A
male
age
30-35,
*aturalsoles
writes:So I've met this fine girl in my class this semester, and I built up the courage to ask her to hang out. We got lunch together, and it seemed like we got along great. I've never had a girlfriend before, I'm 19, but I've been placed in the friend zone before and I don't want that to happen again. How do I avoid its grasp? We're going to hang out again next week, so I guess she doesn't hate me lol.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2011): There tend to be three main reasons a guy ends up in the "friends zone" ...1) They don't create attraction. Instead, because they're too worried about her rejection, they act friendly.Don't act friendly, act attractive.Friendly means you're trying to connect and build rapport and build comfort. Most guys do this out of fear. They think women WANT comfort and rapport. They don't. They want boyfriends, not friends.Men who act attractive do it different. They act attractive FIRST, and only after she's proven her interest back do these guys start to build comfort and rapport.Being ATTRACTIVE is about flirting, and teasing, and being FUN! Not friendly, FUN. Instead of saying, "Hey, you have beautiful hair! I love your shoes." you should try something like, "Hey, you look amazing in those jeans. Wow, well done cutie."Notice the difference? Compliments are meant to imply sexual intent or interest. Not friendly banter.2) Most guys don't escalate. Again, this comes from a fear of rejection.Trust me on this.. women WANT you to escalate. Why? Because most girls KNOW that it's the guy's job to take those risks. It keeps her safe.Not making a move on her makes you her friend. Making a move, even if she says no, makes you possible boyfriend.So escalate. This means you MUST eventually take her hand, hold her hand, lean in and whisper a joke into her ear giving her goosebumbs, hugs her, cuddle, and kiss. Over the course of a few dates. NOT over the course of 10 dates, just two.So... flirt more, tease her more, and be FUN. If you compliment her, which you should keep to a minimum, they should be almost sexually charged without being rude. Like "You look hot" instead of "Oh, you look nice."And Escalate. If you want her to be your girlfriend you HAVE to lead her there. Take her by the hand, take her on adventures, and kiss her. She wants it. If she doesn't want it she'll let you know. But don't wait for her to say "kiss me" because it won't happen.Hope this helps,~ Robby
A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (12 February 2011):
If she sees you as a friend, you already are in the friend zone. I don't think that will depend on what you do. If you are lucky you could try to get out of that place.
Of course there is no reason for thinking you are there, yet. Just ask her out.
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