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My ex wants to take our baby away for his visits and I'm not comfortable with this. Do I have a say in the matter?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Pregnancy, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 March 2015) 6 Answers - (Newest, 4 April 2015)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Hi,

My ex and I split up while I was pregnant and now he sees our son (9 weeks old) for about 2 hours a week at my house. He has never done a night feed alone and has never looked after him without supervision. He is saying he wants to take me to court and get access to him twice a month to take him out of my house and to his parents (2 hours away) for the weekend. I don't know his parents very well and all I do know is that his mum resents my baby for "distracting him from his university work"

I co sleep with my baby and he doesn't settle without me there. Also he doesn't like the bath unless I go in with him. He is quite a clingy baby and doesn't like it when I leave him. I don't want him going away for 2 nights hours away from me after being with me constantly for the last 9 weeks. Do I have any say in this? I am not happy for him to take him but I'm happy for him to come here and visit and even stay if he wants as I have a spare room.

Thanks

View related questions: split up, university

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2015):

I do allow him to bond how rude. Everytime I leave the house he calls me back within 30 mins because he cannot do something. I don't want to put up with his or his parents presence either but I do for the baby. I think I agree with the majority here that 9 weeks is too young for me to be passing my baby to a complete incompitent idiot for 2 days straights. Also his parents didn't raise him, they palmed him off to child minders

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2015):

I think you should make more accomodations for dad & baby to spend time together. Yes it is young but you need to start learning to let dad take care of his son too. He has not done this night feeding, or been able to bond because you have not let him. You are always there hovering. Not good and not fair to father.

Be happy he is at least trying, and genuinely interested in spending time with the kid despite having to put up with your presence.

Your de-facto in-laws (his parents) have raised at least one child, I am sure they will be doting grandparents and help thier son, your baby-daddy, do a fine job. I am sure that he can feed, change, and play with his baby without your looking over his shoulder disrupting the bond he is trying to make with his child.

You should let go a little and let dad take a day or two on his own with his son. You have everything already, stop this interference, it is bad for your child in the long run.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States + , writes (30 March 2015):

So_Very_Confused agony auntEVENTUALLY he will have to go with dad but NOT at 9 weeks. But I think that a friend of the court should be involved in this and get it all nice and legal in writing.

And I like the idea of you meeting his folks with the baby now and then... or meeting half way at a park or something as he gets older.

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A female reader, malvern United Kingdom +, writes (30 March 2015):

malvern agony auntMy grandson is only 8 weeks old and I cannot imagine for one minute how horrendous it would be for him to be parted from his mummy, or she parted from him, for any great length of time. It's too young an age for all that. They need each other. I would say that baby stays with you, even if you have to visit your ex's parents house. I think you are being very reasonable offering your ex a spare room so he can visit. I don't think your ex understands the mother/baby bond here. Stick to your guns and don't let the baby go. There's time for visits when the baby is older.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (30 March 2015):

Honeypie agony auntI forgot to mention, maybe you could do a day-trip to his parents house and spend a few hours with them, see how they all work together?

Whether you like it or NOT , THEY are your baby's family too.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (30 March 2015):

Honeypie agony auntHe is 9 weeks old, he NEEDS his mother. I would find a NEUTRAL 3rd person to mediate this.

Your child's DAD have rights. BUT his right doesn't SUPERSEDE those of common sens and child care.

I DO think have a LEGAL document with visitation schedule and financial help sorted out is a good thing.

I CAN understand why he doesn't want to come "stay" in your spare-room to see his son. You wouldn't want that if she shoe was on the other foot.

Maybe this can give you an idea of where to go from here:

http://www.dad.info/divorce-and-separation/fathers-rights-and-law/unmarried-fathers-rights

http://www.dad.info/divorce-and-separation/fathers-rights-and-law/child-support-maintenance

https://www.gov.uk/parental-rights-responsibilities/who-has-parental-responsibility

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