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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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My husband is texting the ex, is she seeing dollar signs?
Q. Ive been with my husband for 10yrs now and it seems he loves me one minute and the next is bothered by me.. We have no kids together, but he has 3 kids(1 son, 2 daughters) from 2 different moms. Now the girls mom hasnt given me any problems, ...
A. 8 December 2011: So if he's already paying excessive amounts of money to the woman for his child and you think the texting is inappropriate, why do you think it's about money... or is that your hope?... (read in full...)
How Important Is Money And Career In Choosing A Partner?
Q. If you were, let's say, making 60k a year, would you date someone who is making 15k? If you had a college education, would you date someone without one? What about you, women? How would you feel if your man was 'inferior' to you in both money and ...
A. 8 December 2011: It's funny my (younger) XH always felt INFERIOR to me (and ashamed of himself) because of my job and income vs his job and his income and my current (even YOUNGER) partner is so damn proud of it that he BRAGS to everyone that he had to relocate and ... (read in full...)
Vulgar bulgur
Q. Okay I know this is a rather silly question, but the other night my gf cooked this dish that I hated. She is a tender woman and so I haven't told her yet. The next day she said she was quite pleased with the flavor. Any tips on gently telling h...
A. 8 December 2011: that sounds yummy but the raw eggs do scare me....... (read in full...)
He wants a baby but not marriage?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly a year. (He's in his early 40's and I'm in my early 30's.) We recently got pregnant, but I had a miscarriage. Though this pregnancy was unexpected, we had discussed wanting to have kids together in ...
A. 8 December 2011: “warm up to the idea” and wanting a baby before marriage??? STAND your GROUND. NO MARRIAGE NO BABY… I rarely stand this firmly on something but in this case I will. I personally am a bit old fashioned and think that babies walking down the ... (read in full...)
Dating online and he was dishonest. What should I do?
Q. hi, so im having a hard time in know what to do in my relationship.. I met this guy on a credible website that he had been on for a few years before i ever joined. lets just say it was a military website...three years later we had taken our ...
A. 8 December 2011: You are having a “relationship”? With who? Do you KNOW this man? I think not. You met him when you were 16 and he was 23… the fact that you thought he was 26 is even worse. To be honest sweetie NO 26 yr old man in the military is goin... (read in full...)
My boyfriend drinks all the time but I am scared to talk to him about it. What should I do?
Q. Every single day I text my boyfriend all that comes out of his mouth.. "I am high." Or... "I am drunk." And I hate it.. I want to tell him, "Don't talk to me until your sober, and if you don't stop I won't see you anymore." But I don't want to say ...
A. 8 December 2011: IF you can't deal with his drinking and drugging then you must leave. If you are SCARED to talk to your partner about something then the relationship is not a good one... never be scared to talk about something that is bothering you. ... (read in full...)
What to think of his reply to my message?
Q. I do not know if is truly being indifferent, or scorn with me? This guy I like since his girlfriend dumped him 11 months ago he's acting like he won't give a damn. We had something on in which we liked each other , but unfortunately I ...
A. 8 December 2011: time to let him go sweetie...... (read in full...)
My husband is texting the ex, is she seeing dollar signs?
Q. Ive been with my husband for 10yrs now and it seems he loves me one minute and the next is bothered by me.. We have no kids together, but he has 3 kids(1 son, 2 daughters) from 2 different moms. Now the girls mom hasnt given me any problems, ...
A. 8 December 2011: Well I need more info…. Does he see this child? Does he pay child support (he should be doing both)… if his income has improved dramatically since the last child support modification perhaps he should be paying more to support his child….... (read in full...)
Girls, especially, do you think a guy being able to dance well is important to you?
Q. I hate dancing. I mean REALLY HATE IT lol. Its embarrassing and boring. And everyone else loves it, which makes me feel awful for dissappointing my friends, and i just end up hating dancing even more. Thing is, i keep hearing about how impo...
A. 8 December 2011: AT least learn to slow dance.... you will need that.. girls can dance with girlfriends fast.. but slow dancing you wanna snuggle up to your boy.....
... (read in full...)
How do I cope with this? My husband does not love me and does not like me helping my parents
Q. I am 21 years old and my husband is 38 years old he does not love my parents and he does not like me to help my family. so i want to divorce him . How can I get through this? please help me...
A. 8 December 2011: I’m sorry to hear this. Is your husband NOT happy about you helping your family (and by helping them what do you mean, emotionally, physically or financially?) Does he forbid you to help or just complain about it?
How long are you married?... (read in full...)
Can you teach someone how to love?
Q. We are all damaged in some way or another. My boyfriend has suffered some tragedy in his life. He lost his father early on. His mother has abandoned him on several occasions. He has some social awkwardness issues and has very few close friends ...
A. 8 December 2011: Thank you for the update… sometimes it’s hard to post help without it… I think based on your age you’ve posted other things too?? Age gaps are hard too… and I’ve been an age gaper on both sides.. I seem to prefer the younger men however not sure ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is buying me an expensive Christmas gift. I am not sure how to reciprocate!
Q. My girlfriend is incredibly sweet and generous; I love her. It turns out that she asked my family some gift related questions and that she is buying me an expensive gift (maybe $200?!) for either my December birthday or Christmas. When my family ...
A. 8 December 2011: I do not base gift giving on expense.
As a committed couple it's hard to give a gift to someone that does not impact on the gift giver...
For example my boyfriend and I live together and he wants to get me an IPAD for Xmas. I told him NO it w... (read in full...)
I started the relationship for all the wrong reasons and now I am not sure how to go on! help!
Q. I have been with this guy for 2 years, he's divorced 2 kids. I did not want to date divorced guys with baggage but I couldn't seem to be getting anywhere fast so I went out with him after meeting via internet dating which I started because I hadn't ...
A. 8 December 2011: you must be honest with him as soon as possible....
it's going to hurt him and you in the short term harder than if you drag it out and make it hurt longer long term.
... (read in full...)
Jealous of my bf's female colleague... thinking of breaking up with bf! Help!
Q. i have been with my bf for 3 yrs and we love each other. i am sure he will not cheat on me, but there are other times that i felt offended or hurt unintentionally. specifically, there's this one female coworker that i am very jealous of. she hitched ...
A. 8 December 2011: Your insecurity and jealousy will be the death of this relationship. He’s AT WORK for goodness sake. It’s in his best interest to have a cordial and even friendly relationship with ALL co-workers. You have placed some very stringent and over the ... (read in full...)
What should I do as I am bi and I do feel as if I was the reason?
Q. It has been hard for me this year. My first boyfriend turned out to be gay and he says that I was the reason for him turning gay. What should I do as I am bi and I do feel as if i was the reason?...
A. 8 December 2011: What Ciar said. you had NOTHING to do with your first boyfriend finding out he was gay.
you can't "catch" sexuality people are born with their sexual orientation. ... (read in full...)
When dating, does age really matter??
Q. Hello everyone, I am a 26 yr old female who is considering dating a very nice mature 37 yr old male. He is divorced with two older children and I am a mature 26 yr old looking to settle down with a mature man. I have never dated anyone more than 2 ...
A. 8 December 2011: I think it's fine. When I was 37 my boyfriend was 24. ... (read in full...)
Should I fret about my girlfriend violated my butt-hole?
Q. My girlfriend and I met a few months ago. We started having sex the third time we met (she initiated). First I thought to myself "great, no more boring lengthy dating". The first few times were like normal sex (I led and she followed) but since then ...
A. 8 December 2011: if you like it (and many straight men do enjoy anal play) then enjoy it.
you can't TURN gay and just because you like to be anally penetrated (the best way to stimulate the prostate) does not mean you are gay or bi.... (read in full...)
I wouldnt normally get involved in a friend's relationship, but I cant stand by and watch her get hurt! What should I do?
Q. This is not about me, but about a relationship of someone who's close to me. Two friends of mine got together about a year ago. I'm always for letting people be, but this relationship is only working out for one of them, namely the guy. I care ...
A. 7 December 2011: she won't listen to you. sadly there is NOTHING you can say or do that will change her mind or her actions or behaviors.
... (read in full...)
Can you teach someone how to love?
Q. We are all damaged in some way or another. My boyfriend has suffered some tragedy in his life. He lost his father early on. His mother has abandoned him on several occasions. He has some social awkwardness issues and has very few close friends ...
A. 7 December 2011: I think you can to some extent. I’m very broken. My boyfriend even more broken than I; but together we are slightly less broken. He is about your age (and I am a bit older) and we are in therapy working on similar issues. His father died young, ... (read in full...)
Tips for easing a very bad back!!
Q. Hello again everyone. My bf has a very bad back, he broke it in a car crash back in 2006, he crushed one the vertebrae at the base of his spine. Now he's sort of learned to live with it, but there are times when it is very painful for him, ...
A. 7 December 2011: While Massage may feel good, it may not be the best thing for him...
Does he see a spine doctor or a pain managmeent specialist?
does he do physical therapy? there are exercises they can give him to help strengthen the muscles that hel... (read in full...)
How Important Is Money And Career In Choosing A Partner?
Q. If you were, let's say, making 60k a year, would you date someone who is making 15k? If you had a college education, would you date someone without one? What about you, women? How would you feel if your man was 'inferior' to you in both money and ...
A. 7 December 2011: I was making 81k and married to a man making 24k and we survived nicely. I have a college degree and he dropped out of school in 9th grade. These were NOT the things that killed our relationship... what killed it was his self-hatred of himself ... (read in full...)
Should I hide my maxiderm cream?
Q. Hi I want to ask something very different suppose i am in relationship and i am getting engaged and i end up showing maxiderm cream (like viagra) to her while we getting intimate,or she finds out that i have it my closet what would be he...
A. 7 December 2011: no do not hide it. if you need it she should know about it.
... (read in full...)
Guys: When you want oral sex, what do you want exactly?
Q. A question for the guys.... When you want oral sex, what exactly does that mean? Until you ejaculate? Instead of intercourse? To get you hard and then intercourse? Does it help to get hard again if you are in the middle of intercourse and you ...
A. 7 December 2011: not a guy but given oral to many...
can I say ALL OF THE ABOVE????... (read in full...)
How much do you mind a partner's human side (bodily functions?)
Q. This might sound like a ridiculous question, but in all seriousness, when you're with a new boyfriend/girlfriend (one you've been with for some time but have never lived with, that is), how much do you mind being aware of their... umm... more human ...
A. 7 December 2011: some people mind some do not...
my boyfriend does not mind.... and I do not either... it's almost a joke with us...
There is a book for kids on potty training called "everybody poops" maybe get it for him and leave it on his pillow....... (read in full...)
What is the right way to handle this situation with my cousin?
Q. First i would like to say 'hai'. I have this male cousin of mine, he s 2 years older than me. He lives far away but he sometimes visit during the holidays. So today he visited and he will be here for the coming two weeks. What worries me s that, he ...
A. 7 December 2011: he tried to force himself on you and that's wrong. You need to tell your mom if he does it again.
First, you tell him, it made me uncomfortable, I did not like it. ... DO NOT DO IT AGAIN and if you do I will tell the adults that you are behaving... (read in full...)
Trying to be the husband she and most would want, but is she losing interest in me?
Q. I have been married now over a 10 years, I really love my wife and have done everything in my power to make her happy to be married to me. In addition to that, I read a lot into what women would like in a husband just to make sure I am better than...
A. 7 December 2011: Well to be devil's advocate, maybe you are trying too hard?
maybe you are making it too easy for her?
no woman wants a wuss. I think that one of the reasons my last marriage broke up is that I had NO challenges from him in terms of his ... (read in full...)
What's on this older guy's mind? Why doesn't he text me like he used to?
Q. Hi i'm really confused... There's a guy i've been texting for sometime now. We have an age gap of 9 years but i really like him. We used to text throughout the day. When we first met, i really thought everything went well because he did text and...
A. 7 December 2011: Poking on face book means NOTHING that is not a relationship. TEXTING is not a relationship… IF he’s not over his ex and he’s not dated others, you will be he rebound girl and nothing good comes of that…... (read in full...)
My partner couldn't be bothered that I miscarried our baby, and he's been busy texting his ex while I'm going through hell!
Q. Hi I've been with my partner for 3 half years. I was due to move on with him next month. In October I found out I was pregnant and was so happy. I'm 41 and my son has left home. My bf wasn't too keen at first but eventually began to get excited....
A. 7 December 2011: I think that his not speaking to you is good. Because if he spoke to you he would probably be abusive to you even further.... He's cold to you because he's a selfish person who only cares about himself.... (read in full...)
After 5 Years Why Hasn't He Proposed
Q. This is real simple. I've been with my boyfriend for over 5 years. I moved out of state to be with him and its been me and him since 2006. I have never given him a reason to not trust me. I've never lied to him. I've never cheated on him. I go to ...
A. 7 December 2011: “he says marriage is just a piece of paper and one day we will get married when we have the $ to do so”
It costs $65.00 to go to the court house here and get married. Saying you will do it when you have the money is a crock IMO….. He does not... (read in full...)
Vulgar bulgur
Q. Okay I know this is a rather silly question, but the other night my gf cooked this dish that I hated. She is a tender woman and so I haven't told her yet. The next day she said she was quite pleased with the flavor. Any tips on gently telling h...
A. 7 December 2011: you need to tell her..... my bf is a picky eater and we are still navigating what I cook that he likes and does not like. I love Quinoa and he hates it. I made it once and he ATE it but had he NOT told me that he did not like it, I'd make it ... (read in full...)
How to tell if a person is gay
Q. hi my friend is a lesbian and i am not sure whether i am but how do you tell if someone else is one?...
A. 7 December 2011: you have to ask them.... they don't wear signs....... (read in full...)
I'm married, met someone online and thinking of going further. Will I regret it?
Q. Well I have been threw many ups and downs in my relationship . It was very long and ans stressful experience for,but my husband actually made a 360 degree improvement .So I should be happy right ? The truth is I don't really care .He did not care ...
A. 7 December 2011: IF your only concern is that you will be a slut or labeled one for having an affair, you have the wrong mindset here. An affair will not fix things. It will not ‘get back” at your husband.
Are you and your husband in couples counseli... (read in full...)
Would you be willing to be friends with a transgender?
Q. I suppose this is more a question than seeking advise but as a person that is transgender I am curious to know how people really view someone like me. I'm female born in a male body. I've never known anyone els like me and friends from my youth put ...
A. 7 December 2011: “friends from my youth put up with it more than accepted it” well yeah… they were young and it’s hard to understand this issue as a youngster… hopefully as you have matured so have your friends…..
I just was at a game con earlier this month an... (read in full...)
How do I prove to my friends that I am capable of getting a boyfriend?
Q. hello aunts! I have a small problem. I recently got out of a relationship with a guy that went to a different school than me. When we were going out, none of my friends believe he existed. There were rumors going around that i faked a boyfriend just ...
A. 7 December 2011: As you mature you will learn that you do not NEED TO PROVE anything to your friends.... in fact, FRIENDS have your back all the time... what makes you NEED to PROVE that you are capable of getting a boyfriend?... (read in full...)
Finally found someone I connect with on an intellectual level, as well as an intimate level...but he just so happens to be my literature professor. How do I go about starting a relationship with him?
Q. I've always been a hopeless romantic, but I love the feeling I get when I find someone that I enjoy talking to in an intellectual sense as well as on a more intimate level. Recently, I've met someone that has inspired me in so many ways I cant even ...
A. 7 December 2011: There is nothing you can do until you are not his student. It’s seriously in his BEST interest to have NO social contact with you, till he is no longer teaching at a school where you are a student. With what’s going on at Penn State right now I ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend accuses me of cheating all the time, does this mean that he is likely to be cheating on me?
Q. Hi everyone this is more of a question really, my boyfriend is always accusing me of cheating even though I'm not, I've never cheated on anyone in my life. is it true what people say about the one that accuses you of cheating are usually the ones ...
A. 7 December 2011: I have never had this happen to me but I am sure that there are many cases of POT.KETTLE.BLACK. going on.... it may just be that he's insanely immature and insecure.
OR he could be cheating... but just because he goes off "for ages" without ... (read in full...)
My ex wants me back but I don't know what to do?
Q. I've been broken up with my ex gf now for 4 months after having been together 5 years. Our relationship didn't end on a good note, the entire break up process was really ugly as a matter of fact which I won't get into detail, but never the less it's ...
A. 7 December 2011: I would think that if it's weighing on your mind like this that maybe a nice coffee meeting/date to discuss the break up and seek closure is a good idea...
Four months after a break up is a long time to think of reconciliation in my opinion.... (read in full...)
We were together 4 years but she has someone else already, yet still texts me? What is going on?
Q. okay, i'd want to just look at this before i get started,.. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/feeling-lost-after-weve-stopped-talking-completely.html about a month back, when i asked a straight question, she did say she likes a new guy. i w...
A. 7 December 2011: sometimes we don't love someone romantically anymore but we still care deeply for them as a person and it's hard to let that go.
Sounds to me that's where she has you slotted... I don't think she's lying I think she just is being selfish and cont... (read in full...)
Love of my life tells me I don't love you anymore and left me for someone else
Q. Hi There, Need some advise as I'm not sure really how to handle this or what to do. I was engaged to get married and last week my partner told me out of the blue she doesn't love me anymore has not done for a long time and has feeling for so...
A. 7 December 2011: She did the right thing. she could have lied to everyone and married you and then years down the road it would have been even messier than it is now.
The only way she can rub it in your face is if you let her.
Best thing to do: go NC NO... (read in full...)
My Dad hates body modification. Should I tell Dad or keep my new large tattoo a secret? My husband says to keep it to myself.
Q. hello, this is a bit of a trivial question but i'd like peoples opinions. Im a gothic girl and love tattoo's and piercings. My dad is a lot older then my mum, my dad is in his 70s and is very traditional, he hates beauty and body modifica...
A. 7 December 2011: My religion specifically prohibits tattoos.. I have two and my father is horrified at the thought. He has seen ONE on my shoulder and he hates it... he doesn't even know about the one on my thigh.
You are a grown woman, living on your own. I ... (read in full...)
Do I tell my b/f about a random text I received from a guy who means nothing to me?
Q. hey I'm 26 and been with my boyfriend for 16 months. basically I received a really random text from a guy I know but not seen in years and we weren't close....just general at first...( I don't have his number so dsaid idnt know who it was at ...
A. 7 December 2011: I don't think it's necessary but I would do it anyway.
I'm a huge believer in full disclosure ... (read in full...)
He wants a baby but not marriage?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly a year. (He's in his early 40's and I'm in my early 30's.) We recently got pregnant, but I had a miscarriage. Though this pregnancy was unexpected, we had discussed wanting to have kids together in ...
A. 7 December 2011: "AS a side note, he probably hasn't thought of it, but just having kids with you and acting like a husband for a few years will make you common law spouses."
depends on the state... VERY few states recognize common law any more.
I get why a w... (read in full...)
14 and pregnant, mom doesn't know yet. What do I do?
Q. okay so i'm 14 and pregnant i don't know what to do. i really want to keep my baby because it is my baby. i turn 15 the same week i become 15 weeks pregnant..my boyfriend knows and he wants to keep the baby too..i don't know what we should do, i've ...
A. 6 December 2011: look accidents happen... as a mom I know i would be upset at first but I would be more upset that my child was afraid to come to me. And yes as a mom I would have told my daughter something similar to what your mom told you.
does not mean she... (read in full...)
14 and pregnant, mom doesn't know yet. What do I do?
Q. okay so i'm 14 and pregnant i don't know what to do. i really want to keep my baby because it is my baby. i turn 15 the same week i become 15 weeks pregnant..my boyfriend knows and he wants to keep the baby too..i don't know what we should do, i've ...
A. 6 December 2011: step one bite the bullet and tell mom.... you have to tell her... you are so young you need her support and help and you must see a doctor ASAP........ (read in full...)
My b/f has never made me orgasm, not even once!
Q. My boyfriend and I have a very active sex life but he can't make me orgasm. He doesn't know it but I,ve never orgasmed once and he was my first! Is this normal?...
A. 6 December 2011: do you not orgasm from masturbation?
I am 51 I met my last husband when I was 42 and he was the only man to ever make me orgasm and that was just through oral... other than that NO ONE but myself has ever made me orgasm...
it drives my curren... (read in full...)
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