Like what
she writes?
... Add *o_Very_Confused to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *o_Very_Confused a private message | | *o_Very_Confused's Ratings | |
| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
|
| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
|
After hurting me so badly, why contact me 4 months later?
Q. i was hurt by a very close friend of mine,for me it was utter betrayal,and we just stopped contacting each other for some time(about 4 months),yesterday i received a very weird text message from her boyfriend,out of the blue,saying :are you still ...
A. 25 October 2011: I"m not sure what "i will never feel bad for you" means but if it's NOT being translated well, then maybe they are trying to make up???... (read in full...)
No pleasure from actual intercourse
Q. okay, i find this really embarrassing, but i do think its time i asked at least somebody about this! i'm eighteen years old and i get no pleasure from intercourse. i mean, i can feel him inside of me, but other than that, nothing. i get pleasure f...
A. 25 October 2011: nothing is wrong.
at 18 I felt nothing from intercourse either. I could NOT get what the big deal was about it... (other than how I made my babies with my then husband)
at 35 it started getting a bit more interesting and now at 51 (I know sc... (read in full...)
Do I have to explain everything to my girlfriend?
Q. Do I have to explain everything to my girlfriend with whom I have been for last two years? I am a sports teacher here and who gets free from work around 2pm. In the evening,on the beach, I jog for three miles and at the end go for sprint when 100 ...
A. 25 October 2011: Is she not happy about your alone time? What is the concern? You work hard, you get off at a nice hour and then you go for a run and have some medatative down time.
Sounds LOVELY.... for ME it would be perfect to do since my BF is not avai... (read in full...)
I want to give it a second chance, but I'm do terrified of being shut out and shot down again.... What to do??
Q. I'm in love with this man. He's told me numerous times that he loves me too. We're not together now; we broke up because things were going to fast for him (we were always together, talking about the future, he brought up me moving in, etc.). ...
A. 25 October 2011: You take that chance. You make the leap and you hope it turns out the way you want.
IF you don't try you will ALWAYS wonder "what if...."
IF you try and it works GREAT
IF you try and get shot down... NBD (no big deal) in the long run...... (read in full...)
She says she loves me so why does she turn me down?
Q. I once proposed a girl and she turned me down,however she contied relying on me for anything she wanted.she started making sexy moves towards me but if i try to propose again she dismises the issue.if i cal her to go out for lunch she turns me ...
A. 25 October 2011: She clearly has you in "the friend zone" and is not interested in a romantic relationship with you.
... (read in full...)
Do I have another child or go to college?
Q. Hi Everyone, Im having trouble making up my mind. Im 22 and married. I have a 2 year old son. Ive been thinking of going to college but lately ive been thinking of having another kid. Why? well because i want my kids to be around the same age. Im ...
A. 25 October 2011: How about both? College is a good thing... but you can go part time.... Having sibs that are close in age is a GREAT thing... I also vote for having them young because
a. you have more energy
b. you have more health. I can't imagine ch... (read in full...)
What do I say in an anniversary card when husband doesn't love me anymore?
Q. It will in two days be my 10'th anniversary but me and my husband have been seperated we still in contact I want us to work on our relationship and send him an anniversay card what, do I say in the card? He told me that he does not love me anymore ...
A. 25 October 2011: I'm so sorry this has to be so hard for you. You could send him a card and tell him you love him and wish you could work it out with him.. that you are willing to move heaven and earth to make it work...
but if he no longer loves you and want... (read in full...)
He never said he liked me. Do you think he's a player? If he does kiss me is that significant?
Q. Well, I've known this guy for a long time. We've occasionally talked, but not like we were friends or anything. Recently, he gave me his number and we've texted for a week STRAIGHT. Actually, he would text me. Then it just stopped. So I texted him,...
A. 24 October 2011: he wants to kiss you
he may want sex
he may or may not be a player but any man that says "I want to kiss you becaue you are too beautiful not to" has his lines down pat...
go... have fun but note that he's probably just a short term f... (read in full...)
Am I reading too much into this guy's behavior's?
Q. I started getting weird vibes from a man at work. He is married with two kids. We work together and keep it professional. I noticed that when people are not looking, he will wink at me with a smile. He did this twice. If I need something that ...
A. 24 October 2011: stop reading into it.
you guys are friends and he's flirty...
if he talks about the wife and kids it's NOTHING other than worktime fun and games.
go to work
enjoy it
go home
do not daydream about him leaving his wife or having an affair... (read in full...)
He's cheated and given me an STD! How do I confront him?
Q. Hi everyone I have just found out my boyfriend of a year has been cheating on me and now I have a std I really loved him but now he has been cheating on me I know I have to break up with him how do I bring this up to him I know he has been cheating ...
A. 24 October 2011: hand him the doctor's statement and bill showing you have an STD... then say "so I'm not sleeping around I guess you are and she's a long haired blonde isn't she???"
then let him try to lie..... turn walk away
cry
eat ice cream
hate h... (read in full...)
Should I end all ties? It will upset me. But my FWB guy wants no commitment.
Q. Hi, I've been friends with benefits with this guy i've known since school for like 3 months now. We text each other constantly and are always talking to each other. We see each other about 3/4 times a week and when we're not with each other we...
A. 24 October 2011: He will break your heart and it will hurt him deeply. Yes he cares and he likes you BUT NOT THE WAY YOU WANT and NEED.
you will never be girlfriend material to him because if you were he would already be there with you. He will find someone ... (read in full...)
Could this be love?
Q. Could this be Love? iv'e been seeing this guy for about 3yrs, he has always told me he likes me lots and lots and lots. we only see each other. we get on fine everything is great and we don't argue to much, he calls me everyday and texts me morning ...
A. 24 October 2011: Well what changes if he loves you vs only really really really LIKES you and wants to be with you?
will how he treats you change?
you've been together 3 years.. what's changed now that makes you wonder... what do you need/want to be different?... (read in full...)
Is outdoor sex illegal?
Q. Is outdoor sex illegal? I have a big craving for it, and know some desolate places. Where have people tried it without getting caught?...
A. 24 October 2011: only if you get caught.... (read in full...)
I don't want to date her anymore. How do I get her to move out of my life?
Q. I have spent 9 months with this lady and now wana dump her . Well she hasn’t done anything wrong neither me but I have to dump her as I find someone else more attractive than her. She is my 8th girlfriends and I think there is nothing wrong ke...
A. 24 October 2011: If you no longer care about her and you want her gone tell her the truth
" I need to find someone more attractive than you"
trust me she'll be gone
... (read in full...)
I fear I only love my wife as a friend, and to make things worse I have cheated on her with my ex....who do I really want?
Q. I am in my mid 30's. I have been married for 18 months to a woman I have been with for several years. Our relationship is fine but I fear I only love her as a friend. We have no kids. We rarely have sex and when we do it feels very unatural. I ...
A. 24 October 2011: deep sigh. you settled. you need to man up and let your wife go so she can find someone who can truly love her and desire her the way every woman deserves.... (read in full...)
I love him but hate his friends! What should I do?
Q. I love my boyfriend and I know he is the one for me but I don't like his group of friends and it could potentially ruin us if I don't know how to communicate my feelings with him. I am in a blossoming loving LDR with a man I love and met through ...
A. 24 October 2011: I too have a great long term federal job and come from a lovely Upper Class family... my LDR boyfriend is moving down to be with me too. I would never tell him who he can and cannot be friends with or how to behave with his friends. He knows ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend went to the movies with another friend without me knowing!
Q. Hello everyone, My boyfriend is 22 and am 20 we are doing long distance relationship,we are both going to different universities!I love him and he loves me.we have been together for a little over a year now! My boyfriend has a way of doing certain...
A. 24 October 2011: maybe it was spur of the moment.
he told you after the fact it was not like he kept it a secret.
You guys are YOUNG and LDRs are hard even when you aren't young... and LDRs in college... should be outlawed... they make folks crazy...
... (read in full...)
I like him, not sure I love him. What should I do?
Q. i met a guy online am 16 and we started chatting and he gave me his phone number to text him, i texted him n later he sent me his pic and he told him he was cute P.s hes really nice and he told me to send him my pic i sent him n he told me i waz ...
A. 24 October 2011: you like him.
you may luv him
you do NOT love him.
what you ae supposed to do:
continue on being friends... chatting texting etc.
DO NOT get sexual on the phone or email or in texts.
what is the time frame for the two of you to meet IR... (read in full...)
I don't feel like I am big enough!
Q. hello everyone...i dont feel like im big enough down there for my wife. she never complained but i just wish i was bigger in order to feel like im really satisfying her. and when she gives me bjs . it doesnt feel like shes having a hard time taking ...
A. 24 October 2011: sounds like my boyfriend and I'm pleased with him...... (read in full...)
I am buying new home and the mortgage lender advised that my name does NOT go on the mortgage!!! Why?!?
Q. Mortgage lender told my hubby to NOT put my name on the title of the home, just put it in his will. That does not sound right, is this normal advice? So once again, we are having relationship problems when I thought we had worked it all out. Wh...
A. 24 October 2011: Name should be on the deed and the mortgage if you are married.
I plan to add my boyfriend to my deed when he becomes my husband.... (read in full...)
When my ex said "I met a nice guy", was that her way of trying to make me jealous? Or does she really want me to leave her alone?
Q. So I recently am going through a break that happened about 2 months ago or so. I was with this girl for about 8 months and I still miss her. The other night I got drunk (yes stupid) and texted her. I guess I just wanted to text her when I was sober ...
A. 24 October 2011: I think she's moved on and so should you.... (read in full...)
How do I ensure we do NOT break up? Between school, homework, and work, he doesn't have any time for me anymore..
Q. Hello, I've been with D for seven months. He just started college and I'm still in high school and he barely has any time for me anymore and I'm getting fed up of being so lonely all the time. We both love each other very much and I do NOT want to...
A. 24 October 2011: you are in high school
he is in college
they are right now lifetimes apart.
sadly just because YOU don't want to break up does not mean it will stay that way.. what does HE want...
does he not make time for you on the weekends?... (read in full...)
He says he loves me very much, then says he would choose his wife over-how would you react?
Q. I have been having a relationship with a married man for 5 yrs. I know he loves his wife and he won't leave her but he tells me at the same time he loves me very much and wants me and doesn't want to lose me. 2 days back, we had an argument abou...
A. 24 October 2011: How would I feel?
I would feel used
I would feel lied to
I would feel manipulated
and I would get angry enough to leave if it was not providing me what i needed.
to be honest the person that is unworthy is him. He's a liar and a ... (read in full...)
Why did I bleed during foreplay when I've lost my virginity 10 yrs ago?
Q. i'm female, almost 26. lost my virginity 10 years ago when i was almost 16. i was with my boyfriend tonight and after we had some foreplay he had blood on his hand. it most definitely is not that time of month. i cannot and do not understand this. i ...
A. 24 October 2011: could be you got scratched... also could be breakthrough bleeding... even if you were not expecting a period sometimes one comes anyway.
can't hurt to see the gyn... (read in full...)
How do I let him know I'm up for a FWB relationship without sounding stupid?
Q. hi everyone. I want to get into a FWB relationship with a guy i know. Im pretty sure he'd be up for it, but how do i suggest it/let him know thats what i want without sounding really stupid? Any advice please? Thanks!...
A. 24 October 2011: " I want a FWB arrangement because all my relationships in the past have ended up in me being heartbroken."
Ok that's fair. do you really think that you can have sex with a boy and NOT have feelings for him? I know I can't. I have to be e... (read in full...)
I found out that my girlfriend was talking to another guy, on the phone? What should I do?
Q. My girlfriend was working and a guy that she use to hangout with called her and they were on the phone for 20 min or so. Should I get mad at her? Plus she was ignoring my phone calls. What do I do ...
A. 24 October 2011: you want to get mad at her for talking to a friend while at work? or you want to get mad at her for working? or you want to get mad at her for talking to another man? or for missing your call? not an offense worth being mad at in ... (read in full...)
I know guys aren't mind readers, but...
Q. Just how much and how often should I have to discuss issues with my boyfriend? I feel like all I do is point out things I'd like him to do or not do in this relationship. And he's been open and understanding in all our discussions. I've been...
A. 24 October 2011: you can NOT love a person's POTENTIAL. you have to love them where they are and accept them where they are... if where they are is NOT good enough then you should end it.... (read in full...)
Is she being honest about my performance in the bedroom?
Q. I've been with my girlfriend for 8 months, i have a really small and thin penis and don't think i pleasure her when we have sex. she has told me she has had some huge penises before and her last boyfriend was the biggest she has ever had but tells ...
A. 24 October 2011: I doubt she's lying. my current bf is the smallest I've ever had and I am perfectly satisfied... (read in full...)
Are details necessary? Or is it better to never know?
Q. Hi aunts and uncles. I have a question which I am hoping I will get a few answers to. I wanted to see what everyone's general opinion was on knowing their partners sexual past, and the extent of that knowledge. In a relationship, do you feel the ...
A. 24 October 2011: the only thing I asked for was a current show of blood work to show no STDs...
of course at my age it's obvious I have had past partners... and it's expected.... (read in full...)
Ladies: How important are a man's looks in a relationship?
Q. Hello. This is not a "problem" as such, but i have a question for the ladies.... TRUTHFULLY, how important are a mans looks in a relationship? I ask this for 2 reasons. Firstly women always say that its personality, kindness, empathy, sense o...
A. 24 October 2011: I will not lie... I can't go with a troll looking fellow... BUT how I define bad looking is quite different from everyone else. Personally a great personality can go a long way in making a person attractive. Oh and for the record I hate t... (read in full...)
Do all girls use emotional blackmail to get things done for them?
Q. My girlfriend emotionally blackmails me that If I don’t do this or that , she will dump me. It has been happening for the last 8 months and we have been together since April 2006. She also loves me and three days back, when I came back from office, ...
A. 24 October 2011: I would never do that. and I don't think it's fair. personally I'd call her bluff.... (read in full...)
She seems to be using me to break up with other guys, does she really need me? Or is she messing me around?
Q. i met a beautiful girl at a family party at someones house one night.....then on, my life changed. We facebook each other to the extreme and like it alot. I love her company on fb and we flirt quite alot as well. The problem is.....she was in a ...
A. 24 October 2011: she sounds very drama laden... she already used you to make her boyfriend jealous... such game playing.... and this boy she' wants to break up with.... he says he will tell her parents everything... what is everything? after a few days what cou... (read in full...)
Should I go to a family party, or the fan party for my favourite band that wont happen again until the year after?
Q. I'm not sure which party to go to next march,as they are both on the same weekend.one is a fan party for my favourite band in london,and the other is a party for my aunt and uncle's 50th wedding anniversary.i went to another fan party for the band ...
A. 24 October 2011: Old lady here... I vote for the family party. Esp if the band has a party every year. You only get ONE fiftieth anniversary. and that's a HUGE big deal.... (read in full...)
A thank you message!
Q. Hey, well this is basically a thankyou message for alot of aunts and uncles who over this past year have answered some of my qeustions. I have had the worst year imaginable and without this website and some of the answers which have been giving to ...
A. 24 October 2011: so glad you are feeling better.... (read in full...)
Why is my husband calling me names and being so mean.? He's the one who has been secretly visiting and talking to my "friend"
Q. My husband and I have been married for 2 years, he's 41 and I'm 32. I had this friend, or so I thought she was. We were great friends, but we did hang out a few times. My husband and I started having some marital difficulties, and during that tim...
A. 24 October 2011: sounds to me like you caught him. If he is accusing you of cheating i'm going to bet he's doing it himself.... (read in full...)
4 yrs with my bf who still married but separated..still no sign of filing for divorce!
Q. hi everyone, I needed help and advice as I'm in so much pain.. I love my bf so much.. i am single mum and currently in a relationship with a man whos 18 yrs older than me and still married. were in a long distance relationship for 4 years now ...
A. 24 October 2011: here's an old cliche.... "that which does nto kill us makes us stronger"
it is hard.
be strong.
be brave.... (read in full...)
I normally go for older guys but now I like a guy 17 months younger than me but can't see it going anywhere?
Q. Hey :) well basically, I find guys who are older than me very attractive and they are the people i normally develop feelings for. For example, I am 16 and I have "liked" guys of ages, 18,21,24. But recently,about 2 months ago I got talking to a...
A. 21 October 2011: I think you should be friends with him and leave it open for later on to see if your feelings change.
it's true that a gap of 15/17 is a big gap but a gap of 19/21 is not.. and then you get older and older and a gap of 10 years or more does not... (read in full...)
How do I let him know I'm up for a FWB relationship without sounding stupid?
Q. hi everyone. I want to get into a FWB relationship with a guy i know. Im pretty sure he'd be up for it, but how do i suggest it/let him know thats what i want without sounding really stupid? Any advice please? Thanks!...
A. 21 October 2011: Why at your age do you even want FWB?... (read in full...)
I feel foolish being a virgin at 21
Q. I feel worthless because me being 21 and a virgin now that I look at it is foolish and pathetic. I was so blinded to actually think I was going to find someone to share myself with but now its really a fantasy. Women my age aren't looking for ...
A. 21 October 2011: you could be the most experienced lover in the world and not a good match for some women.
you could be really good at oral and the woman does not like it or you could last a long time at penetration and the woman would not want that.
You can... (read in full...)
Being ignored by the first guy I ever loved, how can I fix things?
Q. I am 15 and i am a bisexual, a year and a half ago, i told a boy in my year, that i was convinced was also gay/bi, that i liked him and he cyber bullied me. It has been a year and a half later and he hasn't spoken to me at all, he has unfriend...
A. 21 October 2011: I apologize.. i didn't even take into consideration that he may be denying his sexuality... and that does add a component to it that makes it murky...
I still think you need to let it go for now...... (read in full...)
Is this even worth it anymore?
Q. Hi everyone and thank you for your help! My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. Started off nice as all relationships usually do. He was sweet, listened to me, complimentive, and very caring. He still has many of those traits but there...
A. 21 October 2011: The best way I can help you is to tell you how it is in my relationship with an angry controlling man.
If it was JUST the temper I would be more inclined to tell you to work it out but the checking up on you and the accusations of cheating... (read in full...)
Being ignored by the first guy I ever loved, how can I fix things?
Q. I am 15 and i am a bisexual, a year and a half ago, i told a boy in my year, that i was convinced was also gay/bi, that i liked him and he cyber bullied me. It has been a year and a half later and he hasn't spoken to me at all, he has unfriend...
A. 21 October 2011: He cyber bullied you and you want to be friends with him? WHY?
he does not talk to you
he unfriended you on facebook
he does not answer your texts or attempts to contact him
LOUD and CLEAR he's making it known he wants NOTHING to do with... (read in full...)
4 yrs with my bf who still married but separated..still no sign of filing for divorce!
Q. hi everyone, I needed help and advice as I'm in so much pain.. I love my bf so much.. i am single mum and currently in a relationship with a man whos 18 yrs older than me and still married. were in a long distance relationship for 4 years now ...
A. 21 October 2011: sometimes OP we have to suffer pain to get to the good stuff.
I believe that yes in the LONG run you will be happier without him.... (read in full...)
4 yrs with my bf who still married but separated..still no sign of filing for divorce!
Q. hi everyone, I needed help and advice as I'm in so much pain.. I love my bf so much.. i am single mum and currently in a relationship with a man whos 18 yrs older than me and still married. were in a long distance relationship for 4 years now ...
A. 4 October 2011: so when you met him he lied and said he was single.
now he lies to you
he lies to his wife
he lies to his friends and family
and you are so hurting. for so many reasons. and I am sorry.
I wish I could say he's not using you.
I wish ... (read in full...)
4 yrs with my bf who still married but separated..still no sign of filing for divorce!
Q. hi everyone, I needed help and advice as I'm in so much pain.. I love my bf so much.. i am single mum and currently in a relationship with a man whos 18 yrs older than me and still married. were in a long distance relationship for 4 years now ...
A. 3 October 2011: In my experience, a man will move heaven and earth to be with the one he loves. IF he is with you for four years already and you only see him sporadically, you can pretty much bet that what you currently have with him is all he wants to have with ... (read in full...)
| *o_Very_Confused's friends
These are mutual friends, so *o_Very_Confused has
added them and they have added *o_Very_Confused!
|
