A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I realised that my boyfriend mother look down on me as I studied Chinese language as my major degree while my boyfriend is a engineer. She thinks that I won't get a good job as a Chinese graduate. However, I don't think so I don't want to be a teacher but I am sure I can find other jobs such as media or journalism later in my life as my career.I feel so upset that I got look down and the fact that his mother don't like me. I have always been a precious gem in my family and now I have second thoughts about leaving my boyfriend. As it is really hard on me to continue this relationship. Should I leave him because of his mother? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2010): Sometimes mothers don't like their sons' girlfriends, for a whole range of reasons, but get on better with them when they know them better. Give it time.
A
female
reader, Fiona xxx  +, writes (20 December 2010):
 Assuming you are planning on marrying your boyfriend, it is your boyfriend you will be marrying and sharing your life with, not his Mum.
There are so many cliches about the Mother-in-law and many it would appear are based on something that can exist.
I often think in-laws can be judgemental, but it can calm down once you are married and either Mum accepts that the relationship is for keeps.
Otherwise there is no law that says that you have to spend time with the MIL every week if the atmosphere is strained. You can make an effort xmas or whenever, you know what I mean. But if it's like that, don't feel obliged to sit making small chat every week if you don't feel welcome.
The snag with saying how you feel to your partner is that this can cause arguments. After all you can say anything against your own parents, but if anybody else says the same thing, you tend to find it offensive.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (20 December 2010):
 If you leave him don't leave him because of his mother. It is not the mother you are in a relationship with. If you marry this man, and have children with him, that will be your family, and she will be your mother-in-law, but not your immediate family. I think you need to learn to not value her judgment of you, because you know she is not right. Many mothers in law dislike their daughter in law purely because she "took" their son away from them. It could be his mother is jealous of how much time her son spends on you. If that is so you will only make her happy if you leave, that might have been her intention.
If you love your boyfriend stand by him and bite your tongue to not say anything back to his mother. Ignore her words. Don't take what she says to heart, and remember that what she thinks of you doesn't matter at all if your boyfriend treats you right and adores you and gives you love.
...............................
A
female
reader, largentsgirl89  +, writes (20 December 2010):
 Is his mother really involved in his life and your relationship with him? To what extent are you exposed to her? Depending on how invested you are in the relationship and how serious you two are I would reevaluate if you want to be with him and can put up with his mother and her judgement or if you would be happier with someone else and not having to deal with his mother.
I personally wouldn't leave. You're not dating his mother, but I understand its important for her to like you.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2010): she has no right to be so judgemental!
have you ever told him how you feel, you shouldn't do anything until you've talked about it to him.
...............................
|
