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*iona xxx agony aunt

*iona xxx

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I am married and have been with my husband for a total of 14 years. That is longer than most people I know. Although before that I have had other relationships experience, eg 3months, 6months 10 months, a couple of weeks here and there and the occasional ONS when I was 20.

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Am I naive in thinking that on a first date nothing more than kissing should happen?

Q.   am i naive in thinking that on a first date nothing more than kissing should happen? My friends and I were discussing this today and when I said i would never sleep with someone on the first date, they all said they wouldn't rule it out... But ...

A.   20 June 2012: I never did work out the best amount of time to wait to have sex. Yes it does go on a lot and I'm sure a lot of guys expect sex on the first or second date. What I hated the most, was on the second date, a guy who said he loved me, just to try and ... (read in full...)

I sometimes wish I could act out my sexual fantasies!

Q.   I'm basically a "good girl"...always have been, but sometimes I wish I was a slut. I see so many of my friends randomly hook up with guys, have threesomes, have one night stands and all this other stuff and they seem like they're really living life ...

A.   20 June 2012: Don't people seem interesting if they let themselves go and live in the moment. i.e. when people just go for it, without worrying about thinking 'don't know if I want to sleep with him or not'. They seem to live their lives without worrying about if ... (read in full...)

I feel guilty about this. I can't discuss this with my parents, but can I just have one 'one night stand'?

Q.   Hello Everyone, I have been bought up very distant from boys and because I went to a christian primary school think that I should only have sex with another virgin and this should be who I marry if it happens before I get married. But now I am 1...

A.   20 June 2012: I'm feeling like an old granny as I type this ha-ha... There's more temptation and peer pressure about sex than anything else. It's easy to think you're a late developer, or somehow the last to do stuff. Always seems to be a rush to be the firs... (read in full...)

Should I just have a one night stand?

Q.   I'm a female in my mid twenties and haven't had sex in over eight months. I am constantly horny and masturbate almost everyday. I have never had a one night stand with a guy because I always feared stds and what not as well as my reputation because ...

A.   19 June 2012: To put this in perspective, I'm sure I read that around 50% of us have had ONS at some point. So when you talk about your reputation, chances are other people in your small town have done this as well, even if it was a few years ago. I'm pretty sure ... (read in full...)

He wants a blowjob but I don't like doing it, what can I do?

Q.   i have been in a sort of relationship with a boy, we are both same age(17). at the start we were just good friends he would come up for a drink, then things started to change we would kiss at weekends and then i saw him during the week and we would ...

A.   1 February 2011: You don't have to do anything like that, if it's not right for you, if you find it repulsive. Just spent time focussing on what you do want to do and what you do enjoy instead.... (read in full...)

Should I leave him because of his mother?

Q.   I realised that my boyfriend mother look down on me as I studied Chinese language as my major degree while my boyfriend is a engineer. She thinks that I won't get a good job as a Chinese graduate. However, I don't think so I don't want to be a ...

A.   20 December 2010: Assuming you are planning on marrying your boyfriend, it is your boyfriend you will be marrying and sharing your life with, not his Mum. There are so many cliches about the Mother-in-law and many it would appear are based on something that can... (read in full...)

Is it ok for a girl to just want no strings sex?

Q.   is it ok for a girl to just want no strings sex?? i'm 23 and to be honest ive had enough of relationships, i get bored after a while and find myself doing anything to get out of it, as they don't make me happy. I've toyed with the idea of having a ...

A.   13 December 2010: I believe you need to be very sure of yourself before heading into these things. I find it hard to fully comprehend the FWB situation. I know it's supposed to be just about the sex and doesn't have the romantic love and commitment. But in practice... (read in full...)

I don't want children and its affecting my dating relationships

Q.   I am really close to just throwing in the towel. I'll try and summarise as much as I can! My first girlfriend died in a car crash when we were 19. We'd been together 2 years and I know first love is always a biggie but to lose someone like tha...

A.   3 December 2010: I really don't believe that if you don't want kids, you have to be alone. We have been together 14 years and don't have kids. The fact that we are married and have a house together is quite a bit to bind us together anyway. I am also friends ... (read in full...)

I'm lonely but my g/f forbids me to move into place with girls!

Q.   Just wanna know what your opinions on this. Well, I'm currently living alone in one of my dads house. The thing is, I dont mind living alone, but seriously, it's boring. I got no one to talk to, my girlfriends too far away. I mean, really far...

A.   1 December 2010: I can see why your girlfriend would be worried and think that this is how things happen... Get a male friend to move in with you, or like already said move in with somebody else as long as the person isn't female.... (read in full...)

Intruding mother

Q.   I had been dating this guy for around 5 months when he joined the military. And thats when my mother began almost hating him , if i asked to go spend time with him she got snooty and an attitude. She would say things like its okay if you die you ...

A.   24 November 2010: If it's any consolation to you: I don't believe you ever get to have that sort of relationship with your Mum. Possibly a little once parents know you are getting married, and that's the only time they seem to accept who you are going out with. ... (read in full...)

Had a one night stand and now freaking out about STD's, how should I approach this situation?

Q.   Hi! I would really appreciate if I could get some answers! Anyway, I went to a party and got drunk to the point I don't remember most of it. The thing is I had a one night stand with a guy I never met before and since I can't recollect anything...

A.   2 November 2010: I'm sure these things have happened to a lot of us at some point. The crucial thing is learning from these bad experiences. I assume by now you have had the morning after pill. Your next priority, at some point, is to get some tests done for S... (read in full...)

At 30, how do I address my virginity problem?

Q.   I am a male virgin who turns 30 this summer. This bothers me a lot, only because it makes me feel “nervous” around my friends.I don`t have any past experiences i can narrate to anybody. I didn`t think much about it when I was younger as I was an ...

A.   22 October 2010: Are you in a relationship at the moment? If not, of course that's the first step as I agree that these things don't just happen, you have to make relationships happen. If you are with a more experienced girl who doesn't really love you, she migh... (read in full...)

How will I know when there is penetration?

Q.   I'm a 20yrs old girl, still a virgin, my hymen wasn't there, so my BF knows and promised not to penetrate deeper during sex ie for me not to lose my virginity until i'm ready,but i'm confused, am i still a virgin? Can i get pregnant like that and ...

A.   22 October 2010: You seem to be describing an unusual set of circumstances. So you are a virgin, but you/he are happily fooling around partially inserting his penis, perhaps just the tip of the penis gently? If there has been some penis gone inside you, then I w... (read in full...)

Lost virginity?

Q.   My boyfriend fingered me hard by inserting 3 fingers into my vagina. Then the very next day I found brown stains on my panties. Have I lost my virginity already?...

A.   22 October 2010: I'm not sure how long you have been together, but take your time if that's what you want to do. It sounds like loosing your virginity isn't far away if things have got this far. Be careful.... (read in full...)

Lost virginity?

Q.   My boyfriend fingered me hard by inserting 3 fingers into my vagina. Then the very next day I found brown stains on my panties. Have I lost my virginity already?...

A.   17 October 2010: I wouldn't worry about it. I would count loosing your virginity from when you first have actual sex. I also think it helps if you have experienced fingering first, it gets you mentally and/or physically used to the concept of sex. Sounds like you ... (read in full...)

I'm having second thoughts about marriage.....

Q.   Is it normal to have some second thoughts while planning a wedding? I am smitten with my girl, and have been in love for almost a year now. We have talked about marriage openly and longingly, but now that we are actually planning it, I find myself ...

A.   1 October 2010: You didn't mention how long you have been together. In my view you shouldn't be planning weddings until at least a year or so together. It should feel like a natural progression in the relationship/between you, rather than something to wor... (read in full...)

Do you always have a thing for the guy that took your virginity?

Q.   Wanted to ask a question toward the women, because i think it happens to them more than guys. Do you always have a thing for the guy that took your virginity?...

A.   1 October 2010: I would say 'yes' but only in a rational way, the same as for anybody else. Anybody I have slept with has a special place in my heart, from first, to ONS to my now husband. Being in your first sexual relationship does change you and it's a milest... (read in full...)

Why do family members and relatives interrogate me just because I don't want kids?

Q.   Hi everyone. I've noticed that when someone does not want to have kids, everyone interrogates them. They demand answers. But when someone does want to have kids, no-one interrogates them! How does that work? It sounds like discrimination to me...

A.   28 September 2010: I have noticed something ironic with people I know. Those of us who have been together/married to our guys the longest happen to have no children. I think there is something about a social norm/peer pressure/expectations... The getting married,... (read in full...)

Why would a guy suddenly ask his friend if she's on the pill?

Q.   Its just a very quick question really but id appreciate answers all the same :) I was talking to one of my friends last night via text and we talking about a holiday we've just booked together with some other friends. We're both in our mid twent...

A.   11 September 2010: He is clearly looking to have sex with you. Perhaps it wasn't as sudden a question really if you were flirting. The only thing is, would it be as boyfriend/girlfriend or would it be some sort of casual or FWB situation? Are you clear on what you ... (read in full...)

I was a good girl and now I'm wondering why I didn't do the bad things that others do!

Q.   I was a virgin when I got married. I will admit to heavy petting and finger penetration. But no complete sex penetration. I was saving myself for marriage. I was a good girl. I was married for 26 years when my husband past away suddenly. ...

A.   11 September 2010: First of all, I am really sorry to hear about the death of your husband. It must be so gutting to find out that he was unfaithful as well! I guess we all like to hope we are in a solid marriage and that because we are faithful, expect them to be. ... (read in full...)

3 weeks without sex-is that normal?

Q.   When my b/f is under pressure at work; or has too many bills he just shuts down in the sex department. We have sometimes gone 3 weeks without intimacy. Is this normal in a happy relationship? I guess it's frustrating to me because fo...

A.   17 April 2010: I do believe any physical illness, stress in work, or stress in the family or not even illness as such, being tired and run down... anything can lower libido. But as long as you have intimacy in other ways and tell each-other that you love ... (read in full...)

Dos and don'ts of a long distance relationship?

Q.   I am in a long distance relationship with my girl for over two months, how do we survive, what are the dos and don'ts,because i have heard that it rarely works. If u have been in one before,your help we be appreciated. ...

A.   17 April 2010: When we met, we lived a couple of hours apart. He spent weekends at my place, or half-weekends. Or perhaps alternate weekends, whatever suits where you take it in turns, one time at your place, his another time. Even if you are apart, you can ... (read in full...)

Even though we used protection I am paranoid now about being pregnant

Q.   Well ok I'm 22 years old. Last time my period ended was on December 25. I lost my virginity on the 7 of January. my boyfriend and me had sex three days in a row.. but every single time we used a condom we even checked before and after condoms ...

A.   26 January 2010: I know how you feel because I spent a lot of time worrying in the past. I remember once getting a pregnancy test and then getting my period the next day anyway ha-ha. Actually if you are on the pill and using condoms, or say using merina coil and ... (read in full...)

How do you know if a man has had sex already?

Q.   how do you know if a man had sex already? would it take time for them to ejaculate? and if they havent had sex in a while would they ejaculate quicker?...

A.   19 August 2009: I think on the whole women are more nervous than guys if they are a virgin. Although he might still give you the impression that he's nervous, or at least not in the habit of having sex. If he's a virgin or not had sex for ages and ages, he will ... (read in full...)

Should I have sex ?

Q.   i'm a 15 yo virgin and i want to have sex by two reasons 1. most of my friends say that sex feels very awesome and it's wasting time if i'm a virgin 2. one day i will have a girlfriend but if i find out that she lost her virginity when she was 15....

A.   27 July 2009: It really isn't a race. Believe me if you are still worried about not having had sex in 5-10 times, then you are OK to say about die a virgin. Once you have had sex once, the opportunities arrive too.... (read in full...)

Mirena IUD... or IUDONT

Q.   I don't know if this is the right place to ask this, but my doctor has suggested that I should think about getting the Mirena IUD. I just wanted to know if anyone here is using it or has used it and how it works or worked for them....

A.   22 July 2009: I have the Merina coil, and it's fine with me.... (read in full...)

Do girls prefer the scruffy hair look or the clean cut short hair look, which do they think is sexier?

Q.   do girls prefer scruffy hair look, or clean, cut short hair in guys? what is it they find sexy about it? im fairly short (174cm) and oval shaped head, blonde hair.. ...

A.   4 July 2009: There is a lot of money in maintaining "scruffy" hair and clothing - ie buying those jeans that look old when they are not and those hair cuts. I guess it depends on personality, what suits you, or different looks for different occasions. For ... (read in full...)

I planned to wait to have sex with my BF, should I just give in?

Q.   So my boyfriend and I have officially only been dating for about two months. Although it seems so much longer since we are so close emotionally. We are really into each other. Problem is he wants sex so bad. I know that it's not because that's all ...

A.   25 June 2009: Are you still aged 13-15 ie under the age of consent? That also has a bearing on things (although it would appear many people don't take notice of that). Regardless of age, it's important to stick to your guns and only do so when you feel right. ... (read in full...)

My BF wants to have sex, but I don't think either of us are ready.

Q.   Well hi. So me and my boyfriend have been dating for a couple weeks now and I really like him. He likes to move really fast and I am fine with that you know. But now he is bugging me about going all the way and I'm ready but I am not so sure he is. ...

A.   25 June 2009: I think there is a lot of pressure these days about sex and everybody seems to want sex earlier and earlier. There is no harm in waiting a couple of more weeks or a month or two, whatever time it takes for you both to feel OK with things. Perhaps he ... (read in full...)

Is he expecting sex just because we're in a relationship?

Q.   Today my bf and I started talking about each others relationship and sexual past, i.e. how many relationships we have been in, why they ended, how many sexual partners etc...Me and my bf havent had sex. He knows that I woudlnt just sleep with ...

A.   25 June 2009: I know what you mean because 6-9 months is about right to decide if you are really in love or not. Plenty of people confuse the idea of lust and love or are in love with the idea of being love. True love happens gradually, not overnight and you are ... (read in full...)

Is he expecting sex just because we're in a relationship?

Q.   Today my bf and I started talking about each others relationship and sexual past, i.e. how many relationships we have been in, why they ended, how many sexual partners etc...Me and my bf havent had sex. He knows that I woudlnt just sleep with ...

A.   25 June 2009: He will be expecting sex because that's what he's used to. How long have you been together? Is it that it's too soon for you and you just need more time, before you are ready? If that's the case, just explain that and explain that you want to be t... (read in full...)

I'm a 22 yrs old virgin who has never been kissed!

Q.   Some background might help you all understand this predicament I am in. Right now I'm in the toughest place I have ever been, went into the Navy from high school, got out semi-unexpectedly after about 3.5 yrs, no idea what I am going to do with ...

A.   23 June 2009: People have career changes in their late twenties and thirties, so don't worry about things in that respect. Perhaps some career advice would be welcome for you, so you know what to aim for and achieve. It all depends on how academic you are, or if ... (read in full...)

Opinions please... Is it too soon to be in love with each other?

Q.   hey, just a quick one, would really appreciate a reply, thanks guys. i met this girl a week ago, we've spoken every night for hours and hours and i really love her. i told her i did and she said she did too. we can be completely honest and i trust ...

A.   18 June 2009: Love and hate are really strong words and everybody uses them all the time without meaning it. I am sure you are in love with the idea of being in love, I am sure you really fancy each-other and think you have stuff in common. No doubt you thik... (read in full...)

I think I want to give up my virginity..but not 100% certain

Q.   Typical question Me and my bf have been dating for about 3 months and I think Im in love. I really want to take our relationship to the next level (sex) but Idk if it's the right thing. He's not a virgin but I am and i did make a promise to my...

A.   10 June 2009: Thanks for your reply. When you said you knew there was a possibility of having sex before marriage. I bet you thought it would be when you are a bit older than you are, and certainly to somebody whom you know you are going to marry - possibly if ... (read in full...)

How can I make good conversation?

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years now and i have a big issue with conversation and communication. its not that i dont want to talk with him its just that i dont know how to spark up a conversation. i can tell that my silence annoys ...

A.   9 June 2009: I think a lot of chat, early on in a relationship, involves getting to know each-other, finding out what you have in common, and talking about your life before you met. Perhaps you have gone through all this, and once you have discussed how your day ... (read in full...)

I think I want to give up my virginity..but not 100% certain

Q.   Typical question Me and my bf have been dating for about 3 months and I think Im in love. I really want to take our relationship to the next level (sex) but Idk if it's the right thing. He's not a virgin but I am and i did make a promise to my...

A.   9 June 2009: I don't think anybody is truly ready or sure, when they loose their virginity. Three months is a while isn't it, longer than what a lot of people wait, these days isn't it. At 3 months do you really love him? Or are you in love with the idea of ... (read in full...)

Emergency contraception! Please Help!!!!

Q.   emergency!!!!!!!!!!!! please help this is really urgent. im 15 and i had sex for the second time with my boyfriend about 2 hours ago. However he pulled out of me and the condom wasnt on him we found it just at the opening of me and the tip wa...

A.   9 June 2009: That's a huge relief for you! Phew. Basically I doubt the lad gave all this another thought, and yet it's us girls who have to worry about getting pregnant. Therefore please be careful in the future, a bit of fun isn't worth all this stress ... (read in full...)

What should I expect for my first time?? how can we make it "easier" on me?

Q.   i'm almost 18 and i'm still a virgin... not that i'm upset or ashamed about it, i'm actually quite proud. Me and my bf have been dating for 5mths, and i think i'm finally ready to have sex. I love my bf, and completely trust him... but i'm stil...

A.   6 June 2009: Hi I don't think anybody ever feels ready or particularly likes their first time. After that it gets better. You have known him a while now, so I am sure that gives you more peace of mind. I think after the first time, you will be in a routine of ... (read in full...)

How to get a guy to sleep with you?

Q.   I've known him for like an year now and we have been talking a couple of times and i found out that we've got similar tastes and everything. He's nice and the kind of guy i would love to date but I've heard that the best way to start of the ...

A.   4 June 2009: Errr guys don't need much encouragement, it's normally guys who wonder how to get girls to sleep with them haha. You are not going to get a guy who says it's too soon, so whatever you do, it will work.... (read in full...)

Why do women like bad boys? Because they treat them badly?

Q.   I like to think of myself as a nice guy. I enjoy breaking the myth that nice guys finish last, I'm well off, good at my job, phyisically fit and an acomplished sportsman. I have however fallen flat on my face when it comes to dating. Women just are ...

A.   3 June 2009: The benevolent aspects of helping a boyfriend can happen if the lad is a bad boy, but also, if he's quiet and shy. Basically why is it the girls responsibility to help him? Why is it our responsibility to keep him on the straight and narrow, ... (read in full...)

Why do women like bad boys? Because they treat them badly?

Q.   I like to think of myself as a nice guy. I enjoy breaking the myth that nice guys finish last, I'm well off, good at my job, phyisically fit and an acomplished sportsman. I have however fallen flat on my face when it comes to dating. Women just are ...

A.   30 May 2009: When you word it like that, it doesn't make sense does it. Women wouldn't really want to be treated badly. However there is a certain sort of girl who repeatedly goes for the wrong type of lad, the sort you mention. Then they split up, then she goes ... (read in full...)

Emergency contraception! Please Help!!!!

Q.   emergency!!!!!!!!!!!! please help this is really urgent. im 15 and i had sex for the second time with my boyfriend about 2 hours ago. However he pulled out of me and the condom wasnt on him we found it just at the opening of me and the tip wa...

A.   22 May 2009: If you are bleeding, that's fine. You will be getting a heavy period and you'll be relieved that you are not pregnant. Basically if your boyfriend doesn't take care when removing his penis after ejaculation, this is when the condom falls off insi... (read in full...)

Should I have sex ?

Q.   i'm a 15 yo virgin and i want to have sex by two reasons 1. most of my friends say that sex feels very awesome and it's wasting time if i'm a virgin 2. one day i will have a girlfriend but if i find out that she lost her virginity when she was 15....

A.   13 May 2009: Perhaps you are not ready for sex yet, which is fine. Say next year, or whatever, you might meet a nice girl. Chances are she won't be a virgin, so at least you know to prepare for that, especially if she's older. There is plenty of time ahead, so ... (read in full...)

Should I have sex ?

Q.   i'm a 15 yo virgin and i want to have sex by two reasons 1. most of my friends say that sex feels very awesome and it's wasting time if i'm a virgin 2. one day i will have a girlfriend but if i find out that she lost her virginity when she was 15....

A.   2 May 2009: I think there is more peer pressure about having sex than anything else. I also don't think that at 15 we are ready and it's better to wait a couple of years. You don't know if the first person you sleep with will be a virgin or not. If she is n... (read in full...)

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