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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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He wants a BJ but I backed out of giving him one
Q. Hey ok i promised my Boyfriend I'd give him a BJ for the first time but when I got to his house and he *whiped it out* i paniced and said "i don't want us to get caught" he said i broke his promise now he is consently saying "u gonna back out of ...
A. 29 December 2011: I have been in touch with the OP and I want to state that the OWNER of the account is NOT the POSTER... apparently the OWNER'S SIXTEEN YR OLD NIECE (we pegged it yes!) "borrowed" her account without permission...
The owner of the account ... (read in full...)
I want ex back she said she loved me but 5 days later she's with another guy
Q. I love my ex to the core...thing is for the past 6 months i have been pestering her to get back to me....she says she cares about me but doesnt want to get back because she thinks i will lie again or hurt her again...she says she feels there is no ...
A. 28 December 2011: you let her go. she's moved on and it's time for you to do the same.... (read in full...)
I love my b/f but sometimes my sarcastic sense of humor hurts him
Q. My Boyfriend loves me alot, more than anyone ive even been with and i love him so much too. Hes very thoughtful and affectionate and is always showing his love for me in many ways, sounds perfect right? wrong, i love him just as much, but im not the ...
A. 28 December 2011: then stop teasing him. Behind every joke is a bit of the truth and your teasing is HURTING him. I would never tease or be sarcastic about personal things like diet... My fiance is much the same... he hates my biting sarcasm. He takes it seri... (read in full...)
Another girl calls my b/f babe and he doesn't do anything about it
Q. Hello, well this isn't going to be long, but theres this girl who always calls my boyfriend babe, through messages, and it annoys me, i asked him why dont you do something about it, and he said theres no point. I dont do that tho only person i call ...
A. 28 December 2011: I call most folks babe or sweetie or darling... it does not mean anything much to be honest...
I would not be worried..... (read in full...)
Should a FWB be persistent?
Q. Is it normal for a guy who wants fwb to be persistent ?. He says he thinks i am really good looking, but i don't think i am that attractive, to be honest. I'm also a shy person, so i don't understand why he doesn't want an fwb who is more outgoing. ...
A. 28 December 2011: Of course it’s normal for a man who wants to get laid to be persistent. Why does he care if you are pretty or outgoing? He wants to get laid… doesn’t need a pretty girl or an outgoing one…just one willing to spread her legs and open her mouth for ... (read in full...)
Do guys find black hair attractive in girls?
Q. i know this is a random question but i just want to see what everyones opinion was, mostly from a guys perspective. Of course a lot of guys like or "love" blondes then theres the burnettes and red heads. what about the girls with black hair? in my ...
A. 28 December 2011: My fiance loves black hair... long and staight.. he hates blondes...
is your hair jet black naturally or do you dye it... because hair DYED black looks way phony often without some subtle highlights in it...... (read in full...)
My wife has decided all sense of affection between us is over as well as our sex life
Q. My wife has decided all sense of affection between us is over as well as our sex life. 8 years ago, after the birth of our 3rd child, she convinced me to have a vasectomy so we would not have any more children. Immediately afterwards, my wife's ...
A. 28 December 2011: Dear OP... Happy Hannukah to you and yours too... I see how much you love her and I am so sorry that it's hard for you. I personally don't agree with Dr. Laura at all either... crock of poo in my opinion... I think therapy fo... (read in full...)
How do I tell my locked up boyfriend that I am pregnant?
Q. hi i really need some help..i'm pregnant, yes i kno 14 and pregnant..it's a huge deal please don't preach me about it..my family is just starting to accept the fact that i am and it's been 4 months since i've told them..but that's got nothing ...
A. 28 December 2011: hopefully the baby coming will spur him on to do his community service and clean up his act... he's young enough that he can get the record sealed as a juvenile. Stay with your family and be consistent.... for the baby the consistency is c... (read in full...)
How do I ask if she has a partner without being obvious?
Q. I met an amazing girl a few weeks back. We have been exchanging a few emails. I might ask her out, but I don't know if she has a partner already. How can I ask her without being obvious?...
A. 28 December 2011: just ask her out... "I'm hoping you are not attached and I would like to to take you to dinner" and if she is attached she will gracefully decline.... (we hope she would for the sake of honesty and decorum) if she is in a bad relatio... (read in full...)
I didn't want to send him a photo of myself so now he's talking to other girls
Q. Ive been speaking to a boy the last few days and we both liked eachother, we was texting and talking on facebook etc. anyway, i didnt want to send a picture of myself to him so he got annoyed with me and we had an arguement, we settled it and then ...
A. 28 December 2011: there are pictures of you on facebook aren't there? WHAT KIND of PICTURES does he want? nudes? sexy shots? he's a loser and a player... let him slip through...... (read in full...)
How do I make this work? He claims to hate women!
Q. Hi, i'm 22 and currently dating a guy who is about to turn 29. I have know him for two years and he has been trying to get me to go out with him, but i had a boyfriend and when i became single, questioned going out with him because he seemed too ...
A. 28 December 2011: Something Cerberus said makes GREAT sense (as usual) that is people that talk badly about EXs are a bad sign… I realize now that ALL the partners I have ever had have only ever spoken HIGHLY of the exes even when the relationship ended badly and ... (read in full...)
He wants a BJ but I backed out of giving him one
Q. Hey ok i promised my Boyfriend I'd give him a BJ for the first time but when I got to his house and he *whiped it out* i paniced and said "i don't want us to get caught" he said i broke his promise now he is consently saying "u gonna back out of ...
A. 28 December 2011: ah and locking the door would be too adult huh?
ADULTS do not threaten their partners.
ADULTS do not whip their dicks out
ADULTS do NOT worry about friends coming by during sex.... because they LOCK THE DOOR... if his friends have keys that's... (read in full...)
Can we get together or be FWB?
Q. he came to our school and after a month we talked and kinda got together.. Its been three months and through that time he was so busy with two jobs and also said he has to get use to it because its gonna be that way when hes older.he told me he ...
A. 28 December 2011: fun should not include casual sex at your age.
as for heartbreak... if you sleep with him you will fall in love with him. it's the nature of the beast...
if you guys are FWB he will never care about you the way you will grow to care about hi... (read in full...)
Should I see this other man? I don't want to hurt my FWB!
Q. Hi everyone a bit of a complicated question here I am in a fwb sort of thing with a man I would like more with but he doesn't feel the same way being going on for 9 months now just recently I met one of my 5 brothers friends who keeps flirting with ...
A. 27 December 2011: Just saw your update… very confusing… do the two of you KNOW what FWB is about? You CAN’T CHEAT on a FWB as it’s JUST SEX…. Whether you have slept with someone or not… it’s FWB not a committed relationship.
First thing you need to do is cl... (read in full...)
I saw my boyfriend kissing another girl but I want to give him another chance. Any advice?
Q. Sorry in advance if it's long and thank you for reading. I've been with my boyfriend for 1 1/2 years. We're very serious and talk about marriage. Back in October we took a break because of the way I was treating him. I treated him horribly when he ...
A. 27 December 2011: Just saw your update.. you are better off without him if he lied like that.... I'm sorry this is happening for you.... (read in full...)
What did he mean by this?
Q. A guy said this to me: "I get worried when we both start flirting because I don't know if were both still joking or being serious". I'm not really sure what he meant. What did he mean by this??...
A. 27 December 2011: NO you’re not listening… I said your feelings are your feelings they are neither right or wrong they just ARE…. What you do with them is the right and wrong… FEEL what you like… please… don’t suppress FEELINGS that’s not healthy…
WHY is he actin... (read in full...)
I'm the bread winner in the relationship, couldn't my b/f at least be good at sex?
Q. Back in high school, my boyfriend was the quintessential nerdy fat kid whereas I was the shy punk chick. Now a days, he is still a bigger fellow compared to my still smaller physique. He's 6'1" and 250 lbs whereas I'm 5'3" and 115 lbs. But he is the ...
A. 27 December 2011: Ok this is not so much about his size as his physical shape. I’ve always had larger guys weight wise and most of them did just fine….
If you are not satisfied with just intercourse why isn’t he stepping up the foreplay and oral sex. My last hus... (read in full...)
I'm really confused. Do I stay with my BF or go to this other guy? And how will it affects the kids?
Q. Need advice please. I have been with the father of my kids for six years now. We have had our up and downs. We have even split up a few times and got back together within days. About 1 1/2 years ago I started my job unknowing at the time that this...
A. 27 December 2011: you did NOT cheat on your boyfriend if you had sex while you were broken up and you do NOT owe him any information on that.
on the other hand the sex last week since you are back with the boyfriend was cheating.
IF you were truly happy with... (read in full...)
18 year old virgin getting married don't know anything about romance
Q. hello , im 18 years and 6 months from now im going to get married I don't know anything about sex I never had sex and I know how to have sex but I don't what man and wife doing in bed before having sex do they talk or laugh or i dont im still a ...
A. 27 December 2011: Congrats on the upcoming marriage.. how exciting. IF your future husband is not a virgin then he will help…if you are both virgins.. then the learning together could be great fun
It will NOT be perfect at first.. far from it. Yes couples ... (read in full...)
Is it normal for a guy who wants fwb to say he misses chatting with you ? Please help!
Q. I'm confused about this guy. He told me that he wants to be friends with benefits, but he also said that he is happy being just friends ( without the benefits ) if that's what i want, and he said he didn't mind either way which one i wanted, as he ...
A. 27 December 2011: be friends not FWB
the only time FWB ever works IMO is when it's with an EX that you know you will never have a serious relationship with but you both enjoy each other and need that "release"
... (read in full...)
Trailer Park Woes
Q. I'm pregnant and me and my boyfriend were planning on moving in together. I decided to stay home because my mom will be helping with baby-sitting and it would be easier to live at home. My boyfriend was going to move into these really nice apar...
A. 27 December 2011: yes tell him how you feel.
tell him to find a nicer trailer park.. there are some very nice ones in parts of the country so being a "snob" is not the issue... the govenor of Alabama lived in a triple wide for a year when the mansion was being re... (read in full...)
Should I see this other man? I don't want to hurt my FWB!
Q. Hi everyone a bit of a complicated question here I am in a fwb sort of thing with a man I would like more with but he doesn't feel the same way being going on for 9 months now just recently I met one of my 5 brothers friends who keeps flirting with ...
A. 27 December 2011: FWB means NO STRINGS attached. It does not mean ‘going steady” not seeing others… so either you are more than FWB or one of you is lying.
If you like this new guy and see no hope for your FWB being a serious relationship I’d let the FWB know tha... (read in full...)
Girlfriend can't explain why her phone was on and off. Suspicious?
Q. My girlfriend and I were engaged just before Christmas. Then she went to Florida for a a trip to see her friend, Alexandra, a woman. Last night she calls around 7 and says she'll be going out but will call later. I tell her I may go to sleep earl...
A. 27 December 2011: Do you grill her often on her phone?
Sometimes my phone is on but not getting a signal so it goes right to voice mail and i don't register a missed call.
has she ever done anything to warrant you being suspcious of her beahavior?
cl... (read in full...)
He doesn't call me by my real name. Is he flirting?
Q. I'm not sure what to think of this, but my name is Beth and this guy i know calls me " Bethy " . Do you think he likes me or do you think he's just being friendly ? It does seem like flirting but i dont know lol. ...
A. 27 December 2011: maybe his sister is bethy... who knows... he might just be friendly...
what else makes you wonder if he's flirting
and if you like him why not ask him out?... (read in full...)
Do guys hate skinny girls?
Q. i am 22 years old and am very skinny i really wanna have a big ass and am losing my confidence and stoped getting out with guys tried eating alot but have no apetite please tell me u'r opinion do guys really hate skiny girls. Thanx in advance...
A. 27 December 2011: some guys hate skinny girls some like them... every man will vary in what he likes. when i was 300 pounds i had tons of men after me.. now as a TINY petite assless woman ( i have no butt and will need plastic surgery and implants to fix it) I still ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my locked up boyfriend that I am pregnant?
Q. hi i really need some help..i'm pregnant, yes i kno 14 and pregnant..it's a huge deal please don't preach me about it..my family is just starting to accept the fact that i am and it's been 4 months since i've told them..but that's got nothing ...
A. 27 December 2011: you do not need to know if you are staying with him or not but you do need to make sure he knows he's going to be a father... and soon.
more than likely you will not stay with him as you get older and mature.
I'm going to assume he is ove... (read in full...)
Can we get together or be FWB?
Q. he came to our school and after a month we talked and kinda got together.. Its been three months and through that time he was so busy with two jobs and also said he has to get use to it because its gonna be that way when hes older.he told me he ...
A. 27 December 2011: i agree just be friends.. none of this FWB stuff.... (read in full...)
Sex before a relationship? Yes or No?
Q. whats everyones thoughts on having sex before relationship? yes or ney? is it lust or love? does a girl who wants sex before relationship love that person? inputs?...
A. 27 December 2011: define relationship... i have a relationship with my mailman but i don't sleep with him....
if you mean do you not have sex before you make a commitment... I don't know that I agree with that. I don't think that younger women should go ar... (read in full...)
What is it about men and blondes?
Q. Hi everyone this is a question for the men really but women feel free to answer to I was just wondering what is it men love about blonde hair on a woman why do men love it so much every man I know if I ask them what there favourite hair colour on a ...
A. 27 December 2011: you haven't asked my boyfriend.. he HATES blondes. He loves raven haired beauties.. likes brunettes a bit and thinks redheads are feisty... he HATES blondes or light browns....
... (read in full...)
I saw my boyfriend kissing another girl but I want to give him another chance. Any advice?
Q. Sorry in advance if it's long and thank you for reading. I've been with my boyfriend for 1 1/2 years. We're very serious and talk about marriage. Back in October we took a break because of the way I was treating him. I treated him horribly when he ...
A. 27 December 2011: I too would ask first.. it might be nothing serious. but you can't let it fester and you must be honest and tell him what you saw.
figure that out first then go from there..... (read in full...)
Is it ok to marry this man?
Q. Me n brother have different fathers. And his father is married to my boyfriend mom. Is it ok to keep dating possibly marrying my boyfriend...
A. 27 December 2011: your half brother's father that you are not related to is married to your boyfriend's mother.... also not related to you...
not related to boyfriend right?
sure no problems... just confusing...... (read in full...)
Has this happened to you before? (Wrong number texts)
Q. So today, I got a text message from a number I didn't recognize. Now, I dont memorize numbers anymore, so I asked who this was and explained all my contacts had been deleted upon switching cell phones. They responded hurt that I would forget the...
A. 27 December 2011: I just spent a week getting wrong number calls leaving messages on my land line...
I've had wrong numbers on my land line all the time
and i get texts now and then on my phone too.
accidents happen...
best wrong number story ever:
grow... (read in full...)
Do I throw away my FWB 1.5 year relationship?
Q. I've been seeing.. Well, more like a FWB to a man we'll call J for about a year and a half. I care a lot about him but our relationship has never really gotten deeper than sex. Well for J it seems. I've mentioned that I would like us to be more, but ...
A. 27 December 2011: Honey if J wanted you as more than a handy penis holder you would already be that more...
dump him you owe him nothing...enjoy P without guilt.... (read in full...)
He wants a BJ but I backed out of giving him one
Q. Hey ok i promised my Boyfriend I'd give him a BJ for the first time but when I got to his house and he *whiped it out* i paniced and said "i don't want us to get caught" he said i broke his promise now he is consently saying "u gonna back out of ...
A. 27 December 2011: Wait wait wait… he “whipped it out” and you “don’t’ want to get caught”
I agree you two sound about 16 yrs old.
What should you do? You won’t like my answer:
When he says “your going to back out of another promise” you say “no I wo... (read in full...)
Very unpredictable period
Q. Hello- my questions is not a relationship question.. This question is for the women on here.. I get my period every 4 to 5 months..and when I do get it its really heavy.. And I never know when I'm going to get it again. Does anyone know why this ...
A. 27 December 2011: have you seen a gyn for a hormonal workup? that would be my first step... ... (read in full...)
How do I make this work? He claims to hate women!
Q. Hi, i'm 22 and currently dating a guy who is about to turn 29. I have know him for two years and he has been trying to get me to go out with him, but i had a boyfriend and when i became single, questioned going out with him because he seemed too ...
A. 27 December 2011: My fiancé says all the time “I hate people” and I get what he means. He hates that he has to interact with folks that he does not trust. He hates that he has to be involved with people at all.. and he warned me “you will learn”… and he’s right I ... (read in full...)
I'm starting to believe that the S.O. could never be anyone's best friend
Q. This isn't much of a question, but a remark on relationships. As time passes, with the accumulation of personal and anecdotal experiences of my good friends, there is a social expectation that has become more and more untrue. You often hear pe...
A. 27 December 2011: Just because I like to go shopping and my SO does not does not mean he’s not my best friend. We hate each other’s music but then I rarely listen to music or discuss it with my other friends either… Does your BEST FRIEND actually do all ... (read in full...)
My wife has decided all sense of affection between us is over as well as our sex life
Q. My wife has decided all sense of affection between us is over as well as our sex life. 8 years ago, after the birth of our 3rd child, she convinced me to have a vasectomy so we would not have any more children. Immediately afterwards, my wife's ...
A. 27 December 2011: Personally if you asked to go to therapy and she won’t go, I don’t see much hope for the relationship. You have to be able to communicate and talk and it sounds like she does not want to make any effort to make it work.
I just let a marriage... (read in full...)
Why does she want to get in touch with me after calling it off? Does she regret what she has done and does she still love me deep down?
Q. Hi There, I need some advice as I'm not sure what to do, I have used this site in the past and it has helped me a lot so I have come back for some more help :) I was engaged to get married and 3 weeks ago my partner told me out of the blue she doe...
A. 27 December 2011: I would be civil but chilly to her and NOT give her a second chance.... (read in full...)
Is it over?
Q. Hi, I've been dating a girl for a few weeks and the last couple we haven't seen each other as she doesn't live in my town but is here usually working on weekends. She's been a little distant not sending me messages a lot as before and in the space ...
A. 27 December 2011: STOP trying to have a relationship via TEXT Messages.
plain and simple.. make a phone call.. ask her out
don't send texts that are songs... again TEXTS are for IMPORTANT time sensitive things.. "train is 15 minutes late" NOT to make a pe... (read in full...)
What did he mean by this?
Q. A guy said this to me: "I get worried when we both start flirting because I don't know if were both still joking or being serious". I'm not really sure what he meant. What did he mean by this??...
A. 27 December 2011: Do you have the RIGHT to be mad? Feelings are just that feelings… there is no right or wrong to them.
If he acts awkward with you that’s ON HIM not you. Sounds like he likes you but is not mature enough to deal with it…
... (read in full...)
I wish I was beautiful and that guys gave me attention, but sadly I'm not like that
Q. I'm ugly, and that means guys pass me by, ignore me, don't approach me, or when they do it's obviously a momentary thing just 'cause they're desperate for sex (believe me, I can tell, I've learned to tell!). My friends are really pretty, and they ...
A. 27 December 2011: If the good looking guys and the ugly guys laugh at you and turn you down and you say all you want is to be flirted with and treated like they are going to get laid by you (which is all they are doing when they buy drinks for a pretty girl is hoping ... (read in full...)
I wish I was beautiful and that guys gave me attention, but sadly I'm not like that
Q. I'm ugly, and that means guys pass me by, ignore me, don't approach me, or when they do it's obviously a momentary thing just 'cause they're desperate for sex (believe me, I can tell, I've learned to tell!). My friends are really pretty, and they ...
A. 26 December 2011: I'm going to bet you are not ugly. I am going to bet you BELIEVE you are ugly and sadly that is WORSE.
I know a woman who as a teenage was not all that attractive, thin hair, big nose, tiny breasts... she just was awkward... and had not grow... (read in full...)
Is it over?
Q. Hi, I've been dating a girl for a few weeks and the last couple we haven't seen each other as she doesn't live in my town but is here usually working on weekends. She's been a little distant not sending me messages a lot as before and in the space ...
A. 23 December 2011: I like what Tisha said.
It's almost like you are trying to MAKE this fail..
... (read in full...)
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