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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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He says he loves me but he hasn't let go of his wife!
Q. I have been with a man over a year now..he hasnt stopped with communicating with his ex wife..he hasnt stopped hacking into her email He has told me several times that he wishes she would move on but when she has a caller he turns into this ...
A. 6 December 2011: he does NOT acknowledge you as his girlfriend because he does not see you as that. He sees you as his handy penis holder.... (read in full...)
He says he loves me but he hasn't let go of his wife!
Q. I have been with a man over a year now..he hasnt stopped with communicating with his ex wife..he hasnt stopped hacking into her email He has told me several times that he wishes she would move on but when she has a caller he turns into this ...
A. 5 December 2011: How exacctly do you know he's left his wife and lives with his parents?
have you been to their home?
have you called their land line and spoken to him there?
or do you base this knowledge on what he has told you?... (read in full...)
How do I shake the lust I feel for a coworker?
Q. I cannot shake the lust I feel for a coworker. He is married and so am I. It's definitely reciprocated - we flirt all the time and have almost let things get out of control while away on business. I love my husband (of 20 years) and a big part of me ...
A. 5 December 2011: How do you end it? you just be a grown up and STOP.
do you do drugs? why not?
do you smoke cigarettes why not?
do you lie, steal, cheat?
WHY NOT?
would you want your children to know what you are doing? WHY NOT?
you are NOT a lower ... (read in full...)
I don't know what to think, should I bother with my long distance boyfriend or not? Is he just playing games?
Q. Hi all, I am a bit confused. My long-distance guy was being distant, and sometimes I wouldn't hear from him for weeks. I took the hint that he just wasn't that interested, and even though I love him with all my heart, I distanced myself and didn't ...
A. 5 December 2011: when bf and i were LDR i told him, "I NEED daily contact" even if it was just a phone call at bedtime for my "tuck in call"... I wanted SOME daily contact.
he complied no matter how little he felt the need for the contact he did it for me. I w... (read in full...)
Drifting apart while in college. How can we work on the long distance relationship?
Q. Me and my girlfriend have been dating for over 2 years now. We are both now in college and are drifting apart. It has gotten to the point where she has told me that I annoy her all the time. We are both busy and when I try to talk to her she will ...
A. 5 December 2011: She has told you that you annoy her all the time. She is ignoring you.. What else do you need/want her to do to let you know that she’s done?
She gets mad and blames you…. You feel disrespected, I think you need to find closure at winter b... (read in full...)
Do I just pretend everything is fine?
Q. My bf and I are both in our early 30s and have been dating for 4 months. Everything was going really well until a couple weeks ago when we had our first major argument. We made up but I think things have changed a little bit since. He used to be ...
A. 5 December 2011: if something plays on my mind i have to say it...
if it's NOT fine you need to let him know.
... (read in full...)
How do you satisfy an older woman sexually?
Q. I am close to an attractive older woman who is 12 years older than me. I would like to consider sex with her. I am a bit concerned about satisfying her sexually if we do it.What are some ways to sexually satisfy an older woman? How can I make t...
A. 5 December 2011: My boyfriend is 13 years younger than I am. he is warm and loving and affectionate. we make sure that lube is available at all times as needed.
we make love just like I did when I was 21 as I do when I'm 51.... ... (read in full...)
Should I tell this man how I feel? I dreamed he passed away!
Q. What does this dream mean ?. I know a man who is a lot older than me, and i think he is attracted to me. He has said that if was my age, he would go after me, and said i am special, and he winks at me a lot, and his friend told me that he told him ...
A. 5 December 2011: As a huge supporter of age gap relationships I hold no creedence in this dream.
IF you want to tell this man how you feel you can, but IF he was really interested in a mature adult relationship with you he would have gone for it.
... (read in full...)
He says he loves me but he hasn't let go of his wife!
Q. I have been with a man over a year now..he hasnt stopped with communicating with his ex wife..he hasnt stopped hacking into her email He has told me several times that he wishes she would move on but when she has a caller he turns into this ...
A. 5 December 2011: He hacks into her email and you say SHE keeps meddling in your lives.. I think it’s the other way around HE’S HACKING INTO HER MAIL… who’s stalking who? How has HE moved on if he’s the one hacking into and reading her mail???
Sounds LIKE she... (read in full...)
Do dads and stepdads deserve to have access to their daughter's information?
Q. Long story short, I found out my mom decided to tell my stepdad all my secrets, including the fact that I want to go on birth control, and the fact that my last shampoo gave me dandruff, and I didn't know until the lady cutting my hair said I need a ...
A. 5 December 2011: I'm a mom. I'm a daughter. I'm a wife, I was a stepmom...
I'm a quasi step daughter.
My mother used to run interference for me with my dad... that's how he knew what was going on in my life.
I'm sorry you specifically asked your ... (read in full...)
Could I be pregnant for 5 seconds of sex, on my period??
Q. Is it possible to get pregnant whilst on your period? seriously!!? i had sex on the 4th day of my period so i was not heavy and my partner didnt even notice, however i had sex without a condom for literally 5 seconds and then i stopped it and said ...
A. 5 December 2011: Yes it’s possible to get pregnant when you have your period. It’s not common but it’s possible. Do you understand how your body works?
You will get your period at the END of your cycle not the beginning. IT comes AFTER you have ovulated... (read in full...)
My wife's ex-boyfriend contacted her after 20 years of no contact. I am not sure what to think about this.
Q. My wife's ex-boyfriend (the one prior to me) contacted her after 20 years of no contact. I have been with my wife for 19 years. My wife did not tell me about this. I discovered it when I saw a strange number on her cell phone bill. I confront...
A. 5 December 2011: Wow , is there a back story we are missing? Because if there is NOT then OTHER than her keeping it from you, I see no problem with it.
I just got in contact with a friend I found on facebook that I was with from the time I was 14 till past 21.... (read in full...)
Should I wait for the right one to lose my virginity or find a complete stranger on Craigslist?
Q. I am a 21 yr old male and I am a virgin. I am thinking about using Craigslist and having sex with a complete stranger to lose it. I know craigslist isn't the best place to go. . . My question is should I have sex with a stranger or wait until I ...
A. 5 December 2011: I would wait till you find "the right one" it may not be the right one for life but it will be the "right one for now" and that's a good thing.
do not have sex with a stranger especially one on craigslist.
a. it's not safe you could... (read in full...)
What's with all the mean texts?
Q. So I really like this guy (too much!) and I'm pretty sure he likes me too. But sometimes he'll say things (in a text) that maybe I take too seriously an overreact because I'm just a girl? Or is it because he doesn't know what to say and it comes ...
A. 5 December 2011: some folks are just NOT good at texting
I once sent my boyfriend a text that said "is having obscene thoughts about you good or bad?" and he said "bad"
and I was hurt but I realized he didn't get what I was saying.
over and over I see t... (read in full...)
Should I change myself for him or stay the way I am?
Q. So my man is 9 years older than me, he is stuck in his ways n believes women should act n be a certain way. I'm conflicted because I'm falling in love with him and I am nothing like what he believes in. My question is should I change ways and be ...
A. 5 December 2011: NEVER change yourself FOR someone else... the minute they are gone you will revert... you are just doing it for them.
I quit smoking cigarettes for my first husband.. he refused to marry me if I smoked. I quit. I had been smoking since I was 14 s... (read in full...)
Is there such a thing as a "leg-fetish"?
Q. I understand the whole foot-fetish thing, but is there a specific fetish toward 'legs'? A female friend and I were discussing what we were in to and I told her I'm a sucker for a killer set of legs, which she said is a foot-fetish. However, I'm not ...
A. 5 December 2011: So Sageold guy...
a great housekeeper and cook with a great set of gams and good oral skills? winning???... (read in full...)
Why does my ex post a photo of his ex from 2 years ago on facebook?
Q. I split up with my LDR boyfriend because he wouldn't commit to me and he was messing me around. I told him he had to let me move on if he wasnt prepared to commit, but we could remain friends. He was horrible back to me so I deleted his number and ...
A. 5 December 2011: why are you looking at your ex's facebook page?
For the same reason he's posting pictures of him and his ex
to play games.
stop looking at his page
and stop caring about him trying to piss you off... cause it's working and that makes ... (read in full...)
How can I confront my boyfriend of lying about porn?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been in a great relationship for the past 2 years and haven't had any big fights... except about one topic: porn. I absolutely hate it. I see it as a form of cheating. He knows I would never allow him to look another ...
A. 5 December 2011: I am sorry to say this but, if you can't tolerate porn you will have to end this relationship.
You are asking him to change a fundamental thing he feels ok doing. You are asking him to be something he's not.
Would you want to watch porn if... (read in full...)
We're both virgins, should I expect him to be somewhat skilled?
Q. Okay, this might be a little odd and maybe shallow, but I was wondering: guys, how were you the first time you had sex? And girls, were you pleasantly surprised or not? I ask because my boyfriend and I are planning to have sex for the first time and...
A. 5 December 2011: Did you know how to play checkers the first time you learned? Did you get better at it over time? Same thing here… without prior experience all he has to go by is what he’s seen or read… usually not great instructions…
I doubt he’s very skilled.... (read in full...)
The big question ... What do girls think when ....
Q. What do girls think when they see a decent-looking guy with a fat, ugly girlfriend? What do they assume about him? I'm pretty sure that if a guy is seen with a hot girl, people think he must be something special. So is it the opposite if he's...
A. 5 December 2011: who am I to judge other people's taste?
Maybe to him she's not fat and ugly... maybe to him she is the most wonderful, supportive, loving woman in the world.
Personally when I see a guy with a hot girl I figure he has money.... HOT girls ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend's love for anal sex is ruining our relationship
Q. My man loves Anal sex, but I couldn't be more turned off by it. We are engaged to be married, and have been dating for three years. We have amazing sex, on the daily, but when it comes to anal, I'm just not in to it. This is creating some problems ...
A. 5 December 2011: If you don't like it and he insists on doing it then you are not compatible and I fear this will be a major permanent sticking point for you.
You should not be doing something you do not like… and he needs to accept that. IF he can’t accept i... (read in full...)
What do you think about when you're masturbating and/or having sex?
Q. i have a question for guys and gals. me and my boyfriend got into a conversation about sex and masturbation. he told me that when he masturbates he fantasizes about things, and when we have sex and i close my eyes, he thinks that im fantasiz...
A. 5 December 2011: yep during sex it's about the feelings... it's hard to stare at the partner....
during masturbation it's usually about him and to be honest it's with him with someone else that is more his type.... that actually gets me hot...... (read in full...)
Is it okay to have two wives?
Q. I have 7-year old wife to whom I have loved somuch and trust but later I realized she had had hidden lot of past history, for which I have gone through the hell and got fed up with thinking about but not able to leave her and go away and I had many ...
A. 5 December 2011: Interesting Point Chalice makes, having someone to take the heat off of her may be what your first wife wants... maybe she wants out of the marriage and does not know how to tell you?... (read in full...)
Told his wife he's cheating.....was I wrong for telling?
Q. I Recently slept with a married man after talking to him daily for two months and him promising that he would leave his wife within the next 5 months and there is no love between them or sex..just friendship....I believed him and after a dinner date ...
A. 5 December 2011: Oh please you ratted out a cheater to his wife out of GUILT after he told you that he only used you for a quick lay? REALLY? SERIOUSLY?
What you should feel terrible about is
a. you told a man's wife he is a cheater out of anger and... (read in full...)
Am I freaking out by thinking the worst?
Q. So I've been seeing this guy for a while. We aren't "boyfriend and girlfriend", so to speak, but we talked abut moving on to that stage. He travels a lot for work and doesn't own his own cellphone (in this day and age... I know). when we met and ...
A. 5 December 2011: "I understand what everyone is saying, except I feel if he were cheating on a significant other he wouldn't have taken me to his work to introduce me to his coworkers/friends, which has happened"
REALLY? My dad cheated on my mom with a co-wo... (read in full...)
Why do married men lie and tell you there are separated, when they not?
Q. Why do married men lie and tell you there are separated, when they not? ...
A. 5 December 2011: would you date him if he said he was married?
they lie so they can get laid... have a relationship... ... (read in full...)
What should I do with my girlfriend who is into muscles
Q. This would sound a bit silly, but i've become to realize my gal is a MUSCLE fan. She even mentions it in a very inconsiderate way, like if we'd be talking, and i mentioned a guy's name, she's say "yeh the guy with the muscles" literately. No ...
A. 4 December 2011: "why doesn't sh just bck off and find a man she thinks is her type."
OUCH OP you sound SO ANGRY! Why are you so angry over this?
I think Cindy makes great points.
you say she is your dream girl and you want to marry her but you don't ... (read in full...)
Do you prefer sex with the lights on, off or dimmed?
Q. Just out of curiosity, I'm interested to find out, and would like to know: Sex with the lights on, off or dimmed? What do you prefer? What do you typically do? And why? Thanks! ...
A. 3 December 2011: low lights... either early morning light through the drapes or late afternoon light works for natural light
candlelight works well too if you have multiple candles around the room
we keep a blue blub in one night table light for "mood lighti... (read in full...)
What should I do with my girlfriend who is into muscles
Q. This would sound a bit silly, but i've become to realize my gal is a MUSCLE fan. She even mentions it in a very inconsiderate way, like if we'd be talking, and i mentioned a guy's name, she's say "yeh the guy with the muscles" literately. No ...
A. 3 December 2011: her response sounds very genuine to me...
if she is a bit overweight and you are slight she may feel self conscious of how she looks with you... I know that when I was heavy I preferred tall and heavy partners because it made me look smaller.... (read in full...)
Is there such a thing as a "leg-fetish"?
Q. I understand the whole foot-fetish thing, but is there a specific fetish toward 'legs'? A female friend and I were discussing what we were in to and I told her I'm a sucker for a killer set of legs, which she said is a foot-fetish. However, I'm not ...
A. 3 December 2011: ROFL! well that gets rid of the amputee fetish....... (read in full...)
Unhygienic session of anal sex.. Will I get sick?
Q. So my boyfriend and I have been together for a year now and finally had anal sex. I've had anal sex before but they've always taken place in the shower (with my ex of five years) so it had always been clean and super enjoyable. Well, it kind of ...
A. 2 December 2011: Agree with Tennisstar they are not a regular thing... only for when really needed.... ... (read in full...)
What should I do with my girlfriend who is into muscles
Q. This would sound a bit silly, but i've become to realize my gal is a MUSCLE fan. She even mentions it in a very inconsiderate way, like if we'd be talking, and i mentioned a guy's name, she's say "yeh the guy with the muscles" literately. No ...
A. 2 December 2011: I know lots of people that only eat the same time all the time. my boyfriend for one... he has very set tastes and does not change.
Truth is that humans are not wired to be monogamous... it's a social convention and many folks deal with it just ... (read in full...)
Unhygienic session of anal sex.. Will I get sick?
Q. So my boyfriend and I have been together for a year now and finally had anal sex. I've had anal sex before but they've always taken place in the shower (with my ex of five years) so it had always been clean and super enjoyable. Well, it kind of ...
A. 2 December 2011: we favor the Fleet Disposable Enemas for when needed.
of course I always adhere to the Condom during Anal sex and NOTHING after but bathing more for HIS protection... he can get a nasty infection w/o a condom...
and NEVER do anal to vaginal w... (read in full...)
Is there such a thing as a "leg-fetish"?
Q. I understand the whole foot-fetish thing, but is there a specific fetish toward 'legs'? A female friend and I were discussing what we were in to and I told her I'm a sucker for a killer set of legs, which she said is a foot-fetish. However, I'm not ...
A. 2 December 2011: So SageOldGuy... you cannot have sexual climax without a woman's legs being involved?... (read in full...)
Unhygienic session of anal sex.. Will I get sick?
Q. So my boyfriend and I have been together for a year now and finally had anal sex. I've had anal sex before but they've always taken place in the shower (with my ex of five years) so it had always been clean and super enjoyable. Well, it kind of ...
A. 2 December 2011: While gross... worse things have happened.
Babies eat their poo all the time... I've cleaned up a messy crib and room after a "nap" on more than one occasion... both my kids are happy and grown and healthy now.
as others have said e.coli is ... (read in full...)
Father with two kids and a persistent housewife
Q. We have a married couple with 2 kids where the husband wishes to divorce his wife but she wants to continue with the marriage. Here are some questions I'd like to get your answers to : 1)How can a single father protect himself and the kids when he...
A. 2 December 2011: The first thing he needs to do is speak to a lawyer who specializes in divorce.... (read in full...)
What should I do with my girlfriend who is into muscles
Q. This would sound a bit silly, but i've become to realize my gal is a MUSCLE fan. She even mentions it in a very inconsiderate way, like if we'd be talking, and i mentioned a guy's name, she's say "yeh the guy with the muscles" literately. No ...
A. 2 December 2011: I have a similar issue. My boyfriend is 13 years younger than I am and he young Asian women he also likes very slender women with big boobs and he likes LIGHT eyes.
I am NONE OF THE ABOVE. I still try to wrap my head around the fact that he is wi... (read in full...)
Is it okay to have two wives?
Q. I have 7-year old wife to whom I have loved somuch and trust but later I realized she had had hidden lot of past history, for which I have gone through the hell and got fed up with thinking about but not able to leave her and go away and I had many ...
A. 2 December 2011: I assumed he meant he had a wife for seven years not a seven year old wife... which would give new meaning to the terms 7 year itch would it not?... (read in full...)
This relationship seems so one sided
Q. im 18 and my boyfriend of almost 6 months is also 18. well we have our ups and downs just like every couple. but latey we've been arguing a lot more. and well im trying to change myself to make things better but things still dont seem to get better. ...
A. 2 December 2011: You are 18 and together 6 months with a boy you have been trying to get with for three years… so let’s start with the fact that clearly YOU are more into him than he is into you…. A sad statement of fact.
You care too much about him to break up... (read in full...)
HELP Should I take my Husband of 30 years back,after he cheated 8 years ago.
Q. Hi should I forgive my Husband of 30 yrs. I found out last year that he had a 2yr affair with a woman he did a job for .This happened 8 yrs since when we were going though a really bad patch, I still carnt get over it and its been a year since i ...
A. 2 December 2011: FWIW, my mother after 25 years of marriage forgave my father an affair... he even moved out for a few months.
they got back together.. he never even looked at another woman till the day my mother died in his arms...
if you love him still o... (read in full...)
I gave him his freedom but now I want him back
Q. I was recently seeing someone that I loved so much. He was also "my first". I found out he had some other girl he was attracted to but couldn't get anything real started with her because we were still together. Soooo... I kinda told him I wanted h...
A. 2 December 2011: Why do you want him back?
let's start with that.
I realize that for most women "he was my first" carries a lot of emotional weight... sometimes we have to let that go.
so what about this man do you love?
how he respects you
how he w... (read in full...)
How should I deal with a guy who flirts with my girlfriend?
Q. So theres this guy who flirts with my girlfriend and it pisses me off. He bribes her for pictures and tries to turn her on. Just like every other woman, she hides a lot and i know it, and she tells me not to say anything. What should i do?...
A. 2 December 2011: The guy who is flirting with your girlfriend is NOT YOUR PROBLEM; how your girlfriend deals with him is the issue you need to deal with.
He BRIBES her for pictures… how does he BRIBE her and for what kinds of pictures? I’m sorry but as a for... (read in full...)
Where is he getting his sexual needs met? I'm worried he has an addiction to meeting new people....
Q. I have been datiing this man for a year and we fist we all over on another and then as a year approached it became less. i know how relationships go and they do settle down in the sex department the longer your together. i was even married for 15 ...
A. 2 December 2011: he may not need sex that often... for some men (my current bf for example) cuddles and affection are way more important than the actual act of sex. they can jerk off and get that release easily.... but the affection and cuddles and kisses is what ... (read in full...)
Is there such a thing as a "leg-fetish"?
Q. I understand the whole foot-fetish thing, but is there a specific fetish toward 'legs'? A female friend and I were discussing what we were in to and I told her I'm a sucker for a killer set of legs, which she said is a foot-fetish. However, I'm not ...
A. 2 December 2011: You just are a leg man.... my boyfriend will easily admire a great set of gams.. Betty Grable insured her fabulous legs in case she injured one and lost her career.
It's not a fetish. just wait for summer when legs are out again!
and dat... (read in full...)
Is it okay to have two wives?
Q. I have 7-year old wife to whom I have loved somuch and trust but later I realized she had had hidden lot of past history, for which I have gone through the hell and got fed up with thinking about but not able to leave her and go away and I had many ...
A. 2 December 2011: I can't say it better than what chigirl said....
IF it's legal and your first wife is ok with it and you can support love and care for both of them equally then you can have two at once. Even in countries where polygamy is legal, I believe ... (read in full...)
Am I freaking out by thinking the worst?
Q. So I've been seeing this guy for a while. We aren't "boyfriend and girlfriend", so to speak, but we talked abut moving on to that stage. He travels a lot for work and doesn't own his own cellphone (in this day and age... I know). when we met and ...
A. 1 December 2011: my 77 year old father has a cell phone for god's sake.
and if his parents were still alive they would too.
you can buy a burn phone at walmart for 12 dollars and for $50 per month have unlimmited text, calls and data.
NOT having a phone is... (read in full...)
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