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female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: Our son asked me and my hubby what we were doing tomorrow, i said we didn't know yet and see how the Weather is, our son said about a place that his girlfriend as been too and he mentioned this a while back too about her going there. Hubby said he had been there with a male colleague from work years ago because this colleague mentioned to go there but Hubby also told me a couple of weeks back he had drove passed the place and its a little fishing town. So when he said he had already been to the town with this colleague I wondered why he never mentioned it to me and told me he had actually been there. I started asking him about it and every time he Kept scratching his head and with him doing it I felt he was lying to me. He said he had a itchy ear and that it was 18 years ago he went there and so what if he didn't actually tell me he went there instead of saying he drove through it. I said it different if you went with another woman there he denies he's cheated ever on me. I have been with him 24 years married 20 so I was married to him when he says he went to this town. I just don't want to be the wife who got cheated on and being laughed at all these years later, but have I? he said he would have to get intouch with the colleague he went with then for proof but I know he will never get intouch with him. So what's the truth, did he go there with this male colleague and if so why didn't he just say he did instead of saying he drove passed the place or did he cheat and take some woman there. He said do I know what I did exactly 18 years ago. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (28 August 2016):
 I think IF he had cheated 18 years ago, he would NOT have volunteered that information that he saw this place. It would have been SO much easier to omit the truth.
And it was 18 years ago! Of course he doesn't remember all the details! I lived in another state 18 years ago and I could honestly not tell you how we got to certain places, including out favorite milk-shake bar!
What is your reasoning for wanting him to have cheated on you? Is it because you FEAR being cheated on that you are now projecting THAT onto your husband? Why you go look for things that may NOT have happened.
I don't think you have a leg to stand on with your arguments. So he scratched his head, so what? Maybe he was trying to recall the trip?
You know when someone accuse a partner of cheating OVER and OVER and they didn't cheat, ALL you do is alienate him.
I think you are WAY overreacting.
But let's say "for arguments sake" that he cheated 18 years ago. WHY would ANYONE laugh at you for that? YOU didn't do anything wrong.
Is your husband a good partner to you? Is he attentive, interested in what you do? Has he been a good father?
LOOK at his actions as a man and stop listing to your wild imagination that seems to do match like 3+3 must be = to 7. Does he keep his word? Does he say what he means and mean what he says? Is he generally trustworthy?
What actual proof do you have?
Is it that you want out of the marriage and looking for a reason to leave?
A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (28 August 2016):
 The truth is whatever he says it happened even tho you insist that it isn't on account that he, for some reason, never told you about it. You cannot insist that people disprove you the negative, which is in effect what you are making him do by reaching out to his buddy. In fact, no amount of evidence from your husband and his buddy will ever satisfy you because to you his truth is invalid on account of omission. What you are doing can be used against anything to stir up a quarrel for any triviality: you did not tell me that you used Mayo on the sandwich so go prove to me that you aren't a liar. Him not mentioning it at the time is not evidence of cheating. Unless you can obtain actual evidence instead absence of it, you should drop this and get peace in your marriage.
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