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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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I feel like he totally missed the boat on the whole chivarly thing.
Q. We had a big snow storm today. After work my car was frozen shut. I called my husband who drives a 4WHD truck to come pick me up. While waiting my boss poured some rubbing alcohol on the door jam and viola it opened. I called my husband but he had ...
A. 19 December 2011: OH OP your followup tells me so much more now than the original post…
You are ANGRY with him in general for not stepping up at home….
I’m sorry you lost your first husband and the second one is not filling the shoes he left as well as you woul... (read in full...)
I feel like he totally missed the boat on the whole chivarly thing.
Q. We had a big snow storm today. After work my car was frozen shut. I called my husband who drives a 4WHD truck to come pick me up. While waiting my boss poured some rubbing alcohol on the door jam and viola it opened. I called my husband but he had ...
A. 9 December 2011: A couple of things
1. Lovegirl it's POSSIBLE that the FIRST HUSBAND is NOT an EX but is a DECEASED husband? (she did not refer to him as EX) so let's give her the benefit of the doubt there
2. I guess I'm too modern at 51 I actually started... (read in full...)
Attracted to a Step-Cousin. Is this wrong?
Q. Is wanting to have sex with my step cousin wrong? she's my dad's step brother's kid, so we've been cousins our whole life, and have always got along, able to talk for hours. now she lives in my city for med school. she isn't some distant relative...
A. 8 December 2011: ya know if my cousin came to me and wanted just sex cause i was hot, he'd be a eunuch when I was done with him....... (read in full...)
He's a great guy and he's dating trash
Q. Okay so there's this guy. I've had a crush on him for a while but then it turned into more of a brother/sister relationship. We still flirt and all but this isn't what this question is about. He just got into a relationship with absolute TRASH. She ...
A. 8 December 2011: Do you WANT to be more than sisterly with him? If you do then you must sit him down and talk to him about it. IF you do want more, then he has a choice to make… if you don’t, then you need to establish physical (and emotional) boundaries that he ... (read in full...)
My b/f has never made me orgasm, not even once!
Q. My boyfriend and I have a very active sex life but he can't make me orgasm. He doesn't know it but I,ve never orgasmed once and he was my first! Is this normal?...
A. 6 December 2011: do you not orgasm from masturbation?
I am 51 I met my last husband when I was 42 and he was the only man to ever make me orgasm and that was just through oral... other than that NO ONE but myself has ever made me orgasm...
it drives my curren... (read in full...)
He's a great guy and he's dating trash
Q. Okay so there's this guy. I've had a crush on him for a while but then it turned into more of a brother/sister relationship. We still flirt and all but this isn't what this question is about. He just got into a relationship with absolute TRASH. She ...
A. 6 December 2011: You smile and befriend her to the best of your ability and perhaps with gentle subtle guidance you can get her to see the error of her ways???
Seriously.... there is NOTHING you can do... and if you try all you will do is piss off your friend.... (read in full...)
Did he originally have any intention of texting me?
Q. A few months back I gave this guy my number on the Tuesday evening saying it would be nice to hear from him he replied that he would text later but was then off out to a barbeque. Whether he meant later that night literally who knows. I guess if you ...
A. 6 December 2011: FWIW I sent my boyfriend a very flirtatious text yesterday around lunch time... and he never responded (well not by text but it achieved the desired result at bedtime ROFL)…. HE HATES texting and I’ve had to learn that just because he does not text ... (read in full...)
He says he loves me but he hasn't let go of his wife!
Q. I have been with a man over a year now..he hasnt stopped with communicating with his ex wife..he hasnt stopped hacking into her email He has told me several times that he wishes she would move on but when she has a caller he turns into this ...
A. 6 December 2011: he does NOT acknowledge you as his girlfriend because he does not see you as that. He sees you as his handy penis holder.... (read in full...)
Am I wrong to want her to wear a different dress? The one she chose for New Year's Eve looks like Lingerie.
Q. Hey everyone, I have a somewhat delicate issue here. First of all my girlfriend and two mutual friends of ours (a boy and a girl) decided that we are going to celebrate new years eve together in a club in town, so far so good. Today she was s...
A. 6 December 2011: While I give my man SOME say in what I wear out on dates, I do NOT let him govern it totally... for example he would prefer me to wear SHORTER skirts like 2 inches below my butt cheeks short... Might work for a 21 year old but not a 51 year old.
... (read in full...)
How do I know if this online guy is real or fake?
Q. I live in scotland and have been talking to this guy now, my boyfriend apparently but we've been talking for 7 months and he doesn't like phoning plus we haven't met. Im serious about him but have my doubts that he is a fake. He lives in wales so to ...
A. 6 December 2011: have you ever talked to him on the phone or skype?
how far apart are you?
meeting someone online means you have to trust but after a short amount of time, you need to be talking on the phone and video chatting on skype and making plans to ... (read in full...)
I'm inexperienced--should I wear a condom during anal sex?
Q. hello everyone. I have a question to ask. me and my GF are a very sexual couple and she has asked me to do something a few times. I come here to ask all of you. I'm not sure how to do it because well before he I was a virgin so i need some help.She ...
A. 6 December 2011: Yes you should wear a condom ALWAYS for anal sex. you can get a nasty E. coli infection from fecal matter in your urethra.
Also having anal sex is a bit different than vaginal sex and much more time and patience must be taken. She should ... (read in full...)
Chronic ED for a guy in good health??
Q. Is it possible for a man to have a chronic erectile dysfunction, for 5 years,for psychological causes, what he does not know what are they? Its my husband, he is in perfect health, but we are unable to have sex,as he has no sexual desire, and when ...
A. 6 December 2011: When did he last have a physical? When did he last discuss this with his doctor?... (read in full...)
Is he being selfish? My boyfriend wants no sex before marriage, and I'm not okay with that
Q. So, 10 months ago I met a guy at a coffee shop. We hit it off quite well. I had to move away for a job, do we were forced into a long distant relationship. After couple months of virtual conversations, we both fell hard for each other. Despite the ...
A. 6 December 2011: I personally would see this as a huge red flag and I think it does NOT bode well for a healthy sexual life after marriage.
If he can’t be intimate and physical with you before marriage (and there are ways to be intimate and physical without ... (read in full...)
I feel like he totally missed the boat on the whole chivarly thing.
Q. We had a big snow storm today. After work my car was frozen shut. I called my husband who drives a 4WHD truck to come pick me up. While waiting my boss poured some rubbing alcohol on the door jam and viola it opened. I called my husband but he had ...
A. 6 December 2011: He got in his car and drove to get you in a snow storm and let you drive the SAFER vehicle home and you think he missed the whole Chivalry thing?
Has this ever happened before? Have you told him how you feel? Did you expect him to read your min... (read in full...)
Should I continue with my old gf or start afresh with new one? Please help me decide.
Q. I am in a confused state of mind right now.i am 26yrs and my girlfrnd is 21.I was in dis relationship for 6 years nw although we had a break up in between for 8 months becos of her infidelity.After accepting her back,she changed for d better she was ...
A. 6 December 2011: if you are happy with the new girl then it's time to end it with the girlfriend. yes she will be unhappy and may act badly but it's better to end it then drag it out and be unhappy.
If you need to get a restraining order then do so. there is... (read in full...)
Attracted to a Step-Cousin. Is this wrong?
Q. Is wanting to have sex with my step cousin wrong? she's my dad's step brother's kid, so we've been cousins our whole life, and have always got along, able to talk for hours. now she lives in my city for med school. she isn't some distant relative...
A. 6 December 2011: so do you want to have a relationship with her or just sex?
If you are not blood related there is no legal reason you can't be a couple.
but you have to consider how the family will react.
and I would take into consideration how you g... (read in full...)
I'm starting to lose trust on my fiancée. She lived with a male roommate and when I visited her, her sofa smelt like sex!!
Q. Dear Cupid I'm becoming not to trust my bride. Tobe. She had a male roommate for about a year he recently moved from her home. Just a few blocks away I live farther distance. I. Viset her and her sofa smelled like sex.I got angrry and left after co...
A. 6 December 2011: Her sofa smells of SEX? you're kidding me right? Why would she have sex on her sofa if she has two perfectly good beds in an apartment?
I think you are looking for a reason to end this relationship... why do you WANT to find a reason to end i... (read in full...)
He said I don't text enough. He accused me of seeing someone else. Not true. Now his texts are sporadic. What is going on?
Q. Hi everyone this is the story. I met this man in march he asked me out. I agreed. We saw each other maybe every two or three weeks. He lives six doors away from me. It has been like this since I have been patient with him, but it is starting to ...
A. 6 December 2011: he's stringing you along.
he's a jerk to be honest.
you live close enough that if he really was interested he'd be in your face nearly 24/7
I'd not text him.
I'd not worry about upsetting him
I'd not be so quick to jump when he calls
t... (read in full...)
My LDR owes me money. He's coming to stay with me. How should we work out who'll pay for what while he's with me?
Q. My boyfriend works in another city and is coming to stay with me for 4 weeks on his holiday. He's coming to my place because he lives with his mom and I can't go there, and also I am not going to have time off until next year. He borrowed mon...
A. 6 December 2011: This is between the two of you. Finances are a critical aspect of any relationship.
He lives with his mom. Is he working? where is his money going?
4 weeks and dealing with expenses needs to be worked out BEFORE the event or there will be di... (read in full...)
I don't have much experience but I think I get more turned on by affection and romance. Should I tell my Bf how I feel?
Q. I'm with my first boyfriend and not very experienced. To me his penis looks really small when he is lying down and not erect, but his erection is a good size. He thinks me looking at him naked (without erection) should turn me on but I just find ...
A. 6 December 2011: OF course you should tell him how you feel!
Naked men are funny looking… whether erect or not. No offense to the men here… and when I see my fiancé naked I feel nothing but warmth and love but sometimes I laugh at him and his peacock struttin... (read in full...)
Ladies: If your husband doesn't fulfill you sexually will you get tired of it?
Q. I wanted to ask this question mostly to married women and particularly to the ones that may relate to what I'm saying. I'm dating this girl for 3 years and I got the feeling she was ready to settle down. So, a couple of weeks ago I got the courage ...
A. 6 December 2011: It's up to her to be honest and you really do have to talk to her about it.
I left a man who was the only man who ever made me orgasm for a man who satisfies me but cannot make me orgasm.
I personally think that someone else being respo... (read in full...)
He said we may or may not get married!
Q. Hello Everyone I have been dating my boyfriend for 2yrs now. Im ready to get married but hes not. he said he will know when hes ready. hE SAID WE MAY OR WE MAY NOT...Is he ever going to matty me or should I just let go and move on? I know I wil...
A. 5 December 2011: If after two years he tells you he may never be ready you need to HEAR what he's saying...
it's my belief that a man knows after a year or less if he wants to spend his life with someone.
if you want/need to be married he's not your best be... (read in full...)
Am I losing feelings for my ldr boyfriend?
Q. I'm dating someone who lives two hours away. We've only been dating for about six months, and we've known each other for a year. When we first began talking, I was SO into him and when we had little arguments I would go over the top about ...
A. 5 December 2011:
Why do you only talk on the phone once a week?
He’s getting unemployment and sleeps during the day… HOW OLD IS THIS MAN?
... (read in full...)
He says he loves me but he hasn't let go of his wife!
Q. I have been with a man over a year now..he hasnt stopped with communicating with his ex wife..he hasnt stopped hacking into her email He has told me several times that he wishes she would move on but when she has a caller he turns into this ...
A. 5 December 2011: How exacctly do you know he's left his wife and lives with his parents?
have you been to their home?
have you called their land line and spoken to him there?
or do you base this knowledge on what he has told you?... (read in full...)
I'm in junior high. He's a freshmen here in my state. Why is it be bad for us to go out??
Q. Im a junior in high school...and well im talking with this guy at school. Hes cute, funny, respectful, and just cool to hang out with and the same age as me. The only thing is...that since he's from a state in the west, his whole grade thing is mess...
A. 5 December 2011: so what?
you like him
he likes you
you're the same age
go for it.
btw my boyfriend when I was 16 was still toilet training, he's 13 years younger than I am.... (read in full...)
Why would a man appear jealous if you are with someone else, even though he himself does not want to be with you?
Q. Hello, I just need opinions on this subject. Let me give a little info on my situation. I am seeing a man, and we have decided to just be friends with benefits. We have dated in the beginning and when a relationship was brought up he stated that he ...
A. 5 December 2011: because even if he does not want you he wants no one else to have you...
... (read in full...)
Painful sex. Advice?
Q. Ok so I'm 18 and my boyfriend and I have been dating over a year. We have sex often, but lately it feels rough going in. I thought I was lubricated enough without any lubricant or anything but it feels like something is scratching me and when he p...
A. 5 December 2011: have you tried adding a good lube? that may help...
using a feminine wash can actually be detrimental as the vagina is self cleaning and no soap should be going up there at all...
just water ( I use the shower massage to rinse the soap off the... (read in full...)
I have developed feelings for a mentor who is married!
Q. ive developed feelings for a mentor, whose married, and i need advice on how to get rid of my feelings for him? i think about him all the time and wish i was were he was. is there a way to stop or block the strong connection. ...
A. 5 December 2011: you have a crush... you need to find someone else to divert your attention.
it's not mutual and if you make a move you will be mortifed at his rebuff..... (read in full...)
Wait 6 yrs or call it quits now?
Q. What would you do if you were me? 48 yr old in a 1 yr relationship. He wants to date for 6 yrs then marry, due to him recently buying and renovating his house. I'd like to get married now. I can't see the back and forth for that long. I take ...
A. 5 December 2011: how the hell does he know he needs to wait six years to marry?
The ex is still int he picture HOW? calls and texts long distance every few weeks is NOTHING....
if you want daily you need to tell him you want daily. if you want to live tog... (read in full...)
We haven't even dated and she came on kind of strong and clingy. Should I even bother?
Q. Met this girl during orientation at work. All I know is I couldn't keep my eyes of of her, only problem is that she live an hour and a half away. I left my number on her car on the last day of orientation, because I knew I wouldn't see her again. ...
A. 5 December 2011: She's bringing baggage with her... decide if you want to help her unload it or pass on her....... (read in full...)
Did he originally have any intention of texting me?
Q. A few months back I gave this guy my number on the Tuesday evening saying it would be nice to hear from him he replied that he would text later but was then off out to a barbeque. Whether he meant later that night literally who knows. I guess if you ...
A. 5 December 2011: We have become so INSTANT as a society. He said he would text you and you figured it would be instantaneous (within a certain number of hours) and it was not. That was on a Tuesday right? Then 48 hours later you had not heard from him so you ... (read in full...)
How many weeks/months should you wait before having sex?
Q. I have been browsing the site for an answer to: when is it best to have sex for the first time in a new relationship? Most replies were about the date number ...(1st to 5th etc.) but what I would really like to know is a time frame: how many ...
A. 5 December 2011: I swear it's different for each couple
a lot has to do with age too...
if i was 18 and a virgin my time frame is going to be very different than if I was 28 and divorced....
also I dated some guys and slept with them on the first dat... (read in full...)
I'm falling for this guy! Is he just being dirty or does he like me?
Q. I have been in college since September. When I started I use to notice a guy in my class always looking at me and we never really spoke to each other until about 3 weeks into the course. He's very flirtatious to me. He is with some of the other gi...
A. 5 December 2011: Enjoy it.... see where it goes.... (read in full...)
Why do guys think it is ok to kiss women they have only just met?
Q. Am i strange, or do other people think the same as me ?. I hate it when i go out to bars and a guy who i have only just met expects me to kiss him, especially if he tries to force me to kiss him, by grabbing me or holding my face or something. And i ...
A. 5 December 2011: if a guy grabs your face and forces you he deserves that KNEE IN HIS GROIN or an arrest for ASSAULT........ (read in full...)
How many dates before a kiss or to be official?
Q. Very quick question: How many dates would you like a man to take you on before he tried to kiss you/asked you out etc? I know it probably depends on different attitudes and opinions of different women but still, just want to know what you think....
A. 5 December 2011: well if he takes me on a date he's already asked me out.
are you talking about asking me to "go steady"
I would think a light kiss after a date to say thank you and good night would be appropriate.
and after 3 dates if he's not tried to k... (read in full...)
Will my friends punish me for talking to this guy none of them like? I am worried they will exclude me from the group.
Q. Hi I've got an issue here more with friends but it's still relevant. One of my friend (friend a) has a boyfriend but my other two friends (friend b and c) really don't like him. I know it's not unusual but it gets to the point where they are real...
A. 5 December 2011: I'm an adult... recently i had a friend tell me I had to make a choice between my friendship with her and my boyfriend. when push comes to shove the person making the request is the loser... had my boyfriend said: "stop being friends with the... (read in full...)
Having an affair and thinking of leaving my husband. Thoughts?
Q. i have been married over twenty years and have cheated on my husband with another man that i have also known for over twenty years. during the course of my marriage i have been in and out of relationship with other man four different times. each ...
A. 5 December 2011: have you discussed with your spouse and your lover the possiblity of a poly lifestyle? perhaps neither wishes to give you up and both would be willing to share you with the other as they have been doing for 20 years without knowing it anyway?... (read in full...)
How can I get my girlfriend to have orgasm through penetration?
Q. Alright:L So, I'm currently in the midst of my 2nd long-relationship. I'm not particularly experienced, having only been with 3 girls including my present girlfriend and was inquiring as to which positions/rhythms and how much staying power wo...
A. 5 December 2011: YOU CAN'T MAKE her do it. seriously and trying and making it a goal will take all the fun out of sex.
I love sex. I have great feelings from it but I DO NOT have orgasms from penetration. I am 51 I've been having sex since I was 14 and I have had... (read in full...)
I had an abortion and having a tough time dealing with it. Does anyone have experience with this?
Q. hello all. I've been going through a hard time and i just need advice from people out there that have gone through the same thing i have. I don't want to hear how much of a bad person i am and how i'm worthless ect. thanks. but anyway, about three ...
A. 5 December 2011: you are not worthless or a bad person and anyone who thinks that or says it to you is wrong. so STOP thinking that you are worthless or bad. you are probably your own worst critic.
do your parents know? if not maybe at least talk to mom if you c... (read in full...)
Help me to chose a tattoo for my best friend that has just died.
Q. Okay...well my best friend just died and I've been handling it quite strangely...but anyways I've decided that I wanted to get a tattoo for him...nothing like rip or stuff like that...I searched and searched for quotes and I couldnt find one that I ...
A. 5 December 2011: I agree with eyes wide open I love tatts I have two of them but if you see me in business clothing you would never know it.
also you need to be sober and 18 to get one unless mom or dad will sign for you before age 18
just know that wh... (read in full...)
Ladies: What sexual positions do you like that don't impact your self image?
Q. hello all. really need some advise on sex positions for women with body confidance issues. Over the time of our relation ship my fiance has put on abit of wait. Witch i dont mind. In fact she was abit to thin for my taste when we started dating. ...
A. 5 December 2011: NONE! flat on my back breasts sag but the face looks good
on top my belly and boobs flop around and my face looks bad with all that saggy skin...
doggy style is fun but my butt sags and then before the reconstruction and mastopexy the boobs wo... (read in full...)
Should marriage be in my dreams only?
Q. I am a working happy young at heart 59 years old woman-kinda short and 'cute'm I am currently living with my 46yr oldboyfriend. We have been in a monagamous relationship for about 3-4yrs. His family loves me-as does my family love him. Do you think ...
A. 5 December 2011: do you want to get married? have you asked him?... (read in full...)
I get bored very quickly in relationships
Q. Hi everyone! Just a quick opinions post. I get bored in a relationship very quickly. I hate the texting part, hate facebook chat, all that. It annoys me that technology has to be used so much to keep a relationship! So, i find that i get bored and ...
A. 5 December 2011: we never facebook chat.. my bf doesn't even have facebook! we rarely text...
how does not texting or chatting electronically translate to being bored and ending relationships?
you need to TEACH a man how to please YOU....... (read in full...)
In person he has a great personality. But am I wasting my time? Because texting or by phone he can be boring.
Q. Dear Cupid, I'm dating this guy who goes to a different school then me. I really like him when we are together in person. Yet, we we can't see each other and are just texting or on the phone when he is the most boring person in the world. This f...
A. 5 December 2011: my boyfriend is a terrible texter and not much better on emails... in person he's fine
but if you guys are in different schools, and not able to be together that much, it could be hard.
but if when together it's good and you can wait till hi... (read in full...)
How do I shake the lust I feel for a coworker?
Q. I cannot shake the lust I feel for a coworker. He is married and so am I. It's definitely reciprocated - we flirt all the time and have almost let things get out of control while away on business. I love my husband (of 20 years) and a big part of me ...
A. 5 December 2011: How do you end it? you just be a grown up and STOP.
do you do drugs? why not?
do you smoke cigarettes why not?
do you lie, steal, cheat?
WHY NOT?
would you want your children to know what you are doing? WHY NOT?
you are NOT a lower ... (read in full...)
He says he loves me but he hasn't let go of his wife!
Q. I have been with a man over a year now..he hasnt stopped with communicating with his ex wife..he hasnt stopped hacking into her email He has told me several times that he wishes she would move on but when she has a caller he turns into this ...
A. 5 December 2011: He hacks into her email and you say SHE keeps meddling in your lives.. I think it’s the other way around HE’S HACKING INTO HER MAIL… who’s stalking who? How has HE moved on if he’s the one hacking into and reading her mail???
Sounds LIKE she... (read in full...)
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