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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Was he just really enjoying it or should I go easy on him next time?
Q. While recently giving a blow job to this guy, I felt he started to tremble and shiver vigorously. After he came in my mouth and we were done, he did exclaim that he could hardly stand then and sat down. Wanted to know if it is because he is ...
A. 21 October 2011: you could ASK him....... (read in full...)
Was he just really enjoying it or should I go easy on him next time?
Q. While recently giving a blow job to this guy, I felt he started to tremble and shiver vigorously. After he came in my mouth and we were done, he did exclaim that he could hardly stand then and sat down. Wanted to know if it is because he is ...
A. 21 October 2011: umm can I just point out only women have answered... I'd love to hear from some of the guys too...... (read in full...)
How does a large guy make himself more attractive to women?
Q. As a large guy at the 18. (6'4 and 17 and a half stone) How can I make myself more attractive to the opposite sex? I'm got quite a round face and although I can hide my stomach and that sort of thing I do struggle to look 'attractive'. I feel my ...
A. 21 October 2011: at 6'4" 17.5 stone if I figure correctly I think you are around 250 pounds... that's not horrible and I bet I'd find you very attractive...... (read in full...)
Why don't the question askers read their mail?
Q. Hello all, From time to time as a regular Aunt on this site, I receive messages in my mailbox from people needing a personal reply to their problems. I am more than happy to help if I can and I do reply to all messages with help or information w...
A. 20 October 2011: oh yes a WALL Of TEXT is not going to get a response....
I had someone today ask me if they could ask me a question (I thought that rather polite actually) and said yes but asked them to please use lots of paragraphs and white space.
... (read in full...)
I just had a baby - I wonder why my relationship is falling apart ever since having it?
Q. I just had a baby boy two weeks ago and my bf is not pulling his weight enough around the house to which he is the father of this one. I already have an 18 month old (not his - her father didn't want to know her nor has he ever tried to see her once ...
A. 20 October 2011: your hormones are at an all time high right now..
he's a first time dad...
personally if someone asked me to do a favor for them (i.e. change a dirty nappy) and then CRITCISED how I did it or the speed I did it... I'd not be inclinded to do A... (read in full...)
Is is possible to have a 4th c section if you want?
Q. Is it possible to have another baby after you have undergone three c sections - first one was an emergency and the child died a few days after birth, the second was an emergency though was awake and thankfully she is alive, third one was an elective ...
A. 20 October 2011: Ethel Kennedy had twelve.... (read in full...)
I can't get my ex out of my mind. Do I try to become good friends with him? Or do I try and forget him?
Q. Hi. About a month ago my boyfriend of 4 months broke up with me. I know it sounds silly, because we weren't together very long, but I REALLY miss him. My family loved him as he was so level-headed and we've had many amazing memories. He treated me ...
A. 20 October 2011: he sounds like a stand up guy but I don't think you should pursue a deep friendship with him.
IF he was interested in you he would make sure you knew... he's clearly not interested in a romantic relationship with you at this time and trying t... (read in full...)
Is my penis normal?
Q. i need to know if my penis is normal its is a little bit dark and has a weird patch does that matter?...
A. 20 October 2011: anything NEW? if not new... and you've always had it, it's probably nothing and i"m sure mom had it checked out as a baby...... (read in full...)
My husband thinks I'm too thin! Is he concerned about me or has his love just gone?
Q. Hi. My husband is complaining that i am too thin. Of course my body has generally been small, but it has never been an issue in our relationship.recently i hav lost some weight. I am confused. Is he concerned about me or his love has jus gone? Do ...
A. 20 October 2011: if you have had tests and you are healthy but your weight is low then perhaps he just likes you a bit fuller... I know I've just picked up 10 pounds (that I needed) and I feel FAT FAT FAT but bf says I'm just fine and to relax... he thought me too ... (read in full...)
Was he just really enjoying it or should I go easy on him next time?
Q. While recently giving a blow job to this guy, I felt he started to tremble and shiver vigorously. After he came in my mouth and we were done, he did exclaim that he could hardly stand then and sat down. Wanted to know if it is because he is ...
A. 20 October 2011: oh heck no don't go easy on him... you knocked his socks off and I'm betting he loved it.... (read in full...)
She rejected me because she doesn't want to risk our friendship!
Q. Hey there, after a long friendship I finally built up the courage to ask a this girl out. We've always had a very flirtatious and hands on relationship so I thought it was the natural step. Apparently not. I asked, I got a on. She didn't want to ...
A. 20 October 2011: She is not into you that way and she does not want to hurt your feelings.
don't be embarrassed. she likes you just NOT THAT WAY... it hurts and it's off-putting but the truth is you did the right thing taking the risk and finding out. And I'll... (read in full...)
Her dad caught us in a compromsing situation, now I'm worried about how awkward its going to be when I meet him properly!
Q. I have been dating a girl for a few months now, we are both 22 yrs old. She is a complete daddys girl and always talks about how over protective her dad is. At the very beginning of our relationship I spent the night and when I was leaving in the ...
A. 20 October 2011: Dress well
groom nicely
stand up straight
walk in
hold out your hand
look him in the eye
firm handshake
"hello mr. xxxxx nice to meet you"
remember you both have something BIG in common.. you both care about his daughter and only want th... (read in full...)
I have my suspicions...is this woman he claims to be his 'sister' really his wife?
Q. I have a guy for almost one year who lives with a woman in a single room whom he claims that the lady is his sister. There is a long distance between where he stays. He has been to my place twice and I've been to his place twice. My first time i ...
A. 20 October 2011: who cares... is he treating you well? NO? they time to move on..
personally I'm willing to bet it's not his sister...... (read in full...)
He said I could console him with sex!
Q. Hi. This guy I kind of know (we had a little 'thing' a while ago) is going through a really tough time at the moment as his mum has just passed away. I feel so sad for him and I asked if there was anything I could do, and he wants me to stay the ...
A. 20 October 2011: it's scandalous..
it's also WRONG and yes scummy... it's beyond trashy
basically in my religion when you are mourning a direct relative you are not permitted to have sex for 30 days... they recognize that mourning a loved one is critica... (read in full...)
Why don't the question askers read their mail?
Q. Hello all, From time to time as a regular Aunt on this site, I receive messages in my mailbox from people needing a personal reply to their problems. I am more than happy to help if I can and I do reply to all messages with help or information w...
A. 20 October 2011: I too amazingly get private messages asking for help... it amazes me. I try to answer but soemtimes i have no words for them. I do read everything
Truthfully I'm usually the one that ends the communication... my stuff seems to always be re... (read in full...)
How does a large guy make himself more attractive to women?
Q. As a large guy at the 18. (6'4 and 17 and a half stone) How can I make myself more attractive to the opposite sex? I'm got quite a round face and although I can hide my stomach and that sort of thing I do struggle to look 'attractive'. I feel my ...
A. 20 October 2011: I prefer big guys.. big thick guys...
dress well
groom well
speak well
be yourself.
well groomed men no matter their size are always attractive.... (read in full...)
He doesn't speak for days after we've seen each other
Q. i only see my boyfriend once in a while, but when i do see him, he doesnt really talk to me for like 3 or 4 days afterwards. We are both grown adults. Why do you think he does this?...
A. 20 October 2011: right because he's gotten his meter filled again... so he does not need you right away... it's how he is.. he needs you and wants you when he needs you and wants you.
have you asked him why he does what he does?... (read in full...)
Could the average guy handle this? Eight months on and my Gf is trying to treat me like her servant
Q. 8 months back , I dumped my girlfriend with whom I had spent 3 years . I had no reason to dump her except I was feeling bored in that relationship . She tried for next one month to bring me back into her life but I didn’t move an inch and then she ...
A. 20 October 2011: GAWD she TOOK YOU BACK?!?!?! WOW! lucky guy...
but yeah she doesn't trust you (can you blame her?) to stay with her so it's a test...
so you go to her and you say
"yep i was a JERK. I was WRONG and I am SORRY... can you give me an ... (read in full...)
My wife's old journal mentioned sex with her ex and now my imagination is making me jealous
Q. I was wondering if you could answer a couple of questions: I recently found my wife's journal, and of course I should have put it down but I read part of it and she had a section in there about sex with her Ex... She was quoted as saying "I have ...
A. 20 October 2011: it's very possible that she does not remember. I forget things all the time about former partners... ... (read in full...)
Please help me stop obessing about the guy I'm dating!
Q. I just would like a little help to stop me obsessing so much about a guy I'm dating, I'm driving myself mad! I met him through an online dating site, this isnt the first time I've used online dating so I know what to expect. We had an amazing f...
A. 20 October 2011: Is it worth waiting?
only YOU know that. I'm rather forgiving and will easily give folks 2 or 3 chances or more depending on the severity of the offense....
have you asked him if it's something you did? sometimes I am AMAZED at how my boyfriend... (read in full...)
Will she ever give me what I want? And is what I want right?
Q. I have been dating my girlfriend for 5 months now and our relationship is in a really bad place. i am recently graduated from college and she is in her final year. we met over the summer and fell in love and now that she is back in school two hours ...
A. 20 October 2011: The difference between 21 and 23 is not great. What's GREAT is that you have different styles.
LDRs are hard in general
LDRS when you are in college... I'm sorry I think they should be outlawed.
" my texts are normally ignored for 45 ... (read in full...)
How can I ask her out in a non-intimating and non-pressured way and have the ability to keep a good friendship going if it goes wrong?
Q. Now i'm sure this is a question that pops up here CONSTANTLY but it's troubling me and i'd like to get 'personal' answers. I've been friends with a girl for a couple years and we've had on/off feeling for each other however never at the same tim...
A. 20 October 2011: My goal is to make YOU happy. NOT her. I don't know her... she's not the one asking for advice.
What are you willing to accept from her?
she's making it clear she's NOT into you in a romantic way.
are you hoping she may later on change ... (read in full...)
Please help me stop obessing about the guy I'm dating!
Q. I just would like a little help to stop me obsessing so much about a guy I'm dating, I'm driving myself mad! I met him through an online dating site, this isnt the first time I've used online dating so I know what to expect. We had an amazing f...
A. 20 October 2011: I'm sorry I'm old fashioned and this "relationship by text" is insanity.
Texts are short and are not easy to understand always AND they don't always get through. My bf often does NOT get my text messages... it's a limitation of the system a... (read in full...)
B/f isn't an Australian citizen, has run out of money, no studies, no job, is addicted to poker...and he wants to marry me!!
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 7 months but I've got a few problem... 1.His not an australian citizen. 2.He came here to study and almost finished his diploma until he ran out of money because he spent it on going out everyweekend. 3.no st...
A. 20 October 2011: If you are asking you know deep down in your gut what is right.
He's USING you
your a citizen he is not... if he marries you he can stay in the country and continue to:
drink
gamble
use your saving
NOT work
Personally I think you ... (read in full...)
My fiance slapped me. Should I dump him?
Q. im engaged and my weve been together for 3 Years. Yesterday we got in a argument and i told him something that pissed him off and he slapped me in the face twice. He has a bad temper but that was overboard.at the moment i told him that i was done ...
A. 20 October 2011: ONLY you can decide if you should stay with him. I left one man I was married to when he physically assaulted me... I stay with another man by choice... but I changed the parameters of the relationship by going to counseling for us (originally ... (read in full...)
How can I ask her out in a non-intimating and non-pressured way and have the ability to keep a good friendship going if it goes wrong?
Q. Now i'm sure this is a question that pops up here CONSTANTLY but it's troubling me and i'd like to get 'personal' answers. I've been friends with a girl for a couple years and we've had on/off feeling for each other however never at the same tim...
A. 20 October 2011: I'm so sorry. Sadly what she's saying is that she does NOT see you that way...
so if you can't be friends with her now that she's shot you down, you should tell her that her failure to be willing to "take the risk" has ruined the friendsh... (read in full...)
Ladies: describe your PERFECT date!
Q. This one is for the ladies - Just wondering, how would you describe your perfect date? Be as original or cliche as you want i'd just love to get some real life ideas! :) Thanks...
A. 19 October 2011: oh such fun... the expensive way: 1. he formally asks me out for the planned date... 2. it requires DRESSING UP FOR BOTH OF US...(nothing as sexy as a man who cleans up well in a nice suit) 3. it's on a Saturday night 4. pick me up at my p... (read in full...)
Is he loosing interest or just not enough communication?
Q. question: i'm starting 2 feel my boyfriend doesn't care about me well first off we are long distant relationship so i feel we should communicate more to feel closer to each other well he got me mad cause he was lagging it and than when i called ...
A. 19 October 2011: so you go to him.... hmmm... does he make an effort to make plans and contact you... does he ever ask you to come over or is it always YOU making the plans?... (read in full...)
He's so cold to me now we've slept together
Q. my boyfriend and i have been together for about ten months.we had sex after three months of our relationship,but that changed everything between us.he is so cold to me,he doesn't care to answer my calls and if he does,his response is so cold.he also ...
A. 19 October 2011: Stop calling him
move on with your life...... (read in full...)
Nerves about my performance, how can I stop this?
Q. I am a little nervous about performance anxiety. I've slept with two girls and with both of them I've had this trouble. I don't understand why I have performance anxiety as it isn't as though I lack confidence in myself I am very happy in mys...
A. 19 October 2011: well you are young so maybe it's your body's way of saying "hey i'm not ready"
perhaps you need to wait till the right girl comes across... ... (read in full...)
Worried about visiting my mother without my b/f?
Q. Hi there! I need a little bit of help! Im a 21 yr old female at uni. I live with my boyfriend who I met at uni 2 years ago and we have lived together from practically the first time we met! I'm very attached to him and I know I love him lots, an...
A. 19 October 2011: Sometimes a bit of a break from each other is a good thing.
missing your BF is a good thing... and let him miss you too.
I am sure going home for a few days without the boyfriend will be fine.. and getting home.. oy the reunion will be ... (read in full...)
Should I tell him that I know about his activity on the swingers' site?
Q. hi, my bf and myself are in our mid forties, and been together for just over a year. I am very attracted to my bf and i can honestly say that this is the first man i've been with that i really don't want anyone else and never look at another ...
A. 19 October 2011: If it's SLS (swinglifestyle) it's a very nice site and folks have made friends there. signing up as a couple is a good way to get more attention than signing up as a single male....
As a fantasy it's fine.
Personally I'd let him know you kno... (read in full...)
He doesn't feel the same, I love him
Q. I want to tell a guy i,ve been dating I love him but I know that will finish us dating 4-5 months now and I really love him and I know he doesn't feel the same. How can I approach this with him or should I leave it alone...
A. 19 October 2011: IF you tell him how you feel it will finish you? Are you sure? What makes you say that?
Because if he's given you the indication that he is just out for a good time, then yes it's over and done but maybe it's better that way since the longer y... (read in full...)
What to do when she is the more experienced one?
Q. So there's this dude, we'll call him, simply, Dude who likes this girl, we'll call this girl Lady Friend. Now, Dude has never gone 'all the way' whereas Lady Friend is more experienced than Dude. Lady Friend and Dude have been friends for a wh...
A. 19 October 2011: Dude should just enjoy... and yes letting Lady Friend know it's his first time is a good idea...... (read in full...)
I've been very good to my boyfriend from day one, but there has been a constant lack of appreciation and investment at his end..
Q. I've been very good to my boyfriend from day one. I have the ability to anticipate his needs or actions to a fault. He told me to ask him for what I want in the relationship. I don't need much, but the few times I have asked, he hasn't followed ...
A. 19 October 2011: Honey he's using you for food, sex if you are having sex, netflix and transportation. He's not invested in you nor is he clearly willing to give back to you what you give him.
STOP rowing this relationship boat (i.e. stop doing for him) and see ... (read in full...)
What is a "success profile" for a job interview?
Q. This isnt a love or sex question, i have a job interview, and the lady told me to come in before my interview to do a success proflie, the only problem, i have no idea what that is, and can i do it the same day of my interview just earlier??? Please ...
A. 19 October 2011: I have no clue. I suggest you call the interviewer and ask for clarification about what it is and when you can do it.... (read in full...)
You shouldn't have to convince someone to love you...
Q. My boyfriend has told me twice in one year that he loves me. We have talked about possible future plans and he has said it really freaks him out to say how he feels about me. I think he's afraid that he may be on the path to marriage but is not ...
A. 19 October 2011: Clearly he is not as into your relationship as you are. Mayve he's not interested in permanent or LTR and is just enjoying his time with you...
if you want a permanent marraige type relationship and he's not willing to go there, then you have... (read in full...)
Advice for pursuing men in their forties?
Q. I met a man a few weeks ago through a social group. I got a good vibe and find him attractive in an unconventional way. I would have guessed he was in his mid-thirties, but I've just discovered he's 46 via Google. I'm 30. The oldest person I've ...
A. 19 October 2011: Men: they want a beer and they want to see something naked.
done and done.
once you are past about 25/30 age is but a number in many cases.
stop planning every second. stop over-analyzing... just go with the flow and enjoy!... (read in full...)
Could this just be some twisted way of ending the relationship with me because I was a bad kisser?
Q. I have this guy in a college class of mine and he has been flirting with me a lot. Yesterday I finally told him he should ask me out. We went to his house and watched a movie, ended up kissing and cuddling during the entire film. So he walks me back ...
A. 19 October 2011: nope no one will end it because of one bad kiss... and
is this you too: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/had-my-first-kiss-with-a-guy-i46.html
... (read in full...)
Does it mean he cares if he refuses to make her the other woman?
Q. Is this a fair statement? If a married man has a female friend he is attracted to and she is attracted to him, does it mean he cares about her if he refuses to make her the other woman? Any opinions?...
A. 19 October 2011: It's a moot point if he cares.
He's MARRIED and choosing to do the right thing by his wife and NOT have an affair. HOW he feels about her is not the issue. He could love her madly but he's NOT going to do anything about it because he's a g... (read in full...)
Falling in love with my former cousin by marriage and not sure what to do about it
Q. I am quickly falling in love with my former cousin by marriage and i dont know where to turn, how to approach, if i should approach, how to present to our family if im reading the signs from her correctly, everybody still considers us cousins even ...
A. 19 October 2011: what are you confused and conflicted about?
you are not cousins, related by blood, or even my marriage now. What the rest of the world thinks is irrelevant in my book. YOU need to do what makes YOU happy.
... (read in full...)
Does drinking and forgetting to take my b/c mar its effectiveness?
Q. This is a question about the birth control pill. I usually take my pill between 10 and 11 pm, but I go to parties almost every weekend, get drunk, and forget to take it until 5 or 6 am. These are often nights that I have sex as well. How much does ...
A. 19 October 2011: you should be fine but maybe switch your pill taking time in general.... my stepdaughter used to take hers when she got home from school... it was the same time every day and she set an alarm on her phone to remind her.... (read in full...)
Guys: What happens when a girl tells you she loves you?
Q. Guys? What happens to you when a girl tells you she loves you? How do you feel? and what do you do about it? ...
A. 19 October 2011: when I told my boyfriend I loved him he said "thank you"
he was not ready to tell me he loved me.... (read in full...)
I'd like to let him know how I feel
Q. I went on a "date" with a man tonight. We went out for dinner, and played pool, spent a good 4 hours together, talking and laughing the whole time. He has made me dinner twice in the past month, and we have casually gone to the driving range once ...
A. 19 October 2011: Well my response depends on if you are 18 or 21 seriously. If you are 18/19 maybe he's concerned you are too young to get serious yet?
I would not ask him via text how he feels or if he wants to progress the relationship but I would bring it... (read in full...)
Had my first kiss with a guy I like then I find out his ex is having his baby....what should I do?
Q. This guy in my college class has been flirting with me for the past few weeks. He's 26, I'm 20. His flirting hasn't been inappropriate just some "You look beautiful" kind of flirting. Yesterday I decided to go for it and we went to his house to ...
A. 19 October 2011: Are you sure it was an EX?
if she's truly an X there is no way a baby will make the relationship better or make it work.. maybe he just will support the child (like he should if it's his) and not get back with the mom?
You automatically as... (read in full...)
How can I ask her out in a non-intimating and non-pressured way and have the ability to keep a good friendship going if it goes wrong?
Q. Now i'm sure this is a question that pops up here CONSTANTLY but it's troubling me and i'd like to get 'personal' answers. I've been friends with a girl for a couple years and we've had on/off feeling for each other however never at the same tim...
A. 19 October 2011: you can't guarantee that a good friendship will remain if you date and it does not work out... but you also are getting clues that she's receptive to your asking...... (read in full...)
Is he loosing interest or just not enough communication?
Q. question: i'm starting 2 feel my boyfriend doesn't care about me well first off we are long distant relationship so i feel we should communicate more to feel closer to each other well he got me mad cause he was lagging it and than when i called ...
A. 18 October 2011: I'm confused... (hence my name)... are you LD or not?
if you hung out twice in less than a week... how long distance can you be?
Folks need space... even folks that LIVE together need space...
You seem to have a bit of a temper (thro... (read in full...)
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