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My Ex cheated and then he left me. Why can't I move on from this set-back?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Cheating, Dating, The ex-factor, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 March 2015) 4 Answers - (Newest, 30 March 2015)
A female United States age 18-21, *carlett101 writes:

Why can't I move on? I am in college two months ago my ex cheated and left.

Now I am so alone in college and it's like I enjoy being sad because today I found myself crying and it seems he's fine.

I cry the most when I think about how he so easily could walk away and not miss me? I don't know what to do?

View related questions: move on, my ex

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (30 March 2015):

Honeypie agony auntI think you someone believe it's your fault he cheated.

IT IS NOT.

And then of course there is the humiliation and disappointment.

WHY did he DO that to ME?

(He made that choice because he believes the world revolves around what HE wants.)

WHY didn't I SEE it coming?

(Because you don't have a crystal ball telling you everything that is going to happen.)

Throw all that energy you are using to ponder him and the relationship INTO your education. Maybe join some clubs (that HE isn't part of) and met new people.

You ask how he could walk away so easily? Because he NEVER felt affection for you to the same DEPTHS as you did for him. He is still a superficial immature guy when it comes to relationships. He probably will be for a few more years.

This isn't about YOU not being GOOD enough. This is about maturity levels. His is a -3 /yours is a +5 (just random numbers, but what I mean with that is HE is NOT mature enough for what a REAL relationship takes).

YOU need to go out there and make some friends. You time at school should be good ones. Not pining over some dude who didn't really deserve you. Work hard, get good grades, make friends for life. ENJOY life.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (30 March 2015):

It has been only two months, and you are suffering from the grief of your loss. You are humiliated and traumatized; because he betrayed you, after you gave him your heart. You're heart-broken, and the pain seems intense and almost endless. The truth is, it's normal and natural to feel as you do. It will take time, but you have to force your way through it. Allow yourself to cry and vent your emotions.

You are now in college, and that is where you are going to have to focus your energies and attention. You should get exercise, spend time with your friends, and socialize as much as possible. Have fun, you're young!!!

Life doesn't revolve around having boyfriends. You have to be independent in order to grow as a woman, and discover your strengths and potential. It's irrelevant how he feels, what he's doing, or who he's with. He's gone. Move on.

Avoid stalking him on Facebook, Snapchat, and Instagram. That is self-inflicted torture. You'll prolong and intensify your agony. Block him if you are still on his list of recipients; or you'll keep getting pictures and messages to taunt you. You'll want to read his FB messages to keep track of who he's with. You may as well drive nails into your eyes, and yank your heart out of your chest.

Be sure you eat well and get plenty of sleep. You've poured too much of yourself into a relationship, and you didn't save a little love for yourself. He did. He had a head-start getting over the breakup, that's why it seems it doesn't hurt as much. He'll keep dating, thinking that's a shortcut through breakup-pain; and a way to avoid missing you. He got tired of being faithful to one girl; but he'll look back, and the pain will catch up with him. It's over, so his pain no longer matters. His suffering doesn't end your pain anyway.

You're both very young; so your relationships really have a short shelf-life. You are still in the trial-stages of forming and maintaining relationships. In basic-training, so to speak. What you're going through now is a part of maturing. Some relationships will not last indefinitely. Some will be short. Some will be wonderful, but may still fail. You have to survive in-between them. Learn from them. You can't be a wimp. He'll love knowing you're suffering, it makes him feel like a big-time stud. So stop it!!! You shouldn't empower him that way! Even if you have to fake-it!

You really need to be single and on your own; in order to focus on yourself, and to set your life-goals. Your mind should now be on your studies. Not whining over a cheating sleazy boy. Time is a healer, and your determination to get-over him speeds up the healing-process.

Too many young people get wrapped-up in relationship-drama and neglect their education and career goals. We all look for fantasy-relationships that are perfect, and will last forever. When they don't stack-up to all we've dreamed of, we fall apart when they break. Well, it's too soon for you to feel normal. Cheaters always think they can find someone to fill your place, and think they'll never feel the pain you're feeling. Trust me, he does. He's human too. He's putting on a show for your benefit. To punish you and rub your nose in it. They happier he seems, the more fake it is.

Guys his age, don't really realize what they've lost; until YOU find someone better. When they see you're happier; then they suddenly feel the loss. Don't misread or misconstrue my advice here. There are stupid girls who grab the first guy who comes along to make him jealous. They go jumping into a new relationship right-away; before their healing is done. They end-up being the one hurt. So sometimes you need a break from all that. Just be single, and fly solo awhile.

Date just for the shear fun of it. Acquaint yourself with a variety of male-personality types; and explore cultures and races. Determine your best match. Live and learn!

By that time the right guy comes along; you'll be the one completely over him. Cheaters want someone to care about them too. They meet their karma; because they screw-up over and over. They have to learn about love the hard way.

You learn empathy by knowing what it feels like to hurt someone, and you will also learn how to survive being hurt. It's the most difficult part of life; but we all will and must go through it.

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A female reader, malvern United Kingdom +, writes (30 March 2015):

malvern agony auntTime is the greatest healer. You may be upset now but gradually you will find yourself thinking about him less and less. Make friends with other girls and go out and have a good time together. Go and enjoy yourself and forget about boys for a while. I'm sure that one day a boy will come along who's attracted to this carefree happy girl he keep seeing around the college, and that girl will be you of course!.

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A female reader, Gladtohelp United Kingdom +, writes (30 March 2015):

Gladtohelp agony auntDon't think like that girl... Honestly it's not doing you any favours... I went through the same thing and it caused to me be so depressed for a long time.. Focus on yourself... Focus on building yourself up... Reconnect with yourself again... Find something that can take your mind off him.. Mine was the gym and it distracted me from my ex... It also helped me gain my self esteem again... Remember he cheated on YOU! So it's now time for you to prove yourself and tell yourself you can do much better and you deserve much more than a cheating fool.. What also helped me was I prayed. I prayed that God me the courage to move on and to help to make better and wiser decisions when it came to my relationships and trust me you finally come at peace. It works! Focus on your recovery, rather than him. Don't you worry, karma will catch up with him..

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