I'm caught in the middle of my mom and my dad's girlfriend and really don't know how to handle things
Q. Hi Dear cupid helpers. I am in need of some advice on a family situation... So my dad had an affair on my mum 4 - 5 years ago (the last one of a few in the past) I mum turned to drinking, and has been drinking for the last 4 - 5 years and has...
A. 27 March 2017: You need to be on the side of your mother. She's the one who loves you, she's the one who brought you up and she's the one who will always be there for you no matter what. She will feel betrayed everytime you have contact with the woman in your ... (read in full...)
How can I believe there is a good guy out there?
Q. I feel like I have given up on love- my whole life I'm in my early thirties now but I used to believe that there was a nice guy out there and that if ur a genuine person that will be rewarded. I'm 32 and I have completely lost faith in love - I...
A. 27 March 2017: You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your handsome prince so don't give up! I know exactly how you feel though having 'been there' myself but you just have to keep going. Immerse yourself into some sort of hobby or club and try to ... (read in full...)
Group holiday planned. How can I enjoy the holiday when he will be present ?
Q. I'm going on a group holiday next week(which has been arranged for a while) with someone who I really like and have feelings for, but who I have come to realise just enjoys flirting and does not actually have feelings for me at all. The thing is...
A. 27 March 2017: I'm not sure how you come to be going on the same holiday as this guy because it would be best not to go considering how you feel. You will just have to put yourself into the frame of mind that he is what he is - a flirt and that you have no real ... (read in full...)
How can I stop living in the past and stop worrying?
Q. Hello everyone, how does someone stop living in the past , it seems like my life is a contact worry, I can't escape my own "prison" I always worry about what other people think of me , constant non stop, whether it's a work, at home , with friends...
A. 27 March 2017: i think a lot of us are guilty of living in the past, What if this? What if that? but none of us can turn back the clock, the past has gone and nobody can change it. Sometimes you have to think 'actually they upset me, they didn't do this or that ... (read in full...)
Do most guy friends behave this way?
Q. So for a few weeks I've had a crush on this guy that I see periodically at a social dance event. I have known him but not well for almost a year, but have recently started getting closer to him. We started getting closer once a previous relationship ...
A. 27 March 2017: Oh yes he likes you ! He's waiting for a response from you, a bit of encouragement. You need to let him know that you are interested and it doesn't need to be verbal. Just squeeze his hand, hug him back when he hugs you or give him some other ... (read in full...)
I stayed through fear, now worried my life is over and his is just beginning again
Q. Ok I need some help to deal with something that I know is really silly so I need some support here please . I've been with my husband and father of my children for twenty years . Over the course of our marriage he has had a problem with pirn and ...
A. 27 March 2017: How dreadful that you are putting yourself down in this way, you seem to be blaming yourself for everything when he's the one at fault. What a shallow man he is to cast you to one side while he chases off after 'beautiful' women ! Beauty actually ... (read in full...)
Is a friends with benefits relationship sustainable?
Q. After 12 years of marriage, I lost my wife to an unexpected heart attack 9 months ago. It has been hard and I'm not sure what I want to do. I recently ran into a lady I worked with at one time while shopping and she offered her condolences. I'v...
A. 8 March 2017: It's pretty certain this lady will consider herself to be in a relationship with you even though you don't see it as a relationship yourself. It's early days for you but she's been on her own for a while and I'm sure she will be very excited about ... (read in full...)
My 22 year old daughter has sent nude photos to her boyfriend. How do I address this?
Q. I recently discovered that my 22 year old daughter who is doing her post graduation has clicked and sent her nude pictures to her boyfriend. am concerned that its morally incorrect and also usually such pictures land up circulating. Its very...
A. 7 March 2017: Tell her you know what she's done. Don't lose your temper with her but just point out to her the possible dangers of what she's done. Take the 'Well you've really let me down, I'm very disappointed' approach. When I was young my father used to ... (read in full...)
My husband is a serial cheater. Am I fooling myself to think he will change?
Q. I have been married to my husband for 23 years. We were young when we got married - 20 and 21. Early on in our marriage he cheated on me twice. I was not very confident back then and terrified of being alone, so I forgave and stayed. And I guess ...
A. 7 March 2017: As the saying goes, 'A Leopard never changes its spots'. It's unlikely your husband will change unfortunately. It's how much longer you are prepared to put up with this. I think there are many women in the same situation who choose to turn a ... (read in full...)
I am unbelievably shy and it's impacting on my social life!
Q. I really need advice... I am unbelievably shy and it's impacting on my social life. I am pretty confident at work where I interact with parents and staff in my school. My friends suggested I go on dating sites as I was low about not meeting a...
A. 30 November 2016: This is clearly a 'safety in numbers' problem. You're afraid to branch out on your own. I'm sure that you are a lovely person who has a lot to offer and you need to have more confidence in yourself. When you keep putting off meeting these guys on ... (read in full...)
I just want things back to normal between us
Q. How do you make a situation less awkward? About 3 months ago I got with a colleague and in short, he was an idiot about things and very misleading. He's clearly in the wrong and has never apologised or addressed the situation, but that's besides ...
A. 29 November 2016: Years ago when I was your age I had an awkward situation with a lad in my crowd of friends. We hadn't fallen out with each other but things got awkward. We were in the same crowd of friends which made it doubly awkward. In the end I plucked up ... (read in full...)
Is my online boyfriend hiding something?
Q. i got this online boyfriend we never seen each other yet been in a relationship nearly 2months we always video call, phone call and chat. we exchange password before in instagram. 1st he trusted me his instagram and i get jealous to the girl he ...
A. 29 November 2016: You do not know this man, he is just somebody at the other end of a telephone. IF he really wanted to meet you he would have done so by now. He's just playing a game with you and probably with a lot of other girls as well. Please do not waste ... (read in full...)
I am his great big secret!
Q. I have been dating a guy 16 years older than me for the last 6 months. He has been divorced twice and have 3 teenage/young adult children with his first wife and a 3 yr old daughter with the second. He divorced 18 months ago. I have 2 teenagers and ...
A. 29 November 2016: Carry on your own independent life as much as you possibly can. Don't give up on seeing friends and don't give up on anything else you do. You've only been seeing each other for six months which actually isn't a huge length of time in the grand ... (read in full...)
He says he is too old for me
Q. Dear cupid, this I been talk to on okcupid he is very nice guy hes59 and I'm 47 we been talk over a month he ask me if move down here if I go out with him I say yes and now he's say he's to old for me but he still wants to move down here he ask me ...
A. 29 November 2016: He does not want to date you, he just wants you be nearby so he can see you when he chooses. Take my advice and find somebody else who really wants to be with you because you are wasting your time with this man. You will only end up getting upset ... (read in full...)
I'm feeling hurt after finding a photo of my Gf giving a kiss to an older guy at an outing with work colleagues. How do I get over this?
Q. i found a picture of my girlfriend kissing an older guy at a bar. My girlfriend an i have been dating for almost 6 years now and i always let her know that i do not mind her going out to hang with co-workers or friends. She never goes anywhere so...
A. 18 September 2016: I agree with Lliftons answer. This looks like it waa a 'one off' and you never know, it could have been the glass collector who instigated the whole thing anyway. It could have even been her co-workers cheering her on, people do these things when ... (read in full...)
Some advice please on how to ensure that things do not go any further and do not lead to sex? Because I don't want that until I'm older
Q. I am 13 years old, female and is currently in a relationship of 4 months. My boyfriend and I haven't gone any further than straddling and French kissing until yesterday. No clothes were removed but there was grinding involved. And to be complete...
A. 18 September 2016: You are far far too young for all this. It's really up to you to not get into this situation in the first place. If sex did occur it's possible your boyfriend could get legally into trouble depending on his age. I know it's difficult for you but ... (read in full...)
I'm married. Should I be trying to contact my school crush from many years ago?
Q. Hi I'm about to reach my 30. I'm married and have a child. Living life happily with lovable wife. Recently, I got the contact of a girl who was my classmate in middle school. I had a crush on her but it was untold as my family moved out of tow...
A. 18 September 2016: Absolutely cut all contact. The past is the past and you have both moved on and things are not the same anymore. You are both much older and wiser now and you no longer have the common bond of school. Do not ruin the happy life you now have, it's ... (read in full...)
Is my fiancée (f/40) losing interest in maintaining our relationship?
Q. Hello Would appreciate any advice on an uneasy feeling I have about my fiancée. We've been together for 4 years, very happy, a great match in almost every way. When I proposed to her in January she was ecstatic. I mean this lady couldn't have be...
A. 18 September 2016: I don't think she's gone off you. All relationships cool off a bit after the first flush and, as they say, lust turns to love. She is obviously deeply worried about her parents which I'm sure affects her relationship with you. She may be feeling ... (read in full...)
I'm alarmed at my LDR boyfriend's interest in a receptionist
Q. I'm in a long distance relationship. We only see each other about once a month. We've been together over 3 years. My boyfriend enjoys buying old cars from auctions, fixing them up, then reselling them. He has always brought his cars to a friend's...
A. 18 September 2016: To be perfectly honest the fact that you have a long distance relationship and only see each other once a month raises a red flag in itself. What are you hoping for in the future? What are you doing the rest of the time when you don't see your ... (read in full...)
He's ten years younger. Should I wait for him to make the first move ? He did give me his number.
Q. I've been single for over a year so now ready to date again. I noticed a guy who works at my gym but he never smiles. I noticed little things that he made me wonder if he fancied me. I would catch him staring or often feel him staring. He woul...
A. 14 September 2016: Don't worry about the age gap, it's really not an issue. Much like the other answers I would also say don't pin too much hope on all this and just continue to be friendly. If going out for a drink seems a bit too much like a date then I would say ... (read in full...)
How can I encourage my online date to be positive with himself?
Q. I have been trying online dating and have been chatting with a nice man and we plan to meet . He seems a bit low within himself , we were chatting today about general stuff and he seems a bit depressed about his weight he told me 2 years ago he lost ...
A. 13 September 2016: I've done all this online dating thing and all I can say is this - If they haven't met you after about three emails then GIVE UP ! They are wasting your time, believe me I know ! He could be sitting in a room on his own with his wife downstairs ... (read in full...)
What should I do? Have had a workplace crush on a guy for 2 years and it's ongoing.
Q. I have been having a huge crush on my male coworker. Sometimes I feel he drops hints and signs of liking me too. He always smiles when he sees me and always says hi. I've also always felt him staring at me from afar and across the room. He's so ...
A. 13 September 2016: Pretty much like all the other answers I'd say be careful. If he was single and free I would have thought he would have asked you out by now. He must know you fancy him, he'd be blind if he didn't. There's something holding him back and it's ... (read in full...)
We always end up together and both of us like each other but neither of us want a relationship
Q. I have been back and forth with a girl now for close to 5 years, we've never exclusively been classed as 'boyfriend/girlfriend" but we did spend around 2 years where we only slept with each other but still didn't put a label on things. Now the d...
A. 13 September 2016: Hmmm this is a real tricky one! You appear to have a brother sister relationships, with benefits ! Or, as some people say, a 'friends plus relationship' which often occurs in much older singles couples. I think neither of you are ready for any ... (read in full...)
Is he busy or just not interested any longer?
Q. So, I've been seeing a new guy for around one month. Since our first time meeting he's been very open to talking and texting pretty much on a daily basis and initiates much of the conversation. I've seen him about 6 times during this month. He's ...
A. 13 September 2016: I think it is quite normal for men to keep a woman at a distance at the start of a relationship, and particularly as they get older and wiser. I assume he's around the same age as you so he will have a life of his own and other commitments. If ... (read in full...)
My terrible ex has moved on but I'm unable to..
Q. I have written here a couple of times asking for advice since I'm going through a real tough time- and would appreciate advice again - I was in a brief relationship with a man that basically was a total jerk to me. through therapy in the last three ...
A. 13 September 2016: The bottom line is that this man just isn't worth your time. I am sure that he will not be wasting his time thinking 'what if I'd done this better, what if I had said this to her instead of that' etc.. He's moved on and so should you. Count ... (read in full...)
After 15 years why now are they behaving like this?
Q. Hello friends, Need your suggestion. I have been working in a private company from past 15 years. I have done a lot for this company. 15 years back, I joined in IT department but due to company problems I worked for them alone for almost all r...
A. 1 September 2016: It looks to me as though they've taken you for granted and not appreciated the extra favours you did for them, eventually expecting you to do these things anyway. As they say in the UK - 'Give them an inch and they'll take a yard'. You will find in ... (read in full...)
I pass up most guy I meet, am I crazy?
Q. I date a lot and most men dont stand out to me. Am I crazy? They are all good people though, not bad at all and I feel bad about this but its like new faces but almost generic one after another. Even on personality, I can say that some even see...
A. 1 September 2016: No you're not crazy at all, it's just that so far the right man has not come into your life. He'll be out there somewhere and when he appears you will instinctively know that he is somebody you would like to get to know better and you would like to ... (read in full...)
Why do I keep attracting married men instead of available single men?
Q. Dear cupid I have been single for some years now but the only men that seem to be attracted to me is married men. Why is this happening to me? Do I have some type of vibe that they figure I date married men? I just don't understand this.I been a...
A. 1 September 2016: The reason any married man flirts with any woman is because he can't have her. It's fun, it's a game, it's a break from his hum drum marriage. He's enjoying every minute of it but don't encourage him unless you want to end up hurt and looking a ... (read in full...)
I try to love my friend's child but it's just so hard! He's incredibly rude and I hate spending time with him
Q. I'm not sure how to express myself on this one or even what my exact question is or even if I HAVE a question.... all I know is that I feel really bad about this. My friend and I have known each other for over 10 years now. Her son has just tur...
A. 27 March 2016: I sympathise with you entirely! I know exactly how you feel. My partners youngest son was pretty much the same and unfortunately there's not a lot you can do about it. I kept dropping hints to my partner that he (the father) shouldn't allow ... (read in full...)
Kicking myself for a missed opportunity
Q. Help. I just turned 40, so in affect I'm now 'middle aged'. I'm not one for dating or looking for dates much - I just take life as it comes. Recently however, I have been kicking myself for turning down a gorgeous guy who was chatting me up online. ...
A. 11 September 2015: The warning here is that he's not been married. Why has a gorgeous man like him not been married? Because he's a player, as you so rightly said yourself. He will never settle with the woman he's with now. I know a man who is exactly the same as ... (read in full...)
I need advice about my daughter's boyfriend please ?
Q. Hi there, I need advice please about my daughter's boyfriend. First of all, a bit of background info. re. my daughter. We now have no family at all - no aunts, uncles, grandfather's etc. No one. It has been this way for many years and, before t...
A. 1 September 2015: It's a tricky one. Reading between the lines it seems to me that perhaps your daughter should make more effort to keep in contact with you. If it was me I would keep in weekly contact with your daughter and make all arrangements with her. If her ... (read in full...)
No one will take me serious when I say I don't want sex or partying?
Q. My siblings and I grew up in a house where my parents made it their goal to make sure that we a) graduate HS b) while not experimenting with drugs, alcohol, or sex. They let us listen to most the music we wanted to and read most the books we wanted ...
A. 1 September 2015: You have been raised quite strictly by your parents in a way that many of us from older generations were raised. There's nothing wrong with that, and I'm sure you are a better person for it. Sadly the world is going crazy and attitudes towards ... (read in full...)
He might have to move for work, and the relationship will be over!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend since August last year and we both live in London . In November he found out that he was being made redundant from his job. At first it was fine for him because he thought he might find a new job reasonably soon. 6 ...
A. 2 April 2015: At this moment in time he hasn't found a job and it may be quite a long time before he does. You can either end the relationship and forever wonder 'what might have been', or you can carry on seeing him. You may grow into a strong loving ... (read in full...)
Are these really flags or am I reading too much into it?
Q. I have been corresponding with a guy I met through a dating website here in the UK. He approached me first and we have continued to email - sometimes quite lengthy and deep emails. He has been abroad on an adventure holiday in the desert for the ...
A. 2 April 2015: He sounds exactly like somebody I was with for three years when were in our early fifties, Mr Outdoor Action Man, Mr Independent, Mr I Cannot Commit to Anybody. I'm sure he wants a loving relationship but his lifestyle doesn't lend itself to one, ... (read in full...)
Is this supervisor giving me the run-around? What should I do?
Q. Recently I applied to work for a well known and respected organisation =(Z). Then a bit after they called me in for an interview and then they informed me that I had secured the job, and to come in later on in the week to sign the pre-...
A. 2 April 2015: They may be a well known organisation but they appear to be very disorganised and treat people with a lack of respect. If you hear from them again and they give you a definite time and date then you have to decide whether you want to bother with ... (read in full...)
Communal family living? My husband wants to buy a bigger home so his family can move in. How can I persuade him to not do this?
Q. my husband wants to buy a house big enough for us to move into, and move the in laws in with us. Trouble is I most definitely do not want this! although he wont hear of anything otherwise. We are in our 20's, we have 3 young children. his pa...
A. 2 April 2015: Do his parents want to move in with both of you? Most parents are happy when their grown up children move out. It's as though your husband has not grown up and needs the comfort of his parents around him, and this is a little worrying. It may be ... (read in full...)
How do I know the difference between gut instinct and paranoia?
Q. Hi all. This question has two parts. Should you ever ask your BF if he finds another woman attractive and if he would ever fvck her? I asked my BF tonight if he would fvck this other woman we both know and he said not while he was with me. T...
A. 31 March 2015: I think you're building up a whole story in your head here. You seem to want to convince yourself that your partner is cheating on you. Why? He's going to get very fed up of you if you keep going on at him like this and eventually you will drive ... (read in full...)
I can't deal with regret, how do I fight these thoughts and try to make something worthwhile of my life?
Q. When I was 18-21 I was fairly happy in life , I had a long term gf , started a new career in what I thought was good .. but I still was not sure what I wanted in life . The relationship ended and I lost loads of confidence in myself for the p...
A. 31 March 2015: You need to stop focusing on the negative. I am sure you have a lot of good points and those are what you need to work on. As we advance through life all of us get 'knock backs', feelings of despair and lack of confidence in ourselves, but we just ... (read in full...)
I burst into tears when I saw how my boyfriend lives in squalor, what now?
Q. My 38 year old boyfriend of one year knew I was on my way round. What I saw horrified me. He is living in complete squalor. Dirty filthy conditions I would not put a dog in. He smoothed over it all saying he's busy with work and replacing a chimney ...
A. 31 March 2015: Well, there are two things you can do here. One is that you help him, the other is that you leave him. You need to find out why he is like this. A lot of men (and women) are not particularly house proud or domesticated. Very often they can be ... (read in full...)
Why does my long term Gf still keep registering on dating sites? It's affecting our relationship
Q. I've caught my long term girlfriend many times registered and active on different dating sites. I am not able to get to the root of it, because I always end up defending myself over extremely minor mistakes I made years ago (like being 10 minu...
A. 31 March 2015: I have just read your reply - there are loud alarm bells ringing here! You cannot go forward and marry this girl while the situation is like this. I would take a break from each other and see how you both feel in a couple of months time. Your ... (read in full...)
Is 47 too old to start a family?
Q. Im 47 yo male. Just wondering what opinions are on starting a family when you are older? Id like a male and female opinion. Cheers....
A. 30 March 2015: My partners third son was born when he was 50. His wife then died when the child was 5yrs old. The boy is now 12 and my partner and I are in our early 60's. It's hard work. You don't have the same energy, You're not the same age as their friends ... (read in full...)
Why does my long term Gf still keep registering on dating sites? It's affecting our relationship
Q. I've caught my long term girlfriend many times registered and active on different dating sites. I am not able to get to the root of it, because I always end up defending myself over extremely minor mistakes I made years ago (like being 10 minu...
A. 30 March 2015: I somehow think you seem to be in a bit of a dead relationship here. Why on earth does she need to keep going on dating websites? She can't be very happy and I get the feeling that if 'the right man' came along she'd be off like a shot. I think ... (read in full...)
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