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Having trouble reading the signs. Help. Does he really like me or not?

Tagged as: Crushes, Flirting, Friends, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (3 September 2016) 2 Answers - (Newest, 4 September 2016)
A female United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Hi everyone! So I have a basic question to ask you guys, do you think he likes me? I usually wouldn't ask something like this but I cannot read this guy at all, so thank you all for your help in advanced. Anyways I have known this guy for almost two years, he was my coworker and we always got along really well and were really close honestly but I have always thought we were just bros. He ended up leaving the country for a bit and I didnt talk to him again until he had gotten back for a couple of months. We started texting frequently and we ended hanging out one day for a little bit and that was the first time I had hugged him. He ended up holding the hug longer than normal and after that he always made some sort of excuse to see me. After that day I started to notice he would make excuses to touch me or I would catch him staring. One night we ended up hanging out with each other for 3 hours just talking, playing games, and walking down memory lane. When I was about to leave he hugged me for a long time and when I pulled away he kept his hands on my lower back even though I wasnt touching him anymore. After that he left the country again and came back a couple of weeks later, we resumed talking and seeing each other everyday, he still seemed flirty and used a lot of winky faces when he text me. Everything seemed to change when we ended up playing a 21 questions type of thing. He kept making sure I knew that he would answer ANYTHING I asked him.

He would ask me a couple of personal questions like how many relationships I had or if I was still a virgin, but it was mostly about weird hobbies or the future. I didnt want to ask him if he had feelings for me but later that night I decided to text him asking if he was interested in anyone. He had told me that he wasnt at the moment, I was a little bummed but didnt let that change our relationship, it seems like he did though.

Now he is constantly sending me mixed signals, some days he will make sure he is always close to me, very interested, and will linger his hands on my lower back when he hugs me or rest his head on mine. Other days he seems fairly distant and just gives me the one handed bro hug. We still hang out every single day and text/call everyday too.

I am sorry this is so jumbled but do you think he may have feeling for me or is just playing me to see how I react. I know I am afraid of ruining our friendship if anything happens between us and I wonder if he feels the same way.

Anyways thank you so much again for all of your help.

View related questions: co-worker, flirt, still a virgin, text

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2016):

If you think about it from his point of view, you had just played a game where he let you know you could ask him ANYTHING ....and you didn't. If he was hoping that this was a way for you to ask him a question which might break the ice between you and let it move to the next level, he must have been bummed when you didn't play ball. And I think you're right, it does sound as if he likes you.

So, when you text him later asking if he's interested in anyone, he probably won't respond with, 'Yes, you', cos he might have been feeling a bit rejected himself. He maybe interpreted you not asking him a leading question, as you letting him know that you're not interested.

Don't know what the mixed signals are about now though, other than him testing the water and maybe not getting much back from you, so he steps back again.

How do you react when he does things like hug you for longer etc? You may be being cautious and he's taking his cue from you. Next time he hugs you, maybe hug him properly first, or hold the hug for longer like he does.

A man I was really keen on was flirting with me for about a year and it was stepping up and up. I inadvertently made a much bolder move than I had intended and he was there! He was waiting for something from me as I'm rather cautious and reserved too. (Not a bad thing in my opinion.) So give him something to work with, the same as he does to you, such as hug longer etc.

Then if he's not really interested (which I really don't think is the case)it won't be something noticeable, but I bet he picks up on it.

I don't think he could make it any clearer to you that he likes you. Have fun!

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A male reader, Garbo United States +, writes (4 September 2016):

Garbo agony auntWell, there is huge tension between being bros and ruining that by attempting romance. Many people loose M-F friendship when one of them develop romantic interest, so if he knows that, he maybe unwilling to risk messing up the friendship by expressing his feelings about you. So he'd rather not loose you and be a friend then risk loosing you by not knowing your reaction.

Perhaps you may want to be more forward on possible romance. Decide if you would want him as your BF then act more forward to express that to him. Lot of that hugging and touching you notice is consistent with him perhaps wanting you but I'd suggest you come up with a clearer signal to him that you want him as a BF. In fact, since you are bros, ask him, out of nowhere, what would be a clear sign to him that a girl likes him. However you phrase it, there has to be a way to break up that bro-GF tension. If you want him then it's up to you to signal it to him.

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