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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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He doesn't want a relationship but said he doesn't want me talking to other men, what is that all about?
Q. Im so confuse the guy that im be have sex with that said he didnt want a realationship just told me that i cant talk 2 any other men what all that about i was talk to him and his workmate that is my bestfriend ...
A. 13 October 2011: It doesn't matter what he tells folks he works with who cares...
maybe for a few days you would be the talk of the town
just practice that blank stare that says "i have no clue what you are talking about" and move on...
push through th... (read in full...)
Does alot of nagging lead to cheating?
Q. Do all guys cheat? Could a lot of nagging lead him cheating? Long dinstance? or what are some things that may lead a boyfriend to cheat?...
A. 12 October 2011: Cheaters will cheat and give you whatever reason they need to give.
1. he's too far away (long distance)
2. she nags me too much (and this makes me UNHAPPY)
3. he ignores me too much
4. she's cheating on me with her online friends
5. his sex ... (read in full...)
He doesn't want a relationship but said he doesn't want me talking to other men, what is that all about?
Q. Im so confuse the guy that im be have sex with that said he didnt want a realationship just told me that i cant talk 2 any other men what all that about i was talk to him and his workmate that is my bestfriend ...
A. 12 October 2011: WHO Is he going to tell?
and why does THAT matter?... (read in full...)
My estranged mother's funeral....the worst situation I will ever allow myself to be in...
Q. I had not spoken to my parents or their families for some years. To cut a long story short - I spoke out about being abused as a child by my father and they all took my father's side - my ex husband and his family included??? I was cut out from ...
A. 12 October 2011: OH OP hugs to you
glad you have support in the form of a partner.
I suggest that you look into some bereavement counseling..
to help you get through this.... (read in full...)
B/f takes me for granted. Do I just have to accept it?
Q. I constantly feel like my boyfriend doesn't appreciate me and takes me for granted. I know he loves me but he has such a poor way of showing it or rarel ever showsgonna it and then I start to question his love. Is there anyway to change that? Or is ...
A. 12 October 2011: Have you told him how you feel?
How do you know he loves you? what behaviors do you base this on?
sometimes I think we stay with partners and convince ourselves it's a good relationship and they love us because it's what we want and it's ea... (read in full...)
I thought things would get better once we were married but nothing has changed, what is the way forward for us?
Q. Hi you all helped in the past with priceless help, now i need you guys again. I married a lady that i was so in love with. This happened 9 weeks ago, now it feels like i been married for 9 years. nothing has changed. Is it me, my way of thi...
A. 12 October 2011: You must talk to her. Tell her how you feel and ask her how to fix it. IT's hard to be out of work, money stress abounds, as does the fact that most men are tied to their jobs and feel better working....
IF things were bad why did you marry?... (read in full...)
Should I get back with my FWB? Even though he may have a girlfriend?
Q. Hey quick question .... I Have a friend with benefit/sex buddy. Were both single, I'm single because I can't find a Guy. Its like the guys That are my type are GONE! I wish I could but I've been single for years. Even tho I'm only 20 lol. I've had...
A. 12 October 2011: Men with girlfriends should be off limits.
I am sure that there are many men out there that don't have girlfriends that would be willing to act as your NSA sex partner if that's what you want.
But I sense that perhaps you want a BOYFRIEND not ... (read in full...)
Deciding not to use condoms....how safe is the pill really?
Q. I've just started dating a new guy and have gone on the pill. We've both been checked out and are looking to not use condoms soon. I'm just worried about the possibility of getting pregnant. I know that the pill is 99.9999999% effective - but what ...
A. 12 October 2011: If you take the pill the way you are supposed to (every day at the same time never missing a day) and avoid all the meds that make it ineffective (antacids and antibiotoics come to mind) you should NOT ovulate.
IF you do not ovulate you cannot g... (read in full...)
I've confronted her but she continues to behave the same way, what should I do?
Q. naturally i am not the most trusting person however recently my gf has started doing some things which seem to me to just be plain suspicious. she is never without her phone and will never allow me to see it and a few times i have caught her on the ...
A. 12 October 2011: IF this is new behavior then yes you have every reason to have your guard up... she's keeping a secret of some sort from you. Of course it could be perfectly innocent.
The fact that you spy on her and "tape her converstaions" is disconce... (read in full...)
Neither my cousin or I are getting our sexual needs met by our partners and are thinking of meeting up once in a while to 'satisfy' each other, any opinions?
Q. Ok, I am a 28 year old married male that has a 29 year old married female cousin. I have been married for 5 years and she has been married for 1. We are first cousins and have always been very close growing up. She only has sisters and I only ...
A. 12 October 2011: What opinion would you like me to give you?
Seriously you are asking if:
a. it's ok to CHEAT on your WIFE
and
b. do it with a relative whom you indicate is nearly as close to you AS A SISTER....
Why don't you ask your wife or her hu... (read in full...)
He doesn't want a relationship but said he doesn't want me talking to other men, what is that all about?
Q. Im so confuse the guy that im be have sex with that said he didnt want a realationship just told me that i cant talk 2 any other men what all that about i was talk to him and his workmate that is my bestfriend ...
A. 12 October 2011: Ah so what he's saying is "I want to have sex with you and have you at my beck and call while I can do what I want"
He's not your boyfriend or even a friend he's just a guy using you as a handy penis holder... why does what he want matter? ... (read in full...)
I'm pushing away the one person who might really care about me!
Q. Okay here's my problem and it's with the same girl Diedra, now we've started talking and stuff and she constantly tells me that I'm special to her and that she loves me and that she can talk to me about everything, now idk why but I say things that ...
A. 12 October 2011: I'm sorry but saying you are going to kill yourself and knowing you are not is ugly drama queen behavior that will end up hurting lots of folks including you should you ever NEED the help of someone when you are feeling that bad.
Clear... (read in full...)
Was my thinking wrong? My manager's mother died and I didn't go to the funeral because I haven't even started the job yet!
Q. i just started a new job literally a week ago. Unfortunately my manager's mother passed..i actually don't even have an official work e-mail yet; still waiting for the process to be done. So i hear it through word of mouth. I feel bad but i figured i ...
A. 12 October 2011: I agree that a card is more than enough in this instance.... (read in full...)
Help! do I tell his family of secret child?
Q. Hey, never used one of these sites but really need impartial advice... Were do I start... Few years ago I met a guy.. we split up and met up again last year when he was with a woman who he has child with and this start an affair they have recent...
A. 12 October 2011: He needs at bare minimum to be supporting his child financially. And yes his family has a right to know about a relative especially a grandchild...
If he is not listed on the birth certificate and he is not acknowledging his child or his responsi... (read in full...)
Does having sexual experiences as a teenager make you a bad person?
Q. Hi, I have been experimenting with my sexuality recently, and I'm worried that by doing these things it makes me a bad person/is inappropriate for a teenager to do. The stigma surrounding sex and girls really bothers me, guys can go around hooking ...
A. 12 October 2011: I agree with Aunt Honesty.. your perfectly normal and experimenting with sex as a teen is natural. You should not have guilt.
Just be wise and safe about your choices... and if you progress further please practice safe sex and be on birth co... (read in full...)
Whats his problem???calling me a slut!?
Q. Whats his problem???calling me a slut!? I was involved with this guy who is 7 years my seniori am 24 and hes 31.we work in the same place-theater.. and we were really good friends for the last 5 years.he would always sit beside me be it any interact...
A. 12 October 2011: Oh pot.kettle.black. here. He's married and cheating but you who are single are not allowed to have a life.
And he acted like a 2 year old publically outing you?
His deal btw is that he wants his Kate and Edith too but only HE can be a dog... ... (read in full...)
My estranged mother's funeral....the worst situation I will ever allow myself to be in...
Q. I had not spoken to my parents or their families for some years. To cut a long story short - I spoke out about being abused as a child by my father and they all took my father's side - my ex husband and his family included??? I was cut out from ...
A. 12 October 2011: I am so sorry for your losses. Yes Losses.
You've lost your mom
You've lost your family
You've lost a chance to say goodbye with mum and heal that.
Your EX is out of line of course you have EVERY right to be there.... and YOU should... (read in full...)
I'm 22 and my girlfriend's 25. Is that a big difference?
Q. Is this weird? My girlfriend is 3 years older than me. I'm 22 and she's 25. Is that a big difference or no? We have a good relationship and all (sex is great :P) but compared to all of my friends in relationships, the guy is older than the girl. ...
A. 12 October 2011: oh goodnes the man is supposed to be OLDER? I'm in trouble. my boyfriend is 13 years YOUNGER than I am.
I don't see a problem with a 3 year gap at your age as long as you and your girlfriend are happy it's no one else's business.... (read in full...)
Is it normal to feel resentful when someone makes you feel responsible for their personal happiness?
Q. I am with a wonderful man whom I love very much. We are in a long-distance relationship but he is endlessly sweet, thoughtful, and loving to me. We talk every day on Skype. In most ways I feel I could not ask for a better man. But. He has been hurt ...
A. 12 October 2011: You did the right thing. NOW if it's going to hurt you, remove him/block him on facebook at least for a bit.
His postings are drama queen in nature and designed to elicit sympathy from you and any mutual friends you may have.
Take the high... (read in full...)
Is it unreasonable that I'd like sex with her every so often? She's stopped all sex now she is a Christian
Q. Dear cupid, I am in a relationship with this amazing girl and have been for over a 18 months, when we first dated we were having sex twice a week. This carried on until about 12 months later when she asked if we can stop having sex as she is a ...
A. 12 October 2011: So to recap...
you were a couple and were fully totally sexual including penetration. 6 months ago she decided she no longer wants penetration but does everything else and you have not discussed it further....
If the above is accurate, then y... (read in full...)
Our long distance relationship is totally one sided
Q. So my girlfriend and I have been together for about 9 months now, but have dated on and off for the past year and a half. We are both 18 years old, and we met in high school. For the past 8 or so months, everything was great. We would see each other ...
A. 12 October 2011: I'm afraid it's time to end this.... You are not being selfish but I fear she is not being totally honest with you... It sounds like she's spending a lot more time with this new guy than necessary.... I'm not sure how you know all the de... (read in full...)
Is it a phase she's going through or is she done with me?
Q. well i'll try to shorten it...So i met this girl over a phone's game and we talked...we have a lot in common and i like her and she likes me. I asked her if she's interested in having a relationship because we're 2000 miles apart. She's not ...
A. 12 October 2011: you haven't done anything... you are 2000 miles apart and just talking and texting with someone... feel free to find another method of contact... texting is not the best way to have a relationship... what about email phone calls and skype??? ... (read in full...)
How to seek revenge on a player?
Q. I was dating a player, and he keeps coming back for sex coz we have chemistry..I have been ignoring him..what is the best revenge? Is it better to confront him, and end it.. or be friendly and sweet like he doesnt mean anything to me, and gently p...
A. 12 October 2011: I totally agree with what everyone has said. There is nothing you can do except cut him off that will affect him.... (read in full...)
Is it unreasonable that I'd like sex with her every so often? She's stopped all sex now she is a Christian
Q. Dear cupid, I am in a relationship with this amazing girl and have been for over a 18 months, when we first dated we were having sex twice a week. This carried on until about 12 months later when she asked if we can stop having sex as she is a ...
A. 12 October 2011: oh well wait.. she said you would try... let me get this straight... are you doing everything but penetration??? have you discussed it with her since she first brought it up?... (read in full...)
Is this teacher sending signals?
Q. Hi I need some advice I'm 19 years old and I think that my 31 year old science teacher might like me here are some things he does He always gives me nicknames and calls me by my surname 2. If I’m sat at my table he always walks down in between th...
A. 11 October 2011: I agree.. he's just a friendly naturally flirtatious guy... nothing more or less going on here..... (read in full...)
I know I'll be hurt if I stay with him, but it'll hurt if I say we're over too!
Q. I,m dating this AMAZING guy. He's sweet, funny, kind, caring and I really care about him. I feel like I love him but I know he doesn't feel the same...he doesn't really want a relationship. The thing is he's had alot of lovers in the past and only 3 ...
A. 11 October 2011: is there no way you can just kick back and enjoy it while it lasts?... (read in full...)
Is it unreasonable that I'd like sex with her every so often? She's stopped all sex now she is a Christian
Q. Dear cupid, I am in a relationship with this amazing girl and have been for over a 18 months, when we first dated we were having sex twice a week. This carried on until about 12 months later when she asked if we can stop having sex as she is a ...
A. 11 October 2011: You do realize that by asking her to have sex with you even once a month you are totally DISRESPECTING her newfound wishes right?
You keep saying that you are ok with it and will stay with her.
Then do it. She probably has enough bad feeli... (read in full...)
Should I report this guy?
Q. Help! I'm so fed up. A veryyyy long time ago I was a manager of a retail store where I met a lady who was elder and incredibly sweet. She had 2 sons who I also met one living @ home and one living on his own. Let's call the son living at home "Brad" ...
A. 11 October 2011: Block him on facebook.
block him totally from your life
if he manages to show up where you are THEN you call the police and report him as a stalker and tell them all the things you have said here.
Sometimes trying to be nice to people ... (read in full...)
It was nothing serious and he blew it out of proportion
Q. My partner caught me flirting on line. He had warned me several times to stop. I did for a while. He called round unexpectedly while i was in some erotic conversation. He has been a good father figure to my two teenage sons. After getting abusive he ...
A. 11 October 2011: "he warned me several times to stop"
and
"I want just one more chance"
are mutually exclusive. HE WARNED you to stop. You did not comply. Your online flirtations were a deal breaker for him even after several chances...
"no... (read in full...)
Does she like me or was I just a fling?
Q. I have been seeing this girl for the last month or two, we had been talking online for a while and decided to hang out one day since we both live fairly close to each other. I thought we hit it off, we've been on a lot of dates together, having...
A. 11 October 2011: I'm in agreement with Aunt Honesty... if it was the first time you had sex and then you could not stay she was overly dissapointed at that. I get that...
the thing is you are doing everything to mitigate the issue and you did tell her in advan... (read in full...)
Everytime I masturbate I have bad luck, bad karma or something bad happens!
Q. HI! This might seem silly, dumb or mentally not normal to some but i have a weird problem, so please don't judge too soon. I also don't have any mental issues, been checked by the docs so Please don't say that you have issues. It seems like...
A. 11 October 2011: well gawd if bad things happened to me every time I masturbated I'd be in big trouble. even with a partner it's nearly a daily event for me and I've been at it since I was very young.. (easily before age 9 even)....
IF you are looking for an excus... (read in full...)
Do I keep to our plans or not?
Q. I've been seeing a girl for a few months now and we've been getting closer in a slow and steady way. A month or so ago she asked me if I would like to fly over to Germany to meet her Mother and stay there for a few days. Naturally, I was flattered ...
A. 11 October 2011: my boyfriend and I have tickets to go to Florida from Maryland next month for him to meet my dad. WE had a terrible fight last month... we got past it... with lots of talking
you need to contact her and make sure she's ok with you coming to see h... (read in full...)
Boyfriend paid more attention to his friend's son than my daughter. No one thought it was weird but me??
Q. Am I the only person who thinks that this situation is very hurtful? I was with my partner for fifteen years. When we met I was divorced and had a young daughter of seven years old. My partner was 5 years younger than me and from a single pa...
A. 11 October 2011: oh you are very very very entitled to FEEL your feelings and well you should.
I guess what I was missing amid all the emotion was that you are seeking a way to find peace with this relationship with this woman..
" I am left wondering how th... (read in full...)
How do I cope with the downsides of a FWB relationship? tips please?
Q. For those of you in a long distance relationship, how do you cope with saying goodbye (til next time)? I normally get a few days with my man every couple weeks but I only got one day this time around and at the risk of sounding like a big, fat ...
A. 11 October 2011: Ah I so feel your pain. 18 months is not a long long long time to wait... do you two get summers together... for us one of the biggest things that helped was I was out of work for most of the summer recovering from surgery and we were able to be ... (read in full...)
Is it normal to feel resentful when someone makes you feel responsible for their personal happiness?
Q. I am with a wonderful man whom I love very much. We are in a long-distance relationship but he is endlessly sweet, thoughtful, and loving to me. We talk every day on Skype. In most ways I feel I could not ask for a better man. But. He has been hurt ...
A. 11 October 2011: OUCHIES... a dear john email... ugh.
if you don't talk on the phone then I guess skype it is.
but you can keep it short...
"hey insert name here I really need some time to think about how I want to proceed with my life and I think it'... (read in full...)
Is it unreasonable that I'd like sex with her every so often? She's stopped all sex now she is a Christian
Q. Dear cupid, I am in a relationship with this amazing girl and have been for over a 18 months, when we first dated we were having sex twice a week. This carried on until about 12 months later when she asked if we can stop having sex as she is a ...
A. 11 October 2011: compromise what?
are you thinking that asking her to have sex once a month is an ok thing to do?... (read in full...)
Boyfriend paid more attention to his friend's son than my daughter. No one thought it was weird but me??
Q. Am I the only person who thinks that this situation is very hurtful? I was with my partner for fifteen years. When we met I was divorced and had a young daughter of seven years old. My partner was 5 years younger than me and from a single pa...
A. 11 October 2011: "I gave this woman a huge - I mean really a huge - amount of my time using my own skills and knowledges to really help her"
ah so you are a kind generous giving person. Do you do these things because you can, because you want to or because ... (read in full...)
Should I end this relationship or keep being patient?
Q. I have been dating this guy for a year now. I am 23 and he is 36. I know that his past relationship was serious and his girlfriend left him because her father wanted her to marry someone with money. I have been extremely patient with him. It ...
A. 11 October 2011: Not wanting you to feel alone.. I have to agree with Tisha 100% including that book A FINE ROMANCE... it's a great book... read it years ago.
... (read in full...)
Am I pushing him too hard to have relationship with me?
Q. hello guys.. i need your advices / help.. so here is my situation : I met this guy online this Sept 26th. 2011..he is a US NAVY but he is in Japan for 3 years,but going back to USA this december.. we always chat everyday, we text during his duty.. ...
A. 11 October 2011: Aunt Honesty is right... 2 weeks ago is NOTHING and you met online.. you are probably not more than a lovely young lady to chat with...
do not invest your hopes dreams or life plans with this man yet... give it way more time.
right now be ... (read in full...)
How do I cope with the downsides of a FWB relationship? tips please?
Q. For those of you in a long distance relationship, how do you cope with saying goodbye (til next time)? I normally get a few days with my man every couple weeks but I only got one day this time around and at the risk of sounding like a big, fat ...
A. 11 October 2011: when I figure it out I'll tell you.
We are two hours apart not FWB but seriously involved and I stay till the last possible minute (I left him sleeping in bed this morning at 6 am so I could get to work by 9 am)...
it kills me. I cry... he crie... (read in full...)
Its only been a month but we are in love, and now I find out he is never willing to leave his small town....what should I do?
Q. I've been dating this guy for a month now, and we've already fallen in love. Problem is, he lives four hours away from me in a small town. With his parents, and just recently finally found a job. Me on the other had, I have had a job of four years, ...
A. 11 October 2011: if he won't move and you won't move then it's best to end it.
no sense in carrying on with a 4 hour apart relationship that is not going to end well...
I'm currently 2 hours apart from my partner. we are together nearly a year and are so close... (read in full...)
I masturbate a lot and I hate it. How can I stop?
Q. I am a girl and I masturbate. I'm a virgin and want to stay that way till marriage. I masturbate almost every night and anytime I'm alone which is usually a lot because my mom works. I even do it when my sister is in the house but she's never caught ...
A. 11 October 2011: sounds a lot like me at your age... I didn't have a computer or a cell phone so I would sneak into my parents room and read my dad's Penthouse magazines that he kept in his night table...
you sound quite normal to me.... (read in full...)
Boyfriend paid more attention to his friend's son than my daughter. No one thought it was weird but me??
Q. Am I the only person who thinks that this situation is very hurtful? I was with my partner for fifteen years. When we met I was divorced and had a young daughter of seven years old. My partner was 5 years younger than me and from a single pa...
A. 11 October 2011: Well I think that I can see it without emotional eyes but you won't like what I have to say
young boys need male role models... that's why they have the Big Brotehrs and Big sisters foundation (because young girls being raised by dad need fem... (read in full...)
Is it normal to feel resentful when someone makes you feel responsible for their personal happiness?
Q. I am with a wonderful man whom I love very much. We are in a long-distance relationship but he is endlessly sweet, thoughtful, and loving to me. We talk every day on Skype. In most ways I feel I could not ask for a better man. But. He has been hurt ...
A. 11 October 2011: you are not being a jerk at all.
YOU are NEVER responsible for his feelings even if you do marry him. OR live with him.
If you are 21 and he is 50 we are talking a nearly 30 year age gap.
let's talk here..
it's age gap
it's long dista... (read in full...)
Is it unreasonable that I'd like sex with her every so often? She's stopped all sex now she is a Christian
Q. Dear cupid, I am in a relationship with this amazing girl and have been for over a 18 months, when we first dated we were having sex twice a week. This carried on until about 12 months later when she asked if we can stop having sex as she is a ...
A. 11 October 2011: ouch I'm sorry. She changed the rules on you mid-stream but it's not for some arbitrary reason.
IF she has become religious and it's part of her religious belief, you really have to respect that.
IF you love her that much and never want to le... (read in full...)
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