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How can I make good conversation?

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Question - (9 June 2009) 3 Answers - (Newest, 10 June 2009)
A female United States age 30-35, *rebee20 writes:

I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years now and i have a big issue with conversation and communication. its not that i dont want to talk with him its just that i dont know how to spark up a conversation. i can tell that my silence annoys him alot. i dont want him to break up with me because of this. how can i make good conversation?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2009):

I used to have the same problem with my ex.. there used to be long awkward silences - it was horrible! Later I figured out he wasnt the right person for me, that was partly the reason but not completly.

Youve been together 2 years? He mustnt mind it that much or things would have grown old a long time ago.

I am currently seeing this guy who is pretty quiet (in his own way) I sometimes get a little annoyed at him coz it seems like hes ignoring me if hes not talking to me - so I tell him to talk to me. Then I realise Im just being stupid coz I really just enjoy his company - if hes talking or not.

Your boyfriend must like something about you or he wouldnt be with you. Just be yourself.. if conversation isnt there dont force it. Give him your attention in other ways like cuddling?

Or if you really feel like you need to make conversation then just ask him questions - even if they are pointless. Ask questions about anything. Like if you are eating M&M's or something ask him what his favorite ones are. Then tell him your. Stupid little things like that. I know some guys think our silly litle questions like that are cute!

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A female reader, Fiona xxx United Kingdom +, writes (9 June 2009):

Fiona xxx agony auntI think a lot of chat, early on in a relationship, involves getting to know each-other, finding out what you have in common, and talking about your life before you met. Perhaps you have gone through all this, and once you have discussed how your day has been, you have little to say, as you are plodding on in life, with few changes?

Clearly think of other things to discuss. What about talking about plans that you could make together. In terms of holidays, dreams and things you have always wanted to do, but have not got around to doing. This should end up with a conversation about some sort of plan, something real to talk about, in terms of a special vacation, or a new hobby or interest to take up. That way, you will have things to talk about, your plans, and the things you have recently done, or are about to do.

Silence isn't as bad as you think, as long as you feel relaxed and not awkward. It's finding the balance, and not trying too hard. Perhaps he's more chatty than you by nature, so will be more likely to initiate a convo.

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A female reader, Ashley-Pie United Kingdom +, writes (9 June 2009):

You first need to find out if there is a still a spark in your relationship. You may not want to break up with him but if there is no spark then you may have to do something you don't want to do.

Do something spontanious and crazy to make the day with him more excitiing. Lay back and try not to think about what you're going to say. Let the words flow.

Then, ask him to give reasons why he's with you, and you will give him some in return. Hopefully you will find out why you are with each other and if it is worth working on.

You could also tell him that you feel like you don't have much to say. He should understand.

x

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