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Is it ok for a girl to just want no strings sex?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 December 2010) 8 Answers - (Newest, 13 December 2010)
A female United Kingdom, anonymous writes:

is it ok for a girl to just want no strings sex?? i'm 23 and to be honest ive had enough of relationships, i get bored after a while and find myself doing anything to get out of it, as they don't make me happy. I've toyed with the idea of having a friend with benefits, however if i was to talk to my other friends (who are in relationships) they seem to turn their nose up and say that it's not very lady like to be doing this.

However i think they are totally wrong, is it ok for a man to do this and brag about it, however it is frowned upon for women?? right now i would prefer the whole FWB thing as i really don't want a relationship right now and my friends say, that i might not think i want it but once i meet the right person i'll change my mind.. and that having a FWB is leaving me off the shelf and she says that i'm going to wake up one day aged 35 and realise that ive wasted my time with all these no-hopers and it'll be too late.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2010):

You have the right to have casual sex all you want. You don't owe anyone else to live the lifestyle they approve of. It's your life.

But remember, other people also don't owe you a good opinion about your choices. A lot of men will find a promiscuous past VERY unattractive and decline to get involved with you over it. You may not like their opinion or agree with it when that time comes. But you don't get to decide how others will respond to your decisions.

The double standard is not men's fault any more than it is womens. It takes two to have sex and women could stop screwing man-whores any time they want. Last time I checked it usually HELPS a man's luck with women if he seems to be knee-deep in female attention and previous sex partners. Men don't complain about man-whores out loud because it's socially uncool to be critical of them. But our actions speak louder than our words and most men have a relatively short list of partners in a lifetime.

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A female reader, Fiona xxx United Kingdom +, writes (13 December 2010):

Fiona xxx agony auntI believe you need to be very sure of yourself before heading into these things.

I find it hard to fully comprehend the FWB situation. I know it's supposed to be just about the sex and doesn't have the romantic love and commitment. But in practice, I mean where do you draw the line between having a night out and having sex afterwards and a date? Is it just the lack of emotional connection and romantic love, but you still talk about your lives and how you are?

What you have to think about, so things don't get too complex: How long it's acceptable to carry on with the FWB between the two of you. Are you faithful, do you expect him to be faithful.

I was in a situation where it was probably some complex borderline between FWB and boyfriend. I never did love him, but we got on, he never did anything to make us fall out, so it carried on. The bedroom side of things was good. I was never faithful to him, always snogging guys in clubs, although never slept with anybody else.

Things felt easier when I decided that once I left for university, we wouldn't be together, but we carried on with the sex until then and that was quite a few weeks.

People wouldn't believe me when I say that a 10 month relationship wasn't serious. Wasn't serious to me anyway, but I know he liked me more than I liked him.

Still I doubt you could class the above as FWB.

Nonetheless I personally don't like the idea of FWB and somehow trying to define a casual relationship. It's easy to feel used and one person liking the other more. Almost like a contract, having the sex, but why...

Since then I was more one of two extremes. Either romantic relationship or ONS.

Oddly I found ONS more acceptable and more easily defined than all this friends with beneifts/casual relationships business. More of a buzz out of the situation because you don't know the guy. Feels more spontanious and you go into the situation, knowing that it is what it is and don't expect any more in any way.

I guess the snag with ONS is that it's only once ;) I would have honestly been happier with that, and not feeling used through regular sexual activity that didn't mean anything.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2010):

I think so long as you practice safe sex and are up front about what you do or don't want, then no strings is fine.

Relationships can follow quite natural when time is right, your young and care free enjoy your youth.

spunkey monkey.

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom + , writes (13 December 2010):

It's perfectly okay to want no strings sex. The problem is that often one of the two FWB falls for the other. And, most of the time it's the woman who winds up falling for the man (though not always). So if you decide that you want no strings, you may well walk into something else that might hurt you.

As for your friends, they don't need to know what you're up to. No one does. You can do is discreetly, and no one will be the wiser.

But, like I say, you need to be more careful that you don't wind up falling for a guy who only sees you as a FWB.

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A male reader, nick64 United Kingdom +, writes (13 December 2010):

FWB relationships vary at times. Sometimes it is literally just sex and fun with no strings attached. However other times one can develop feelings for the other, which can end in heartbreak if the feelings aren't on both sides. As far as your friends go I wouldn't worry. We all have different tastes, some want to play the field and others are happy to be in relationships.

It's not surprising to find that you are bored with relationships because it shows you are still young and not ready to settle down, which is completely normal at 23. I'm only a year younger than you and can't see myself settling down for a long time to come yet. At the end of the day it's your life and if you play safe and it makes you happy then go for it :)

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico +, writes (13 December 2010):

Danielepew agony auntYou're your own woman. I will say no more because I don't want to tell you what you should or shouldn't do. Every time we choose, we give something up and gain something, and it is for you to decide what matters most.

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A female reader, perch United States +, writes (13 December 2010):

You're still young so you have plenty of time to settle down. If you're not wanting/ready for a relationship There's nothing wrong with that. Just remember that sometimes you can go into something without strings attached and one of you develops feelings.so consider these things with caution. Also, there are plenty of fun "toys" out there. They're usually inexpensive,no strings, and no risks involved. Good luck!

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A female reader, Mjfbla United States +, writes (13 December 2010):

Mjfbla agony auntThat may work for your friend but you are her. Do what makes you feel best, what will make you happy. If your friends enjoy being in relationships and you dont then you being in one is stupid. For every guy that brags about haveing FWB there is a girl who is ok with doing it too. Besides your friends dont have to know about it if they are only going to critique you

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