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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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He's mean and controlling and my children don't like him. Will he revert to the same monster again if we purchase a home together?
Q. I have posted on here so many times as I dont have anyone to talk to. What would you do in the following scenario? I am on the verge of buying a house with my second husband who I ended up having a seperate house from for the last 4 years as we had ...
A. 30 November 2011: so glad to hear that our work here has helped you! Thank you for the update. ... (read in full...)
Am I embarrassing him, and how do I find out if I am?
Q. I have a problem with maintaining heat, so I get cold very easily. My friend is of the opposite sex and 2 years older than me, but he is the warmest one of my friends, and when I get cold it is important that I try to stay as warm as I can so I ...
A. 30 November 2011: so then the two of you need to stop playing games and be a couple...
... (read in full...)
He still stares at me. Does my ex like me still?
Q. So, my boyfriend (ex) broke up with me, I still really like him sometimes I catch him staring at me during school, (I'm 15) I want to find out if he still likes me. any ideas how? please help me....
A. 30 November 2011: "i do still like him...i think"
you THINK?
hon you need to KNOW how you feel about him...
why would he think you are breaking up with him?
and why is your friend involved in this relationship?... (read in full...)
My girlfriend dresses attractively when she goes out with her friends but when she's with me,its always the usual t-shirt and jeans
Q. Well, I've always noticed that my girlfriend dresses attractively when she goes out with her friends(of course,this includes guy friends),but when she's with me,its always t-shirt and jeans,in fact she only wears the same 3 or 4 t-shirts over and ...
A. 30 November 2011: ya know it's true I prefer comfort to dressing up but I always make sure to have pretty sexy matching bra and panties on and make sure my man sees them even if it's under the jeans and sweat shirt....
and I make sure he sees me when I get home if ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend keeps hinting for money.
Q. My boyfriend keeps asking for money indirectly. He would say my mom is not giving me money we can't date. Or he would go directly like 'can i ask you something? No leave it'. If I say tell me he would ask me. I mean I am not so rich. I don't have a ...
A. 30 November 2011: tell him you will visit him in jail....... (read in full...)
How do I convert this one way love into two ways?
Q. Recently , I joined dating-site and got a 49 years old American lady interested but she said she could only be good friend as I am too young for her being 30 years old. She added me on Yahoo Messenger and she looks 10 years younger than her age....
A. 29 November 2011: It's more than just your age I'm sure it's the LDR part of it as well and she's just being kind.
you have to wait to ask her to be your gf till you have met her in real life and spent some serious time with her.
get that travel visa and make... (read in full...)
My boyfriend keeps hinting for money.
Q. My boyfriend keeps asking for money indirectly. He would say my mom is not giving me money we can't date. Or he would go directly like 'can i ask you something? No leave it'. If I say tell me he would ask me. I mean I am not so rich. I don't have a ...
A. 29 November 2011: stop giving him money
you are 17 at most how old is this boyfriend of yours?
what you say to him when he says he needs money to date you is "oh well sorry then we can't date as I have no money to share"
it will be horrid for you at first but... (read in full...)
I want to go to the gym but there are too many guys and I'm afraid they will stare at me
Q. dear cupid, i have really been wanting to go to the gym so many times its not far from where i stay and though there are not so many equipments a few of the ones i need are there but my only problem is that im shy the gym is mostly attended...
A. 29 November 2011: if you wanna to to the gym and like the idea and think you will use it then go for it.
I loved the gym and have stopped for now due to finances and time... but I can tell you that most folks that go to the gym to work out are not focusing... (read in full...)
How do you feel about nick-names in a loving relationship? Do you have a favorite nick-name?
Q. Does your loved one give you nick names? Or a nick name? And which one do you love the most? I think nick-names can be a barometer of a relationship. If the nick-names stopped happening then I would know there was a problem, even if nothing had been ...
A. 29 November 2011: here in baltimore folks call each other HON or HUN all the time and it gets very deluded as a nickname... it's actually the official statement of the city "welcome to Baltimore Hon!"
that being said my daddy has a nickname for me. I'm 51 years ol... (read in full...)
Am I embarrassing him, and how do I find out if I am?
Q. I have a problem with maintaining heat, so I get cold very easily. My friend is of the opposite sex and 2 years older than me, but he is the warmest one of my friends, and when I get cold it is important that I try to stay as warm as I can so I ...
A. 29 November 2011: I am always cold. even in the summer when it's HOT and folks are wearing shorts and tank tops I am in a sweater.
I suggest that you stop snuggling into this boy and wearig his coat and start carrying an extra jacket.... and wearing layers. ... (read in full...)
I feel like my LDR is pulling away and doesn't want a baby anymore. I'm heartbroken!
Q. Im so confused about my ldr boyfriend. Weve been together for almost a year. It hasnt been a great time, certain trust issues and a few arguments. However, I fell in love with him hard. I bent over backwards to make it work. In September I fell ...
A. 29 November 2011: first of all I am sorry for the loss of your baby. even with an unplanned pregnancy a loss is tragic.
have you always been LDR or was it just because he's in training?
you have been together less than a year...I am not sure of your age but I p... (read in full...)
I don't know if he secretly filmed us!
Q. I was young and stupid. I don't know if the guy has ever secretly captured our moments together on tape. I'm constantly worrying over this... How do I feel better about this?...
A. 29 November 2011: ok we need more info here.
what makes you think he taped you...... (read in full...)
Has anyone tried HCG diet drops?
Q. I am wanting to try the HCG diet drops. I was wondering if anyone has tried them before? did they work? where is the best place to get them? I want to get as much information as I can because it seems to be really good....
A. 29 November 2011: oh yeah the urine from pregnant horses will really help you... NOT
I know two guys that did it here at work.. they did fine as long as they stuck to the diet. once they stopped eating the right foods the weight came back
the only thing that ... (read in full...)
How effective is a condom?
Q. Hey everyone just want to know how effective Condoms are? I have recently had the implant in my upper arm removed after 3 years im getting it back in soon, But just for the time being is it ok to use condoms ? Any advice is very grateful thank ...
A. 29 November 2011: are you willing to risk being pregnant.. then a condom is a good bet.
BUT it has to be put on before any sexual contact since precum will have sperm in it...
and it has to be put on properly (leave room at the tip)
AND you have to use p... (read in full...)
For years this has being going on, do I fight for him?
Q. Hello Agonies. I'm dealing with a rather tough situation here. My bf, whom i just broke up with, is such a pain in the butt. Okay, i tried sticking it out with him for a while now, throught the cheating, lies, disrespctful ways, etc. Recently, he ...
A. 29 November 2011: I don't understand why you do it either... so let's try to figure it out together.
what is it you GET from this man and this relationship?
are you getting
trust?
affection?
love?
companionship?
sex?
money?
entertainment?
cooking/chore... (read in full...)
17 year old and 14 year old
Q. Hey I'm a 17 yr old guy, my girlfriend is 14, yes I know that a big age differance this young. We are very much in love, strong word but true. I have asked her about sex and she said she doesnt want to go that far, but she keeps throwing me mixed ...
A. 29 November 2011: " I would love any sexual activity from her.... "
and the subsequent jail time?
and the life long branding of a sexual predator?
in the USA this is an illegal relationship and worse so when you turn 18....
she's 14 honey she may LOOK... (read in full...)
My girlfriend dresses attractively when she goes out with her friends but when she's with me,its always the usual t-shirt and jeans
Q. Well, I've always noticed that my girlfriend dresses attractively when she goes out with her friends(of course,this includes guy friends),but when she's with me,its always t-shirt and jeans,in fact she only wears the same 3 or 4 t-shirts over and ...
A. 29 November 2011: when she goes out with her friends she dresses up right?
when she goes OUT with you does she not dress up?
when I am with my man and we are just home.. it's sweats and jeans... nothing dressy... running around errands.. jeans... no heels.. ... (read in full...)
My insecure girlfriend!
Q. Help please I want to save our relationship from ending Me and my girlfriend have been together for over 2 years and 4 months and are considering marriage Right now we want a court wedding because of financial issues But recently today she th...
A. 29 November 2011: Ok let me ask you this:
you have lied to her. so no matter what you say now she's supposed to believe you even though you've lied to her in the past?
she says you are ugly... I doubt you are ugly... why do you stay with a woman that says you ar... (read in full...)
Should I leave my husband? He's accusing me of cheating because an ex co-worker randomly texted me!
Q. My husband and I have been having problems for a while now but our marriage is still surviving (Husband Money problems, Infertility issues from my husband side, problems with my In Laws , etc). Just to make things more complicated one night while ...
A. 29 November 2011: In your defense... I have had the same email and cell phone and house phone numbers for over 20 years...
Now... when you start the whole question with "my husband accused me of cheating should I leave him" the question is "I want to leave an... (read in full...)
He still stares at me. Does my ex like me still?
Q. So, my boyfriend (ex) broke up with me, I still really like him sometimes I catch him staring at me during school, (I'm 15) I want to find out if he still likes me. any ideas how? please help me....
A. 29 November 2011: if he still liked you, he would not have broken up with you.
do you really like HIM or what HE represents?... (read in full...)
My g/f wants to diet but I'm afraid she'll go back to old ways of binging and purging
Q. My fiance is becoming increasingly unhappy with her weight. She isn't fat at all, but she thinks she is. She is 5'11" and weighs 140lbs. She's actually quite slender. But tonight she had a really bad break down about it and decided to start a ...
A. 29 November 2011: Will she be open and honest with you about her ED?
if so then perhaps you can work together...to get more fit.
she's clearly NOT fat.
I'm 5'2" and she weighs less than I do and I'm wearing a size 4/6...
did she get treatment for her... (read in full...)
Husband gets upset if I don't get off during sex
Q. I just got married in Oct and I love my husband a lot... I think our relationship is great but I'm having a little bit of a problem. I'm 4 years older then he is... I love making love to him and I like to make love around three times a day.... ...
A. 29 November 2011: This is the hardest topic for me. I don't have orgasms during sex with my partner. we've had to come to grips with the fact that I'm perfectly content to "take care of myself" before or after... and someitmes I ask him to help with the task and ... (read in full...)
Much older ex says we can't be together but wants to be friends
Q. I'm confused about the guy I've been seeing for the past 5 months. I am twenty, and the guy I have been seeing is 43. I honestly fell in love with him. I can’t stand how much my family is against it, him and I have a lot of things in common. (I kn...
A. 29 November 2011: I am a huge supporter of age gap relationships if both parties are open honest and healthy.
In this case, I don’t see that here. He is NOT healthy. Not if he’s drinking and taking psychotropic drugs such as Ambien Xanax and an anti-dep... (read in full...)
Is my friend into me sexually?
Q. Okay so im wondering if one of my friends is into me sexually. we are both males and sometimes when we hang out we end up wrestling and touching each other, after I iniate. Like for example ill tackle him and rub his but and chest and then he doest ...
A. 29 November 2011: I agree with Tennistar88 there is something going on there...
you guys need to sit down and talk about this...... (read in full...)
He's bi, I'm gay. Should I waste my time on this closet case?
Q. Hello, I've been seeing this guy for about a week. He's 21, mature for his age, attractive, smart, great job, in school. He's pretty much out of my league, but every time we see each other we make-out, mess around, or just talk in his car. He used...
A. 29 November 2011: I think that sadly he's setting this up to not be anything serious or long term...
he won't be seen in public with you?
he doesn't feel that strongly about you
he said he thinks men make better lovers but he could be with a woman... so it s... (read in full...)
I said I'd wait, but should I not talk about feelings any more?
Q. My girlfriend and I broke up about 2 weeks ago. At the time, I was really confused about what had happened between us. Last week, I confronted her about the break up. She said that she was still in love with me... but problems had come up. To keep ...
A. 29 November 2011: I agree do not WAIT for her.
Stop texting her
and be grateful she TOLD you what was going on and ended it like an adult instead of just letting it fade away and not give you closure.
... (read in full...)
How can I get him back? What happened to our relationship? PLEASE HELP
Q. My ex and I were taking a break and I found out he was talking to this new girl who lived in another state that he had never met, and I got so jealous. They skyped all night and were playing truth or dare...and you can guess what happens when a boy ...
A. 29 November 2011: I'm so sorry but the truth is, there is no way to get him back... you have to move on....
What you want at one point in your life may change... be thankful you learned it early on in this relationship...
not words you want to hear I know but ... (read in full...)
It is possible for a man to be impotent with one woman but not with another?
Q. Is it possible, that a guy can't erection with his wife for years, but can get one with an other woman later on? My husband told me for several years, that he is impotent, but it has nothing to do with me. So , I just accepted to live in a sexless ...
A. 29 November 2011: Since the brain is the biggest sex organ we have yep I'm sure it's possible.
... (read in full...)
I want to ask for her phone number but don't want to creep her out
Q. help please. i want to ask this girl for her number but i dont know how without creepin her out. we have only talked once before so how do i approach her and what should i say? would telling her that i think she is amazing and i would like to kno ...
A. 29 November 2011: I'd start with asking her for coffee or something to feel out if she's at least interested enough....
most folks will go for a coffee date no matter what....... (read in full...)
Is my friend hinting that we should date?
Q. So here's the deal. I've been this girls friend since school started (18 August). About a month after that we got extremely close,like,we ate lunch together,took the buss ride to school and from school together (we live close to each other),s...
A. 29 November 2011: I agree she likes you and is too shy to let you know.
so plan a nice evening and ask her out...
... (read in full...)
In love with my teacher! When can I pursue her?
Q. So, like countless people, I've fallen under my teacher's spell. I am 17 years old and am a junior in high school. I'm not sure when I can start pursuing her. I mean, must I be graduated before I can start any kind of relationship with her? I almost ...
A. 29 November 2011: Goodness you are a hot mess.
1. a woman not married may or may not be a lesbian. She may live with a man or have a boyfriend. Even if she is not involved with someone, it does not mean you are of interest to her as anything other than a student.... (read in full...)
I'm secretly dating my best friends brother...what do I do?
Q. I'm confused on quite a few levels. I've been secretly seeing my best friends brother for 4 months now. She knows I like him and that he likes me, yet has no idea we have been seeing each other. I have poked fun at the idea of dating him, and it s...
A. 29 November 2011: I have no advice for you but I was in the same situation when I was young... (like 14) with my then BFF older brother... in fact, I lost my virginity to this boy... we never were a public item... and while I refuse to regret things I have done, I ... (read in full...)
He would cancel dates and I got mad at him. Does he still care about me?
Q. my boyfriend and i broke up three times and we got back together and for the last two times. We plan to see each other, then when the day comes he will call and make up something, that he cant come over. Then the last time he did this i got mad said...
A. 29 November 2011: he does not care for you. canceling plans at the last minute over and over says that.
I think it's best if you move on.... (read in full...)
He likes "alone time". It's a source of conflict. why do I miss him more than he misses me?
Q. How should I react? Sometimes my bf likes to have his space...there are days when he just wants to be by himself...this hurts my feelings because I can spend 24 hours with him, no problems It is a source of conflict...he says I dont trust him and ...
A. 29 November 2011: oh dear NO.... they can't be with you all the time.. it's not sane or healthy... down time is critical for all people.
Now I have to admit before the bf and I were living together if we didn't have daily CONTACT I was sad... and felt unloved.... (read in full...)
What's more important; being loved unconditionally by a good man, or being single but popular earning a good salary?
Q. I would consider myself to be a social outcast. I have a very few select number of friends, people reject me and I'm just not all that popular. I'm not part of the clique at work, and recently missed out on a promotion because of this. The girl that ...
A. 29 November 2011: I vote for the man who loves me.
I'm 51 and have a good secure job and make good money...
I'm with a partner who is younger than I am (by 13 years) who makes about 25k LESS than I make... and we both have lousy social skills and FEW friends.... (read in full...)
What does "I like it when you are strong" mean?
Q. Hi everyone this is my question what do you think my boyfriend of 8 month meant by this he said to me last night when we were talking he likes it when I'm strong what can he mean by this thank you ...
A. 29 November 2011: well then for sure you need to ask him what he means... (read in full...)
He's mean and controlling and my children don't like him. Will he revert to the same monster again if we purchase a home together?
Q. I have posted on here so many times as I dont have anyone to talk to. What would you do in the following scenario? I am on the verge of buying a house with my second husband who I ended up having a seperate house from for the last 4 years as we had ...
A. 29 November 2011: Like EyesWideOpen said you can't do right by EVERYBODY so you have to choose who to do right by.
As a parent your responsibility is to your children. Teach them what is proper behavior in a relationship..
so staying with a man that makes you u... (read in full...)
Is he going to come around and realize he can find a way better looking woman?
Q. This may be a little long,but hopefully people will still take the time to read it. A couple of months ago I had decided to start online dating. I was tired of being single,and being a single parent didn't allow me to go out and meet people in the ...
A. 28 November 2011: yep I think it's normal. and i bet you under-estimate yourself...... (read in full...)
What to do about his ex over the holidays?
Q. We're just hitting our one yr mark and he's going to be on holiday visiting family. His ex of 15 yrs and FWB up until we started dating lives near his family. They have always visited and/or hooked up over the holidays. I'm scared to death his ...
A. 28 November 2011: I agree if you are dating a year why aren't you going with him?
what has HE done specifically to make you think he might cheat?... (read in full...)
What does "I like it when you are strong" mean?
Q. Hi everyone this is my question what do you think my boyfriend of 8 month meant by this he said to me last night when we were talking he likes it when I'm strong what can he mean by this thank you ...
A. 28 November 2011: well were you in the gym lifting weights? were you moving furniture?
or was he perhaps referring to emotional strength?
I think you needed to ask him "what do you mean by that?" of course now the moment is gone and you have to go back and p... (read in full...)
My boyfriend spoils me to the point where its become uncomfortable!!
Q. So ive only been dating my boyfriend for a few weeks now, but i feel like he spoils me entirely TOO much, as selfish as that sounds, in a way it kind of makes me feel helpless like im incapable of doing anything myself. I told him about it, and he ...
A. 28 November 2011: Trust me honey he does not feel like he HAS to do these things.. he does them because he wants to... enjoy the ride.... (read in full...)
Feeling used, yet culpable in becoming intimate with a 'taken' man
Q. I don't know what to do, I did something very stupid with this guy a week ago. I am so disappointed in myself, that I don't know what to do in this type of situation?! Basically, this guy I really liked him and I wasn't sure whether he did to, but ...
A. 28 November 2011: Just act cool and calm and collected. He's scummy to cheat on his girlfriend... don't tell him anything.
Live well
Ignore him back...
he got what he wanted
he's old news for you now and I bet 40 years from now you won't remember his name.... (read in full...)
Is ejaculating in a woman's mouth more degrading than on her face?
Q. I have been with my girlfriend for 6 years now, and really want to ejaculate in her mouth, she can't stand the taste. She wants me to ejaculate on her face, but I feel that's degrading....what do you guys suggest....?...
A. 28 November 2011: NEVER ON MY FACE... always in my mouth so much easier to clean up... a swallow and it's GONE!
IF HE HAS to cum ON me, it better be ON my back and he has to clean it up... ... (read in full...)
I don't feel the spark for my boyfriend whom I am in a long distance relationship with, and I have cheated on him three times now!
Q. Dear cupid, I need your help. I have been dating my boyfriend for 1year now. its a long distance relationship. Of late my boyfriend does call me as usual and all but lately I feel like he's kinda changed he is too busy for me, he doesn't give me ...
A. 28 November 2011: My bet is that your cheating because you want him to find out blow up and then forgive you and be all jealous...puts that spark back in it.
The problem is that after a years time the spark goes away and what's left is a hot burning ember...... (read in full...)
If he pulls out before he comes does that reduce the chance of pregnancy?
Q. Ok me and my boyfriend was talking about if we have sex and he pulls out before the semen comes out does that reduce the possibility of me getting pregnant ? Haha sorry about how I ask the question I just really didn't know how to put it ...
A. 27 November 2011: oh dear... you need to do some serious reading on reproduction... just keep your sex life to talking about it till you figure out how EASY it is to get pregnant or get an STD...
there is something called precum... you can get pregnant from tha... (read in full...)
I thought we were dating but he's still remaining active on his online dating account!
Q. Three weeks ago, I started dating a guy through on-line dating . I think we are a really good match for each other. He is exactly what I am looking for in a guy and seems really keen on me. He treats me really well and we have the same values, ...
A. 27 November 2011: three weeks... and he has not said he is exclusive...
you are going out you are not going steady....
until you two have "the talk" both of you are free to date who you wish.
... (read in full...)
He's mean and controlling and my children don't like him. Will he revert to the same monster again if we purchase a home together?
Q. I have posted on here so many times as I dont have anyone to talk to. What would you do in the following scenario? I am on the verge of buying a house with my second husband who I ended up having a seperate house from for the last 4 years as we had ...
A. 21 November 2011: only you can make this choice but it sounds over and over and over like you know what you SHOULD do and just need someone to give you the RIGHT reason to do it?
so if raising your kids to think that emotional abuse and being cruel to the woman yo... (read in full...)
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