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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Ex says I don't deserve her. Should I fight for her or move on?
Q. My ex and I broke up last month. Less than a week later she tells me she's seeing someone new. I have had time to work on myself and want to give it another shot with her. However, she doesn't. Today she told me she still loves me but can't let ...
A. 20 February 2012: she is playing games with you.... do you want to play this game?
I would BLOCK her phone number and not accept from numbers you do not know...... (read in full...)
Bf does not pay attention to my breasts...but he does look at those of other women!
Q. I have a wonderful boyfriend (we have been together for almost a year now.) Our sex life is pretty great except for one thing... I get upset because he doesn't take my top off during sex and doesn't pay attention to my boobs. I admit that i am ...
A. 17 February 2012: “I am feeling very embarassed having to bring up this subject with him.”
You should never feel embarrassed to discuss something with your sexual partner… if you are then that may indicate that there are problems in the relationship… I mean you... (read in full...)
Female hygiene question....
Q. hi a question for the ladies on dc. This is a question on female hygiene. How uncomfortable is it for you the day after a night of sex if you dont have time for a shower in the morning. I bring this up as my partner said she didnt want sex after she ...
A. 16 February 2012: To the anonymous male reader who said she is either insecure about her hygiene or she’s just making excuses…
I disagree. If you have EVER had a UTI which women get frequently after sex especially if they don’t “groom” afterwards, you would not ... (read in full...)
I want to go out with a girl my own age. Should I? Feels gut wrenching to do this to my LDR older Gf
Q. Right here goes. I have been in a long distance relationship for about 3 years. My girlfriend is Thai so she lives in Thailand and I live in Australia. I visit her quite frequently and when I can and we speak at least 3 times a day. The probl...
A. 16 February 2012: Ok this is NOT about the age gap… this is about the distance… Lets clear that up first of all…
As a woman who just finished an AGLDR (age gapped long distance relationship) by having my now fiancé move in with me I feel I can address these is... (read in full...)
How do I make things better when he's ignoring me and being nasty?
Q. Me and my ex have been on and off for nearly four years now and had a lot of ups and downs. We got back together a couple of weeks a go and he was being nice and treating me how he should and spending more time with me. But he cheated by kissing a ...
A. 16 February 2012: Ok you are young and you have been with this person on and off for four years… that means since you were a mere baby teen….
You two seem to thrive on the drama (trust me telling him you are horrible when he walked out on you is drama)….
I think it... (read in full...)
After having my sexual fantasy fulfilled, my desire for sex has burnt out!
Q. Recently one of my sexual fantasies of several years became a reality which I suppose is a good thing, however since then my sex drive has been almost zero which is really uncommon for me. I'm writing here because I'm really puzzled by it. ...
A. 16 February 2012: are you having sex with more than one partner?
or are you making love with your one and only?
just sex I'd not be too concerned
a one and only... I agree that maybe a medical work up first to rule out medical problems is in order
... (read in full...)
Her ex-lover sent her a Valentine's Day card. Should I be concerned?
Q. My S.O. and I are monogamous with each other, although she has remained friends (e.g., occasionally chats with) with some of her ex-lovers. I've been accepting of that situation so far... but on Valentine's Day, when we were together, she rece...
A. 16 February 2012: I wouldn't be too concerned... HUGS is a nice neutral greeting... and after all it was V day... ... (read in full...)
Zero skills at dating women. How bold is too bold? Can I just ask out a women I do not know?
Q. Is it ok to walk up to a total stranger that you find either attractive or interesting and ask them out? I am 23 and sadly I have practically zero skill when It comes to dating women any helpful advice would go a long way thanks a lot :) ...
A. 16 February 2012: If a strange man walked up to me and asked me out with no prelude I’d say NO even if I found him attractive and I was available.. that’s just too creepy…
But to start a conversation as a prelude to it, something about the weather or if in a sto... (read in full...)
I'm new to online dating, how can I let this guy down nicely? Or should I offer to meet up anyway just to see if I was wrong about him?
Q. I've just recently started to try online dating. A few people have requested contact but I wasn't really interested so I politely declined their requests. One guy who contacted me seemed like he might be interesting to get to know him so I said I ...
A. 16 February 2012: IF you see nothing happening with him I would be honest and tell him up front that you don't see a lot in common.
If he asks to meet and give him a chance... you may want to consider a coffee date somewhere for an hour or so to confirm that the... (read in full...)
Why is it that men stare at me all the time but almost never smile or speak?
Q. How am I to understand how a man feels when he looks at you if he won't even give you a little smile? Yesterday I was grocery shopping and passed a really good looking man in my aisle. When I saw him, he was already looking at me. He was alone. W...
A. 16 February 2012: If they don't smile or speak, they are window shopping... I look at pretty dresses and think.. NICE... and then move on... same with pretty people....
just because someone looks at you or even smiles at you does not mean they want to date you.... ... (read in full...)
Painful doggy style...any advice to make it better?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together around 3 months. He's been wanting to do doggy style for a while, but when we tried it was extremely painful and tugged on the bit of skin between my vagina and anus. Furthermore, my vagina seems to get ver...
A. 16 February 2012: are you wet enough?
there should not be any skin tugging...
put your shoulders and head down on the bed and a pillow under you with your tush up in the air
be VERY well lubed... go slow...
and accept that for some it does not work..... (read in full...)
He pushed me down. Its just not like him.
Q. So my boyfriend and I have been together about a year and a half. We've known each other for nearly 7 years...it just took a while to make it official. Once official, things went fast. Within 2 months we were (practically) living together...within 6 ...
A. 16 February 2012: I have been in this exact situation. I hit my partner back in May. He infuriated me and I just snapped. I had never hit anyone before and have not raised my hand to him since. HE did forgive me. I would not have forgiven him had the roles been ... (read in full...)
Bf does not pay attention to my breasts...but he does look at those of other women!
Q. I have a wonderful boyfriend (we have been together for almost a year now.) Our sex life is pretty great except for one thing... I get upset because he doesn't take my top off during sex and doesn't pay attention to my boobs. I admit that i am ...
A. 16 February 2012: have you TOLD him you want breast play? or do you think putting his hands on your breasts is enough
how about you take off your top and bra and you go up to him while he's sitting down and put them in his face? THEN you say... here's a new play... (read in full...)
If I ejaculate after her menstrual cycle, can she get pregnant?
Q. if i ejaculate having unprotected sex after her menstrual cycle, will she get pregnant? ...
A. 16 February 2012: Maybe. Why in the world would you risk it? Do you understand how a menstrual cycle works? Here’s a wiki link for you: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Menstrual_cycle
Aside from pregnancy there are STDs to worry about. Use a condom….... (read in full...)
What does it mean to "use" someone?
Q. I recently recalled an argument I had with a woman some time ago. She slept with men for money. She tried to keep it secret, but once I found out, I was very troubled by it. One reason was that she did not really need the money--it was not like she ...
A. 16 February 2012: Ah so this is NOT philosophical… this is personal… you said:
“I began wondering if she was real with me, or if she was just saying things to get things.”
So you figured if she had “arrangements” with others, perhaps she only wanted that with... (read in full...)
One For Love & One For Money....
Q. Okay......In a pickle. I have been dating a guy for 8 months and he's great...but...we have very different approaches to life. He is just getting back on his feet and really can't afford much of anything! I have financially been carrying our ...
A. 16 February 2012: so you want him to invest in your business and in return you would sleep with him?
are you going into the prostitution field?
business associates keep business and pleasure separate.
there are no strings attached with proper business de... (read in full...)
What does it mean to "use" someone?
Q. I recently recalled an argument I had with a woman some time ago. She slept with men for money. She tried to keep it secret, but once I found out, I was very troubled by it. One reason was that she did not really need the money--it was not like she ...
A. 16 February 2012: I'll just quote my post from yesterday:
"A young woman who is kept by an 80 yr old man who knows she’s just there for the money but she takes care of him and treats him well and is with him, is that fine line where everyone may be deluding... (read in full...)
Is he not as attracted to me anymore?
Q. Hello everyone, I'm worried about my bf not being sexually interested in me. We have been together for about a year and a half, and we live together. We used to have sex a lot and it was wonderful, we were both each other's firsts. Of course i...
A. 15 February 2012: sex two or three times a week for a couple that lives together is fairly high in my opinion....
we were an LDR couple the first almost year of our relationship and we went at it every chance we got...
now that we are in the same house full ... (read in full...)
This was a bit vulgar to say to me on Valentines day, should I be offended?
Q. So I've been dating this guy for a few months. Everything has been going pretty good for the most part. Then yesterday, he kind of threw me for a loop. He sent me a text that said "Blow jobs are like flowers for guys on Valentine's Day". I was ...
A. 15 February 2012: reading your follow up.... Age does not matter with me... they love their blow jobs from the first one they get till the grave... and they will joke about it but they don't mean much by it... it's a compliment to your skills that he wants you to ... (read in full...)
Do his flowers mean he's serious about me?
Q. I just started dating a guy and received flowers for valentines day. Does this mean he's serious?...
A. 15 February 2012: need way more information than what you are giving us!
sometimes a cigar is just a cigar which means he may just have sent them because it was valentine's day....... (read in full...)
Female hygiene question....
Q. hi a question for the ladies on dc. This is a question on female hygiene. How uncomfortable is it for you the day after a night of sex if you dont have time for a shower in the morning. I bring this up as my partner said she didnt want sex after she ...
A. 15 February 2012: agreed if i Have sex after my bedtime shower I will wash off that night and then in the morning get in and take a quick shower... it's pretty icky...... (read in full...)
Are these actions totally fine or are they a little inappropriate?
Q. I'm not sure what to think about some of my bf's interactions with women/female friends. First of all I want to say that I'm not an overly jealous person but I'm very perceptive. My bf is a very outgoing and chatty person. He's the kind of guy who ...
A. 15 February 2012: IF they bother YOU they are not fine and you have to talk to him about it.
as far as the facebook thing goes... that's harmless in my opinion
... (read in full...)
Boyfriend doesn't try in the relationship yet he wants me to move in, should I?
Q. I need an outside opinion badly cause this issue is never going to get resolved! I've been with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years and the last 7 months have been downhill. I found sexual emails (to another man) which he dismisses, he's lied to me about...
A. 15 February 2012: if he's not trying and you've told him this already and you have no trust with him... then you know what to do
have him buy you out of the condo... (get a lawyer)
and get on with your life.
you don't trust him
once trust is broken it... (read in full...)
This was a bit vulgar to say to me on Valentines day, should I be offended?
Q. So I've been dating this guy for a few months. Everything has been going pretty good for the most part. Then yesterday, he kind of threw me for a loop. He sent me a text that said "Blow jobs are like flowers for guys on Valentine's Day". I was ...
A. 15 February 2012: ROFL
send him to www.steakandbjday.com
we celebrate steak and bj day every year... we go for steak that day....
... (read in full...)
My biological clock is ticking loudly, but after ten years he's still "not ready"
Q. I desperately need some advice and would love to hear from others who have been in my situation. I've been with my partner for 10 years. I love him with all my heart. He's sweet, kind, patient, extremely intelligent and I know he'll make a bri...
A. 15 February 2012: ten years together
no real commitment to marriage or a life together with a family...
I think you need to tell him he has X amount of time and if he can't pony up and be a man and make a choice you will make it for him and it will mean leaving... (read in full...)
He says he doesn't find me sexually attractive. But I still love him so much. What should I do?
Q. I am 13 years older than my boyfriend we have been togeather for 6 months, he moved in with me in December of last year and we barley have sex, he said he has no desire, blaming it on himself like he has sexual problems, the times we have done it ...
A. 15 February 2012: He loves your dog and your kid but he doesn’t love you the way you need and want him to.
You’ve only been together for 6 months and he moved in with you in December that was very early in the relationship…. But the truth is that if you loves yo... (read in full...)
We had only slept with each other, but during the 3 months we were apart he slept with 3 other women, including the girl he cheated on me with! What should I do?
Q. please can someone help me, im completely devestated and have no idea what to do :( my ex and I have been dating since we were kids and have been best friends for years. we've had our problems and have often worked them out, but have split up a few...
A. 15 February 2012: you were broken up when he did this so he didn't cheat on you this time...
if you have broken up more than once and gotten back together over and over you are established in a pattern that will be hard to break.... are you sure you want to sign ... (read in full...)
I lost my fiance because of online dating sites! Why do I do this to myself and how do I get out of this hole I've dug for myself?
Q. I have been on and off dating sites now for over 4 years. almost 2 years ago my fiance walked out on me after catching me on them again after giving me several chances. Since that, I have met guys off the sites but nothing ever came of them, I was ...
A. 15 February 2012: YOu need to get into some counseling and work with a therapist to figure out why you need the online dating sites to stroke your ego why a good man in real life is not enough for you.... (read in full...)
He has no money because of a failed business deal and child support, so I am paying for everything! Do I keep on like this because I'm his fiancee, or can I tell him I've had enough?
Q. My fiance and I have been living together for two years and we planned to get married this year. He was involved in a business deal before we met which last year started to go bad and for the past 6 months he has been using most of his salary (...
A. 15 February 2012: have you discussed with him that maybe he needs a second job to help with the bills???
you need to show him what's going on... write out a budget and sit and talk about it and ask him if he can take on a second job or maybe take a loan from fa... (read in full...)
Hoping to enjoy something denied me until now. How can my Bf make my birthday really special when we make love?
Q. My 21st birthday is on Friday. And I know I'm going to have the best sex of my life. I'm probably going to be drunk, but I hope not too drunk where I cant remember it. My problem is, though, I've never had a vaginal orgasm before. My current ...
A. 15 February 2012: Trust me when I say if you are drunk you will not be having the best sex of your life… you also won’t be having the best sex of your life because you are expecting it to be that. Usually the BEST sex of you life comes when you are not expecting ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is boring and doesn't satisfy my emotional needs
Q. My boyfriend is boring ! We've been in a 1 year relationship in which about 8 months has been distant coz of my voluntary work for a good cause.At d beginning,he would jus melt away even at d sight of me n I could read dat in his face and i loved it ...
A. 15 February 2012: he’s boring
no affection
no communication
“I’m bored as hell”
He just doesn’t satisfy my emotional needs
He’s boring me
HE loves ME and he’s NOT the type to cheat (are you?)
What do you do? You need to suck it up and END THE RELATIONS... (read in full...)
Is there really another girl? Or is this guy just saying that?
Q. I'm starting to like this guy in my class and I'm not sure if he has the same feelings towards me. First off we have ALOT in common, he's always asking what my plans are for the weekend, he also invites me to go out to a Bon fire but I already have ...
A. 15 February 2012: I agree it sounds like he's trying to make you jealous.
it's not a mature way to determine if you are date material but it's all he's got.
doesn't matter if there actually IS another girl... the fact of the matter is he SAID there is and you... (read in full...)
I don't think I should go out with this boy because people will pick on us!
Q. well hello agony aunts I am new as you can see and I'm pretty sure i will ask you a lot more questions in the future: but here is my question: it's this boy that i like a lot i liked him for 3 and 1/2 years i like him and he like me.i know he lik...
A. 15 February 2012: even though you like him and you think he likes you I think eyeswideopen is correct you are not ready for dating if your biggest concern is that people will pick on you for who you date...... (read in full...)
Ex says I don't deserve her. Should I fight for her or move on?
Q. My ex and I broke up last month. Less than a week later she tells me she's seeing someone new. I have had time to work on myself and want to give it another shot with her. However, she doesn't. Today she told me she still loves me but can't let ...
A. 15 February 2012: She’s done. You need to be done too. Learn from this, continue your path of self-awareness and growth and find a new lady in a little bit of time… it’s all going to be fine in the end…... (read in full...)
B/f hasn't mentioned anything about Valentine's day, is this a sign?
Q. so its Valentines day... and neither me nor my bf has mentioned anything about it yet. kinda wondering if I should bring it up... cuz I know im going to be hurt if he doesnt do anything, doesnt matter to me if he buys somthing... just say somethi...
A. 15 February 2012: and this is exactly why you should never have relationships with TEXT MESSAGES... he needed to call you and talk to you about it.
I hope you guys can fix the text message glitch and had a good V-Day!... (read in full...)
Husband is obsessed with coworker who is not interested
Q. I am certain my husband has been going through a mid life crisis for the last three year. He had fallen in love with a married coworker who had rejected him very early on. Now three years later he is still "in love with her" and "obsessed" about ...
A. 15 February 2012: My off the cuff, non-acceptable response to help him get over this obsession is tell him "to hit that and get it out of his system".... but then that doesn't really work...
He's in love with a dream, a theory, an unfulfilled attraction... it's the... (read in full...)
Am I being a snob by feeling slightly offended for having to share a guy with someone like her?
Q. This guy and I are in the "talking" stage and he is also talking to another girl. This doesn't bother me as we both agreed in the beginning that we just want something casual and fun, since I will be leaving to go to graduate school out of the ...
A. 15 February 2012: “he can’t help it because she keeps calling” what there’s no block on his phone? He can’t let the calls go to voice mail? He CAN help it. He chooses NOT to.
You are just talking… not going steady… what is it lately that everyone thinks i... (read in full...)
Partner's 38 year old son lives with him and isnt happy about us dating
Q. I have been divorced for 6 years and my partner widowed for 15 months. We have been friends for about 30 years and are very much in love. He has taken me to meet his siblings and I have done the same.They are all so happy for us. My sons think he is ...
A. 15 February 2012: I was 35 when my mother died and my father met a woman shortly after and went on a date... 16 years later they are a couple and have been for the entire time. IT WAS HARD ON ME as it was only 3 months later... but it is a sociological fact that ... (read in full...)
How can I draw my ex LDR boyfriend to me again?
Q. Hello cupids :) So this is long, because i want to make the situation to everyone as clear as possible, but i'll try and shorten it as much as possible... I had a boyfriend, we were LDR, it would have been 2 years on May 1st this year, but we met...
A. 15 February 2012: At most you are 21 which means you started this LDR when you were about 18/19 which is YOUNG to have any relationship that’s serious much less an LDR….
You are both young and it does not sound like a healthy stable relationship.
You want him ... (read in full...)
I feel that my association with this girl is just screaming 'pedophile' even though it's legal
Q. Hey, In a weird situation right now regarding a girl's age. So the backstory is, I was out at a club with my friends, ended up talking and dancing with a few girls. As standard, try the whole 'are you coming back to mine thing' haha to whic...
A. 15 February 2012: In the US there would be problems with this... and as a parent of a 16 yr old girl I would not be happy with her dating a 20 year old...but then there is not a club she could go to where she would meet one....
It's not illegal and a 4 year gap... (read in full...)
Why doesn't anyone ever like me?
Q. Okay so valentines this year has me thinking. I never had a boyfriend ever. The guys I always like never like me they always see me as their bestfriend. I am a smart girl, I'm chubby but I look good, I sing,have a nice personality,nice style I'm ...
A. 14 February 2012: IF you get caught too soon you have to be thrown back...
wait till the right fisherman comes along and it will all fall into place.
you sound delightful!
... (read in full...)
I said yes to going out with him but it doesn't feel right! Have I made the right choice?
Q. My good friend asked me out today and I said yes, but it doesnt feel right. He's like my brother, and its just too awkward. Have I made the right choice? Im 13. I dont actually feel anything. Should I just see where it goes?...
A. 14 February 2012: why not just go as friends and let him know that you just want to be friends....
you're thirteen... do your parents think you are old enough to date?... (read in full...)
I think of him as cuddly, but I don't want to insult him
Q. I hope I dont insult ppl in the process of asking if I'm being insulting XD To the overweight community: (ja im sure ive already insulted everyone) All my life ive been really tiny... high metabolism or w/e but ive been kinda skinny... And I w...
A. 14 February 2012: we used to say I was fluffy when I was fat.
if you mean it in a positive way and you say it to him while you are happily pillowed on him cuddling I think it's fine...... (read in full...)
Man is 13 years my senior and shows a bit impatience to meet again. Is this cause for doubt?
Q. I'm Irish moved to Germany 2 years ago , and i'm 29 . I met this guy in a pub a German over here in Germany. He is a lovely guy-- very, very nice guy . Have a small few issues. Met him two weeks ago. Then last weekend i met him for beer and i'm...
A. 14 February 2012: I agree he's too pushy... and that's not about his age it's his personality.
how in the world could you know after two beer dates if you want to have a relationship with him...
sounds to me like you are not sure you what you want and you nee... (read in full...)
What does it mean to "use" someone?
Q. I recently recalled an argument I had with a woman some time ago. She slept with men for money. She tried to keep it secret, but once I found out, I was very troubled by it. One reason was that she did not really need the money--it was not like she ...
A. 14 February 2012: I am so far over my head with this conversation… it’s really beyond my skill level to make my points clearly… but I’m going to try…
There is use
There is what I call use and abuse
There is mutual use
FWB is a mutual use kind of thing… so you bo... (read in full...)
He says he doesn't find me sexually attractive. But I still love him so much. What should I do?
Q. I am 13 years older than my boyfriend we have been togeather for 6 months, he moved in with me in December of last year and we barley have sex, he said he has no desire, blaming it on himself like he has sexual problems, the times we have done it ...
A. 10 February 2012: My god you sound like me… I was nearly 300 pounds… I’m just about 52 my fiancé is 38… I am about 150 now… although I think I look every inch of 50… and he looks 25… but that’s neither here nor there…
Why did you move in together so quickly?... (read in full...)
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