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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Should I stay or should I go?
Q. I met this guy online and when i asked him if he lived in Singapore, he told me no, but he would be back four weeks later. I waited for a month and during that month, I spent my time talking to him. I am impressed and instantly know I love the ...
A. 27 October 2011: He says he is working on relocating... have you asked him for exactly what he is doing to relocate?
IF he gets pissed at you this early in the relationship and online what's to prevent him from being more angry when you are together in person. ... (read in full...)
My past is coming back to haunt me.....
Q. I have a very big problem about my past and I'm not sure how to handle it. My husband I are married almost 10 years, and together over 10 years. My husband thinks that I was not only a virgin when we started dating, but he also thinks that I was CO...
A. 27 October 2011: Why if you never told him you were a virgin would you husband think you are? IF you never lied to him then he never asked if you were... and you never volunteered which is just fine to be honest...
I'm reasonably sure you husband has wondered... (read in full...)
Tired of dreaming about my ex boyfriend.
Q. My boyfriend and I stopped seeing each other two weeks ago. We were seeing each other for several months. I will admit that it killed me, but in hindsight I have come to terms that our lifestyles weren't compatible and that this would have happened ...
A. 27 October 2011: you are doing all the right things... as Aunt Honesty said it's only been two weeks.
My girl friends and I have always given ourselves 6 weeks to be total mournful slugs when a relationship breaks up.
of course you miss him
of course you m... (read in full...)
I was deceived. If she's pregnant, what are my options?
Q. Hello, thanks for readin, basically i met up with a girl a few weeks back who failed to tell me before she got back to mine after a party that she was allergic to latex, but told me she was infertile, so being a bit drunk and stupid i slept with ...
A. 27 October 2011: unless you have PROOF a woman you don't know is infertile you should never trust her word...even if she truly believes she is (my friend did) she may still not be. she is now finally pregnant for the first time after 15 years of unprotected sex ... (read in full...)
What can happen if you are found guilty of kissing somebody of 13 years old, and your 20.
Q. OK a simple question. If somebody is 20 years old, and they kiss somebody underage (13), and there is evidence of it, such as witnesses, or pictures, etc. And if Police do get involved etc, what can happen?? As far as I know, (but this is ...
A. 27 October 2011: honey if a 20 year old man kissed my 13 year old child he'd have a lot more to worry about from me than going to jail.....
I'm reasonally sure it can be classes (at least over here) as assault on a minor if the parents press charges.. sometime... (read in full...)
Early on in dating, is 26 hours without contact a cause to worry?
Q. I hvae just started dating a new man. We have been on two (what I think) have been amazingly wonderful dates, and there is great chemistry and a connection already. It is obvious he is attracted to me - he isn't making any attempt to hide the f...
A. 27 October 2011: if he contacts you he's interested. give him space and time if you are interested...... (read in full...)
Problems with premature ejaculation!
Q. Hi, I have a sex problem. I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years now. He has always had a bit of a problem with premature ejaculation, not coming ridiculously quickly but the sex only ever really lasts ten minutes or something. Anyway, ...
A. 27 October 2011: unless you are turning down activities in favor of masturbation (i.e. going out with friends, or eating breakfast, lunch or dinner) then you are probably not doing it to much... I'm 51 and I'm at least daily if not more than once a day (very TMI ... (read in full...)
I'm so ashamed and afraid that I have an STD!
Q. this summer i made a huge mistake. i hooked up with a guy and we both performed oral on each other. he didnt cum though. he had had a few oral sexual partners before, and had said he never showed any symptoms for stds. i have shown none as well but ...
A. 27 October 2011: it's highly unlikely you have an STD but for peace of mind you can contact a local planned parenthood clinic and ask them for advice on how to get STD testing.... (read in full...)
Will we get together? And if not what should I do about being his "bit on the side"?
Q. Me and an old friend have started talking a lot more like we use too. We did stop talking for a bit because we both was busy. we have been flirting like we use too, however he is 2years older than me and he has a girlfriend. I do enjoy spending time ...
A. 27 October 2011: Oh goodie another MIND READING question...
will you get together? Let me shake my magic 8 ball...
and the answer is "it's possible"
whether or not you get together you should not be his "bit on the side" it shows a total disregard for ... (read in full...)
When someone loves you, how do you really know?
Q. hello all. I am going to be completely honest because I truly need advice or insight. I'm 33 will be 34 in january and I just broke up with my 21 year old ex. he just turned 21 this month also. But I guess I'm just confused about everything that ...
A. 27 October 2011: I'm 51. When I was 34 my boyfriend was 21 so we had the same age gap. I am not sure that at 21 he would have wanted what I wanted at 34 but now we are fine.....
I have had older men and younger men... I just seem to gravitate towards personal... (read in full...)
Problems with premature ejaculation!
Q. Hi, I have a sex problem. I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years now. He has always had a bit of a problem with premature ejaculation, not coming ridiculously quickly but the sex only ever really lasts ten minutes or something. Anyway, ...
A. 27 October 2011: Are you masturbating at all? I have a much higher drive than my BF and I tend to self-satisfy as needed. (god bless that hand held shower massage)....
Ten minutes of penetration is more than enough for me... I get bored if it goes on longer t... (read in full...)
She started off friendly but now she's reserved. I wanted to ask her out, what should I do?
Q. Hey, i started uni a few weeks ago and in my first week, met a really cute girl. We got talking and exchanged numbers and chatted with each other a few times a week in person and via text. I was thinking on asking her out – go for a walk and get a ...
A. 27 October 2011: you could ask her out and see what she says...... (read in full...)
I'm confused as to his true intentions
Q. i have been hanging out with a guy who's normally used to casual relationships. i told him from the start that im not the type of girl that is okay with casual sex, but yet he still asks to see me almost every weekend. when we hang out we talk most ...
A. 27 October 2011: Deep sigh... I wish I had the answer I'd be rich... I could tell everyone what everyone else is thinking.
Maybe he really likes you and is just hanging out with you
Maybe he's biding his time till you spread your legs for him and then he will... (read in full...)
I asked her to dress sexy and she laughed at me and now I feel embarrassed!
Q. I am in a relationship with this pretty girl for the last 2 years and we are having great loving and sexual relationship . Recently, I asked her to wear very tight pent and jeans in home so that her big tits and butt become obvious for me . She re...
A. 27 October 2011: IT was mean of her to laugh at you but maybe it made her feel uncomfortable.
I can see why she would think it's cheap. She maybe thinks that all you see her as is tits and ass. and if that's how you phrased it yes I'd be a bit insulted... (read in full...)
Should I confront her husband and let him know what his wife has been doing with me for the last 2 years, or let nature take its course?
Q. well , where do i start , was working with this girl for a couple of years , we became the best of friends , would talk about every thing and any thing , she is married , im single , and has kids , i knew all this before any thing had happened , ...
A. 27 October 2011: I'm sorry you are currently sad but you did the right thing.
I left my husband (no children) for another man... or rather I forced his hand and made him so unhappy he left me and I did not try to stop him.
I left my first husband with NO ... (read in full...)
Why would my girlfriend say that her ex was "just too huge"?
Q. I've been going out with my GF for about a year, and we're discussing marriage. I've done quite well in my career, and some of the things my GF has said have given me the definite impression that this is quite important to her in a potential husb...
A. 27 October 2011: I'm seeing this a bit differently.
she has no filter. (much like me or my boyfriend) and what she thinks she says... and she may not have meant anything by it...
it may have been just what popped into her head as a way to explain why it's... (read in full...)
I've only ever been with her, and our sex life is boring
Q. A little back story, I recently turned 23, about 5 years ago I started talking with a woman I met long-distance, she had been coming to see me for about a year, and then I went to see her. I stayed at her house one night, and they kicked her out.. ...
A. 27 October 2011: Read what Honeypie said... it's pefect...
THE OP said: "She has been completely fine with the relationship thus far, except for me not wanting her at all in bed. Not even kissing because that will inevitably lead to more plain sex."
Kissing... (read in full...)
We had sex for the first time in just 1 week, now feeling insecure about it.
Q. I've started a really stupid habit and I feel so anxious about it. I just started dating someone new after a 5 year relationship/engagement. All we do is hit the bars and have sex afterwards. The first few days, I pushed him away. But this ...
A. 27 October 2011: I am sensing that you are thinking that this is a bigger deal than it is.
I don't see where damaage control will be needed. You are human, you like this guy, he's a friend, things happen. Grown up people don't really care who's sleeping with who... (read in full...)
Why do people complain about their LDR relationships when they are not really that far away from each other?
Q. Okay, now I don't know if I'm going off topic or something just tell me why do so many people I know who are in LDRs always complain when there only two or 3 hours apart from each other while me and my gf are 18 hours? It bothers me with a passion ...
A. 27 October 2011: I'm sorry you guys are so far apart.
I have spent the last year in an LDR... only a 2 hour drive and I'm old enough to be able to go when I felt like it... now we have closed the gap and are together full time.
what was very manageable for u... (read in full...)
Do couples with different beliefs usually last?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for three years. We have discussed the topic about marriage and how we could work it out due to the fact that we both are different religions and were raised differently. He is a jehovas witness and I am ...
A. 27 October 2011: The only "mixed marriage" couples I know are Jews and Christians (some catholic)... all of them are very long term marriages (all over 20 years)
a couple of things come to mind however
neither couple had children
neither couple is devoutly r... (read in full...)
I want to take my new girlfriend to the strip club and watch her touching other girls
Q. I want to take my new girlfriend to a strip club, but am not sure what her reaction will be. For you girls, if you have been dating a guy for a month or so and he askes you if you want to accompany him to a strip club, what would be your re...
A. 26 October 2011: As a former swinger, an attendee of strip clubs, orgies etc... AND a bisexual woman can I just say ewwwwwwwwwwww...
I loved going to the strip clubs with my hubby... but that was the key he was my hubby. if a boyfriend of one month asked me... (read in full...)
How do I tell my boyfriend I shaved off my pubic hair?
Q. Ok, so about a week ago, I was shaving my bikini line, but I angled the razor wrong, and shaved off a patch of pubic hair that made my area, which is usually neat, trimmed, and proper looking, look stupid, so in an effort to try and fix it, I ended ...
A. 26 October 2011: not sure why you don't want him to know unless you are afraid he will ask you to keep it that way....
it's really no big deal.. if you don't want to tell him the truth then tell him you wanted to try something new...... (read in full...)
Why do men have affairs despite not being ready to leave their partners?
Q. Why do married men like to have affairs with other women, though they are by no means ready to leave their legal wives? What is this mentality? Don't they have any fear for the consequence? Don't they feel anything bad about other parties (both wife ...
A. 26 October 2011: I can't even begin to know why men or women cheat. I think everyone has their own reasons...
the one thing you said that I want to address is:
" After having done this once they even become serial cheaters"
this is not always true. sometim... (read in full...)
Should I tell people I'm a virgin when I meet them?
Q. I'm 26 and still a virgin. I've not had many boyfriends, i'm quite shy and don't go out much - prefer saving money for holidays and concerts. Whenever i meet someone should I tell them i'm a virgin or not? Thanks...
A. 26 October 2011: no need to tell them until you have a serious committed relationship and are getting ready to have sex for the first time. until then it's no one's business but yours.... (read in full...)
We had sex for the first time in just 1 week, now feeling insecure about it.
Q. I've started a really stupid habit and I feel so anxious about it. I just started dating someone new after a 5 year relationship/engagement. All we do is hit the bars and have sex afterwards. The first few days, I pushed him away. But this ...
A. 26 October 2011: If he didn't use protection I hope you are on BCP or another hormonal method. IF not did you get the morning after pill?
IF not you need to be doing a pregnancy test.
and perhaps some STD testing...
I think wanting/needing to talk abou... (read in full...)
Why does fiance want to put wedding rings on layaway when we have the money to buy them now?
Q. My fiance and I have been together going on 4 yrs. We are engaged for about 2 yrs. Wants to put the rings on layaway. We have the money to right now. The thing is I asked if we can. He simply answered we can but is just another bill coming to us. ...
A. 25 October 2011: do you have a date set?
who asked who to get married?... (read in full...)
I'm friends with an older married man at work and people are spreading rumors about us!
Q. Hey guys, quick question really At work I have a colleague who I get along with really well we are very friendly and just joke about - like friends do really. He is older not much and he is married (I am single). I have come to find out that so...
A. 25 October 2011: I've had this happen... what I did was cut them off at the pass but addressing these stupid silly rumours head on and making a joke about it to those folks out loud.
folks say things to bother you, if it does not bother you they will stop.
... (read in full...)
I need tips on gaining weight!
Q. please help me... i am a 19 year old female who is five feet tall and weighs 100 lbs, i recently had a son and i thought i would have gotten fatter but i didn't. people often times say that i look like around 15-16 and it makes me sad as i went thr...
A. 25 October 2011: the best thing to do is eat all day and eat high quality high calorie food..
full fat dairy (cheese is good)
nuts
avocados (gawd i love them)
eat at least 6 times a day
and know that in some cultures 5'2" and 156 pounds is considered fat... (read in full...)
Boyfriend not employed, doesn't help out with costs and I'm getting fed up
Q. I am in a relationship with a guy who has been struggling to become employed for about half a year now. I work almost full time hours and have a car. We both currently live with our parents but would like to gain our independence soon. At the ...
A. 25 October 2011: does he have any income?
in every way but financially is he all that and more? or are there other things about him that are upsetting too?
Let me say that while I don't judge people who make less than I do I do find that folks who are tight wi... (read in full...)
We had sex for the first time in just 1 week, now feeling insecure about it.
Q. I've started a really stupid habit and I feel so anxious about it. I just started dating someone new after a 5 year relationship/engagement. All we do is hit the bars and have sex afterwards. The first few days, I pushed him away. But this ...
A. 25 October 2011: he sounds like he's being kind about this and willing to back up and go at your pace... why are you so angry with him?... (read in full...)
Advice for an English girl moving to America?
Q. Hey I'm an English Girl looking into doing one of my university years abroad in the US. There are 2 parts to my question really: 1) I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years. we are in a fairly long-term comitted relationship, and this i...
A. 25 October 2011: Honeypie forgot to add MD (maryland) to the mix it's not huge, has some good schools, is centrally located (3 hours by car to NYC and an hour from DC the nation's capital) and you can live in a suburb of the city so it's not so busy...
drink... (read in full...)
What am I doing wrong? Why do guys only want to sleep with me and not have a relationship?
Q. hey, i am 21 and know people say im still young should be enjoying myself not worried about realtionships but (and please dont judge me) iv slept with 53 boys and only 3 if had a realtionship with. it isnt that i dont what a reationship beca...
A. 25 October 2011: I'm not judging...
let's talk about this
you want a relationship and yet you seem to get nothing but hookups and fwb and you don't understand why....
you say you text them and get to know them before you sleep with them.
flesh this out ... (read in full...)
Do I tell my fiance about this? Accident while Doctor attended to me. Does this mean I'm not a virgin?
Q. Hello everyone. I'm a 24 year old virgin. I've never done anything more than kiss heavily. I'm perfectly fine and happy about that. I'm engaged to a wonderful girl who is just like me; needless to say we are insanely eager to get married and ...
A. 25 October 2011: Deep sigh... I sense troll play here but I'll be kind...
first off you are way too young to be given a prostate exam so exactly what was the doctor doing that placed her face within reach of your ejaculate???? and why did it have to happen t... (read in full...)
Partner doesn't appreciate my larger size. Did I make a mistake making it bigger?
Q. I aways thought I needed to add inches to my member. I started in 2003 and worked at the penal excersizes for years. It took for ever the natural way,but worked. I am 8 1/2 in length and 7 1/4 in cir Width Flaccid I don't change that much,...
A. 25 October 2011: my boyfriend is of average size and whenever he talks of 'getting bigger" I beg him not to. too large HURTS.... (read in full...)
I've only ever been with her, and our sex life is boring
Q. A little back story, I recently turned 23, about 5 years ago I started talking with a woman I met long-distance, she had been coming to see me for about a year, and then I went to see her. I stayed at her house one night, and they kicked her out.. ...
A. 25 October 2011: OP: "I stayed at her house one night, and they kicked her out... she came home with me and has been living with me ever since."
So you guys ended up together because basically she had nowhere to live... and it was not a choice to live together... (read in full...)
Is it time to give up on love?
Q. I am a 42 year old woman and I think I’m about ready to give up. I was married for 14 years when my husband left because he decided he was gay (although he later decided he was bisexual). Then three years later I fall for another man. After 6 ...
A. 25 October 2011: oh dear I'm sorry I had to laugh.... first your husband leaves you because he admitted he was gay/bisexual then your boyfriend leaves you for the priesthood...
I'm sorry that struck me as funny... and yet I have total sympathy for you and I'm sorr... (read in full...)
Is it too soon to say ILY?
Q. So im back..again. I know someone is going to tell me that if I have to ask, then I don't, or am not ready. But I have to ask because I want to know, mostly from the lady folk, what you think she wants, and what she thinks. So me and my g...
A. 25 October 2011: you asked two questions: "1) Is 3 months too early for 'I love you' and 2) Does she want to say it/ hear it?"
1. if you feel it then say it. it's a risk but it's often worth it
2. does she want to say it? NONE of us know... clearly not ... (read in full...)
My friends tell me he's dangerous
Q. dear cupid, i take guitar clases once a week, and i've been with this teacher for over a year. at first he seemed normal, but like he has become really weird now. He calls me stuff like princess and my love... he tells me he loves me and tha...
A. 25 October 2011: Tell your parents.. he's wrong for what he's doing. He needs to be kept from children.... (read in full...)
Would you be okay with your bf if they were divorced for over 10 years and still really good buddies?
Q. My BF has been divorced for 10 years+ approx. The problem I am having is he is friends with the ex wife. I try to be okay about it but really I am not. I have just given birth to his son about 20 days ago. Bf doesn't have any kids with her but they ...
A. 25 October 2011: He sounds like a stand up guy who knows not to burn his bridges... being friends with an ex you don't need to be friends with shows what a mature person he is.
You just had a baby so you are rather hormonal now... things not meant to insult y... (read in full...)
How do I initiate a threesome?
Q. Ok so my friend (actually fwb but much, MUCH more than that)and I are considering a threesome. I know this is a fantasy of his but I've admitted to him that it is actually somthing that I've always wanted to try as well. It would be with another ...
A. 25 October 2011: I suggest you check out www.swinglifestyle.com
create a profile and screen people... it's a lovely site and you can have a free membership.
When I was with my last husband we had a membership there... several of my friends also belong ther... (read in full...)
After hurting me so badly, why contact me 4 months later?
Q. i was hurt by a very close friend of mine,for me it was utter betrayal,and we just stopped contacting each other for some time(about 4 months),yesterday i received a very weird text message from her boyfriend,out of the blue,saying :are you still ...
A. 25 October 2011: I"m not sure what "i will never feel bad for you" means but if it's NOT being translated well, then maybe they are trying to make up???... (read in full...)
Early on in dating, is 26 hours without contact a cause to worry?
Q. I hvae just started dating a new man. We have been on two (what I think) have been amazingly wonderful dates, and there is great chemistry and a connection already. It is obvious he is attracted to me - he isn't making any attempt to hide the f...
A. 9 October 2011: so my question is ... when they decide they are not interested and move on what do you do? do you chase them? call them? ask them... or do you just move on?
26 hours w/no contact after 2 dates is not a lot... 26 days... yeah he's done.. 26 hours... (read in full...)
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