's the one who sounds like a nut job for texting him, emailing him and calling him right after you contacted her. Why doesn't she respond to you herself? Is she a baby?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (7 October 2013):
 Well texting her was not smart, neither was snooping HOWEVER, that doesn't justify what THEY are doing behind your back, does it?
Why would she want to come MEET the kids and not his "family"? I mean if you two have been together for 8 years YOU are a family. Aren't you?
I would tell him you did ruin something. You ruined the image you had of him. HE ruined your trust.
I would serious ask him how he would feel if the roles were reversed. If YOU had been the one sending texts like the ones mentioned.
And her calling YOU a nutjub makes me wonder WHAT he's been telling her. Aside from the fact that you sent a text and I don't know what you wrote in it, it is suspect, where does she come from that she can attack you? Sounds like she didn't like "getting caught".
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A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (7 October 2013):
 Does sound a bit suspicious... But it depends on what the messages said, did he moan about you in them or talk to her in a flirtatious way? If so there is probably more going on than a friendship.
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