A
female
age
30-35,
*ca9130
writes:I'm confused with my role as a woman in the flirting section of a relationship. I've been told plenty of times that it's the man that really must take the first steps but I feel I'm a very dominant woman (and I can tend to choose men that are younger, still look like boys and that have never had a girlfriend, newbies in the relationship section) and I really like making the first move and the one doing the chasing. I don't feel bad about it but my friends and my family keep on telling me I look trampy and slutty doing that and that it's the guy that should be doing the chasing. I feel this is one of those ridiculous society rules because I followed my instincts two years ago and got me a boyfriend for a year and a half that really loved me. I'm 19 and I like a guy who's 17 and he has admitted to like me but never asked me out and last Friday he tried to kiss me, but I said no (because I didn't want to look easy or trampy) but I didn't say no because I don't like him, but because I want something more than just a kiss! But when I asked him out, he said no and a friend told me he neglected me because I hurt his ego. Now what? Should I follow my instincts and tell him the truth: I want to get to know you better and I think we should go out as friends and then see what happens OR forget about it because I'm the one doing the chasing and "it's not supposed to be like that". help!
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female
reader, cca9130 +, writes (16 February 2011):
cca9130 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks a lot for your answers! they made me feel more confident about who i am. I'll talk to him and let him know about my decision of not kissing him that night. Thanks a lot!!
A
female
reader, authenticgal  +, writes (16 February 2011):
Don't like the rule book? Throw it out. But the law still apply to the fact that you are an adult and he's NOT one yet...You might want to change the age range or wait until he's 18.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (16 February 2011):
 Hey, you're a modern woman and you'll find yourself a modern fella. I think it's great that you are comfortable with yourself and confident. Don't change who you are - being exactly who you are will bring you a fella who loves you for YOU, not some facade.
These younger guys... they lack maturity. I think you will have better luck with older guys who can give you more than just a kiss. But, with this guy - you should do exactly what is in your heart to do... if he still isn't interested, or is looking for a more passive woman - he should look elsewhere to find her and you should move on.
You sound like a pretty cool, solid person. Don't give up your spunk! Good luck, sweet!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2011): I have had multiple girls ask me out on dates; eight iinfact, and I have had the girlfriend of my dreams only because she approached me. Do not see it as dominate vs recessive or the man's role vs the woman's role just see it as interest in someone of the opposite sex and see if the interest is mutual. Many white males in America are afraid of being labeled ''sexist'' if they were to show interest in a girl or woman his age because we can get accused of anything so quikely.
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (15 February 2011):
 You sound like a confident and capable woman, if women were to go with society rules about how they should conduct themselves, then we probably still wouldn't be able to vote, own our own land, have careers out of the home or be able to go to college.
You sound like you know what you want. Making the first move does not make you look trampy or slutty, unless you are like sleeping with them the first time you meet (which you aren't.) There is NOTHING wrong with a woman making the first move, most men that I know prefer when a woman makes the first move. Most find it sexy that she is so confident.
I say power to you!!! Alot of girls lack the confidence you have and strive to get it. To hell with society rules, go for it and don't feel bad that you are.
A woman after my own heart. Keep on being your awesome self.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2011): A guy will go out with you short term if you are the aggressor but you are a keeper if he is the one to chase and conquer. Society rules may be ridiculous but the male species hasn't mutated its hard wiring because of social rules.
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A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (15 February 2011):
There is no such thing as a role for the women in this. You have to do whatever it takes to get what you want. If you don't try it you'll regret it forever. There is no actions reserved for men or women.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2011): Hi,
I personally think he is too young for you considering you are an adult and he is a teenager.
However, my advice is if you really want to start a relationship with someone then throw out the rule book. We are humans, not objects that come with an instruction booklet. Of course there are some basic facts and common sense to follow.
Apologize for hurting his feelings and explain what you want. Then let him do the talking.
Good Luck and do re-consider dating teenagers as I can hardly believe that a meaningful relationship could come out of it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2011): You sound confident and know what you want. I say go for it, a lot of girls don't have the confidence to make the first move.
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