A
male
age
16-17,
*_Joe_x
writes:i'm a 15 yo virgin and i want to have sex by two reasons1. most of my friends say that sex feels very awesome and it's wasting time if i'm a virgin2. one day i will have a girlfriend but if i find out that she lost her virginity when she was 15. it's clearly that i will break up with her b'cuz i'll be very very jealous. the more i'm waiting the less girl i will approach and this is why i think that i must have sex and the more i'm waiting the i'm wasting lol
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female
reader, Fiona xxx  +, writes (27 July 2009):
 It really isn't a race. Believe me if you are still worried about not having had sex in 5-10 times, then you are OK to say about die a virgin.
Once you have had sex once, the opportunities arrive too.
A
male
reader, x_Joe_x +, writes (20 July 2009):
x_Joe_x is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's alright, we grew up in different places and culture. But It's just so unfair because someone doesn't have to wait and they can have sex, I never understand why ?I just can't find a right one and I may be dead before I find her, so I have to make sure I'm not gonna die a virgin.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2009): If your problem is about jealousy, then it's not a problem at all. You are being very childish. I hope you don't have sex, as you are clearly not ready to think about the more important aspects of sex, such as love and safety, and more about keeping up some sort of reputation. And as for the poor girl you intent to sleep with? I hope she knows what she's getting herself in for.
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male
reader, x_Joe_x +, writes (21 May 2009):
x_Joe_x is verified as being by the original poster of the question"I just hope the gardening tool in question is NOT a machete." What do you mean ? I don't understand
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male
reader, Danielepew  + ♥, writes (15 May 2009):
 I just hope the gardening tool in question is NOT a machete.
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male
reader, x_Joe_x +, writes (15 May 2009):
x_Joe_x is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe 29th answer is very good !!!
Yes my problem is Her virginity ?
It's all about jealousy
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2009): I think the real issue here is being missed. I think you don't have a problem with YOUR virginity. You'd have sex with a gardening tool right now if that's all there was to it. I think you have a problem with HER virginity. By "her" I mean this imagined future GF that you're looking forward to. I think you just want a virgin girl but you're scared you won't ever have a relationship with a virgin GF. You think that staying a virgin yourself should earn you the right to a virgin GF but you're getting the uncomfortable feeling that you'll end up losing out if you wait for her. So you hope that this desire will go away and you'll suddenly be able to handle a girl with all kinds of experience if you can just match her experience level. It won't go away. You fear retroactive jealousy. It's a common issue.There is no solution. People just give you a bunch of rationalizations for why you logically shouldn't feel this. You'll hear all the reasonings and you'll go right on feeling it anyway. Retroactive jealousy is a problem of natural emotions, not a lack of intelligence or logic. Only you can decide whether or not you should have sex now. I don't think it will take away the feelings you fear just to have sex yourself. You can match partners numbers and the next thing you know you'll be trying to match how hot her partners were. (Did she have one more guy than you had girl? Did she get more big dicks in the past than you got nice asses and boobs in the past? This comparing never has to end anywhere.) But I do think you'll feel even more ripped off if you abstain from sex for years, only to find that you'll be facing a future of more experienced girls. Lots of guys fall into this trap these days. They're waiting for a chaste girl that is never coming. They end up wishing they'd just screwed everything that walked when they were single, because they're eventually getting stuck with all the downsides of it regardless of whether they do it or not.
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A
female
reader, Fiona xxx +, writes (13 May 2009):
Perhaps you are not ready for sex yet, which is fine. Say next year, or whatever, you might meet a nice girl. Chances are she won't be a virgin, so at least you know to prepare for that, especially if she's older. There is plenty of time ahead, so please don't get anxious. There is no race or competition. You have sex at whatever age you think is right for you and with somebody it feels right with. It doesn't have to be more complex than that. Be sure you have been going out together for a while and expect to be dating for a while longer and see what happens.
It's already been said that different people have different experiences. Read around other topics about virginity and ex partners. If you feel you future girlfriend has slept around and you have not, that's a problem to face at the time. Only then can you know how you'll feel about it, if you can understand the situations she has been in, or understand if after all she has only slept with one or two people before.
Let's face it, at 15, there is plenty of time to wait. I was 18 and felt that it was a good age (that was my experience and perspective, we are all different).
We all get different wisdom and perspective over the years. So what if you make one or two mistakes when you are young, you learn and grow from that.
Life's too short to have so many hang-ups and put so much pressure on yourself and to have regrets.
The most important thing is that you are safe (as already said). Plus not to feel used and for things to feel right.
You have nothing to be jealous about, it's all in your head at the moment. You are worrying about what-if's about what might and might not be the case with a girl you have not even met yet.
If you really think your friends are sleeping around and are experienced, at 15, are you really in a good cowd, do you really want to be influenced that this behaviour is the norm.
There is so much potential heartache say when you are 18+ why bring on such situations too young and before you have to. Enjoy being young for a bit longer before rushing into being an adult. We all want to grow up, but you can grow up before you are ready and not be able to handle the adult conseuquences.
You have sex when you feel it's right, not because you think you'll be the last, or you want to be the first, or you think you are missing out in relation to what your friends are doing or what you think a future girl might have done. It doesn't make sense. There shouldn't be any double standards. What's the difference between you having sex young and girls having sex young? Nothing in reality.
It sounds to me like you see it as a competition, a conquest, something to get over and done with, almost a chore, rather than something fun and loving etc.
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A
male
reader, x_Joe_x +, writes (10 May 2009):
x_Joe_x is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIm so sorry but I give up now
Cant deal the feelings
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A
male
reader, Danielepew + ♥, writes (10 May 2009):
I don't mean any harm, poster, but I agree with Armywife. Give the thing a mental rest and do what you have to do.
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A
female
reader, Ms.Helper +, writes (10 May 2009):
 I think you're being very immature if I'm honest.You're obviously not emotionally or mentally ready to have sex, so it would be stupid if you just did it for the sake of it. Would you rather wait and find the right girl for you, or waste your virginity at a party with someone you won't see again?I know which I'd prefer.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2009): I really don't know how to get through to you anymore.. i mean, it's all benn said. You're being childish and doing this fr the wrong reasons. But you're not listening to any of us. Please just re read these posts.
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A
male
reader, x_Joe_x +, writes (10 May 2009):
x_Joe_x is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIf I lose my virginity, I won't be looking for a virgin girl. And I really want to know how many girls are virgin at the age of 20 ?
P.S I don't want to be virgin and stay jealous
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A
male
reader, Hasden  +, writes (9 May 2009):
 Wow....... there's another Thai boy in this site.......
I know how you feel.
But let me tell you one thing
Being her last guys of hers is way better then being her first
P.S Don't worry, the way you think and the way you feel is really typical Thai guys, not weird at all but these advices are really good and helpful so Make it your own best way.
Good luck my friend !
xxxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2009): I think its really selfish of you to be out there looking for a virgin exclusively. I lost my virginity too young in my opinion, and I never stopped regretting it. The guy that took it, I later learnt, cheated on me for six of the eleven months we were together. I then regarded sex as just a way to feel loved and close, and had sex with 3 other guys, even though the guys did'nt rally care about me. I was hurt, felt unloved, and very naive. That was a few years ago. I then learnt to respect myself, and taught myself that I'm worth more than that. I grew up, grew strong, grew better than I've ever been, and realised sex does not always show love, care or trust.I fell in love with a guy just over 2 years ago and we've been together ever since. We're both 17 now. He is amazing and I love him more each day. But what if my current boyfriend had been like you? And turned his nose up at me for not being a virgin?He was a virgin, and to begin with, he was a little upset, as he would have liked us to lose our virginity to each other. I would have liked that too. but if we had'nt have got together, I would be missing over 2 years of the best memories, the most fun. And so would he.But things happen, and teenagers make mistakes. My boyfriend is adult enough to know that I love him more than I could ever love anyone, and ever have. He is a brilliant lover, even though he has only ever been with me. I really would'nt care if he'd been with a thousand girls; he's with me now, thats what matters.So if you turn your nose up at a girl who has made mistakes before, then it's your loss. She's a person, not a used resource.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2009): Get a grip in morals and on your heart and stop thinking like a child.
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female
reader, satindesire  +, writes (9 May 2009):
 Oh My God, when does that honestly happen? Like, in real life? I've never heard of one guy coming up to another guy, who's a complete stranger, and saying "Oh yeah, your girlfriend was hot in bed."
I'm sorry but you're blowing this way out of proportion. These things do not happen in reality.
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A
male
reader, x_Joe_x +, writes (9 May 2009):
x_Joe_x is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIm depressed of thinking one day guys come to me and say "Hey ! You're gf is quiet good on bed" or "She passed many guys also me and she's just freaking awesome"
I can't take it anymore !
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A
female
reader, Fiona xxx +, writes (2 May 2009):
I think there is more peer pressure about having sex than anything else. I also don't think that at 15 we are ready and it's better to wait a couple of years.
You don't know if the first person you sleep with will be a virgin or not. If she is not a virgin, perhaps she has only slept with one person before, possibly the previous year? I am only guessing as we are talking about a hypothetical situation.
When you are young there is a lot of confusion about what you want and how things feel when you are making out. Give it a couple of years and things will feel more natural and right, the real thing.
The thing is, don't be jealous. In some respects it can help if the other person is more experienced and "knows what they re doing". Is that really an issue, because that could be the reality, you don't know until you are in the relationship.
Believe me there is no rush. Does it matter if your first is not a virgin, is that really a problem? What if you are 17/18 and are with somebody older? Maybe it would be sweet if both people are a virgin and loose their virginity at the same time, but the reality is that is usually not the case.
However that doesn't mean you need to rush into things you may/may not feel right about, just because of that. It doesn't mean you have to get ahead and be sure of getting lots of experience either. There is also a double-standard, you want sex but you wouldn't like to meet a girl who had sex at 15 ehh? I agree people do loose their virginity at various ages, so believe me you are not old, or too late. I was 18 and was glad I didn't at 14/15.
Your time will come and there will be plenty of opportunities, all in good time.
Fiona
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A
male
reader, x_Joe_x +, writes (27 April 2009):
x_Joe_x is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell it seems very hard to me to face my jealousy.
I had a relationship before and she was my first kiss.
she wasn't a lips virgin when she met me, she lost it when she was 12. i tried not being jealous but i was extremely too jealous and the relationship was destroyed by my jealousy.
this is why im doing this. because i don't think there will be a lot of 17 or 18 yo virgin girls in 2011 for me.
I'm a selfish as**ole in my opinion but i should deserve what i've done and if i'm not a virgin i wouldn't find a virgin one too.
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female
reader, satindesire +, writes (27 April 2009):
What to do about jealousy?
Well, for one, jealousy is an irrational and illogical emotion that has nothing to do with reality. People lose their virginity at all different ages, from very young to never. Breaking up with a girl for the ONLY reason that she had sex with someone before she met you is cruel, and pointless. "I don't want to be a virgin unless the girl I'm with is a virgin too." that's exactly how you're thinking. Do you see how that makes no sense to us?
You can't judge a person by their sexual past, in most cases. If you fall in love with a very special girl who is completely compatible with you, who you love very much, are you REALLY going to do something so judgemental and heartless as to dump her just because she isn't a virgin?
Think about that for a minute. What if you were treated the same way, by someone you loved? Wouldn't that break your heart and make you feel terrible?
You are in control of your actions. You are not a slave to your emotions and you can choose to not be jealous. A woman's past is just that, her past. You are her present and future. Instead of disrespecting a woman's sexuality as much as you do, you need to treat other people as you want them to treat you. ALWAYS...no matter what.
Problem solved.
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A
male
reader, x_Joe_x +, writes (27 April 2009):
x_Joe_x is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Satindesire, you make it very clear to me to know what sex is and how it is.But What do I do with the question number 2 ?Is so annoying then...
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female
reader, satindesire +, writes (27 April 2009):
Thank you so much, Em. And I appreciate your sympathy a lot. I miss my sister every day, and I know that God has placed me in this situation to educate other people to protect themselves against such a terrible disease. She would have wanted that, and I do it in her name and in her honor.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2009): Three things:1. The advice from your same-age-group friends is worthless as they have no wisdom on this matter.2. Carefully think of the double standard of: you wanting sex now, but not ultimately wanting a girl who has behaved the way you want to. Be the person whom you want in a partner. Set up your life history so you are proud to tell the woman of your dreams you were careful and respectful of her feelings.3. Take SatinDesire's advice to heart.
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female
reader, Emivia  +, writes (27 April 2009):
 Satindesire.... That was an incredible answer... I am sorry to hear about your sister.
I hope you take the time to read it Joe... For it will teach you many valuable things.
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female
reader, satindesire +, writes (26 April 2009):
Sex isn't just some activity to do like rollerblading or going to math class. There is a whole host of problems and adult choices that you need to be capable of making before, during, and after you have sex. Not only should you value your virginity as the precious gift it is, but you should also realize that once you give it away, it's gone forever and you can never go back in time and take it back.
Now that you're at an age where sex is something you are considering, you need to get some sexual education beyond what little the school system will tell you. Not only should you know what host of STI's and fatal and dangerous diseases you can get through all forms of sexual activity (not just intercourse!), you also need to know how a woman's reproductive system works and how pregnancy happens, and decide what you want to do should you become a father at such a young age.
If you are not ready to face dying from a fatal disease or raising a baby while you are still in high school, then perhaps you are not as ready to have sex as you think you are. These risks aren't just some fantasy that couldn't possibly happen to you, they're very much a reality. There are tens of thousands of very young girls every year that get pregnant because they had sex with boys just like you, and the statistics show that the STI crisis is getting worse and worse every year.
I lost my sister to AIDs recently. This isn't a one-in-a-million disease that only IV drug users get. The man who took her virginity gave her HIV...and she suffered with that disease for years before finally passing away. STI's are a very serious chance you take when you have sex, unless you protect yourself, and even if you DO, you can still catch a multitude of STIs even while wearing a condom.
Even if you have sex with someone who says they're a virgin, that doesn't mean they're clean. You don't have to have penis-in-vagina intercourse to get an STD...you can get an STD from skin-to-skin contact or fluid transmission. The only way you can know for sure is if you see the actual test results from their STD screening, and that means a full-spectrum blood workup for Hepatitis and AIDs.
Regarding pregnancy: Are you ready to be a father at 15? Condoms aren't 100% effective at preventing pregnancy...unless you're using two or even three methods of birth control to prevent pregnancy, there is a very big chance you could be raising a child before you graduate. Not only are you still considered a child in the eyes of the law, and in the eyes of many people here on this website, but to us, there is something fundamentally wrong with the idea that children should raise children. As much as you probably hate hearing this, you are not going to be able to give a child the kind of live it deserves. You don't have a full time and well-paying job, you don't even have a high school education completed yet. Bringing a child into the world right now with you being so young would be the worst thing you could do to that child.
So, you say, she could just have an abortion! Are you prepared to face the kind of emotional scarring and trauma that the girl you had sex with will face by killing your unborn child? Just think, if your own parents had felt the same way as you, perhaps you would have been killed instead of having the chance to grow up and live.
These are all things you should consider VERY SERIOUSLY before you decide to have sex. Educate yourself about pregnancy, STDs and birth control methods. Make sure that the girl you decide to have sex with has SHOWN you her STI screening results, and GO AND GET TESTED yourself! Buy some condoms, and practice putting them on. Be prepared to make very hard choices if you do have sex, because sometimes pregnancy and STDs happen to people no matter what they do to protect themselves.
Above all, respect yourself and the female gender more than this. Sex is something that is precious and valueable, the most intimate and wonderful thing that two people can share together. It isn't just something that "feels great" that you do because all your friends are doing it. Sex is the most loving act that two people can do to show each other how much they care, and unless you respect your sexuality and your virginity more than this, you will end up regretting your choices when you get older.
I wish you all the best of luck...and I hope you take my words to heart.
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male
reader, x_Joe_x +, writes (26 April 2009):
x_Joe_x is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk thanks everyone
it's really hard to be 15 at this point lol
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2009): There's no age that says "you are officially ready for sex."
It's a maturity level and a relationship level. Once you've been in a relationship with someone who you caer about for all the right reason and vice versa, then you can make your decision of when you're comfortable.
For me, i'd been with my bf for over a year, and waited till i was 16. that was my personal choice. Do what you think is right and ignore your silly friends.
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male
reader, x_Joe_x +, writes (26 April 2009):
x_Joe_x is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhat if I have a virgin girlfriend, What age do you think it's the best to lose our virginities ?
i mean How old to be ready ?
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2009): Jealousy is childish. Sex is not a contest. How do you think a girl will feel if you really care about each other, and she is a virgin, but you've had sex with someone random just in case your first girl friend had already? It's only somthing you can lose once. Several things you can lose and find and lose and find, but anything sexual is a one chance kind of thing. Listen to value and moral instead of foolish childish friends. None of your friends were ready to lose their viginity if that's the way they talk about it.
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male
reader, x_Joe_x +, writes (26 April 2009):
x_Joe_x is verified as being by the original poster of the questionEmivia, you maybe right but at the age over 17, it's hard to find a virgin womem at the age. And not sure if there is a few ?
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male
reader, Danielepew + ♥, writes (26 April 2009):
I misunderstood your post, then. You don't want to be a virgin because you would feel bad about yourself if she weren't.
I'm afraid there's no solution here, because I don't see a problem, either. Everyone has sex for a first time, and it can happen with someone who has had it before, or not. There's no getting away from that. Just be happy that you have sex, and don't have it just because someone else is having it, or because you have to "know better" than she. You don't have to.
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female
reader, Emivia +, writes (26 April 2009):
Don't you want to loose your virginity to someone you really care about? And not just use them as a way of loosing your virginity to be like your friends and stop waisting time?
Think about it!
Doesn't it make sence to loose it to someone who feels the same way as you do?
If you loose your virginity now... Because your friends are and because you don't want to waist time... In a few years you could come across the girl of your dreams, who is perfect in every way and has been waiting to loose her virginity to someone special.... What if she really liked you... But then... BAM... She turns you away because you threw away your virginity to someone else and made her jealous?
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male
reader, x_Joe_x +, writes (26 April 2009):
x_Joe_x is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell to be honest I'll be very jealous of her past if she did it but i did not
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male
reader, Danielepew + ♥, writes (26 April 2009):
At 15, most guys say they are having sex, even if they aren't. That is called "bragging", I guess. Don't believe everything you hear.
Anyways, having sex just because the rest of the pack are having sex -or say they are- is a bad idea. If the rest of your pack hang themselves by their toes, will you do that, too?
Yes, one day you will have a girlfriend. But I fail to see why you should break up with her only because she had sex at the same age when you want to have sex yourself.
You want to have sex with as many girls as you can. We all do :-). However, this is not a race, or this is not about keeping score. Sleeping with fifty does not make you a better person that sleeping with one.
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