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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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He didn't tell his ex he is TAKEN so she keeps texting him
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months now and we have a great bond. I trust him fully and trully. He is very honest with me and tells me everything about him and his only ex. They have been together for 2 years and so. He thinks that ...
A. 3 January 2012: He respects every word you say? What do you think will happen if you ask him to have NO CONTACT with her? IF you are bothered by it and YOU don’t tell him, then yes anything that goes wrong is your fault for not sharing your feelings…
How c... (read in full...)
How do you know if you love someone?
Q. How do you know if you love someone?...
A. 30 December 2011: if they came to you and said "I love someone else and I want to be with her it will make me happy" what would you do?
if you say kill her you don't love him
if you say "i'd help him be with her because it makes him happy" that's love.
lov... (read in full...)
I became too controlling and she wanted out. What can I do?
Q. i have being going out for a lass for 4months it was all good until we started rushing things abit n seeing each other everynight. thats when i started making mistakes n became over protective of her i deleted her male friends numbers of er phone n ...
A. 30 December 2011: Any chance of getting her back? not a shot in hell if i had my say.
you lied
you deleted her friends
you hacked her account
you acted like a child...
use this as a sign that you need to get some therapy on your insecurities and proper beha... (read in full...)
To swing or not to swing that is the question.
Q. my question might appear strange to some people but i would appreciate any advice. Years ago i was invited to go to a swingers party. I was sacred and a bit nervous so never went. Since then i have come out of a long relationship and am wondering ...
A. 30 December 2011: former swinger here... belonged to the BBW swing groups... i was married and for larger parties it was overly hot and crowded and I found it rude...
for smaller groups it was a nice social evening that ended up in an orgy....
I don't mis... (read in full...)
Should I make the first move? Or should he?
Q. I need some help. I am in love with a close friend but I don't know what to do about it. I am a girl but I am like 4 years older than him so who should make the first move? Who should make the first move me a girl or him a guy 4 years younger ...
A. 30 December 2011: if you are 16 and he's 4 years younger that makes him 12
if you are 17 that makes him 13
big gaps at your age....
too big in my opinion...
are the ages are correct?
if they are I advise you to back off and let him mature a bit... ... (read in full...)
He's my ex. I still love him. Why does he keep me as his FWB? How do I heal myself?
Q. Hello, I will make this brief. I am a 23 year old female, who just got out of a relationship with a 22 year old male. We'll call him K. He and I had a lot happen between us that was mainly my doing, I was not ready for a relationship since I had ...
A. 30 December 2011: “I know a big chunk of this is my fault” no sweetie ALL OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT. Own your behavior
You are plunging the knife in your heart yourself over and over… it’s a slow painful death you are working on….
You are going to hurt when it’... (read in full...)
What happened? Was it is miscarriage?
Q. Hi everyone I want to know if I had a miscarige or what? Well heres what happend I had sex with my bf on april 1st and we only had half way in sex he only put his penus half way in which he camed inside me and alot! And so my period didnt come for 2 ...
A. 30 December 2011: we aren't doctors and we don't know but read what CindyCares said...double it and read it AGAIN from me.
it sounds like it could have been.
did you not get worried when you missed your first period?
and then you missed a second? what w... (read in full...)
Is there any way I can politely ask for some foreplay?
Q. My boyfriend always asks me to go down on him, he doesn't go down on me. Sometimes we have foreplay, I would like to have a little more foreplay to happen. Our sex is amazing, I just wish some more foreplay would happen and once in awhile him go ...
A. 30 December 2011: why be polite?
"my boyfriend always asks...."
why not ask him right back?
you cannot be SHY if you are having SEX with this man... you are doing very intimate things with him and you need to as an ADULT let him know that you WANT more.... (read in full...)
Partner doesn't support my change of eating habits!
Q. I've decided to change my eating habits for health reasons and my partner is not helping because he does a lot of the cooking and won't prepare the healthier meals I want, and when I say I'll do my own food he gets offended. We also used to drink ...
A. 30 December 2011: let him get offended. if he can't prepare what you want he will have to accept you will cook for yourself.
btw a glass of red wine with dinner even if every night is not a problem... even my doctor says it's good to have ONE glass....
there i... (read in full...)
An ex wife, an Autistic son, a crazy ex girlfriend, and another son-that's my B/f's life. Any thoughts on how best to handle this situation?
Q. I have been in a relationship with a wonderful man for nearly 2 years. We were talking about marriage..etc. He has been divorced for over 10 years and has a 10 year old Autistic son from his previous marriage. He is a dedicated father and pays ...
A. 30 December 2011: Who knows why she does what she does.
he sounds like a stand up guy... and I agree you can't do anything or worry about it till the paternity test comes back..
is he saying there is a chance he's the father?... (read in full...)
How do I stop this guy's invasive presence?
Q. OK, maybe this is a stupid question, especially at my age, but here it is: I met this guy exactly three times, once when we met at a party, once we had coffee and once we went together at a workshop with a lot of other people, and now he is writing ...
A. 30 December 2011: if he bothers you that much why continue to be friends?
block him. plain and simple...
if that's not an option have you considered asking him NOT to post on your wall?
... (read in full...)
What does it mean? My girlfriend wants sex without a condom
Q. gf wants sex without a condom, what does this mean? in all relationships i been in never had a girl ask to have sex without a condom, this is first time, bit wierd, does this mean she loves me or wants kids? ...
A. 30 December 2011: Did you ASK HER?
Maybe she just prefers sex without a condom. I know I do.
IF you are in a long term committed MONGOAMOUS relationship and both have had STD testing and she is on some reliable form of Birth Control (i.e. implants, shots or b... (read in full...)
Swore I wouldn't fall for someone since I'm leaving for the military, but it happened anyway! What should I do?
Q. Hi - I am leaving for the military in just under 4 months. I am older (mid 20's) and have been working for this for years and am dead set on going. About eight months ago, I made the decision then and there not to date. I wasn't in a relationship, ...
A. 30 December 2011: LDRS CAN work when there is a GOOD reason for being apart (such as work/schooling etc) and there is an END in sight...
IF you are not dating and not yet having sex I think you need to
a. continue this friendship and see what happens
b. DISC... (read in full...)
Should I continue to keep my cousin's secret from her family?
Q. Hie! I am 22yrs and i have a cousin sister who is 24yrs who had been living wth HIV/AIDS 4 a year now but we are keeping it a secret me and her that even her own mother doesnt now. A year ago wen she told me that she was HIV positive after she went ...
A. 30 December 2011: Your situation is difficult. Your cousin needs to be the one to tell her family. I don't know if the FAMILY will judge her and to be honest it does not have to be broadcast around the neighborhood but the people she lives with should know... maybe ... (read in full...)
I feel like a closet girlfriend. Is it time to move on?
Q. Hi I'm shy slightly overweight and I've been seeing my bf of 17 months regularly. He comes over between 1 and 3 times a week, lives just 4 miles away and we love each other. I love him because he's attentive in many ways, has a lively personali...
A. 30 December 2011: MOVING IN TOGETHER TO SAVE MONEY is a lousy excuse and reason to live together. GET a ROOMMATE for that.
Having him move in will NOT change the intimacy of your relationship. IT will not FIX what is broken. It will NOT make it better. There i... (read in full...)
I honestly don't know how to date again.
Q. Ok the thing is that this whole dating thing is all new to me. I was with my ex since I was 19,broke up when I was 25 I'm 27 now and I've been single for 2 years and I've been pretty much scared to date.. I tried going out with this guy like months ...
A. 30 December 2011: Rule #1 never say YES at the last minute… that’s a booty call IMO… he needs to ask at least a few days in advance…
Rule #2 for me is you do not conduct a relationship via text. YOU want to ask me out PICK UP THE PHONE and CALL ME.
Pick up... (read in full...)
Is it odd that a strong personality like this guy I had a fling with, wanted the woman to take charge romantically/sexually?
Q. I had a fling with a guy (all we wanted from each other) which was around a month long. It was something out of character for me, but I really liked him, so what the heck. Only live once. What was odd was that his bedroom personality and real wor...
A. 30 December 2011: It's very very VERY common for powerful men to want to be dominated in the bedroom....... (read in full...)
My fiance doesn't want to disown the child that he is said to have fathered with this dubious woman, for fear of hurting the child!! What do I do?
Q. Could anyone who has been through this help. My fiance has a child. It appears that no one in the world believes the child is his. The mother became pregnant within a month of them getting together. It has now surfaced that she was sleeping with ...
A. 30 December 2011: How old is this child? if the child is old enough that he/she considers your fiance daddy then your fiance is doing the right thing by an innocent child....
if the woman is trying to get money from him and he does not believe the child is his, ... (read in full...)
After 2 years I don't know if I can believe anything that my boyfriend says!
Q. Whwn my boyfriend and I started dating 2 years ago it was wonderful and we got along so well, but as time has passed it seems that he has either deliberately misled me or he's doing it without realising how it could be interpreted as misleading. He ...
A. 30 December 2011: I would leave now if you can. My ex husband was like this...pretending to be things he was not because he had no self-esteem and thought that he was worthless.
what made it bad was not that he was worthless but that he had no self-esteem and he c... (read in full...)
B/f can't have children, when I asked him if I changed my mind about wanting them, he said "go find someone else"
Q. I met a guy who had a vasectomy and I didn't want kids either so we were dating for 2 years but I've asked him recently what if I change my mind and he says go find someone else. Should I go now or wait and see if my feelings change? I felt kind of ...
A. 30 December 2011: I’m so sorry that you think that just because YOU changed YOUR mind he has to change his. He knew enough to know he never wanted kids and he NEVER lied to you about that. He did NOT mis-represent himself in any way.
YOU changed your mind as ... (read in full...)
Husband (also doctor) addicted to teen porn...just told me he hates me for asking him
Q. My husband has admitted to being addicted to porn years ago but it was never a real issue because he hid it. I recently borrowed his laptop and he had over 89 bookmarks of 'teen' porn and he used the name like 'morgage payments' to hid the sites. On ...
A. 30 December 2011: He hates you so he says. You don’t have sex. He’s looking at “teen porn” (I’m going to bet they are just very young looking 20 something girls)… he is a doctor… I’d get a GOOD lawyer and file for divorce and at your age get a new life…. ... (read in full...)
Mixed signals from him. Do I ignore them?
Q. i like this guy. i have known him since 7th grade and i liked him then, but i never had the guts to tell him. then he went out with my best friend. then i moved in 8th grade. then i saw him again at the church my sister goes to in 10th grade. ...
A. 30 December 2011: The worst thing that he can do if you ask him out is say no… if you like him go for it…it’s nearly 2012 after all…... (read in full...)
Alcohol has ruined my parents and I am so helpless
Q. This Christmas was not any different to any other. In fact it was not much different to any other day except they did buy me presents and there are a lot more people. Christmas Eve i prepare all of the vegetables, stuff the turkey and put it in the ...
A. 30 December 2011: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE contact an adult that can help you... get some HELP some support... you need to take care of YOU since MOM and DAD cannot.
... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend being thoughtless by refusing to change his facebook status?
Q. Hi, I was having some issues with my bf because of his ex and his friendship and working with her. Anyway he swore to me that although he did really like her, they didn't really have a great relationship, that they didn't have a connection l...
A. 30 December 2011: Facebook by itself means nothing... pictures.. well I have pictures of my ex on facebook wtih me... and I kept my first wedding album (mostly for my kids in case they ever care about it).... my fiance has a perfume he loves women to wear that came ... (read in full...)
Do all women taste the same?
Q. Hey everyone :) Im abit confused...me and my boyfriend got on the subject last night about givin each other oral. He said that a i tasted amazing :) which is good for both of us because we do enjoy it alot. But my question is... Do all woman tast...
A. 30 December 2011: Just like we don't all look alike we don't taste the same either.
we range from truly sweet to acidic and salty.... (read in full...)
Troubled relationship with mom...
Q. My mother is constantly having a go at me and I honestly don't know what to do. I feel like I can not cope any more. I am on the brink of breaking, I have my A levels coming up which are a constant battle to keep up with, i'm trying to fit in and ...
A. 30 December 2011: I responded based on what information you gave. Your response to my reply does nothing to change my statements. Perhaps if you had given more information such as how you help around the house why the fights about the dirty towels (an... (read in full...)
Alcohol ruins relationships right??
Q. My Mother had always had a drinking problem and it drove my parents to divorce. I made a promise to myself I would never drink or be with someone who drinks since I thought 'If alcohol ruined my parents relationship then it would to the same to ...
A. 29 December 2011: I second what Person1234 said... Al Anon is a great help... and there is difference between an alcoholic and an occasional social drinker....... (read in full...)
I got married but I'm still in love with my married boss
Q. I am in love with my married boss since few years but recently got married to a guy as per my parents wishes. I told him about this relationship to my husband (though not naming who it is) to avoiding being physical with him. Since then he has been ...
A. 29 December 2011: you married a man in an arranged marriage knowing you didn't love him or care for him but are expected to make a good wife for him correct?
well then I suggest you do just that.
I suggest that it's not appropriate to have an affair with your... (read in full...)
Toys for a lesbian couple?
Q. what toy is best for a lesbian couple?...
A. 29 December 2011: tinker toys?
that's like asking what position a hetrosexual couple likes best... it's going to be different for everyone.
if you like penetration then perhaps dildoes or strap ons
if you like oral I've seen a lovely chin strap in the... (read in full...)
He didn't tell his ex he is TAKEN so she keeps texting him
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months now and we have a great bond. I trust him fully and trully. He is very honest with me and tells me everything about him and his only ex. They have been together for 2 years and so. He thinks that ...
A. 29 December 2011: I'm sorry I'm not so forgiving if after 6 months apart they are still in daily contact I'd be a bit peeved.
ocassional contact for stuff is fine... but daily texting... nope no way I'd accept that...
his not telling her about YOU is also a bi... (read in full...)
Am I in Middle School Again?
Q. So I met this guy about 2-3 years ago. Ever since we first met we automatically started texting each other. This has been happening on and off for the passed couple years. His and my parents are actually really close but we met each other in ...
A. 29 December 2011: every time he puts out his feelers you give him positive feedback.
IF you want him to stop then you need to be the one to take the actions necessary to stop it....
... (read in full...)
When I flirted with him he didn't flirt back, does he like me?
Q. - We kissed once. He was my first kiss. - Even when he was in another country, we chatted a lot. He always initiated them first. - When we were at a party, he'd follow me around (not creepily). - He was touchy around me and whenever we talked, ...
A. 29 December 2011: maybe he's a nice guy that likes you...
just go with the flow honey what's going to happen will reveal itself in due time.
or you could ask him out yourself.... (read in full...)
The Other Woman .. are they JUST friends.
Q. I am in a long distance relationship. My boyfriend and I met through a chat forum online and hit it off. We now spend most of our day (even with the time zone problem) talking with each other in one for or another. but I have a problem. Jealous...
A. 29 December 2011: have you met in person?
why is he still allowing her contact? if he says
"I don't want to hurt her feelings" he should not care... you are his partner right?
I don't like LDRs when they roll like this...
I don't think you are... (read in full...)
I don't know what to do I just can't seem to make the break.
Q. I have been having relationship problems for the past 15 months. It all started with me going away on a hen weekend. Upon my return i told my partner who i live with that i would like to take our relationship to the next level. His response was ...
A. 29 December 2011: if you can't leave him then like Cerberus said.. you have to accept it.
it is what it is
he is mistreating you
he does not love you
he's too lazy to leave and is treating you the way he is to get you do to it for him
so make it so.
i... (read in full...)
How do I get my family to show my boyfriend the same respect that the other men in the family get?
Q. When my boyfriend tried to help with some clearing up my mom was icredibly rude to him instead of just saying no thanks. My sister is also sort of rude and sarcastic when she speaks to him, and the attitude seems to have rubbed off on her husband ...
A. 29 December 2011: you can't make them treat him properly but you can distance yourself from them
basically if it comes down to it and it was me I would tell my family
"this is my partner. he is to be treated with the same respect as every other member of this f... (read in full...)
Should I tell My Mother that my Uncle withheld money he owes me?
Q. Last year i did not do so well saving for Christmas. Everybody got something from me but it was not much. I decided to make the effort to save for this year and my Uncle offer to help. I gave him £2 every week for the whole year but when i asked for ...
A. 29 December 2011: yes you need to tell your parents. what he did was very very wrong. and he will be very mad at you and mum and dad might be very angry with him but he was WRONG and cruel. YOU counted on him to help you....
next time check with a bank and see ... (read in full...)
Alcohol has ruined my parents and I am so helpless
Q. This Christmas was not any different to any other. In fact it was not much different to any other day except they did buy me presents and there are a lot more people. Christmas Eve i prepare all of the vegetables, stuff the turkey and put it in the ...
A. 29 December 2011: you are too young to have to be so responsible... much like my fiance was at your age and younger and now at 38 he pretty much tries to have the childhood he never had...
is there somewhere else you can go and live?
grandparents?... (read in full...)
I want to move out. Without him coming too. But how do I tell my BF this?
Q. Hi everyone here my problem my boyfriend and i been together for 4 years since we been together he hasn't worked. But i work 40 hours a week. we said from the start we.want to move in together but i'm thinking of moving into a studio alone for a wh...
A. 29 December 2011: what does he do all day? does he go to school?
i see nothing wrong with telling him he can't move in until he can pay his fair share of the bills....... (read in full...)
Does this married man think that I will be waiting for him forever?
Q. Hi Cupids. I was involved in an emotional affair with a married man who has two children. I am married with one child. The affair was about to turn physical but he is the one who decided to walk away. I was severely heartbroken and devastated w...
A. 29 December 2011: Sounds like he wants to be friends again and you don't and that's OK.
just let him know the next time you see him that YOU do NOT wish to have any contact with him and that you will NOT be receptive to contact from him on ANY level.... (read in full...)
Puzzling male behavior with this guy! Male advice appreciated!
Q. Well, this guy invited me out once, during the date he arranged to go to the cinema together, then we go to the cinema and he doesn't really talk a lot. then he suggests to have some dinner. then he makes me pay for everything. no problem, I get it, ...
A. 29 December 2011: he gave you the number in case you are interested.
does he want more..... who knows... but i'm betting if he does it's a booty call kind of thing.... (read in full...)
I don't have any female friends to interpret this girl, so can you lot shine some light on this please..
Q. Hi all :) I have a friend who ive known for a good 5 years, although last 3 years we only meet every few months due to university. I went out with with her and few friends on a night out. When we got back home from the night out, i went into h...
A. 29 December 2011: she may not mean anything by it but ya know what... you can ASK HER... what's the story with this other guy
sounds to me like she likes you as more than a mate however... (read in full...)
I just went on a vacation and fell in love with the waiter
Q. OK I am going to sound absolutely ridiculous. I just went on a vacation and my waiter and I fell in love. He works every day on the cruise ship and gets only 1-2 months off a year, and when he is off he goes home to northern africa. I can go see him ...
A. 29 December 2011: I would caution you about getting involved with someone that works on a cruise ship.
You met him on vacation out of your elememt... you can't really LOVE HIM...
So if he's a waiter... can he be a waiter on land... in your town? will he give u... (read in full...)
Troubled relationship with mom...
Q. My mother is constantly having a go at me and I honestly don't know what to do. I feel like I can not cope any more. I am on the brink of breaking, I have my A levels coming up which are a constant battle to keep up with, i'm trying to fit in and ...
A. 29 December 2011: your mom nags about dirty towels and other "unecessary" things.
what about dirty towels is she nagging you at 16? if it's a dirty wet towel left on the floor in a heap for her to pick up.. well then YES she's RIGHT dear one.
as for basic ... (read in full...)
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