| Latest articles: Retroactive jealousy, the missing tip
This question has 6 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
17 January 2016: If you are reading this you know there's a lot of stuff in the net about Retroactive Jealousy. As someone who's gone through that decades ago I've read a hundreds of articles and discussion about it myself. There is a lot of misguided advice, and ...
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My bf is insanely jealous about my past, what can I do to make it better?
Q. I saw some posts about the same issue, but thought I'd ask again since my story is slightly different.. So, me and my bf have been together for about 5 months. We fell madly in love as soon as we met and kind of jumped into a relationship, so crazy ...
A. 25 May 2011: If he is unable to stop undesired thoughts about your past, he could be experimenting obsessive behaviour. He should see a therapist and get medication against such kind of thoughts. If he can't stop those images it doesn't matter how much he ... (read in full...)
I proposed to my friend but she politely declined!
Q. so it began in october. the girl in my college asked for my no. and we started talking nicely. she had a boyfriend from last 4years and she loves him. they broke up soon after i started talking but were in touch daily. she always gave me signals ...
A. 21 February 2011: Right. Think that cutting any kind of contact with her is the better way of punishing her and preserving you at the same time.... (read in full...)
I proposed to my friend but she politely declined!
Q. so it began in october. the girl in my college asked for my no. and we started talking nicely. she had a boyfriend from last 4years and she loves him. they broke up soon after i started talking but were in touch daily. she always gave me signals ...
A. 20 February 2011: Anything that keeps you in contact with her will end up hurting you more than you are now. Even if you can get revenge at all, you will always be that one being hurt the more.... (read in full...)
I proposed to my friend but she politely declined!
Q. so it began in october. the girl in my college asked for my no. and we started talking nicely. she had a boyfriend from last 4years and she loves him. they broke up soon after i started talking but were in touch daily. she always gave me signals ...
A. 19 February 2011: I don't get it. Why do you want to destroy her? Whatever that means.
Are you that hurt that you hate her now? How come you are so in love with her after five months of what, being her friend?
Move on, and try to grow up in the process.... (read in full...)
I proposed to my friend but she politely declined!
Q. so it began in october. the girl in my college asked for my no. and we started talking nicely. she had a boyfriend from last 4years and she loves him. they broke up soon after i started talking but were in touch daily. she always gave me signals ...
A. 15 February 2011: If you want this girl for a relationship, don't be her friend. Move on.... (read in full...)
I even got my crush a rose, but she likes this other guy!
Q. can anyone help me with my problem. i'm 14 and i really like this girl and we're really good friends. she knows i like her a lot and knows i got her a valentines rose but she said she won't go out with me because she likes this other guy a lot. she ...
A. 15 February 2011: Don't play the guy friend. That will end up hurting you, chances are she will keep trying to get that guy. Eventually, even if he doesn't like her for a proper girlfriend, he'll use her just for sex. One way or another, she will end up telling you ... (read in full...)
Will this heal?
Q. I had sex with my boyfriend last night for the first time and it was really painful as expected as i'm very tight and i also bled quite alot. I didn't think anything of it as i thought it was normal. But i checked today and it seems that the ...
A. 15 February 2011: Check with a doctor. Internet is not a doctor.... (read in full...)
Do I tell my fiance that I had an affair and the baby may or may not be his?
Q. I have been with my fiancé for 4 years and we are to be married June. We have a great relationship but I recently made a mistake and had a brief sexual relationship with a co-worker. It was over the span of 2 weeks, and it actually brought me closer ...
A. 15 February 2011: I agree with CaringGuy and I would like to add: you have to tell your fiancé for medical reasons. Your baby could need some kind of medical help involving ADN matching and everybody would assume that your fiancé is a potential donor.... (read in full...)
Been with my girlfriend for a year and she won't even add me on facebook let alone move in with me.
Q. im worrying alot about my girlfriend well she dont want to move in with me we only see each other at the weekends i dunno what to do she will not add me on her facebook so i dont no can anyone help me with this we have been together for a year now ...
A. 15 February 2011: There is no much information here. You have been dating over a year and you see each other on weekends only. You aren't in her facebook. Have you meet her family? Do you have any doubt about being her official boyfriend?... (read in full...)
I'm tired of always being the romantic one!
Q. Hi everyone, I am feeling a bit neglected. I am the one who does all the romantic things in our relationship like flowers and planning nights out. I planned our last anniversary and even was the one who proposed. ( I had to go and pick up my own r...
A. 15 February 2011: The second question has to be answered by your boyfriend. The first one "What can I do as I am sick of being the only one who is 'romantic' or thoughtful", well.
You can stop doing that. If he doesn't change and you are not satisfied with that, da... (read in full...)
Is it ok for a woman to chase a man?
Q. I'm confused with my role as a woman in the flirting section of a relationship. I've been told plenty of times that it's the man that really must take the first steps but I feel I'm a very dominant woman (and I can tend to choose men that are ...
A. 15 February 2011: There is no such thing as a role for the women in this. You have to do whatever it takes to get what you want. If you don't try it you'll regret it forever. There is no actions reserved for men or women.... (read in full...)
My last girlfriend cheated on me. Will I ever find a another love who I will be able to trust?
Q. Recently, I was cheated on by my girlfriend. I loved her so much and trusted her alot too, but she proved to be contrary to what I thought of her. Do you think I will find another girl whom I will love and trust? The problem is that I have totally ...
A. 15 February 2011: All right, put your energies into your future. Move on, but avoid rushing up into a new relationship. Take it easy. ... (read in full...)
She wants to be with me, just not right now
Q. about 2 weeks ago me and my girlfriend broke up, we've been together for 4 years exceptfor a break of 8 months when she went away to college. we have know each other since we were very young. in the past few months we have been arguing more and ...
A. 15 February 2011: What are you supposed to do in the meantime. Date other people?
I think I understand how you feel. Because it started as a mutual thing but now she's who wants this break.... (read in full...)
My last girlfriend cheated on me. Will I ever find a another love who I will be able to trust?
Q. Recently, I was cheated on by my girlfriend. I loved her so much and trusted her alot too, but she proved to be contrary to what I thought of her. Do you think I will find another girl whom I will love and trust? The problem is that I have totally ...
A. 15 February 2011: Cheating is no only a physical thing. She spent 10 days in a tour with her ex. If she knew her ex would be there, that is a kind of cheating. I guess.
Maybe she ended up realizing that she did wrong. That could explain the email. But I guess mo... (read in full...)
Two guys, one gal. Do I choose one? Keep all three? Or start again? Is my sex life too varied for even me?.
Q. So here's my problem: Six months ago my boyfriend and I (lets call him A) of one and a half years broke up. For some reason, I thrived to have another person with me at all times so I instantly went to my old boyfriend (lets call him B) for supp...
A. 14 February 2011: You can't be sexual with your first boyfriend because you have grown with him. From your age and the years you mention I guess you started dating him when you were 14. So basically he is like a brother.
If your C is bisexual too, you can send her... (read in full...)
If I break up with her what does she have?
Q. I am 21 years old, and have been with my girlfriend for almost 4 years now. Lately, we've been fighting and arguing almost every day. The fights we have are always about stupid and pointless things. I very rarely get upset about things, but it seems ...
A. 14 February 2011: You can't keep dating a person because you think she doesn't have anything but you in this life.
Anyway, if your are that worried you should break up and keep in contact as friends. Letting her know she can still count on you.... (read in full...)
Do I forgive him for sleeping with a random girl while drunk?
Q. i've been with this guy for a year already. throughout the relationship, i did get in contact with my ex for a couple of times. but my boyfriend still accepts me. however, nothing ever happened between me and my ex. my boyfriend ever kissed my own ...
A. 14 February 2011: No. He didn't sleep with the girl because he was drunk. He drank so he had an excuse. Break up and move on. Nothing good will result from such a person.... (read in full...)
I guess what I'm asking is: is it totally irresponsible of me to leave a job when I don't have another to go to?
Q. Hi All In a bit of a bind. I have been working in sales for over 10 years now. I took a break in 2006 (during the height of the economic boom in Ireland) to go travelling. Thinking of course that it would be exactly the same when I returned...
A. 14 February 2011: I fully understand you, I have been there before. Living in Argentina I can teach about having economic crisis. Thank God we have been recovering and then in good shape for the last 10 years. But in 2002 I was being paid for doing nothing, which ... (read in full...)
How to tell a girl you're dating that you're a virgin?
Q. Hi, I'm a 27 years old guy and I have never had sex in my life. It's an bothering fact especially when you live among people for whom it's no big deal to have sex from younger ages. The reason i haven't had sex so far may sound stupid but it's alw...
A. 14 February 2011: The obvious answer is, let her know you are really interested in her. Before letting her know you are a virgin.
Of course that can be hard to do, if you start talking about sex right away. You will have to figure out how to do it. I would recommen... (read in full...)
Is it wrong of me to continue my affair with my first cousin?
Q. I am currently having an affair with my first cousin. We love each other enormously even though we haven't been together for too long. We have a big age difference. But to us that doesn't matter. For my part I would do anything to be with him and I ...
A. 14 February 2011: Well, you'll to tell your family about it. Failing to do so will lead you to some problems. You will have to deal with the fact that your family must know about this. They will possibly try to stop you.... (read in full...)
Did I make a rash decision because I felt too suffocated?
Q. I recently broke up with my boyfriend after feeling as though I didn't care for him in the same way he cares for me, to the point where I began to feel guilty (as though I was almost stringing him along). This feeling only came about very recently...
A. 13 February 2011: "Did I make a rash, wrong decision because I felt too suffocated?"
How can we know if you did?
"Would it be too hard for him and am I too selfish to ask to be friends?"
It's already being hard, you told so. I think that asking him to be yo... (read in full...)
My last girlfriend cheated on me. Will I ever find a another love who I will be able to trust?
Q. Recently, I was cheated on by my girlfriend. I loved her so much and trusted her alot too, but she proved to be contrary to what I thought of her. Do you think I will find another girl whom I will love and trust? The problem is that I have totally ...
A. 13 February 2011: You have to keep two thing in mind. A lot of people cheat, what doesn't mean that every people cheat.... (read in full...)
Is it wrong of me to continue my affair with my first cousin?
Q. I am currently having an affair with my first cousin. We love each other enormously even though we haven't been together for too long. We have a big age difference. But to us that doesn't matter. For my part I would do anything to be with him and I ...
A. 13 February 2011: That's great. If you won't break up with him. What's your question? Why do you want to know if it's wrong? Having a relationship with your cousin is considered incest in some cultures only. I don't see any problem.... (read in full...)
Why is she avoiding having me meet her parents?
Q. I have been going out with this girl for 5-6 months now. I like her a lot and she likes me too. My friends and family know about her and she has met them all. But she has not told her family and friends about me and they do not know that we are ...
A. 12 February 2011: It could be anything. She can be worried about telling her family and then breaking up with you. (For the reputation thing). Or she could be dating someone else. With that little information I don't reckon we can help you.
I guess the better y... (read in full...)
I think my online girl is cheating on me--her stories don't add up!
Q. I think my girlfriend is possibly cheating on me. I am really confused....she really seems sincere, tells me she loves me all the time, but certain behavioral patterns really bother me. Though our relationship for now is strictly online (thats how ...
A. 12 February 2011: Dating is already hard in person. How will you manager this with a virtual relationship. If you have doubts, move on.... (read in full...)
If a girl has been with a big guy how does she feel about sleeping with a smaller man?
Q. Hello everyone i have a question mostly for the girls but i dont mind having different point of vues. if there is a girl who is used to have sex with Big guys ( if you know what i mean ) . how would she feel about sleeping with an average size guy...
A. 12 February 2011: You will get mixed answers from different girls. Because women differ in size too. So, what's important here is whether you are a good match to your girlfriend. That's almost everything about the size, physically speaking.
Then comes the mental t... (read in full...)
I'm a confused and lovesick teenager. I need help getting over this boy!
Q. I turn 16 tomorrow, and for the past year I’ve been romantically involved with a guy from my year at school. Since I liked him for so long, when he asked me out it was amazing! However he did inform me that he did have a "thing" with another girl ...
A. 12 February 2011: "However I know we can’t be in this "friends with benefits"- "open relationship" situation forever because like I said, it will just end in disaster. The best way to move on from someone is to cut all contact, but when I see him every day at school, ... (read in full...)
My last girlfriend cheated on me. Will I ever find a another love who I will be able to trust?
Q. Recently, I was cheated on by my girlfriend. I loved her so much and trusted her alot too, but she proved to be contrary to what I thought of her. Do you think I will find another girl whom I will love and trust? The problem is that I have totally ...
A. 12 February 2011: I don't get your PS, really.
About the trust, you will hardly trust any other woman like you trusted your girlfriend. Anyway your only chance is to start trusting someone, a little at least. There is no other way to get into a relation... (read in full...)
How do I avoid the Friend Zone???
Q. So I've met this fine girl in my class this semester, and I built up the courage to ask her to hang out. We got lunch together, and it seemed like we got along great. I've never had a girlfriend before, I'm 19, but I've been placed in the friend ...
A. 12 February 2011: If she sees you as a friend, you already are in the friend zone. I don't think that will depend on what you do. If you are lucky you could try to get out of that place.
Of course there is no reason for thinking you are there, yet. Just ask her ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong of me to continue my affair with my first cousin?
Q. I am currently having an affair with my first cousin. We love each other enormously even though we haven't been together for too long. We have a big age difference. But to us that doesn't matter. For my part I would do anything to be with him and I ...
A. 12 February 2011: How old are you both?... (read in full...)
Why would he say he's "a bit jealous?"
Q. I was talking to a guy who i used to kind of be FWB with and he asked how my date went last night. I told him it went very well and that i was going on another date at the weekend. He said "wish i could see you that often :P" "i'm pleased for you ...
A. 11 February 2011: Most of the time, in FWB relationships, one of the two members tend to be more involved than the other. That's why I don't find such relationships useful.... (read in full...)
My bf is insanely jealous about my past, what can I do to make it better?
Q. I saw some posts about the same issue, but thought I'd ask again since my story is slightly different.. So, me and my bf have been together for about 5 months. We fell madly in love as soon as we met and kind of jumped into a relationship, so crazy ...
A. 11 February 2011: Well, your story was really different. As most people with your boyfriend's problem has none or too little experience.
But your boyfriend seems to be the opposite. And I guess that what haunts him is what he did in the past. As you said, you told... (read in full...)
My boyfriend found out that I had been telling my ex I loved him, how do I earn his trust back?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 4 and a half months now. Earlier on in our relationship, we were going through problems, so I felt alone and I started "talking to my ex, and I was saying "I love you baby" and stuff like that. And he found ...
A. 11 February 2011: In my own personal opinion you can't win his trust back. In the end this is about how can he deal with what has found. You shouldn't do it and, since you did it, you should have hidden it from him for ever.
I don't reckon you can do anything... (read in full...)
She cheated on all her ex's - will she cheat on me?
Q. Right here we go I've been dating this girl for a good year now and as far as our interactions with each other are concerned all is going swimmingly. Im in my mid 20's and this is my first serious relationship as I knew throughout my "silly" years ...
A. 11 February 2011: I don't like cheaters at all. I can hardly handle a cheating confession, even if it is on the past.
However I believe that ONE infidelity in your past can be understood —under certain circumstances. But having cheating over most of her ex boyfrien... (read in full...)
My girlfriend and her male friend are too close for comfort in my eyes and I don't know how to deal with it anymore!
Q. I have been dating my girlfriend for a year and a half now, and just recently have been realizing the magnitude of her relationship with her male friend. He is living in North Carolina and we are in Arizona. They have been friends longer than we ...
A. 11 February 2011: You say "...because the moment I knew I was in love I stopped having frequent contact with all the girls of the opposite sex that I'm friends with..." If that's truth your friendship whit these girls wasn't a real friendship. Was it? If your have... (read in full...)
Flirting with a friend of my ex, but the friend doesn't know his friend is my ex, or that it's his child I'm pregnant with!
Q. I'm currently 28 weeks pregnant, my partner walked out on us both leaving me to move back to my parents and give my job up. He doesnt want anything to do with his baby or me which is fine. The problem is I'm currently speaking to a friend of his who ...
A. 11 February 2011: About what FloridaCatGirl said: I don't think that, if the new guy has a problem with his friend being your ex or the father of your baby, makes him a bad person.
Some people would have a problem with that, and some people won't. You have to tell ... (read in full...)
Is my LDR playing games? Should I let it go?
Q. Need some help regarding a long distance situation. Long story short and il try explain it as detailed but as short as possible so you get an understanding of the situation. ok i met a girl ONLINE one year ago, she is not a complete stranger, she is ...
A. 10 February 2011: I don't reckon we can tell you what happens here. You have less information than you. If you are unsure, we can hardly guess and be right about it.
The obvious next step is talk to her as soon as possible. Of course you can't go to another ... (read in full...)
Is there any way to salvage a friendship from this mess?
Q. Well, there is a much longer story, that I already explained earlier (http://www.dearcupid.org/question/her-family-situation-has-made-her-push-me.html) with lots of vital information, but I'll skip most of it: Basically, a longtime friend ended ...
A. 10 February 2011: Why do you want her back. I don't reckon she's a good person to be friends with. She dated you while having a boyfriend. She laughed about you with her friends. What do you expect from her?... (read in full...)
Boyfriend's inexperience is getting to me
Q. I'm 19 and have had many relationships but my boyfriend (21)has not. He has had one relationship and it lasted 3 weeks and has not gained much experience from it. I'm very used to dating guys who are more experienced in that matter and it's really ...
A. 9 February 2011: What you say is: if he were more experienced he would be able to hide the fact that he doesn't love you, yet. As I see this you have an advantage here. I don't get why it's that bad.... (read in full...)
How do you stop crying over a man who treats you like crap?
Q. How do u stop crying over a guy you honestly sincerely know isn't good enough, treats you like crap, then says "i love you"? This guy messed with me for two years. I honestly did love him but our relationship was completely dysfunctional, but there ...
A. 9 February 2011: You have to get professional help. It's obvious that wanting to be with someone like him is self-destructive. And can't be normal. Most people here won't be able to help because, when faced to such a situation, they would move on ASAP. Period.... (read in full...)
My wife's ego-devastating details of her sex life with her former Latin lover have led me to have terrible feelings of inadequacy and resentment...
Q. I am in need of some advice. Background: I have been married to my wife for 13 years. She ended things with her previous boyfriend to start dating me. Shortly after we became intimate she implied that her former Latin lover (almost every wo...
A. 9 February 2011: I'm sorry I have to disagree with Fatherly Advice. Having been married 13 years doesn't proof she think he's the best in bed. No marriage is based on sex 100%. In fact, I doubt sex is more than 40%, top. What we can be sure about is: she is with him ... (read in full...)
I cant get over what she has done in the past...
Q. My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 4 months and her past and what she has done haunts me and maked me want to throw up and call her a whore and leave her. I cant do this though the thought of not being with her hurts me and I know that I ...
A. 9 February 2011: It sounds as if you want her to change so you can dump her, without thinking she will have sex in the first date. It makes no sense and you don't have the right to ask her to change.... (read in full...)
She has feelings for another. how can I get over her, but not lose her as a friend?
Q. Well to start me and my friend started to talking to this girl, he really didnt care while i fell pretty hard for her. Well she told me that she only had feelings for my friend who by the way broke her heart two days later. So since we r such good ...
A. 8 February 2011: Why would you keep, a girl you want for girlfriend, as a friend? It's nonsense.... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant, had a one night stand and am so afraid to tell my boyfriend!
Q. I just found out I'm pregnant, however I'm not sure if my current boyfriend of five years in the father or a one night stand(I was really drunk that night celebrating my friend's birthday). The nest morning I took Plan B and I was told by the doctor ...
A. 8 February 2011: I totally agree with CaringGuy, if you lie you will regret that endlessly. That would be a BIG mistake.
That I would say for any situation like yours. In your particular case there's big chances your boyfriend is not the father. You said you were... (read in full...)
Will our different religious beliefs clash too much? And would he compromise his beliefs about sex?
Q. Hello there, agony aunts. (: I have had a relatively close male friend who I have known for several years. We went to high school together and have always gotten on great. Almost the whole time I knew him, I had been with my ex boyfriend (who I...
A. 8 February 2011: Of course there is no way I can know how your relationship will result. And I agree with dirtball, mostly.
But, for Christian people virginity is big issue. As a result of Christian beliefs. And I think that you not being a virgin is an issue th... (read in full...)
I cant get over what she has done in the past...
Q. My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 4 months and her past and what she has done haunts me and maked me want to throw up and call her a whore and leave her. I cant do this though the thought of not being with her hurts me and I know that I ...
A. 4 February 2011: @Annalisa: Women always find hard to believe a man can suffer. Of course generalization is always a bad idea. @Anonymous male: You have two problems here. In the first place you have a moral conflict with the way your girlfriend behaves —se... (read in full...)
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