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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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No present for Christmas and not being enthusiastic about New Year's Eve. Is this a reason to dump the guy I've been with for 3 months?
Q. No present for Christmas and not being enthusiastic about New Year's Eve. Is this a reason to dump the guy I've been with for 3 months? We were casual for the first month and a half. Then we agreed to date exclusively. He swears he wants to be w...
A. 1 January 2012: IF you feel it's just about sex it probably is...
If you feel other things are wrong they probably are...
I'm just as bad as every other human being and I don't want to listen to my head or my gut... why is it the HEART always wins till it ... (read in full...)
Troubled relationship with mom...
Q. My mother is constantly having a go at me and I honestly don't know what to do. I feel like I can not cope any more. I am on the brink of breaking, I have my A levels coming up which are a constant battle to keep up with, i'm trying to fit in and ...
A. 30 December 2011: I responded based on what information you gave. Your response to my reply does nothing to change my statements. Perhaps if you had given more information such as how you help around the house why the fights about the dirty towels (an... (read in full...)
I just went on a vacation and fell in love with the waiter
Q. OK I am going to sound absolutely ridiculous. I just went on a vacation and my waiter and I fell in love. He works every day on the cruise ship and gets only 1-2 months off a year, and when he is off he goes home to northern africa. I can go see him ...
A. 29 December 2011: I would caution you about getting involved with someone that works on a cruise ship.
You met him on vacation out of your elememt... you can't really LOVE HIM...
So if he's a waiter... can he be a waiter on land... in your town? will he give u... (read in full...)
Troubled relationship with mom...
Q. My mother is constantly having a go at me and I honestly don't know what to do. I feel like I can not cope any more. I am on the brink of breaking, I have my A levels coming up which are a constant battle to keep up with, i'm trying to fit in and ...
A. 29 December 2011: your mom nags about dirty towels and other "unecessary" things.
what about dirty towels is she nagging you at 16? if it's a dirty wet towel left on the floor in a heap for her to pick up.. well then YES she's RIGHT dear one.
as for basic ... (read in full...)
Should I just take those months off and leave those crazy people in my family behind or should I listen to their opinion and give up on my fiancé?
Q. Hey there! My mom passed away last spring and it's still pretty hard for me to bear. Plus, my fiancé had to move abroad (2hr plane ride) for work and although we get to see each other every other week, i miss him incredibly. I also miss my mom like...
A. 29 December 2011: sounds like it works for me... and for you... does it work for your fiance?
if so then yeah do it.... (read in full...)
He prefers to spend NYE with his mates rather than with me
Q. My question is quite a short one, and I’d love to hear lots of opinions on this – since I have been with my bf I have always felt that he likes to be with his friends and not me NYE. We tend to spend Xmas together and although last year we were ...
A. 29 December 2011: While i do agree with CindyCares and Chigirl I have to admit that for ME it would be a deal breaker....... (read in full...)
No present for Christmas and not being enthusiastic about New Year's Eve. Is this a reason to dump the guy I've been with for 3 months?
Q. No present for Christmas and not being enthusiastic about New Year's Eve. Is this a reason to dump the guy I've been with for 3 months? We were casual for the first month and a half. Then we agreed to date exclusively. He swears he wants to be w...
A. 29 December 2011: You’ve been with him 3 months… and you are asking strangers if you should dump him? IF you have to ask then yes you should end it. Because clearly you think it’s not worth the effort.
You have been exclusive for SIX WEEKS right? That’s n... (read in full...)
I want to know how to get my wife to change her mind
Q. My wife used to hesitantly perform fellatio. A few years ago she quit. There is no discussion. Just to bring it up pisses her off. I feel like I am worthless because she will not do this for me. I am not a kid, I am over fifty. How do I cha...
A. 29 December 2011: Why would what another person does have impact on your feelings of worth? WHY should she do this for you? Because you like it?
You say “a few years ago she quit” DERFINE a few… 3 years…15 years? HOW LONG… she just stopped…. And she WILL... (read in full...)
I want my son to call me 'Daddy' and not his step-dad.
Q. I have been in and out of my sons life now for two years now, not by my choice but by the choice of his mother. She recently let me start seeing him again which I am truely grateful for. But she has a live in boyfriend who my son calls daddy, which ...
A. 29 December 2011: Yep kids are VERY VERY adaptable. and they always have room to be loved by more than just mommy and daddy...
when my boys were 3 and 5 their dad and I split up. My kids learned that
there are rules at mommy's house
there are different r... (read in full...)
He says he's given me 3 chances. Says he will not talk to me any more if I don't allow more than kisses and touching next time.What do I say to him?
Q. I like this guy ever since I was little , we grew up together and Finally one day we started texting dirty and he wants me to do stuff to him and I want to but I'm still a virgin and don't know if I could please him and I don't know how to do a ...
A. 29 December 2011: You DO know what to do you don't WANT to do it.
IF YOU DO NOT stay away from this brute you will LOSE your virginity.... is that what you want?
He will bully you
he will force you
he will "date rape" you
this is very very very VERY... (read in full...)
He wants a BJ but I backed out of giving him one
Q. Hey ok i promised my Boyfriend I'd give him a BJ for the first time but when I got to his house and he *whiped it out* i paniced and said "i don't want us to get caught" he said i broke his promise now he is consently saying "u gonna back out of ...
A. 29 December 2011: I have been in touch with the OP and I want to state that the OWNER of the account is NOT the POSTER... apparently the OWNER'S SIXTEEN YR OLD NIECE (we pegged it yes!) "borrowed" her account without permission...
The owner of the account ... (read in full...)
Is my verbally abusive Bf cheating? Should I leave him? How do I stand up for myself better?
Q. my boyfriend and I recently had twins a boy and girl and I feel my boy friend doesnt love me no more ! I DO everything for him I cook, clean, give him sex when he wants it , i take care of the twins i told him 'if you want to help me with the twin...
A. 28 December 2011: he may be cheating on you
he may or may not love you
if he is calling you names and being rude to you and not helping you with your children that are his children also then yeah I think you should leave... take the babies, go live with mom, g... (read in full...)
How do I completely cut my ex out of my life? He keeps writing to me as if there is nothing wrong. He's put me off Online dating forever
Q. I "dated" this guy for a year before we broke up. We met online and during that year I never fully trusted him. I always felt like something was wrong or off in some way, that he wasn't telling me everything. I mean, I never met his friends, I don't ...
A. 28 December 2011: block his email address... and his phone number
block him on face book and any other social media you share with him.
problem solved.
... (read in full...)
9+ years in a long distance relationship and I can't seem to understand my boyfriend
Q. Happy Holidays to all of you and thanks in advance for taking the time to read my question. I am a bit confused and I find it so difficult to deal with my boyfriend. He is sign Cancer, very sensitive, kind, but very selfish, very demanding and al...
A. 28 December 2011: Coming in late here and I am sorry for that…
So from reading I find you are confused (welcome to my world ROFL) and sense you are angry at worst and frustrated at best.
Your partner is (in your words)
VERY selfish
VERY demanding
Controlli... (read in full...)
I'm needy...She's independent.
Q. Hi, I'm in a well very unique relationship. I'm 21 and my girlfriend is 30 with 2 kids and has been married twice. We've been dating for almost 4 months now, then we moved in together after a month for monitary purposes which is working. I'm in the ...
A. 28 December 2011: you guys moved in together for all the wrong reasons and way too early.
9 years is not a big gap... my 38 yr old fiance just moved in with me a few months back... but thankfully we don't have kids to deal with.. he's only 11 years older than my ... (read in full...)
How do I make this older guy stop following me around? He doesn't know me, but I know who he is. He creeps me out.
Q. Hi erm well theres this guys who older like in his the 30's or late 20's not really sure how old he is but really hes been following me around when ever he see's me and just stares like seriously its kinda staring to creep me out i don't ...
A. 28 December 2011: if he creeps you out that badly and you don't feel you can tell an adult then you tell him that if he does not stop you will report him to the police as a stalker...... (read in full...)
I want my son to call me 'Daddy' and not his step-dad.
Q. I have been in and out of my sons life now for two years now, not by my choice but by the choice of his mother. She recently let me start seeing him again which I am truely grateful for. But she has a live in boyfriend who my son calls daddy, which ...
A. 28 December 2011: well son has to call the other man something...what suggestions do you have that will not INSULT or undermine this other man who has stepped up and generously is acting in some capacity as a father figure to your child? I am a former stepmom. ... (read in full...)
All communication stopped after I said "when can I see you again?"
Q. So I hooked up with a girl after a night out, she came back to my house, self explanatory what happened next, she took my number and she left the following morning. We had texted a little the next day and I think I made a big mistake by slipp...
A. 28 December 2011: see patience is a virture.... (read in full...)
I've fallen in love with my sister's life-long mate
Q. hi i am a hindu girl (17) and i am in a relationship with my sister's best and life long mate hes 20 and white we have fallen in love but the trouble is my sister (also 20) hates the idea of mixed race relationships. we have been going out for a ye...
A. 28 December 2011: and we care about what our sisters think of our lives because?????
she is shocked and scared and hurt that she was not told and had to find out about it on the downlow...
you don't get her to come around... only TIME will heal this wound... an... (read in full...)
I'm worried that my b/f will send photos to other women..I found a photo of his penis on his phone
Q. Need help! Okay so I've been a worrier. And I worry not that my boyfriend will cheat but that he'll do something like send pics to other women. Especially since he's not that open with his phone He says he's always been honest and never sen...
A. 28 December 2011: umm yeah I love Cerberus and his great answer..
yeah this is a bad thing... guys do not take pictures of their genitalia on their phones for themselves babe.
AND his reaction to OTHERS cheating is what I call a red herring...... (read in full...)
How do I get over being obsessed with my best friend?
Q. Okay, me and my best friend have known each other about a year now. She moved away 3 months after i met her, to Cali. We always keot in touch. Just recently, we told each other we have have feeling for one another. Way more then just friends. ...
A. 28 December 2011: jealousy is an emotion rooted in insecurity... you like her so much you are afraid she won't return the feelings so you feel insecure and hence you feel jealous
smothering her will make it worse...
LDRs are hard as adults and worse as teens..... (read in full...)
Two dates and he wants me to meet his family?
Q. I've been on two dates with this guy, but now he wants me to go to his sister's house and visit her and his niece. Does anyone think it's too soon for me to be meeting members of his family ?. I haven't met any members of his family before , and ...
A. 28 December 2011: any other red flags with him? It does seem a bit soon but it might be innocent...... (read in full...)
How do I not look like a fool in front of new co-wokers?
Q. Hi everyone, Just a question regarding work-related relationships (sort of?). Anyways, I recently started working at a prestigious investment firm in an entry-level position (before this, I've never worked in an office, just mostly blue-coll...
A. 28 December 2011: I often wear winter boots that I can tuck my pants into when I wear pants... but to be honest I find skirts easier in the wetter weather...
also I often wear flats to walk from the car to the desk...
in addition I do not think you are doing an... (read in full...)
How do I prove to this man that the baby I'm carrying is his?
Q. I am a 34yrs old lady I've been seeing ds man for a year now earlier I found out he was cheating on me we talked abt it and I was wrong cause i snooped on his fon while he was sasleep.well we continued visiting each other until now when I find out ...
A. 28 December 2011: YOU were wrong because YOU CAUGHT him CHEATING... yeah looking at his phone is wrong but you must have had a reason for doing it.
I do not know of anything you can do prior to birth to prove he is the father. I would not risk the baby with a p... (read in full...)
B/f angry because I wouldn't give him money. He makes 4X what I do~
Q. A bf got angry for me and stoped talking to me and even texted me to get out of his life forever because I did nt gave him money he asked for to buy himself groceries and I'm I understand the reason of being angry do you think m selfish or I must ...
A. 28 December 2011: why should YOU buy HIM groceries? did you eat his food and leave him with nothing?
sometimes here at DC we get too much information and sometimes we get too little... this is a case of too little.
what is his reason for asking you to bu... (read in full...)
We haven't had sex for 4 months, but b/f watches porn 4 times a week
Q. ok you all saay don't worry about the porn, it took a while and l have excepted that this man of mine will watch porn till he die, ok what do l do about he can watch pron all day or about 3 to 4 times a week, but l have not had sex for about 4 ...
A. 28 December 2011: have you asked him?
we have NO clue why he is not having sex with you.
is he still affectionate and attentive? is he still kind to you and considerate?
does he drink or smoke? both of those can cause ED... perhaps he has ED?
is he ... (read in full...)
I used to date my sister in law...and I think we still want each other
Q. hi i'm a married man with kids and don't see all my family until we all have a family get together at he weekends at my parents house, which is where i bump into my sister inlaw who was my ex girlfriend briefly at college but now shes married to my ...
A. 28 December 2011: It’s just a silly secret you two share. You are reading WAY too much into it.
Last week I had dinner with a friend I have not seen in 20 years… she told her brother and he was bragging/gloating about how he “took” my virginity nearly 40 years ag... (read in full...)
I'm worried about my friend dating this creep!
Q. A good friend of mine just told me she has a boyfriend. The more she told me, the worse my gut feeling got. He's been pressuring her for sex, and she's turned him down each time so far. She also says the way he talks is "too smooth" at times, like ...
A. 28 December 2011: sadly there is nothing you can do but tell your friend how you feel and be available for her if she needs you.
... (read in full...)
Why is my g/f online asking for advice and won't tell me why?
Q. my girlfriend is asking advice at web sites like this one. I asked her what kinda questions she is asking and she wont tell me! i;m not a woman i dont know how they think. what does this mean. is she trying to hid something. please help....
A. 28 December 2011: does she know YOU are asking questions?
sometimes women just need to vent ideas and bat them around and get input from other folks....
she may be embarassed by the questions she is asking...
how did you find out she is asking these que... (read in full...)
Does it mean he doesn't miss me?
Q. My BF of a year has been gone for a week, he saw his LTR ex at a Christmas party (he told me she called him and if it was ok with me to go - although it totally killed me I said "it's ok"). We talk every night for a short sweet catch up. He hasn't ...
A. 28 December 2011: my fiance when we were LDR rarely said he missed me but he did...
why do you assume that he sends hugs and kisses (that's what the xx00xx000 means) means he does not miss you?... (read in full...)
My grandfathers party is on the same day as my girlfriends! What should I do?
Q. I need a question answered. My girlfriend goes to church and I go with her most of the time. and they invited me to their Christmas party because of my GF. I promised my GF that I would go with her. But today I found out that my Grandfather's part...
A. 28 December 2011: any chance you can do both? half at grandfathers and half at girlfriends? can you take Girlfriend with you to grandfathers as well?... (read in full...)
Does this guy really love me or is he just using me?
Q. Confused, he broke up wth me due to distance and fear of commitment, recently when he return for the holiday. He started texting me on his whereabouts and so forth,he ask me to visit, we get physical on three occasions, he asked if I can bear him...
A. 28 December 2011: why would you bear a child for a man you barely know and don't trust? he pulled off the condom and you ALLOWED him to re-enter you? 1. I would NOT have sex with him again 2. I would contact a doctor ASAP and have STD testing and see ... (read in full...)
The possibilities of sex with a bigger person?
Q. So I never had a boyfriend who is quite larger than me , I'm 1261bs and 5'3 I have some fat on me but my boyfriend is 280ibs and 6'0 feet we have been dating for month and half to two months and i want to have sex with him but I'm nervous ! I never ...
A. 28 December 2011: 5”3” 126 pounds.. barely any fat on you at all missy… good for you… and good for you for being with a big guy.. I love bigger guys. If he is mostly belly it will require some maneuvering… if he’s all butt and thighs and arms.. no adjustments ... (read in full...)
Do I live him or give him a second chance?
Q. i need advice...i am with this guy that i am head over heels in love with but something in my gut keeps telling me not to trust him and i can't....well i would be lying if i said i can't but i can pin point what makes me nervous and makes me not ...
A. 28 December 2011: if you dont' trust him that's a gut feeling NOT to be ignored....... (read in full...)
Should I follow my religion or just enjoy being young?
Q. I go to a Roman Catholic school and In Religious Education we were discussing sex before marriage. everyone in my class was saying that they can't wait to have sex and are not waiting for marriage, but for some reason, I want to wait. I am not a ...
A. 28 December 2011: YOU need to do what feels RIGHT for YOU... not what your friends tell you... IF you think that your religious upbrining is important than it is. You are young and you have every right to be confused. I think being scared of being pregna... (read in full...)
Is masturbation okay if you're saving your virginity for marriage?
Q. I am certain on not having sex before marriage as I am a christian, but I masturbate... I know its dirty and i shouldn't do it but I just love it and I can't stop, I maybe do it at least once a week. Will god forgive for masturbating since I am ...
A. 28 December 2011: On sweet darling, ONCE a WEEK? That’s all? IF God did not want us to masturbate he would have made our arms shorter…. They reach where they reach for a reason ya know… As long as you are not giving up activities to stay home and mast... (read in full...)
He's in a relationship and I still like him! please help!
Q. Okay (the story is going to be long sorry), but I really have a lot of feelings for this old friend and we tried to go out over the summer, but in that time, I got a lot of mixed signals from a friend we had shared and I was told lies.(like the guy ...
A. 28 December 2011: agreed. he is currently NOT available to you for a relationship... maybe when he ends the romance with the current lady.... for now, move on.... (read in full...)
How do you french kiss without biting someone's tongue?
Q. Hi... I have problem... I cant french kiss to save my life... I jus cnt i end up biting mens toungue. Ths has been a c0nstant problem in all of my rlti0nships. Plz help...
A. 28 December 2011: the only way to BITE is to CLOSE your mouth... don't close your mouth... leave it open for his tongue to explore your mouth... and you do the same to him...... (read in full...)
We don't talk anymore but I still love him
Q. Complicated love affair with a man I no longer have contact. I knew him for a good five years and became one of his tenants. Our relationship was purely professional, yet there was an unspoken attraction on both sides (unless) I read him all wro...
A. 28 December 2011: you say you love your partner very deeply and yet are willing to risk hurting him by having a relationship with another man.... is that correct? what about this former landlord to you know so well that you can say you are in love with him? I o... (read in full...)
What to do with a lying spouse?
Q. My wife of 10 years had some problems with stealing and lying in the early years of our marriage. For the past several years there have been times I've suspected the behavior again, but lacked proof to confirm, so I gave her the benefit of the ...
A. 28 December 2011: lying is wrong and it's one of the reasons my last marriage ended. He could NOT stop lying. My current partner has a NO lying policy and sometimes he stretches it a bit over the top.... so I am very very careful to never mis-speak a half... (read in full...)
I don't want to be clingy and needy. How do I move on?
Q. me and this boy used to talk all the time, texting facebooking, meeting up.. but we had a bit of an argument. i really really really liked him, and i miss talking to him but i dont want to seem all needy and clingly. how do i move on???? thanksss!...
A. 28 December 2011: you had a disagreement... have you apologized for your part of it and let him know how sorry you are? do you want to mend it or move on? moving on, you just go on with your life and stay away from him and give it time and you will heal. ... (read in full...)
I don't want to spend new year's eve with my boyfriend, am I wrong to do this?
Q. Hi everyone. Hope you all had a good Xmas. I have a problem; I don’t want to spend NYE with my partner. I love him but we have almost split up recently and a lot of it is because he becomes a different person when he is drinking; he becomes jealous, ...
A. 28 December 2011: perhaps you could compromise and take both cars and that way if he drinks something you can leave then? it gets your point across that you will not tolerate his drinking any longer...... (read in full...)
I want ex back she said she loved me but 5 days later she's with another guy
Q. I love my ex to the core...thing is for the past 6 months i have been pestering her to get back to me....she says she cares about me but doesnt want to get back because she thinks i will lie again or hurt her again...she says she feels there is no ...
A. 28 December 2011: you let her go. she's moved on and it's time for you to do the same.... (read in full...)
He wants a BJ but I backed out of giving him one
Q. Hey ok i promised my Boyfriend I'd give him a BJ for the first time but when I got to his house and he *whiped it out* i paniced and said "i don't want us to get caught" he said i broke his promise now he is consently saying "u gonna back out of ...
A. 28 December 2011: ah and locking the door would be too adult huh?
ADULTS do not threaten their partners.
ADULTS do not whip their dicks out
ADULTS do NOT worry about friends coming by during sex.... because they LOCK THE DOOR... if his friends have keys that's... (read in full...)
He wants a BJ but I backed out of giving him one
Q. Hey ok i promised my Boyfriend I'd give him a BJ for the first time but when I got to his house and he *whiped it out* i paniced and said "i don't want us to get caught" he said i broke his promise now he is consently saying "u gonna back out of ...
A. 27 December 2011: Wait wait wait… he “whipped it out” and you “don’t’ want to get caught”
I agree you two sound about 16 yrs old.
What should you do? You won’t like my answer:
When he says “your going to back out of another promise” you say “no I wo... (read in full...)
He says he's given me 3 chances. Says he will not talk to me any more if I don't allow more than kisses and touching next time.What do I say to him?
Q. I like this guy ever since I was little , we grew up together and Finally one day we started texting dirty and he wants me to do stuff to him and I want to but I'm still a virgin and don't know if I could please him and I don't know how to do a ...
A. 15 November 2011: What should you do?
NOT meet him.
He's bullying you
he's forcing you
FORCE = RAPE....
do NOT do what you don't want to do.
... (read in full...)
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