Having trouble adjusting after moving back home
Q. When I spent a year working in Australia, I met the man of my dreams. He trained at a gym which had a coffee shop nearby, so as I worked there I saw him daily. After a few weeks of flirting, he asked me out and started dating. When my year was up we ...
A. 27 October 2013: you give him that ultimatum. you tell him that if he truly loves you and wants to be with you, then he will move to england and you two will work it out. but if he is unwilling, then you tell him it's over and you are moving on.
you literall... (read in full...)
Is it normal for guys to ask their girlfriend for gifts at the start of a relationship?
Q. Is this normal for a guy to ask his girl friend to buy him gifts at the very beginning of their relationship and telling her what to buy for him? If she says no to buy then he remarked her as money minded? And if she buys, he becomes very happy and ...
A. 27 October 2013: everyone has a different "love language." in other words, different people expect and have different things that make them happy in relationships. he may seem to feel appreciated and valued most when people buy him gifts. however, that being said, i ... (read in full...)
Is asking your separated spouse for sex wrong, we were on very good terms
Q. My wife and I are separated for 4 years, it's a long story of infidelity on her part and neglect on my part. I have accepted the situation for what it is and to help keep peace in the family. We have 2 adult children. Recently she asked me to go ...
A. 27 October 2013: i'm very confused as to why you think your ex wife owes you sex because you do things for her. she does not owe you a thing, let alone her BODY, just because you do things for her on occasion. if i were her, i would find it extremely insulting to be ... (read in full...)
Should I write him a letter to explain how I feel?
Q. Is what I'm about to do a terrible idea? I want to write a guy a love letter of sorts. He's a good friend of mine I met last year, and although we hardly actually see each other, I talk to him on facebook and he always responds enthusiastically. He ...
A. 27 October 2013: i think it's a great idea! i mean, you said you may never see him again, so why not? and you also said he's mature, so you think he will be able to handle it properly if the feelings aren't mutual.
you only live once, and sitting in silence ... (read in full...)
Am I wasting my time sending her presents?
Q. I have a childhood friend on whom I had a huge crush. I met her after 12 years on facebook.. she is studying thousand miles away from me... I proposed her on the 3rd day.. She said no.. Then after one month I sent an expensive leather clutch.....
A. 27 October 2013: she doesn't want to be with you. she asked you to stop sending gifts because she doesn't want to lead you on by accepting them. respect her wishes and stop sending things and stop pursuing her. also, save your money! she isn't interested that way ... (read in full...)
How do I tell him I'm ready for him to enter "through the front door?"
Q. Hi, So I'm ready to have vaginal sex with my boyfriend. We've done oral and anal. Before him, I had only done oral so he was my first for the backdoor. I'm ready for him to enter through the front too haha The problem is that I'm not sure how...
A. 27 October 2013: one would think that if you're comfortable enough to have anal sex, you would be comfortable enough to tell him you're ready for vaginal sex. but i get that sometimes, it's hard for people to discuss their sex lives. it can be an awkward ... (read in full...)
Did I offend her?
Q. Did I offend her? I'm originally from Pakistan and studying at a university in London. There I befriended a Lebanese girl. We became really good friends. We hung out and did all kinds of stuff together. She usually interacted with other girls and ...
A. 26 October 2013: She was wanting to hear you describe her as your ideal partner. Not someone else. She clearly likes you. I don't think you offended her so much as made her realize or think she doesn't have a shot with you. Which upset her. ... (read in full...)
Should I be alone for a while?
Q. Hi, I recently dumped my girlfriend of 4 years and now I'm single. Directly after I dumped her I met a girl that I knew a little from before. She was also about to dump her boyfriend since he was a douchebag. However, we talked and texted and t...
A. 26 October 2013: It's almost like the concept of transference in counseling. Basically, you just got out of a long-term relationship and rather than be lonely and single and deal with the break up, you're transferring all of these desires for a new mate onto this ... (read in full...)
How do I explain my time off?
Q. So I decided to take this year off due to complete exhaustion and stress. I've been in school for several years now, and I needed a break. I haven't told any of my friends yet, because in my past experience they have asked nosy questions. I di...
A. 24 October 2013: You don't owe anyone anything. You don't have to explain yourself, as it is your life and your decisions.
You're not dropping out. Many students take breaks from school or take years off before going back. I graduated from college in 2006 and am j... (read in full...)
I know I should just break up with my girlfriend but I can't stand to break her heart!
Q. i have been with my girlfriend for 3 years and its been pretty rocky for the last year. we fight alot and dont really seem to have much in common. its one of the situations where we cant stand each other but both truly love each other. i had caught ...
A. 24 October 2013: you should definitely end the relationship, but jumping into another one immediately may be a bad idea. you have been together for three years, afterall. and you said yourself, you still love each other. so why not move out and be single for a ... (read in full...)
When/how is it appropriate to express interest in getting to know someone?
Q. Dear Cupid Aunts, The other day I checked out something at my university library which had not been checked out since 1978, and thus lacked a bar code. Since I could not use the self-checkout kiosk, I had to actually go and get a real person t...
A. 24 October 2013: well keep your head up, my friend. it is only human nature and desire to want to find a partner to experience life with. you really do seem like a great guy and a great catch. one day you will most certainly find a woman who is as much of a catch as ... (read in full...)
Unwanted attraction to my b/f's friend
Q. So I have been going out with my boyfriend who I love very much for about six months. I am so in love with him and can't imagine being with anyone else but him. I have had this problem lately and it is tearing me up that I could even have a sexual ...
A. 23 October 2013: This is definitely a tough place to be, but I think it will be a good test of your dedication and commitment. Try not to feel too awful, as you're only human and can't control who you're attracted to. The one thing you CAN control is what you do ... (read in full...)
Is this an early indicator that the relationship isn't going to go anywhere?
Q. Hi, I was wondering what people think of this theory? I have noticed that anyone I've dated in the past will never get past the dating phase when they never use your name in texts, conversations, anything, even if they do pay all sorts of com...
A. 23 October 2013: Definitely never noticed that. I never use anyone's first name. Maybe that's always been my problem. ... (read in full...)
I don't want to make a scene but I think he's being rude
Q. I've been in somewhat of a long distance relationship for the past 2 years since I only see my boyfriend every weekend (we live an hour away). We talk to each other almost every night via facetime so we can see each other. He used to always be on ...
A. 23 October 2013: You're absolutely right; it is rude to be distracted and text etc. while on the phone with ANYONE - let alone your girlfriend. It's definitely common courtesy and I would feel the same as you.
You asked how you can explain that to him without ... (read in full...)
Would it be awkward, creepy, or inappropriate to message my nurse out of the blue?
Q. Recently I have been to a clinic to be seen by a doctor. The nurse that waited on me prior to the doctor was very cute and friendly. I really wanted to try and make some kind of connection with her but it did not seem appropriate at the time while ...
A. 21 October 2013: it would only be creepy and inappropriate to message her on facebook if she doesn't have an interest in you. lol. in other words, if she finds you attractive then no, she won't find it creepy. she will be flattered. but if she doesn't find you ... (read in full...)
Did fate bring us together at the speed dating event? And is this considered a relationship based on infatuation or real love?
Q. Dear Cupid, I might be cynical in saying this, but I didn't believe that fate could bring two people together as it was always something I saw depicted in movies. Never have I ever experienced love like this when I met my current boyfriend who li...
A. 21 October 2013: I would say it's based on infatuation that has the potential to turn into real love over time. And I do believe in fate, so who knows? Maybe it is!
However, you two don't really know each other just yet. You only met one time for three minutes ... (read in full...)
She was once his Gf and he's in contact with her. Will I ruin my relationship if I don't stop acting this way?
Q. Hi I have been with my boyfriend for about 5 months now. My boyfriend is friends with most of his ex girlfriends, I am actually okay with this except for just one of the ex girlfriends...his serious relationship that lasted like over 2 years...
A. 21 October 2013: from my experience and perspective, if he is still holding onto hurt from their relationship, it means he is not fully over her. i am friends with all of my exes for the most part, and there is not one single one of them that i still harbor any ill ... (read in full...)
Should I consider marrying my best friend, even though I don't feel anything for him?
Q. I have a friend we have been really best buddies since 5 years and started to like me but i dont have feelings for him, he proposed me n i became mad and ended our friendship, after a year i contacted him because i was really falling apart due to my ...
A. 21 October 2013: Both must be on the same page when agreeing to marry; whether it be for economic purposes or love. He is wanting to marry you out of love. And since you don't love him back like that, it would be unfair to both of you in the long run because you ... (read in full...)
Struggling with feelings for my second cousin
Q. Hi there just looking for some advice please! I am falling for my second cousin (share great grandparents) we are together almost every day and have now slept together twice!! We weren't brought up together so aren't close that way. We are part of ...
A. 20 October 2013: Keep reminding yourself he is your blood relative. That ought to help.
My roommate was dating a girl for three years before realizing she was a distant cousin not related by blood. That freaked them out pretty good. but that wasn't that big of a... (read in full...)
Why would he have a condom?
Q. So my boyfriend of 11 months and I live together friday he had to go a thing for work for health insurance or something him and his cobworker car pooled together she's a girl but she's from Africa . Any way he had to go to another city which is ...
A. 20 October 2013: maybe he put it in his pocket in the hopes to sleep with this girl but it never happened?... (read in full...)
Is it rude to not acknowledge a thank you?
Q. If you recieve a gift for a birthday from someone. Is it rude not to say thank you? A did it rude not to respond to the thank you....even if you don't really like the person? My son's birthday, and he got a gift from his grandparents (on...
A. 20 October 2013: i suppose yes, it is polite and proper to say you're welcome. i would if it were me. and you did the right thing by thanking them. however, if they don't feel like saying you're welcome and having manners, i wouldn't loss any sleep over it. it's not ... (read in full...)
He said the message on his phone was a trap to see if I was snooping
Q. Hi im in a relationship with an aries, I saw on his phone msgs to another woman saying he had feelings for her apparently she was in spain, I asked him about this as I was packing to leave, things got heated n he said he didnt want me to leave, we ...
A. 20 October 2013: he's lying to you. that's an absolute lie from hell and he's being extremely manipulative. step outside yourself for a second and re read your post from an unbiased stand point. you know you would know it was a lie, too, but you are too emotionally ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend isn't supportive of me when I'm shy and socially awkward
Q. Dear cupids, I really hope you can help me because I'm quite upset at the moment. I am 27 and really quite shy. I've always been like this, and although I've tried lots of things to become more confident such as online courses and self help books ...
A. 20 October 2013: in my opinion, i believe people typically have a natural disposition, in general. of course, we can work on these dispositions and tweak them a bit, like you have, but i believe a shy person will mostly always remain a bit shy, while an extroverted ... (read in full...)
I am a very professional, very good looking woman in a high-powered job, and I have a lot going for me in my life....but I can't seem to stop cheating on my husband!
Q. I can't seem to stop cheating on my husband. I cheated on him before he and I were even married, and I've cheated on him after we were married, and am still cheating on him. I cheat on him with one of my current co-workers on occasion. The co...
A. 20 October 2013: I have a feeling you are the type of woman like my ex. She just couldn't stop cheating. She could be happy as hell with her partner, but still go out and sleep with other people and go home to her partner and not bat an eye. And I believe that even ... (read in full...)
He messaging a girl on Facebook, just like we did when we first got together! Do I have a right to be upset by this?
Q. My boyfriend and I are in a relationship that is distance for about two thirds of the year. We've been together for about a year and a half and the distance is ending in a couple of weeks. We talk on the phone most nights and Skype each other once a ...
A. 20 October 2013: It's incredibly rude to message other people while speaking to you. That's one of my biggest pet peeves. He should absolutely make you his main focus while talking to you. But he's clearly found someone worth being distracted by that he can't and ... (read in full...)
I'm hurting so bad, I'm losing him. Please help!!
Q. I really need some advice. I feel like I'm dying a slow painful death. I've been with my bf for 3 years. We're the same age. We aren't living together but spent our weekends/a couple days a week together. We've been through, and overcome, a lot in ...
A. 20 October 2013: he may not necessarily be trying to end the relationship or have you end it. he may not want out. maybe he's just burned out and feeling over-burdened. it's possible he just feels like you do and is so stressed from fighting, that he just needs some ... (read in full...)
Why would he flirt but never ask me out?
Q. Was wondering if someone could possibly give me some insight as to why a man would constantly flirt with someone but, never ask them out. A particular man in question works with me but, on a higher level than I do. I have worked at the same plac...
A. 20 October 2013: well, it COULD be that he can tell you're attracted to him, therefore, he flirts with you just to boost his ego, as you mentioned. that unfortunately is a possibility. however, it also could very well be that he is into you.
you say that when he ... (read in full...)
Why should I do if my mum doesn't approve?
Q. I'm a 39 ear old guy in Dublin, and fancy 2 women. First woman is 46 years old and lives in London and we have known each other for just over a month now. I have sent her flowers and 2 gifts. The second woman is 39 and lives in Cork, and Ive known ...
A. 20 October 2013: the age difference is nothing. it's only seven years and you're both very much adults. no one would say a word if you were the 46 year old and she the 39 year old. who cares? besides, does it really matter what your family says? i suppose it's nice ... (read in full...)
What shall I do if my old manager gets this job?
Q. Hi, Please help. About 8 years ago I left my job in a call centre because of my manager. She took an instant dislike to me and made my job miserable that I started getting panic attacks. I left there and started another job in another c...
A. 20 October 2013: first and foremost, there's no sense in stressing and making yourself sick over something that you're unsure of. for all you know, she may not even get the job. so don't stress over the details of what you're going to do until you know for sure it's ... (read in full...)
What should I do? My boyfriend is not pleased I am not a virgin.
Q. my boyfriend asked me if i'm a virgin or not.i told him the truth,am not a virgin and he's not pleased at all because he's a virgin.what should i do?...
A. 20 October 2013: sounds like his problem. if he can't accept you for who you are and the things you've done, who needs him?
besides, it's not like it's something you can change. either he can get over it or not. if he can't, let him go. who needs his judgemen... (read in full...)
Got the MM and it hasn't exactly been "happily ever after"
Q. this is very long winded so anybody who has the patience to read and answer...thankyou in advance! 5 years ago i started an affair with a married man. at first it was just fun then it got deeper and everybody started getting hurt. eventually...
A. 19 October 2013: It's an attachment type. You are drawn to unhealthy relationships. It's a tendency that is developed in childhood that makes you pursue and chase relationships that are awful for you later in adulthood. It's this same type that typically desires ... (read in full...)
Am I overreacting? My boyfriend wants to add his boss' girlfriend on facebook.
Q. I need some advice so I don't turn this into an argument between my bf and I. We've been together for 3 years. We're both in our early 30's. We don't live together but do spend weekends together and any days during the week if we can find time ...
A. 19 October 2013: Yes you are overreacting ... (read in full...)
I´d like to have an oppinion on this guilt manipulation that I am sure about.Thanks.
Q. 10 years of marriage and I always though my husband was the most amazing,wonderful, caring, and fair person on the face of this planet. I see know how blind I was,but in a way I was happy. For 4 years now I am dealing with depression because I lost ...
A. 18 October 2013: Yeah we all understood that you had the depression. I think your husband was trying to stand by you the best he could without losing himself in your depression.
Have you taken meds or made strides towards getting healthier? If not, you may run ... (read in full...)
I´d like to have an oppinion on this guilt manipulation that I am sure about.Thanks.
Q. 10 years of marriage and I always though my husband was the most amazing,wonderful, caring, and fair person on the face of this planet. I see know how blind I was,but in a way I was happy. For 4 years now I am dealing with depression because I lost ...
A. 18 October 2013: As someone who has dated someone with significant depression, I have been in your husband's shoes before. Of course, suffering from depression is no walk in the park. However, being the spouse or partner of someone suffering from depression is ... (read in full...)
Will he become a stalker? Should I be worried?
Q. Hello all, I am going through some changes with a man and was hoping to get some good advice. I don’t know if I should be concerned or what??? I met him at work. We don’t work in the same department but our departments cross every now and then. In...
A. 17 October 2013: yeah gary has definitely gone crazy. odds are he was probably crazy long before you ever came around, but there is the off chance that you are just that incredible of a woman and just made him like this. lol.
either way, his behavior is ridiculo... (read in full...)
Do cheaters ever change?
Q. I've just met a Man and during a conversation we were having he explained that he had been in 2 marriages and 1 8 year defacto relationship. He continued to say he had been unfaithful with 2 women, 1, his first wife and 2 a short term ...
A. 17 October 2013: there typically is a correllation between past behavior and future behavior. however, of course that doesn't mean it's impossible for cheaters not to change. just rather unlikely.
what it does is show a behavior pattern. he probably gets bored, a... (read in full...)
My mind is on overload and I am going crazy!
Q. Hello aunts and uncle's I really need some advice here and fast before I go nuts. I have been with my BF for 7 months now and I am so in love with him, and he tells me he feels the same. we moved in together and everything is going great excep...
A. 17 October 2013: did he just start doing this with his phone? or was he always doing it? you said before, you never used to mind. if this is new behavior and out of character, than it's possible something is up. or was he always like this but you didn't pay any ... (read in full...)
She ditched me to hang out with her ex!
Q. Dear Cupid, Its been a long time since I wrote to you (I apologize), and now I am here again asking for help for more of my girl problems. In advance, I apologize for any grammar errors or fallacies since my english writing is not that great. ...
A. 17 October 2013: technically, she hasn't done anything wrong, as she has been more than honest with you that she is only looking for a friend. she was very straight forward that her ex is still in the picture and she is having a hard time getting over him. which is ... (read in full...)
He choses making music over making out with me!
Q. My boyfriend and I have had this talk previously; basically it comes down to his obsession with music. He has an obsessive hobby with making beats and music and it used to be much worse. He actually dropped out of school because he was so mentally ...
A. 17 October 2013: is this just a hobby? or is he actually able to make money and a potential career out of this?
he sounds legitimately like he has an addiction. or at least he did. but it doesn't sound very under control at the moment. he needs to find a healthy ... (read in full...)
I want to be free and do as I please, Except he gets really jealous.
Q. I have no one to discuss this with and I'm hoping someone out there could help me out. Greatly appreciate it.. So this situation is mixing my emotions up a whole lot! So I've been with my boyfriend about 3months and things are going well! Except he ...
A. 16 October 2013: Sounds to me like your boyfriend has a bit of a reason to be uncomfortable with your friendship with your ex. He knows he still has feelings for you, which makes the friendship inappropriate to have at the moment.
I understand he was always a... (read in full...)
Is this really an issue for counselling?
Q. Hello everyone. My boyfriend of 2 years has been wanting to go to counseling for awhile, but I don't think its necessary. He is just mad because I haven't looked for a job in the last month. I take 4 classes 2 days a week at a community college so I ...
A. 16 October 2013: The real question is who is supporting you? If you live with him and you're not working and he is therefore having to pay for everything on his own, yes, he has every right to be mad and. But if you don't live together and have parents who are ... (read in full...)
When/how is it appropriate to express interest in getting to know someone?
Q. Dear Cupid Aunts, The other day I checked out something at my university library which had not been checked out since 1978, and thus lacked a bar code. Since I could not use the self-checkout kiosk, I had to actually go and get a real person t...
A. 7 October 2013: let us know how it goes!... (read in full...)
When/how is it appropriate to express interest in getting to know someone?
Q. Dear Cupid Aunts, The other day I checked out something at my university library which had not been checked out since 1978, and thus lacked a bar code. Since I could not use the self-checkout kiosk, I had to actually go and get a real person t...
A. 5 October 2013: You seem like a legitimately good guy. I think you should do exactly as you said, and ask her out for coffee sometime. tell her you'd love to actually get to chat outside of the library for a change. Worst case, she says no. Best case, you get her ... (read in full...)
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